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TBF a lot of the fat from his moobs seems to have migrated to his neck and he's definitely much redder.
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Feb 4, 2022 00:57
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fact: Joe Rogan is the proud owner of a “bullshit detector”. The device to which he refers by that name is an electronic novelty dancing soda can holding a plastic guitar and wearing neon sunglasses, the battery inside which he hasn’t replaced since late 1999
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Feb 4, 2022 00:59
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Joe Rogan plucks at his seersucker suit and fans his bald head with his hat. The air is impenetrable--a solid wall of heat and humidity, packed tighter than Richard Pryor's opening night at Terrace Theatre--with no more room for the sweat that collects on his squat, muscular body. Above him looms the Isthmus Ó Ruadhagáin, little more than a dot of earth surrounded by the vast and implacable jungle below. He checks his Rolex Yachtmaster and immediately frowns. They are making poor time. "Let's go!" he barks at the legion of locals snaking their way up the mud trail, each carrying a different burden: a stool, a door, a sheet of glass. He holds up his wristwatch and taps it furiously...but have these people even seen a timepiece before? Do they have any concept of time? Unacceptable! The hills of his Bell Canyon LA neighborhood were steeper, and he could run those every day. 45% grade roads stretching for miles; when the air wasn't choked with black soot from fires, the elevation would deprive the brain of precious oxygen; earthquakes opened great fissures in the earth, and Joe would gracefully leap over them. "Pills!" A half dozen young boys scurry up to Joe, bearing the instruments of his longevity: Alpha Brain and Lion's Mane for his famous wit & levity; the powerful antioxidants Quercetin and Glutathione; fish oil ("the motor oil of man"). Having no time for water, he consumes whey protein and creatine by the fistful and coughs up excess powder; a child plunges a needle into Joe's vein and he roars as a double-dose of Vitamin C and NAD pickle his flesh and reverse his aging. It is a modest regimen--here in the jungle, sacrifices must be made, even for Joe. "Powerful Joe, the men--they struggle with her!" one of the boys informs him--a waifish child of indeterminate age, whose name he never learned and whom, for reasons that now escaped him, he knew only as "Gunga Din". Imbued with a sudden strength and clarity, he climbs the path, passing local laborers on both sides. At a bend in the road, she suddenly comes into view: 140 feet square, 16 feet tall at her peak, black and fringed with white; a small army of men tug at her with muddy ropes thick as a man's arm; a larger crowd digs into her flank, grunting and pushing her up the steep incline with their hands and brawn. The Comedy Store. The world laughed at him when he said he would bring The Comedy Store to the primeval jungles of Peru. There were no roads, they said; no need for an act as completely and totally uncensored as Rogan's. The LA comedy scene was an unforgiving mistress--but the steppes of Machu Picchu? His boy-companion echoes these doubts and searches Powerful Joe for some profound vision, yet Joe simply shrugs. “I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic," he turns and admits to Gunga Din. "I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.” Much later, his comedy crew abandons the Store almost immediately after breaking ground, leaving it to a local population who shun it as a place of great evil. As Joe burns the building down--and half of the jungle with it--he is reminded of the wildfires Antifa started across the pacific northwest. 
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Feb 4, 2022 01:02
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Yaldabaoth posted:Yes but a person doesn't have a lot of options when they're a rightwing psychopath who can only get it on with like minded people. It's still a real good way to get a mouthful of poo poo.
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Feb 4, 2022 01:04
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:Joe Rogan and Alex Jones both ate Kent State Gun Girl’s rear end but what a lot of people don’t know is that they ate it simultaneously. is there a video of this
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Feb 4, 2022 02:44
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She's more famous now for a dump comparable to the Jurassic Park one than guns
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Feb 4, 2022 02:51
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Smugworth posted:is there a video of this Just close your eyes and imagine two bleary eyed ogres--Rogan and Jones--sticking their hands into a preposterous pile of poo poo. Basically this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzCOxKyC18A ...but with poo poo, "this poo poo's still warm", etc.
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Feb 4, 2022 02:57
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Are you imagining it? Unlike the video I posted, there's only one pile of poo poo in this scenario. It may be large, but so are the hands of the two men standing before it. Alex jumps the gun and starts to explore it before Joe snatches him by the wrist and yanks it out. "Rock-Paper-Scissors it, bitch," Joe says. They start to RPS it, and Alex flings a little poo poo everywhere with every movement before he settles on the winning "Rock". And back in his hand goes.
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Feb 4, 2022 03:07
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I'm starting to suspect that Ken State Gun Girl's real fetish isn't guns but scat.
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Feb 4, 2022 03:11
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Where do you think the term “scattergun” comes from you fuckin ignoramus
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Feb 4, 2022 03:13
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My fetish is chodes with faces. Jamie if you're reading this please have Joe PM me.
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Feb 4, 2022 03:56
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Feb 4, 2022 04:04
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Joe Rogan went in to low earth orbit in 2003 and he didn't need any rocket
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Feb 4, 2022 04:07
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In the olden days Rogans were the unit of measurement that lawnmowers use to determine grass length. "Cut her down to two Rogans." you'd tell the gardener.
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Feb 4, 2022 04:16
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Joe Rogan could never land that Rogaine account.
