r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

AmiYumi: Oct 10, 2005; I FORGOT TO HAIL KING TORG

Troublemaker posted:

My (22F) boyfriend (23M) believes he is correct that we should have the same hunger levels after eating the same meal?

quote:
Neither of us are overweight and never have been

Gonna call that out specifically as the fakest thing ever posted in AITA

# ? May 13, 2024 05:19

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 04:37

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Y'all are all bark, no bite.

# ? May 13, 2024 05:22

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Reiche posted:

I heard they were on an extended leaf of absence

When he comes back he�ll get to the root of it

# ? May 13, 2024 05:40

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Hopefully they didn�t �arbor any resentment.

# ? May 13, 2024 06:05

PizzaProwler: Nov 4, 2009; Or you can see me at The Riviera. Tuesday nights.
Pillowfights with Dominican mothers.

Troublemaker posted:

My (22F) boyfriend (23M) believes he is correct that we should have the same hunger levels after eating the same meal?

I guarantee this dude is an engineer

# ? May 13, 2024 07:34

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

PizzaProwler posted:

I guarantee this dude is an engineer

lol but true

# ? May 13, 2024 07:44

nonathlon: Jul 9, 2004; And yet, somehow, now it's my fault ...

It's an unfortunate truism of so many r/r posts, such that the actual challenge is deciding what type of engineer they are.

And it's not just about relationships. I have quite a few engineers in my social circle and most are lovely but a few are constantly busting out with "I don't know why you / the government / society / etc. don't solve X like this, it's simple", where X can be systemic unemployment, epidemiology, labyrinthine and decades-old ethnic conflicts ...

# ? May 13, 2024 08:37

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Hopefully they didn’t ‘arbor any resentment.

😡

# ? May 13, 2024 11:33

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

Am I in the wrong for deliberately dressing like Death Cult leader Reverend Jim Jones to attend my wife's cousins' church BBQ

quote:

So my wife's cousins belong to this fundamentalist church that really reminds me of the Peoples Temple from Jonestown, except they aren't radical communists, just Christian Fundies.

They often have these big barbecues with tons of attendees from their church and relatives, etc.

I decided it would be fun to go to one dressed as�[Reverend Jim Jones](https://media.tenor.com/TxYapWz21B4AAAAe/jim-jones-reverend.png). I wore similar sunglasses and I got a red short sleeve shirt and tan pants just like he wore on the final day at Jonestown.

Nobody seemed to notice, but on the way home, I was laughing and I had to explain to my wife what I had done. SHe got really mad at me and now I am in the proverbial dog house.

TL/DR: I dressed up as the death-cult leader, Reverend Jim Jones, for my wife's cousin's church BBQ and my wife got very angry with me. Am I in the wrong?

# ? May 13, 2024 12:46

DreamingofRoses: Jun 27, 2013; Nap Ghost

AKA Pseudonym posted:

Am I in the wrong for deliberately dressing like Death Cult leader Reverend Jim Jones to attend my wife's cousins' church BBQ

gently caress fundies but also what a loving tool.

# ? May 13, 2024 12:58

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

"I dressed up as a guy that forced kids to drink poison, am I an rear end in a top hat"

I dunno man, this is a tough one.

# ? May 13, 2024 13:06

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

it's not a real jim jones cosplay unless you're wearing it while on just absolute scads of drugs

# ? May 13, 2024 13:16

cat botherer: Jan 6, 2022; I am interested in most phases of data processing.

Mx. posted:

it's not a real jim jones cosplay unless you're wearing it while on just absolute scads of drugs

The sunglasses actually were to hide his super-bloodshot eyes

# ? May 13, 2024 13:28

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

'i dressed up as an insane murderer for a normal family event, and no one noticed bc no one is as up on their murderer lore as i am, so i had a good chuckle'

uh, ok, guy. you sure....uh....showed them?

# ? May 13, 2024 14:41

kdrudy: Sep 19, 2009

I guess the question is what did he hope to accomplish by doing this? Seems like the only thing that happened was he amused himself and pissed off his partner.

# ? May 13, 2024 14:54

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Yeah what was his ideal scenario here? Someone realising what he'd done and thinking it's funny or someone realising what he's done and getting annoyed?

# ? May 13, 2024 14:56

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

kdrudy posted:

I guess the question is what did he hope to accomplish by doing this? Seems like the only thing that happened was he amused himself and pissed off his partner.

He wanted to feel intellectually and/or morally superior to the people at the BBQ. Nobody understood what he was doing, so he gets to feel clever for putting one past them, and then if anybody gets upset, like his wife did, he gets to feel superior because they can�t take a joke.

