/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Barudak: May 7, 2007

Goddammit. Please stop trying to prevent the creation of future Fast and the Furious cast members, white people.

Barudak fucked around with this message at 18:38 on May 18, 2017

# ? May 18, 2017 18:33

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# ? May 28, 2024 03:11

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

Goddammit. Please stop trying to precent the creation of future Fast and the Furious cast members, white people.

don't deny that half of you

# ? May 18, 2017 18:36

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Mocking Bird posted:

This is an extremely good turn of phrase

thanks i like it when people tell me i post good :hfive:

# ? May 18, 2017 18:37

Saros: Dec 29, 2009; Its almost like we're a Bureaucracy, in space!

I set sail for the Planet of Lab Requisitions!!

Batterypowered7 posted:

Posted within the last three or four pages.

Damnit I skimmed them but didn't see it.

# ? May 18, 2017 18:41

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

quote:

As my divorce winds its way through the court system- I am forced to acknowledge all the nuttiness of life with my ex. Three years ago in May, his six month position as a consultant came to an end and he chose to spend the summer pursuing his fitness goals and interests in community service. I think he thought he would find another position (even though he had a long term of unemployment for two years in 2009-2010). He is a handsome capable man but really unknowable. I stopped asking how the job search was going a year ago because he would give me this cold stare when I asked. For better or for worse, I was pretty successful in my field before my kids came along and saved my earnings- funding a decent retirement for myself. I even had $100,000 in 1995 to put down on a house. At that time, my ex and I were dating but he loved the idea of moving to the suburbs. I was in no hurry to get married and we finally married in 2000 when our youngest was 2. My middle child really wanted to see us married. Go figure.

It's all these years later, I finally filed for divorce last September which meant our assets were separated- we had very few joint assets. Just a checking account and credit card debt (which I agreed to take over if he left). I put nothing else in his name. He has been living on his own in an even nicer town 30 miles away and I am pretty confident he is almost out of money- he's been living off the 401k he accrued while we were married (it's actually a joint asset- but I am over that. It's his only asset). For months, the one bill he has been paying for the family is the cell phone bill- I pay for the kids' needs- their health insurance- including his because I cannot drop him by law until we are divorced. Now he needs help with the cell phone bill which tells me he is broke. All the money is gone and he still doesn't have a full time job- or any real job for that matter. My problem is- I am worried about him. I think his mental illness is deeper than I imagined- his magical thinking- his stubborn determination to pursue his special interests even if they don't make any money and actually drain his resources. I begged him in the past to go back to school- but of course- any thing I say is toxic or suspect because it is coming from me. I have been the enemy for a long time. I actually reached out to his 1st cousin who is a successful lawyer in Texas (where my ex is from) to see if my ex could go live with him if all else fails.

Here's the real issue- I feel guilty as hell that myself and our kids weren't motivation for him to get out there and succeed. (I find providing for myself and my kids very motivating as a reason to press on...) I know his condition is not my fault- but I am still blaming myself for not being the partner he needed. I know that sounds idiotic- but it's how my guilt riddled self operates...I know that he was not the partner I needed- there was so little emotional connection between us in our final years together that the void could have swallowed a small village. So here I am, worried about him and furious with him for not being more practical in his life decisions. Worried that he will do something awful to himself which will devastate our kids and make them hate me for sending him away.

What a friggin mess!!! I am going to turn 65 in September, I'm working a sales position only because an old friend offered it to me over a lunch last year and I have so little inner peace it amazes me that I appear and act normal most of the time. What is it about this personality type that we end up feeling so responsible even as they don't take responsibility for their own actions? Your stories and insights have helped me enormously. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!!!! Truly!!!!

# ? May 18, 2017 18:56

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vnKPdMXIdo

# ? May 18, 2017 19:00

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Ill admit, the age at the end of the story blindsided me.

# ? May 18, 2017 19:03

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

i wonder how many old people use reddit

like the guy you think is some 14 year old punk might be some dude in a nursing home just shitopostin' and watching the price is right

# ? May 18, 2017 19:09

Barudak: May 7, 2007

90 year old man getting bombared with downvotes because hes dating someone 20 years youger than him but has no long term plans for the relationship.

# ? May 18, 2017 19:16

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Barudak posted:

90 year old man getting bombared with downvotes because hes dating someone 20 years youger than him but has no long term plans for the relationship.