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Feb 4, 2022 04:18
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Cream-of-Plenty posted:Are you imagining it? Unlike the video I posted, there's only one pile of poo poo in this scenario. It may be large, but so are the hands of the two men standing before it. Alex jumps the gun and starts to explore it before Joe snatches him by the wrist and yanks it out. "Rock-Paper-Scissors it, bitch," Joe says. They start to RPS it, and Alex flings a little poo poo everywhere with every movement before he settles on the winning "Rock". And back in his hand goes. I don't believe this for an instant. Both Joe Rogan and Alex Jones would only ever throw rock during RPS. They were once caught on a livecast playing for 16 hours straight with neither deviating from their "nothing beats rock" strategy. It took Jaime declaring them both winners by demonstrating that smashing two rocks together would destroy them both. Joe Rogan no longer does his own grocery shopping as store workers keep returning him to the egg section. Joe Rogan read "The Most Dangerous Game" and was still confused as to what kind of game would be played. He insists it must have been Chinese checkers due to the choking hazard. Every time he hears an Arby's commercial, Joe snickers to himself "but you ain't got this meat!" Which refers to a freezer in his basement stuffed with eviscerated Winnie the Pooh stuffed dolls. Only his closest friends are invited to his "special" dinner parties to taste such a delicacy. Joe Rogan holds heavy investments in mineral prospecting, including rights to a mine established in 1779 to produce "vitriolic aether" in present day West Virginia. To date, he refuses to state the actual location or value of this asset. Joe Rogan opposes circumcision as he is a proponent of Lamarckian evolutionary theory and believes that the practice has reduced penis size from a prehistoric 24" average. He disowned his paternal grandparents due to the subject.
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Feb 4, 2022 04:44
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J-Ro refuses to wear hats of any kind because he does not want to "live a lie" in his words.
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Feb 4, 2022 05:18
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Joe Rogan is three dogs in a trenchcoat. These are the only bad dogs in existence and are descended from the dogs Yakub made as practice before making white people.
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Feb 4, 2022 07:38
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Joe Rogan has never visited Hyderabad. Neither the one in India nor the one in Pakistan.
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Feb 4, 2022 07:51
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BrigadierSensible posted:Joe Rogan has never visited Hyderabad. On the other hand, Joe has repeatedly expressed confusion as to why India and Pakistan fight so much over cashmere, "the most fay of materials".
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Feb 5, 2022 03:08
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Joe Rogan thinks this guy is Albert Einstein the physicist: And this guy is Albert Einstein the comedian: 
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Feb 5, 2022 05:56
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Joe Rogan dies every night, precisely at midnight. As the sun rises, a new Joe Rogan emerges from an ayahuasca filled Axlotl tank.
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Feb 5, 2022 06:06
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Joe Rogan believes that the force of gravity is gravy-based
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Feb 5, 2022 12:24
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Joe Rogan, meat eater, is rolling down the the hill snow ballin gettin bigger
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Feb 5, 2022 12:27
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Joe Rogan is a character created as a collaboration between comedian and actor Phil Hartman and the God Fearing Patriots at Bulletproof Coffee.
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Feb 5, 2022 12:40
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Joe Rogan is the fart jar lady's best and only customer.
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Feb 5, 2022 12:45
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Joe Rogan started his acting career as Eugene Levy's stunt double.
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Feb 5, 2022 13:56
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The members of “Jackass” had Joe Rogan on for a few stunts but quickly realized it wasn’t that funny when Rogan’s diminished mental capacity meant he couldn’t feel pain. After watching Rogan eat his way through a hornet’s nest without realizing he was being stung thousands of times, the producers ordered the recordings destroyed.
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Feb 5, 2022 14:20
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I bumped into J-ro and he seemed upset by the system the library uses to organise its books, I tried to explain but kept on getting interrupted by Joe asking increasingly personal questions about words, I gave up when he said "I dont beleive the librarians wrote all of those books, I bet some of them are just full of blank pages"
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Feb 5, 2022 17:29
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Haha. J Ro
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Feb 5, 2022 18:14
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Fun fact: Joseph stares at photos of his own dick for at least 1 hour every morning to recharge his Bro Power.
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Feb 5, 2022 18:16
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J Ro is lower than J Lo
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Feb 5, 2022 18:21
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Schmo Trogan has a boom box in his bathroom with only one cassette tape in it that is a looped recording of taps. He stands up after every poop and plays the boom box before every flush with tears streaming from his eyes as he salutes his turds, as they go to their watery grave
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Feb 5, 2022 18:38
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Ja Rule should have been the host of Fear Factor.
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Feb 5, 2022 18:41
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Catastrophe posted:Fun fact: Joseph stares at photos of his own dick for at least 1 hour every morning to recharge his Bro Power. It's to recharge his J.O. Crystal actually 
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Feb 5, 2022 20:01
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Joe Rogan believes Africa is basically the "Planet of The Apes" https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/digital/india-arie-joe-rogan-n-word-spotify-battle-1235087663/ It's pretty sad that this isn't even a made up fact
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Feb 5, 2022 20:26
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Joe Rogan calls his personal buttplug closet the "Planet of the Gapes"
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Feb 5, 2022 22:05
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLwVvtL4mTI I dunno man, pronounce more "T"'s is the only argument I have with you. [E:]LolWHut staberind fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Feb 6, 2022 |
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Feb 6, 2022 05:25
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Joe Rogan dumb as hell And short
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Feb 6, 2022 05:26
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| # ? May 26, 2024 10:05 |
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My bologna has a first name. It's J O E Ro Gan.
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Feb 6, 2022 05:33
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