# ? May 13, 2024 14:57

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

(Methodist minding his own business eating some macaroni and cheese at a potluck)

This guy: Lol look at this cult member, what a maroon

# ? May 13, 2024 15:00

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

There's no way he didn't ask if she was going to tell her church who he was supposed to be.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:01

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

(Me, wearing a red t-shirt and khakis with sunglasses on a beautiful spring day) lmao these rubes have no idea that im wearing a costume. Oh hey Janice, nice to see you again! Notice anything� different about me?

N�no, I haven�t lost weight.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:07

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Come on babe, I went through all that trouble, you have to tell them I was trying to be insulting and offensive.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:13

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

I just dress up like that because I like the aesthetic

# ? May 13, 2024 15:13

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

Coca Koala posted:

(Me, wearing a red t-shirt and khakis with sunglasses on a beautiful spring day) lmao these rubes have no idea that im wearing a costume. Oh hey Janice, nice to see you again! Notice anything� different about me?

N�no, I haven�t lost weight.

...No, I didn't get a job at Chili's either

# ? May 13, 2024 15:16

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Coca Koala posted:

He wanted to feel intellectually and/or morally superior to the people at the BBQ. Nobody understood what he was doing, so he gets to feel clever for putting one past them, and then if anybody gets upset, like his wife did, he gets to feel superior because they can�t take a joke.

If I saw him I wouldn't think "cult leader and murderer Jim Jones" I would think "guy in red polo and khakis" which is generic as gently caress. Hell, sometimes I dress like that, for I have red shirts and also khaki pants.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:27

BigHead: Jul 25, 2003; Huh?; Nap Ghost

Dude just cackling to himself on the drive home in response to his internal monologue about looking like a murderer sure isn't a red flag either.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:29

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

CannonFodder posted:

If I saw him I wouldn't think "cult leader and murderer Jim Jones" I would think "guy in red polo and khakis" which is generic as gently caress. Hell, sometimes I dress like that, for I have red shirts and also khaki pants.

not even joking, this was literally my middle school uniform so yeah my thoughts would be 'wow you look like a teen with no choice over how they get to dress'

# ? May 13, 2024 15:35

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

CannonFodder posted:

If I saw him I wouldn't think "cult leader and murderer Jim Jones" I would think "guy in red polo and khakis" which is generic as gently caress. Hell, sometimes I dress like that, for I have red shirts and also khaki pants.

(standing at the end of the picnic table) boy i�m really JONESING for something to drink, can I get some of that kool-aid?

Hang on, lemme put my sunglasses on. I said, I�m really JONESING FOR SOMETHING TO- thank you, barbara, pepsi is fine if that�s all we have.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:37

Lager: Mar 9, 2004; Give me the secret to the anti-puppet equation!

StrangersInTheNight posted:

not even joking, this was literally my middle school uniform so yeah my thoughts would be 'wow you look like a teen with no choice over how they get to dress'

Weird way to reveal that you went to a middle school run by infamous cult leader and murderer Jim Jones.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:42

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

AITA for forcing my son to buy a more "appropriate" swimsuit?

quote:

This happened about a week ago but wanted to ask.

My wife and I and our son Jax (18M) went on a week-long Caribbean cruise right after his school ended.

Jax is a great kid he seems to have a confidence issue. As in TOO MUCH confidence lol. I've never seen anything like it, He's the most self assured guy in the world. It's not unfounded, he's great looking and athletic and definitely a "Mr Personality" type, but still a bit goes a long way.

He's also something of an exhibitionist I think, which brings us to the problem. Usually he's so charming it seems harmless and he gets away with it but in this case not so.

We arrive on the ship and set sail and Jax gets ready to head to one of the pools for the first time. Let's just say his swimsuit was NOT appropriate. At all. Definitely a "flaunt it" type of suit.

I told him to put on something else. He had NOTHING, the kid has packed nothing but those -- for a week long cruise. What was he thinking?

I told him he had to go to one of the on-board stores and buy something else. He protested. I won. He went to a store and came back and got ready to go again but he had bought another speedo-style suit that was a lot better than what he had before but still not appropriate. And of course he couldn't return a swimsuit.

I told him to go back, buy a PROPER suit like trunks or boardie shorts or whatever, which he reluctantly did.

He whined about it, begged to wear his original, but I said no. As I said I have to admire his confidence as he would have no issue being at the pool like that and will chat up girls all day long (he is a shameless flirt) but there's a time and place.

He was mad at me and said I made him waste $100+ on two new suits he didn't need. He didn't exactly call me an rear end in a top hat but he wasn't happy. I didn't want to ruin his vacation but I wanted him to be decent.

So AITA and should I have just let him wear what he wanted?

quote:

Oh BTW if anyone is curious I made him give me the listing for where he bought the original, although this link might not be totally appropriate for work. A screen shot.. https://tg-image.com/file/f18e82b3792c5c4c79c01.jpg

# ? May 13, 2024 15:42

coronatae: Oct 14, 2012

Red polo and khakis would make me think "fresh off a shift at Target"

Also there's no way he'd make a kool-aid joke, it was flavor aid :colbert:

# ? May 13, 2024 15:42

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

coronatae posted:

Red polo and khakis would make me think "fresh off a shift at Target"

Also there's no way he'd make a kool-aid joke, it was flavor aid

Any good comedian knows you have to craft your jokes so the audience will understand them.

# ? May 13, 2024 15:50

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

coronatae posted:

Red polo and khakis would make me think "fresh off a shift at Target"

Also there's no way he'd make a kool-aid joke, it was flavor aid

�Hey it�s Jake from State Farm!�

Alternately: �You grab the potato salad, I�ll get the punch�

# ? May 13, 2024 15:54

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Coca Koala posted:

Any good comedian knows you have to craft your jokes so the audience will understand them.

That guy is absolutely the kind of guy who would be sure to reference flavour aid instead of kool aid.

# ? May 13, 2024 16:02

Slo-Tek: Jun 8, 2001; WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

AceClown posted:

AITA for forcing my son to buy a more "appropriate" swimsuit?

Reminds me of the "Why don't you ask your enormous dick!?!" story from a decade or two back.

Weird genre of one-handed fiction that I really don't care for.

# ? May 13, 2024 16:08

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Son hung, so what?

# ? May 13, 2024 16:10

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

AKA Pseudonym posted:

Am I in the wrong for deliberately dressing like Death Cult leader Reverend Jim Jones to attend my wife's cousins' church BBQ

Looking at his history, this guys kind of obsessed with serial killers. Also ranting about progressives and how you're not allowed to offend anybody anymore.

Also this, if it actually happened;

Did I go too far with this prank on my kind-of-a-jerk friend?

quote:

I've got this buddy I have known ever since high school. He is kind of an A-hole and he's very arrogant and opinionated. He stole a couple of girlfriends away from me over the years before he got married. I basically still hang out with him just because I've known him like 20 years.

So my buddy's wife was out of town for a couple of days because her mother needed some sort of help in her hometown. She was due back on Saturday afternoon. My buddy and I had already made plans to go on a fishing trip for the weekend starting Saturday morning.

Friday night I went to his place and we had some beers and then I crashed out on the couch so we could leave at 5 AM.

In the morning as we were leaving, I told my buddy my wallet must have dropped out of my pocket and I had to go back in to look for it. He gave me the key and waited in the car.

I hadn't really lost my wallet, and I went to his bedroom and messed up his bed to look like two people had been in it and rubbed some fishy-smelling juice from a packet of bait midway down his wife's side of the bed at about crotch level on a prone person.

I came out waving my wallet in my hand and we went fishing. That afternoon, his wife called him and although I don't know what she said, I could hear her yelling at him. He got off the phone and said we had to cut the trip short and get home ASAP.

Next day he tells me she thinks he was fooling around with a woman at their place, that she says the bed was messed and she could smell that he and the woman had been having sex in it, and she thinks that the fishing trip was a lie he told to go spend more time with this other woman.

He begged me to go tell her that he was innocent and we really had gone fishing. I went over there and told her that I was there on Friday and he did not have a woman over, and we had gone fishing, but she accused me of sticking up for him and lying to save his butt. I think she may be planning to divorce him.

Did I overdo it with this prank?

# ? May 13, 2024 16:27

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Yes, because a woman will be tricked by the smell of fish into thinking "a vagina has been here"

# ? May 13, 2024 16:33

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

What does your heart tell you?
Oh right, you are asking from reddit so I guess your heart and brain isnt telling you poo poo

# ? May 13, 2024 16:34

Slo-Tek: Jun 8, 2001; WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

Fatty posted:

Looking at his history, this guys kind of obsessed with serial killers. Also ranting about progressives and how you're not allowed to offend anybody anymore.

Also this, if it actually happened;

Did I go too far with this prank on my kind-of-a-jerk friend?

So, how is the endgame supposed to work on this? Isn't the point of 'pranks' the big reveal, where you say "Hahah, I planted evidence on you! You rear end in a top hat, you numpty, you complete fool, you trusted me not to lie and destroy your property! Good times, huh, you loving moron!"

So, obviously, no, you didn't go far enough, you need to get all your friends and your victim together to announce "Hey y'all, check this! I planted evidence and got our buddy in a bunch of trouble!"