I literally laughed out loud

# ? May 18, 2017 19:29

misguided rage: Jun 15, 2010; God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title

Kelp Me! posted:

I mean it sounds like her future MiL is mortified over how one of her sons could be such a shitheel, and I'm assuming the other siblings haven't called her because calling a future family member and being like "yeah sorry our one brother is a racist dickbag" isn't a very easy call to make. I'm not sure why the the person who wrote that story would think the family is mad/disapproving of her when it's pretty obvious they're insanely embarrassed and probably also dealing with the shock themselves. "Black sheep of the family" can still be a long way away from "drunken racist tirade at birthday party" so more than likely the whole family is still processing things.

Kinda depends what he got into an argument with his sister about. Maybe he was blaming her for inviting the brother and she got defensive, or maybe she was like 'well we're all thinking it!'.

# ? May 18, 2017 19:33

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

I could see MIL taking a "you got called a curse word, you cursed at my son, let's all put this aside" line of logic which, while not blatantly racist would be incredibly obvious to anyone with half a brain.

# ? May 18, 2017 19:37

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I've (29F) Lost respect for my (25M) best friend. Is it a gender difference?

quote:

My best friend solicits nude pics from women, he saves them, he rates them (he writes it on the photos), and when he gets drunk he has started to show other people them and ask them to rate them too. On multiple occasions he has shown me, my husband or another friend a pic of a 9 or 10/10 to show off him getting such a hot girl to send him pics and I just shrugged it off as none of my business.

Recently he showed a group of 10+ people at a party a folder containing 200 pics and let all the guys scroll through them. They were all making pretty derogatory comments. He was really proud of himself for his "conquests". He says that he always makes them say they're 18 in writing and saves the message, "just in case", which makes me think that he thinks (or even knows) some of them aren't 18. Once he has got their nudes he considers them conquered and rarely talks to them again unless he wants more pics, in which case he will string them along until he's bored of them.

He said he's been doing it for 7 years and has saved every pic. Now 7 years ago, I would have considered this an immature thing but an 18 year old getting pics of other 18 year olds is not a biggie. Now he is 25 and most of the girls are still 18/19 as these are the people he finds it easiest to get pics from.

I told him that I was pretty pissed off about him potentially taking advantage of teenagers, and he was adamant that they all say they're over 18. I asked what if they're just saying that and he said what he doesn't know won't hurt him, and he always gets it in writing - so he's clearly thought about what would happen if their parents reported him to the police! I also told him (this was once we were in private and sober a few days later) that I would be pretty horrified if I sent someone nudes because I thought they liked me and we had a connection, and then they were just showing them off to people at parties for many years later.

His response was that girls shouldn't send naked pics on the internet if they're not willing to accept that they lose control of those pics when they hit send. He says these girls know what they're doing and don't care, or they wouldn't do it. He also said that they have nudes of him so they have just as much power to do what they want with his pics and it's a fair exchange. I accept that there is some logic to that, I would personally not send naked pics - but then teenagers do stupid things when they have a crush on someone and he is VERY experienced at this by now.

I don't know if I can view him in the same light. I had a chat with my husband and he said it's more of a guy thing, he wouldn't do it, but he agreed with my friend that the girls are deliberately choosing to send nudes on the internet to a virtual stranger, not a trusted relationship partner. He said maybe I'm getting upset because I would feel violated because I'm a female who would not send nudes, whereas guys don't really care who has their dick pics... and teenage girls who send pics out like that don't really care either.

He was talking to two teenagers in a skype chat when I went over to his place yesterday and I asked him later how old they were and he shrugged and said "They said they were 18, that's all that matters.", maybe as I approach my 30s the thought of sex camming with 18 year olds just gets more and more creepy for me and that's why I'm struggling.

So this is my best friend of many many years, I see or talk to him every single day, he is a big part of my life and I knew he always has a new woman he's chatting up online, but I didn't realise they were still the same age as the girls he was chatting up 7 years ago. I didn't realise that he kept all their pics and showed them to other people. If this was you, would it be a serious problem in a friendship or am I just being overly sensitive and I need to mind my own business since at the end of the day, it doesn't actually involve me?

tl;dr: 25 year old male friend solicits nudes from girls who say they are 18+ (but some of them may not be). He keeps them, some of them he has kept for 7 years now, and he shows them to other people at parties. It's not really any of my business but since he has showed me these pics, and now talks to me about these girls I am feeling uncomfortable and struggling to respect him, since he does not seem to respect women. Husband thinks I should just drop it because "it's a guy thing". Am I being stupid? Just want a wider range of opinion I guess!

# ? May 18, 2017 19:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

dudeness posted:

I've (29F) Lost respect for my (25M) best friend. Is it a gender difference?

