/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Please stop groping, cripes

# ? May 4, 2017 19:42

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 14:19

duz: Jul 11, 2005; Come on Ilhan, lets go bag us a shitpost

CheesyDog posted:

Dayquil is just diluted Nyquil so you could have been even cheaper by buying generic Nyquil and watering it down

Depends, most likely they also spiked it with caffeine to fight any drowsiness.

# ? May 4, 2017 19:43

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Pvt.Scott posted:

I thought about raping a girl once. Once. Allow me to elaborate before you tar and feather me.

This was during the height of my first ever manic episode, which lasted a good six months. The girl in question was the one I had become obsessed with and had begun stalking. We had been really good friends for years and she's the sweetest and endearingly derpiest person I've known. She had become the most beautiful girl in the world to me, I lived and breathed her. My thoughts were consumed by this woman.

I was sitting in a chair opposite her while she was passed out drunk on a couch (mutual friend's place) and I remember thinking "just go over there and start kissing her and see where things go." I sat there thinking about it in a drunken stupor for a couple of minutes until I realized what I was thinking about.

That was probably the most intense moment of shame and regret in my life (thus far, still plenty of time!). I went down to the basement and listened to depressing music and cried for hours. Thought about killing myself, briefly. Honestly, if a drunk, manic, horny man can manage to not sexually assault the object of his obsession, I'm not sure what excuse anyone else could possibly have.

PS rape is bad.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

You don't get to brag about what a good person you are for managing not to rape someone. Like, you don't get a trophy for that.

# ? May 4, 2017 19:53

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

My friends grandmother won't speak to him now as he groped her when he was 5.

People really shouldn't spill their heartfelt stores of regret like that out to me because LOL.

# ? May 4, 2017 19:52

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Dienes posted:

You don't get to brag about what a good person you are for managing not to rape someone. Like, you don't get a trophy for that.

Tell that to my trophy case :colbert:

# ? May 4, 2017 19:53

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Captain Yossarian posted:

Please stop groping, cripes

was this a quote or

# ? May 4, 2017 19:56

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

its super easy to avoid groping, any time a woman gets too close to you or touches you just freeze up and hold perfectly still.

# ? May 4, 2017 19:58

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Elsa posted:

was this a quote or

Lol no more just a suggestion to people to stop groping

# ? May 4, 2017 19:58

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Captain Yossarian posted:

Please stop groping, cripes

# ? May 4, 2017 20:01

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

dudeness posted:

its super easy to avoid groping, any time a woman gets too close to you or touches you just freeze up and hold perfectly still.

Ah, the Jurassic Park approach

# ? May 4, 2017 20:02

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

dudeness posted:

its super easy to avoid groping, any time a woman gets too close to you or touches you just freeze up and hold perfectly still.

back away like a cat after you put a sock on its head

# ? May 4, 2017 20:05

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

Cut off your hands!

# ? May 4, 2017 20:22

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Groping can take many forms. A lady I knew called herself a "hugger" which must have been a mistranslation for "leap onto a man and him with your arms and legs like a constrictor killing a deer".

# ? May 4, 2017 20:26

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Barudak posted:

Groping can take many forms. A lady I knew called herself a "hugger" which must have been a mistranslation for "grasp a man so with your arms and legs like a constrictor killing a deer".

You knew Xenia Onatopp?

# ? May 4, 2017 20:28

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Elsa posted:

back away like a cat after you put a sock on its head

amateur move, going in a direction you can't see just increases your chances of accidental groping.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:28

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Dienes posted:

You don't get to brag about what a good person you are for managing not to rape someone. Like, you don't get a trophy for that.

I'll have you know I took honorable mention in the Not-Rapies four years ago

# ? May 4, 2017 20:29

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

not to brag, but i've never hit or raped a woman :smug:

# ? May 4, 2017 20:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

well with inertia from the initial jump shed pin them down, yes. She was also a biter, not like sexually just hanging around and shed lean over and give random people a bite, and I without shame or remorse sprayed her in the face with a febreeze bottle once at a party because of it.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:32

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

well with inertia from the initial jump shed pin them down, yes. She was also a biter, not like sexually just hanging around and shed lean over and give random people a bite, and I without shame or remorse sprayed her in the face with a febreeze bottle once at a party because of it.