Then everybody applauded and I got the girl.

# ? May 13, 2024 16:38

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 04:37

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Cheater is very very sad that he is having to deal with the consequences of his cheating

How do I (43F) help my husband (58M) accept the harsh reality that his daughter (33F) doesn't want a relationship with him?

quote:

My husband and I have been together for 18 years. He was married at the time we got together. He had what can only be described as a midlife crisis and left his wife (56F) to be with me. His ex-wife did not see it coming and was completely blindsided and devastated. We take full responsibility for what we did, make no excuses, and realize that we caused a lot of pain to a lot of people and that we will have to live with the guilt for the rest of our lives.

He shares three children with his ex-wife: 33F, 27M, and 25M. At the time the affair came to light, his sons were 9 and 7, so he and his ex-wife decided not to tell them why they were divorcing until they were a bit older. His daughter figured it out before they could tell her, and to say she did not take it well would be an understatement. The only reason she didn't tell her brothers was because her mom begged her not to. She only came over to our house for visitation twice. She was alarmingly angry and called me and my husband every name under the sun. It was so bad both times she came that her parents decided to temporarily halt visitation and put her in therapy. It didn't help.

It came to a head a year later when we discovered that we were expecting our daughter (17F). My husband went to tell his kids, and his daughter flew off the handle. She told him that she didn't want him in her life and that he was dead to her. My husband later admitted that she also told him that she hoped I had a miscarriage. My husband tried to push BM to force a relationship, but as she, his brother, and his daughter's therapist all told him, that was a bad idea. The therapist told him that forgiveness would have to be on his daughter's timetable and that all he could do was continue to show that he cared and loved her and leave the door open for reconciliation.

That forgiveness never came. Despite his attempts throughout the years to reach out and reconcile, he wasn't invited to her high school or college graduations, nor was he invited to her wedding (which wrecked him). He hasn't even met his grandchildren. When he heard that she was pregnant, he reached out and again begged for forgiveness, and even pleaded that if she couldn't forgive him to at least let him be in his grandbabies' lives. She didn't relent; she told him that being a grandparent was a privilege not a right, and that he forfeited that privilege by doing what he did. Amongst some other unsavory things, she also told him that he had her brothers and his "replacement daughter" to give him grandkids. Since that conversation, my husband has been on anti-depressants.

Come to present day, and her brother just got married. To keep the peace, my stepson asked us not to approach her, her husband, or her kids (though I'm sure that was more her request than his). Her twins (4m and 4f) were the ring bearer and flower girl, and so at the rehearsal was the first time my husband saw his grandkids in person. I saw my husband's reaction and could see that he instantly fell in love with them, and I was afraid he would break down. He did start to get emotional and had to step away. He put on a brave face for the wedding, but I could tell he was heartbroken.

Since then, my husband has been an emotional wreck. He has been crying himself to sleep most nights, and in an emotional moment questioned if losing them was worth it. Our daughter is starting to worry about her dad, and I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to get him to go to therapy, but he thinks that the therapist will just tell him it's all his fault, that he's a horrible father, and that there is nothing he can do but wait for her forgiveness. We know we did a terrible thing, but my husband is not a terrible person. Despite what he did, he is an amazing father. Our daughter adores him, and his sons admitted that while they don't condone what he did, they were able to get past it because he's such a great dad and they know that he loves them more than anything. Even his ex-wife admits that he's a great father and has repeatedly tried to get their daughter to forgive him. He and his daughter were very close before the affair, and I feel like his daughter threw away a loving relationship to punish and spite him, even using her kids to do so.

There's a dark cloud that's hanging over this entire family, and everyone feels like they have to walk on eggshells to ensure that she and us aren't at the same events. My husband is so desperate that he even mentioned reaching out to her husband, who he has never officially met. Thankfully, my BIL and I seemed to have convinced him not to. I would be willing to be on the outskirts if she would at least want a relationship with her father and her sister, but she hates us so much. I'm sure I'll get all kinds of hate in the comments, but I'm just looking for any advice on how to move forward.

TLDR: My husband doesn't have a relationship with his daughter or grandkids as a result of our affair, he's in immense pain, and I'm at a loss as to what to do.

Always love a "I know we did a horrible thing and we take full responsibility for it, but..." argument.

The title for the reposted version of this on r/OhNoConsequences was No title can convey how horrible AP and the cheater are.

"I feel like his daughter threw away a loving relationship to punish and spite him, even using her kids to do so." - yeah, right, this situation is all the fault of the teenage girl who was betrayed and had her family exploded by the man she looked up to more than anyone in the world, and not the person who did the betraying and family-exploding.

# ? May 13, 2024 17:07

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