# ? May 18, 2017 19:52

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

The idea that that dude is anybodys best friend for years is depressing

# ? May 18, 2017 19:53

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

maskenfreiheit posted:

I could see MIL taking a "you got called a curse word, you cursed at my son, let's all put this aside" line of logic which, while not blatantly racist would be incredibly obvious to anyone with half a brain.

Did she curse at him? I read it again and didn't see that.

# ? May 18, 2017 19:53

Barudak: May 7, 2007

dudeness posted:

I've (29F) Lost respect for my (25M) best friend. Is it a gender difference?

Its a guy thing, you know just an everyday thing to demand the women whose nude images you publically display leave written affirmations of their legal age to you so that you can explicitly maintain plausible deniability. Ho-hum.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:00

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

therobit posted:

Did she curse at him? I read it again and didn't see that.

Cursed him with voodoo, because she's black, you see.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:04

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

therobit posted:

Did she curse at him? I read it again and didn't see that.

I just assumed heated argument == cursing, it's not mentioned. Either way MIL is out of line for not taking the woman's side.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:23

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Time for a little spice - here's a post from /r/incels:

quote:

Funny how females who supposedly have depression and anxiety spend all day on social media chatting and taking selfies

Truly depressed people have no motivation to keep showing themselves off from different angles to hundreds of people a day and answering messages from a ton of people, interacting with a ton of people, writing their whole life in updates all day. If you are truly depressed you are too miserable to even say hello to someone, never mind keeping up to date every second of the day with what your 'friends' are doing.

How many 'depressed' females have switched off their phone and locked themselves in their room with no interaction for a week? Probably none. They all have the need to be in constant contact and have constant attention from people. Who the hell is diagnosing all these women with clinical depression?

# ? May 18, 2017 20:30

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

make a new r/incels thread already!!

# ? May 18, 2017 20:32

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

r/excels

My [25M] girlfriend [26F] of 1.5 years keeps spreadsheets rating her sex life and relationships. Found them while working on her computer. Don't know if I should tell her/ask to see the previous guys' ratings.

quote:

My gf and I have been together for about a year and a half. She is amazing, intelligent, and caring. We don't live together, but we're considering moving in together in January when her lease is up. We pretty much spend all of our nights together though.

Anyway, I spent the night at her place last night, and ended up using her computer for work. This morning I needed to email the document I'd been working on last night to myself at work. I couldn't remember where I'd saved it, so I just searched the computer for any files with my name.

Two pop up: one is the document I was working on before, and the other is an excel spreadsheet titled "Sex and Relationships." So...I opened it. From what I could tell, she has been keeping this spreadsheet since her first relationship (9 years). She has a tab for each sex partner/relationship, where she notes the dates of sex, rates the sex, notes what sex acts, and rates the relationship (not entirely sure what that means either). It was open on my tab, since I'm the most recent, so I read all of her sex/relationship ratings...and they start out pretty high (I think...don't know the scale), but have been getting lower over the past 2 months. It basically took all of my willpower, but I didn't look at the other guys' tabs. Thinking about seeing the other guys' sex acts column and the ratings just makes me sick to my stomach. So I just closed the spreadsheet, emailed myself my work document, and went to work. I've just been stewing since then, though, and becoming more and more insecure about the sex ratings. I'm so tempted to read the other guys' ratings, but I know that would be wrong as well as self-torture really. I already feel kind of lovely for reading even my tab, but at the same time, I'm kind of offended by the fact that she RATES our sex life and relationship, like it's just a performance eval at work or something. I don't know. Obviously something is wrong with our sex life, so I need to talk to her about that, but there haven't been any signs of that from my perspective, so she's probably going to realize I saw the spreadsheet if I randomly bring it up. So what do I do? Do I tell her what I saw? Am I overreacting by being a little angry about her rating me and our relationship? Also, isn't keeping track of your sex life to this extent kind of odd?

I haven't seen her since I found the spreadsheet. She had already left for work when I saw it.

tl;dr: GF rates all her relationships/sex partners. My sex ratings are getting lower. I don't know how to approach this with my gf, and I'm a little offended by even the concept of rating our relationship/me. I also keep thinking about the previous guys' ratings and getting insecure.
Edit: the document I emailed myself was my work file. Not her spreadsheet. I worded it weird.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:37

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

dudeness posted:

r/excels

My [25M] girlfriend [26F] of 1.5 years keeps spreadsheets rating her sex life and relationships. Found them while working on her computer. Don't know if I should tell her/ask to see the previous guys' ratings.

I could swear I remember this story from years ago, but it was written from a woman's perspective.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:40

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

blarzgh posted:

I could swear I remember this story from years ago, but it was written from a woman's perspective.

was it a goon? I could have sworn remembering a goon mentioning this and getting ridiculed.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:52

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

blarzgh posted:

I could swear I remember this story from years ago, but it was written from a woman's perspective.

The same friend with the mutual humiliation fetish keeps one of these spreadsheets. He met his current girlfriend because he was talking about his at a party, and she admitted she had one too.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:52

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

blarzgh posted:

I could swear I remember this story from years ago, but it was written from a woman's perspective.

Are you sure you are not thinking of the plot to Mallrats?

# ? May 18, 2017 20:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

The same friend with the mutual humiliation fetish keeps one of these spreadsheets. He met his current girlfriend because he was talking about his at a party, and she admitted she had one too.

I think putting your relationship into .xls format should be plenty of humiliation for anyone

# ? May 18, 2017 20:53

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

if you feel a deep need to gain insight from data but can't be bothered to learn R you're probably poo poo at statistics :smug:

# ? May 18, 2017 20:54

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

"Look honey, your quarterly ratings just aren't up to snuff, and if things continue this way were going to have to cut your hours. I'm sorry, I wish it didn't have to be like this but it's just policy when your stats drop too low in the spreadsheet. We had Greg in IT set up a macro, I think it's called, to track these things, you know. Yeah your brother Greg."

# ? May 18, 2017 20:55

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

maskenfreiheit posted:

if you feel a deep need to gain insight from data but can't be bothered to learn R you're probably poo poo at statistics

I'm sure his is a csv lol come on.

# ? May 18, 2017 20:58

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

My girlfriend practices stack ranking and she dumped me because somebody in the relationship is required be rated unsatisfactory :smith:

# ? May 18, 2017 21:14

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Why was a poster in this thread probated a week for coming out as being sexually assaulted?

Pvt.Scott posted:

You're right, of course. Women just go ahead with the sexual assault, in my experience at least.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Pvt.Scott posted:

Let me know the next time your cat's fianc�e decides to take your dick for a ride while you're passed out drunk on a futon.

# ? May 18, 2017 21:14

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Psycho Society posted:

Why was a poster in this thread probated a week for coming out as being sexually assaulted?

I wasn't going to say anything but yeah, his "i didnt rape this girl" totally deserved one but that latest probate isn't really going any farther than say Pick's "kill all men" shtick.

# ? May 18, 2017 21:16

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Psycho Society posted:

Why was a poster in this thread probated a week for coming out as being sexually assaulted?

I didn't pick up on that; I just thought he was slap-fighting with Pick

# ? May 18, 2017 21:18

Snow Cone Capone: Jul 31, 2003

Psycho Society posted:

Why was a poster in this thread probated a week for coming out as being sexually assaulted?

I'm pretty sure the post that got him probated was because he's still trying to compare everything to his "I ALMOST RAPED A GIRL BUT I DIDN'T AREN'T I A HERO" post which got him banned.

AKA we get it, you almost raped a girl, drop the loving subject.

e: I'm pretty sure the 2nd post wasn't an actual "I got sexually assaulted while passed out drunk" but instead it was yet another comparison to how great of a guy he is because he stopped himself from raping a passed out drunk girl

# ? May 18, 2017 21:19

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

blarzgh posted:

I could swear I remember this story from years ago, but it was written from a woman's perspective.

there was a dude who did it but it wasn't hidden like this one, it was more like a progress report where like every so often he'd tell her what she was doin well and what needed improvement, with letter grades for various categories.

# ? May 18, 2017 21:19

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Kelp Me! posted:

e: I'm pretty sure the 2nd post wasn't an actual "I got sexually assaulted while passed out drunk" but instead it was yet another comparison to how great of a guy he is because he stopped himself from raping a passed out drunk girl

I mean maybe but to me it read like a very sloppy and clumsy "I was raped once when I passed out on a coach by a friend's fiance"
He sorta Kramer'd in with a "I was raped"

# ? May 18, 2017 21:21

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

"While the frequency of sexual activity is above average, you failed to show enthusiasm during the act, earning you two starfish stickers"

# ? May 18, 2017 21:22

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I think it was a "shut up everyone" probie

# ? May 18, 2017 21:23

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# ? May 28, 2024 03:11

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

blarzgh posted:

I could swear I remember this story from years ago, but it was written from a woman's perspective.

Yeah, the one you're thinking of is the guy keeping a running tally of all the things he did for his gf and how frequently she turned him down for sex iiirc

# ? May 18, 2017 21:24

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