And I've smelled fresh ever since.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:31

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pick posted:

not to brag, but i've never hit or raped a woman

PM me your address, I'll send the medal.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:33

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Barudak posted:

Groping can take many forms. A lady I knew called herself a "hugger" which must have been a mistranslation for "leap onto a man and him with your arms and legs like a constrictor killing a deer".

jesus gently caress you just gave me a literal flashback to the stupid fuckers who would do this, they called it glomping, what the gently caress is the deal with this BS

# ? May 4, 2017 20:36

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Waiter: Here are your drinks
me: *raises both hands in the air until they are placed in front of the proper persons*

# ? May 4, 2017 20:35

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

jesus gently caress you just gave me a literal flashback to the stupid fuckers who would do this, they called it glomping, what the gently caress is the deal with this BS

anime

# ? May 4, 2017 20:38

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I've never been a glomper but it is nice to hug someone hard enough that you know if you are transformed into a really big snake whether or not you will be able to unhinge your jaws far enough to consume them whole

# ? May 4, 2017 20:38

Barudak: May 7, 2007

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

jesus gently caress you just gave me a literal flashback to the stupid fuckers who would do this, they called it glomping, what the gently caress is the deal with this BS

I assume its because its socially permissble. "Theres nothing wrong about hug" she says as she moves her hands down during the hug to grab a fistfull of rear end like a 60s boss greeting the new executive assistant.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:39

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

Barudak posted:

well with inertia from the initial jump shed pin them down, yes. She was also a biter, not like sexually just hanging around and shed lean over and give random people a bite, and I without shame or remorse sprayed her in the face with a febreeze bottle once at a party because of it.

No medal for you.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:46

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

jesus gently caress you just gave me a literal flashback to the stupid fuckers who would do this, they called it glomping, what the gently caress is the deal with this BS

Furries
Anime

There's a pattern

# ? May 4, 2017 20:46

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

Pick posted:

I've never been a glomper but it is nice to hug someone hard enough that you know if you are transformed into a really big snake whether or not you will be able to unhinge your jaws far enough to consume them whole

For all your talk about sex weirds you turn out to be a vore.

# ? May 4, 2017 20:47

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

I've never been a glomper but it is nice to hug someone hard enough that you know if you are transformed into a really big snake whether or not you will be able to unhinge your jaws far enough to consume them whole

Is that from some vore fanfic?

# ? May 4, 2017 21:00

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Pick posted:

I've never been a glomper but it is nice to hug someone hard enough that you know if you are transformed into a really big snake whether or not you will be able to unhinge your jaws far enough to consume them whole

hugging someone hard is good with me, but leaping onto someones body while they are unaware is not okay in my book

in the most basic sense, its easy to make them fall over

# ? May 4, 2017 21:04

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Axolotl posted:

For all your talk about sex weirds you turn out to be a vore.

It was a misdirect to throw you off the trail

# ? May 4, 2017 21:04

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

Pick posted:

I've never been a glomper but it is nice to hug someone hard enough that you know if you are transformed into a really big snake whether or not you will be able to unhinge your jaws far enough to consume them whole

sometimes my friends ask me to hug them hard enough to crack their backs if they're sore. I've got to be pretty good at it

# ? May 4, 2017 21:06

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Axolotl posted:

For all your talk about sex weirds you turn out to be a vore.

Why you assume is sexual? Is you, you who are the weird.

# ? May 4, 2017 21:06

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

in the most basic sense, its easy to make them fall over

Weakling

# ? May 4, 2017 21:06

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Content.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) are like an old couple and I wonder if this is how it should be...

quote:

u/oldpeople1010
We've been together 5 years. We moved in together in August and currently share a 400 square foot studio apartment, in a very exciting city. He works a really busy job, I'm in graduate school. I love him a lot, but I can't help but feel that something's missing.

