Elsa posted:

become a working artist

Fartbox posted:

What is this? A "working artist"? What IS that?

Like, videogame concept art? Drawing weird cartoon porn on the internet?

VanSandman posted:

I'm alone in this but I like it when the thread gets weird

quote:

u/payingfortranssurger
My son was born as Charlie. Long story short, he now identifies as a woman named Kelly. For simplicity's sake, I am going to use "he" and "Charlie" in this post just to make things easier to keep straight.

Charlie was always more interested in barbies and dresses growing up. He came out as trans to us during high school, because he wanted to be able to cross dress freely in the house. My husband and I are both rather liberal (we were your typical hippies in the 60/70s) and were okay with this. We have always supported his decision (though it was a little hard getting used to at first) because we wanted him to be happy. He went to a very liberal private high school and a liberal arts college.

Raising Charlie was a challenge. He tends to be very difficult and stubborn when he didn't get his way. He would often through tantrums and scream at us whenever we said "no" to him -- going out with friends, money, etc. We love our son and know how hard it must have been for him growing up struggling with his gender identity. A lot of times we attributed that struggle to his behavior. It's possible that we spoiled him because of this.

When Charlie graduated college, he really embraced his transition. He has been taking hormone pills, changed his name to Kelly, etc. He now wants to get gender reassignment surgery, and he wants us to pay for it.

We said no because, quite frankly, we cannot afford it. He says that we should put the house up. Again, we said no. And now our family is in chaos. Charlie is now very angry; he lashed out and said we never supported him, that we are horrible, bigoted parents. He has threatened suicide, saying people like us are the reason so many trans people get murdered. He's been posting all over Facebook making completely false claims about how hard he had it growing up with us. He is emotionally blackmailing us to get us to change our minds.

I don't know what to do to help our son. We cannot afford what he asks for, and I don't want him cut out of my life forever just because we could not make this request.

tl;dr: My son wants to transition to female and expects my husband and I to pay for it. We cannot afford it, and now he is lashing out and making threats.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

MAKE NO BABBYS posted:

YO, CAN A BITCH JUST LIVE?!? Why are you policing her loving weight like that, gently caress.

El Estrago Bonito posted:

It's important to remember that Elsa's definition of an artist doesn't include some of the greatest artists of all time like Caravaggio so grain of salt

Haifisch posted:

A very conservative/fundamentalist girl [19F] on my [19F] dorm wing has been trying police our [19-20F] behavior, believing we're all going to hell for petty things.

Blue Train posted:

He sounds a lot cooler than you tbh, sorry

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

How could someone juggle regularly sleeping with six different girls? I would have a hard enough time with more than one girlfriend!

quote:

I'm going to do my best to explain this fully and (as best I can) in a way that's fair to both sides because I feel as if I'm having trouble seeing sense of my situation and I really need the input of others to figure out what is going on here.
My husband works a lower income job which means that I am entitled to benefits from the government for myself and my 2 year old daughter. "I" have been receiving these benefits since she was born.
My husband is in control of our finances because he says that as the husband and father he should be in control. This means that every payment I get I pass on to him so he can sort out our budgets, bill payments etc.
He also gives me $60 per week for myself. Or he theoretically should be but he always seems to need to keep my spending money lately because we're apparently doing it tough. In the past 5-6 months I've received about $240 in total because of this. He has also had to use my savings (I had a few hundred dollars in savings for myself about 5-6 months ago, but he drained that completely in the span of a couple of weeks) to pay for our groceries, takeaway etc. and promised to pay me back but I've yet to see anything, and it seems he has no intention of doing so. At one point, a few months ago, he asked me to pardon his debt to me, but I refused and he got angry. I only refused because I have NOTHING for myself, but there have been plenty of times in the past that I have pardoned what he owed me.
All of these things wouldn't bother me so much if we really were doing it tough, but we're not. My husband has spent hundreds of dollars on things for himself - gaming consoles, games, camping/hiking equipment, guns etc. which mind you, he has never been camping or hiking in his life and I can count on one hand the amount of times he's been shooting. He spends at LEAST $200 per week on takeaway food - for both himself and my daughter and I, to be fair - even though I prefer for my daughter and I not to eat such unhealthy food on a regular basis. I'm always cooking for our family so I prefer for my husband not to eat it so regularly as well but that's a whole other issue.
My daughter is given money sometimes by our extended family and most of her clothing is paid for by this. However my husband will quite often take this money as well, so I have to be quick in spending it on her. It is about time for me to be buying her some more clothes for this next season and I've been telling him for about 2 months that she needs certain things, but he keeps telling me it's not a good time financially and that he's doing his best.
I am currently pregnant and due to give birth VERY soon. We have no baby clothes except what family members have given us, but there is so much more we need to buy. My husband bought a baby item the other day but it's really stressing me out that he is saying we can't afford the other things yet while he is spending so much money unnecessarily. It is seriously way too close to my due date to be so unorganised.
I am in desperate need of clothes as well but like everything else, he keeps saying it's not a good time financially.
I made a purchase about 3 years ago, a clothing item for $30, that he brings up til this day. He teases me because I don't wear it often. I also bought a baby product for about $70 two years ago that he tells me was a waste of money and didn't get used, even though I used it almost every day until my daughter was about 6 months. This blows my mind so much that I feel as if I must be the crazy one and I've got it all wrong, if that even makes sense.
My husband constantly tells me "I'm putting away $500 in savings this week and next week such and such amount" etc. but he always has nothing in his account because he spends everything. Every. Single. Week.
Sometimes my husband will feel guilty and buy something for my daughter and I and it makes me feel like it's okay and he actually is trying his best, but I'm thinking about everything today and just realising how freaking stupid I am. I really feel like we're legitimately being financially abused.
One of my husband's family members tried to talk to me the other day about our situation. She asked me what we have left to buy for the baby etc. and enquired about whether I give my payments to him and why etc. She said she knows my husband is very bad with money and a compulsive spender etc. but I think it was quite evident to her that I was very emotional about the subject so she dropped it. But the fact that even she picked up on the situation made me feel validated in how I feel, so I'm more determined to change things.
I really would love to leave my husband, study, and then get a job and raise my babies in a more stable environment. Even as a single mum I would be able to provide so much more for them. I'm just scared to leave my husband because I am honestly worried for his mental health and I don't want any harm to come to my children or myself. I'm not saying he would definitely do something, but the concern is there. I don't love my husband, I can't stand him and how selfish he is, but I am very very afraid to leave. I know I have to though.
I would like to add that in the past I have actually told him a couple of times that I'm keeping my payments so I can buy the things that my daughter and I need, and that if I needed to send him extra for bills etc. then I would and he got very very angry and called me "money hungry". He said a whole lot of other stuff as well but I can't really remember because it was at least a year ago. Anyway, I ended up caving and he "compromised" by giving me a $10 per week raise for my allowance, which I barely receive at all anymore.
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, it's just hard to explain everything in a logical way, or I've remembered something I've left out and have to add it in etc. I'm just trying to explain as best I can so I can get the proper advice I need.
EDIT: Also I have a family member who has recently passed away and I'm to receive some money, which my husband keeps telling me has to be spent on a new car. I haven't told him I plan to keep that money for my children and I and I'm afraid to. The car will be "ours", but really it will be his.
tl;dr: Husband keeps all the money, spends it mostly on himself - is this situation financial abuse?

blarzgh posted:

We've reached peak dilution of the word "abuse" when the most common marital disagreement (money) is now co-opting the label.

blarzgh posted:

We've reached peak dilution of the word "abuse" when the most common marital disagreement (money) is now co-opting the label.

Leon Einstein posted:

Sounds like a typical terrible with money couple. If you can't afford the basic necessities for your family out of your own pocket, you don't need a $70 a week allowance.

blarzgh posted:

We've reached peak dilution of the word "abuse" when the most common marital disagreement (money) is now co-opting the label.

Charles Get-Out posted:

I mean...it's a guy controlling her finances/life, spending her benefits, spending her savings, trying to co-opt her inheritance, and keeping her and the daughter in old clothes and supplies so he can buy video games and camping stuff and guns.

Idk if it's abusive in a technical sense, but it sure as poo poo ain't right.

Charles Get-Out posted:

Did you miss the part where the primary reason they can't afford poo poo is because the husband takes and uses all of the money? It's not like the $60* is going to needs.

Or the $240 the wife had in savings. Or the state benefits. Or or or.

Leon Einstein posted:

The benefits they receive aren't "hers" though, so I question why she'd frame it that way.

She doesn't have to share her inheritance with him at least.

quote:

Hello, my family and I are currently facing a dilemma here. My sister is in a wheelchair because of physical reasons and technically has nothing wrong with her mentally. However she is wetting herself and refusing to do literally anything for herself which has always been an issue throughout her life, but lately has gotten much worse.

She will urinate on her father when he changes her and will refuse to change herself when she purposely poops her pants to get out of doing things she doesn't want to do. The other day when my mom took her to the doctor for a checkup she peed herself in the waiting room and when my mother took her to the bathroom to get her changed, she started kicking, trying to bite her, scratch her, and even started growling. Just to give an example.

She has seen a few therapists over the years but we have been unable to afford her going for long or she will tell them everything is fine and they will discontinue her therapy. When things are going her way, she is a happy, bubbly person and completely (for lack of better term) normal. But as soon as the attention is not 100% on her, she becomes insane and does anything to get the attention back on her to the point that my parents can't even leave the house for more than 5 minutes or else she will call 911 and say she's having a heart attack (she was tested, it was panic attacks from being alone) or -more lately- she will threaten to kill herself. She showed my parents where she had cut herself and announced it to them with a huge smile on her face.

Due to this, my parents have had a therapist and social worker coming to the house to talk to her, who in turn stated that my sister was telling them she is suicidal and tried suffocating herself. The social worker told my parents that they needded to get my sister sent to inpatient psych eval immediately but when my mom called every hospital around (Chicago, Illinois area) they told her that they would not take in my sister because she is in a wheelchair and that means she needs special attention (the only attention she NEEDS is help going to the bathroom/put into a shower chair, otherwise she can do everything herself). When my mom finally gave up arguing with these hospitals, she took my sister the the ER and tried admitting her that way stating that she is suicidal, however after a 5 minute conversation with my sister, they turned her away stating that she has behavioral issues and everything she is doing (or is refusing to do) is for attention and they wouldn't take her in for that. After that my mom has called a few outpatient therapy centers that are also refusing to take her for the same reasons.

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but we are also dealing with the recent death of a family friend (suicide, which happened after all this trouble with my sister and she did not know this family member, so not completely related) and my parents are on the brink of divorce because of all of this (pointing the blame finger at each other). Is there any resources out there to help us? Or is my suicidal sister going to take it too far one day and actually kill herself because no one will treat her?

I will answer any questions if needed!

tl;dr: My sister is in a wheelchair and no one will take her as an inpatient/in general because she is doing all of this for attention and is in a wheelchair. She hasn't had a come-to-jesus moment yet so we want to help her/get her medicated if need-be. Is there any resources to help us?

Edit: Thank you everyone for your kind responses and advice! I will be speaking with my mom tomorrow afternoon since I will be heading home for the funeral. I appreciate all of the advice!

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Me [20 M/F] with my Sister [21 F]: She is suicidal and because she is in a wheelchair no hospital will take her in ? Non-Romantic

quote:

Yes, I sound harsh and mean, but it's how I feel. We are currently seeing a counselor together but I haven't told him this part of it yet (there was a lot of other stuff to work through). Basically, I believe my fiancé lacks some sort of intelligence, like there's a deficit somewhere. He's great at math and finance and has a master's degree, but in day-to-day life I feel as if I am talking to an idiot.
This is really hard to explain but I'll do my best. He doesn't understand jokes, humor, or anything that is suggested (for example in a TV show or movie plot). Everything has to be spelled out for him to understand, and then he still doesn't really "get" it. Someone can be crying in front of him about a death and he doesn't understand, and continues to talk about painful subjects. We've talked about it before and he says he just doesn't pick up on those things or feel anything much. He lacks empathy and all his emotional affect is very shallow. He is incredibly emotionally immature and thinks that talking about anything remotely "deep" is "depressing".
It's reached the point where I can't have a conversation with him most days, because I get so frustrated having to explain every single little detail and make sure I talk in a way that doesn't require you to use whatever part of your brain can read between the lines. If we see a movie, he doesn't understand most of the plot if, for instance, it's been suggested that something bad happened in the past to a main character or a character is actually a "bad guy". I know people with far less education and just average Joes that can understand that, no problem. I am beyond frustrated and feel like I'm with an idiot most days. I find myself having to constantly rephrase how I speak, explain that he was rude to someone and that's why he/she's upset, or deal with it when he talks loudly in public about how a dentist's job is "easy" and "they basically do nothing". He doesn't understand how saying the latter is inappropriate (not to mention extremely untrue). I was appalled.
I don't know what to call this or how to explain it to the counselor. Please tell me if I am wrong. I don't know if there's some fault of mine that is making me see it this way, and I'm open to any advice. Thank you.
tl;dr: I am considering breaking up with my fiancé because he lacks emotional intelligence, empathy, and ordinary intelligence; I can't have conversations with him lately and hate having to spell out everything. Am I wrong for thinking this?

quote:

Has he ever been assessed for autism spectrum disorder? He has some of the markers of high-functioning autism but would need to see a professional.

Charles Get-Out posted:

I [22F] feel like my fiancé [26 MF] of 5 years is stupid and/or lacks emotional intelligence. Am I wrong?


Comments got it in one:

Elsa posted:

ask me how desirable you become the week before finals in art school when you're good at art

Tacky-rear end Rococco posted:

Are you thinking of bride prices? Dowries go the other way. You gotta save up to pay somebody to take your daughters off your hands.