BF leaves every morning for work around 7:30. I leave half an hour later. I get home at 4 or 5, he gets home at 6 or 7. I take care of all chores and cooking, so he just has to relax. We'll spend a little time together watching game shows or talking, and we'll eat together if we're free. I do homework and he catches up on work. We're in bed by 10 or 11 at the latest. This is our routine every day. On weekends I have a part time job and a hobby, and he plays video games or catches up on work. Once every couple weeks we'll have a lunch date or go for a walk. And that's pretty much it. We have friends and colleagues that go out to eat or to nightclubs and stuff, but neither of us have the energy most of the time.

Sex is another facet of this. We have sex maybe once a week, sometimes less. It's the same thing every time. We have experimented but haven't found anything that sticks. Most of the time I just prefer to masturbate. He seems really tired most of the time.

I'm fine with how we live but I feel like we're in our 50s rather than our mid 20s. People expect we're living a really fun, cosmopolitan life when we're probably sleeping or watching Jeopardy. There are times where I love staying in, but sometimes I just feel a bit trapped. Occasionally I go out with some friends from grad school, but then there's no one to cook for BF or make sure he's ok after work, when I know he'd love someone to spend time with.

Is our relationship normal or are there things we can do to fix it?

tl;dr: Getting a bit bored of my relationship and lifestyle. Any way to fix things?

Might as well get used to it.

# ? May 4, 2017 21:08

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

P-Mack posted:

Why you assume is sexual? Is you, you who are the weird.

Oh, hey guys, fantasizing about turning into a snake and consuming someone while hugging them is totally normal.

Totally normal.

Totally.

# ? May 4, 2017 21:13

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Personally I just give my friends and family a Stone Cold Stunner instead of hugging

# ? May 4, 2017 21:15

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Milotic posted:

Content.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) are like an old couple and I wonder if this is how it should be...

Might as well get used to it.

Orrrr be with someone who has healthy pastimes that you appreciate them for, and have something you enjoy that they appreciate you for. I feel like it's not very hard to be aware of this and get something better than American Gothic.

# ? May 4, 2017 21:14

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

More content.

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [26M] of 4 years, opened our relationship and that is changing our lives

quote:

u/openldrproblems
My boyfriend and I have been together ever since we met in my sophomore year of college. We lived together for most of the time in college and after.

I started a PhD program after college and he started working in the same city. We lived together during the first year of my PhD program.

The thing is I got an exciting internship with a professor out of the country in his research lab. As a result I have been staying in Europe since February. My internship lasts one year.

Boyfriend and I discussed this and since we already established the foundation, we decided to do an LDR for this duration. After a month or so, he was supposed to meet me in Europe but he canceled due to work commitments.

We had a conversation in March where he suggested we open the relationship. LDR was new to both of us and it was making us feel lonely and somewhat miserable. Though we kept in touch a lot on WhatsApp, it was not the same.

Fast forward, I met this guy who I saw casually and soon became my FWB. I kept my BF updated on this and told him when I was first going on a date with him. He was cool and asked me to go ahead.

The thing is he is starting to ask for more than necessary details. Initially he was asking if we had sex and how often. I told him that I can share details on how often we met but it was making me uncomfortable to give him all the details. He said, he understood but what is harm in telling him when he is my BF.

My FWB is kind of dominant and he made me realize my submissive side. I told my BF that he is dominant and did not share more details. Now he wants to know what kind of acts that we engaged in.

We had an argument over this and BF admitted that he kind of gets of on hearing what I do with my FWB. I am shocked and also very confused with where we are heading after opening our relationship. I am looking for advice on navigating this.

tl;dr: Opened relationship with boyfriend while in LDR, met FWB, changed relationship.

Berth el pup, open relationships, Dom/sub. It's the rare triple threat.

# ? May 4, 2017 21:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 14:19

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

Improbable Lobster posted:

Personally I just give my friends and family a Stone Cold Stunner instead of hugging

As long as you don't fantasize about eating them when you do it, you're okay.

# ? May 4, 2017 21:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »