/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Hire a police themed stripper

# ? Jun 21, 2017 20:56

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# ? May 30, 2024 09:39

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My boyfriend [16/18/21 M] lied to me [26 F] about his age again

quote:

Before I start: This entire situation is so messy it felt nice to write it off me. Sorry if my text seems jumbled; I didn't take my ADHD medication which makes it harder for me to focus.

My boyfriend and I met online while we were gaming back in 2015. We talked a lot and played together every day. I never asked his age because we were only gaming friends.
At one point we started to game a lot together so I was hoping to build a close friendship with him since we seemed to have a lot of things in common (mind you that I have met many of my friends online (I would call myself catfish-proof)).

I figured to ask his age because I was a bit older than most people who I've met gaming (most of my gaming friends were like 16-23 years old, with the median being 17) and I didn't wanted to start developing feelings for a kid cause that's just weird.

He told me he was 21 (I was 24) and I was so relieved because that meant we were more or less in the same stage of our lives. I might have been older but I have been struggling with anxiety and depression problems for a few years now, which kind of set me back. I don't really connect well with people my age because they seem a bit further ahead in life. I also have ADHD which, personality-wise, makes me appear younger, on top of the fact that I look 17 years old in real life and most people my age don't even look my way (hence why I mainly have online friends).

Four months after he told me he was 21, and we got really close as friends and I started developing feelings for him, he came clean and told me he was actually 17. I was absolutely shocked. He was really mature for his age and I also couldn't believe he lied to me all this time. But I felt I was too far into it now. I was head over heels with him and he said he lied because he was scared I would judge him, not take him serious, and never talk to him again because of his age.

I never in my life liked someone so much. My last relationship (3 years) was with a guy who was 8 years older than me but he was never as understanding, calm, and lovely as this guy was now.

We have so many things in common and are always open and honest with each other (especially after the age debacle; he did some serious damage control which made me trust him again). We try to improve one another and I have never had that in a relationship before. When he was close to getting 18 we decided to make our relationship official and I traveled to him twice to meet up with him after he became 18 (we are in a long-distance relationship). Everything was even more perfect in real life and we had so much chemistry it was insane. All in all, it seemed too good to be true.

And well.. so it seems to be. He told me today, after being officially together for almost a year, that he is actually 16(!!!) years old and will turn 17 this year. I obviously told him immediately that we had to break up because this is ridiculous. I feel betrayed and hurt now (because he lied again and could've gotten us in serious trouble) and I don't know what to do. I have weird mixed emotions where I am still in love with him but I also feel disgusted because he is literally a kid. My brain is also confused because, as I said before, he seemed way more mature for his age and we hit it off so well. I feel so stupid for not asking his ID and yeah... I just don't know how to deal with this. I was making future plans for us and thought I finally met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I feel so stupid now. He also helped me a lot with my anxiety and depression problems; more than anyone else ever has in my life.

I still care so much about him, and I am obviously not going to continue with him because of the age gap and he is so young how can he ever commit in a serious relationship? I also want him to enjoy his youth, I would never want to take that away from him.

Anyways, I just want your opinion on this entire situation and how do I deal with it? I still want him in my life because I value our friendship and I care so much about him but is that a smart move?

TL;DR my (now ex-)boyfriend told me he was 21 when we met, then told me he was 18, and now after almost a year of being together he tells me he is 16. I am 26 (I do feel/act/look younger due to personal problems holding me back in life - but I would NEVER knowingly pursue a relationship with a person under the age of 18). How do I cope? And can I stay friends with him because I genuinely care about him.

Be as honest as you want. If you think I sound like an ignorant b*tch, please tell me, I need the reality check.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:00

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Haifisch posted:

Is it possible for me (21F) to ask my very religious roommate (18F) for time alone with my boyfriend (21M)?

My (21F) boyfriend's (21M) roommate (20M) tampered with our condoms

Neither of these problems would be problems if they didn't go to a "religious school" holy poo poo people stop letting crusty old farts control your sex life

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:04

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [29f] girlfriend is deathly afraid of the police and pee'd her pants when they walked by yesterday

I want to say fake, but this is so bizarrely specific that I'm almost convinced it's real.

Maybe she had a negative experience?

I knew someone who was an ACLU legal observer for a protest. (Basically, someone who isn't protesting, but documents any illegal activity they see, including police misconduct)

She got arrested* , and apparently was treated very badly. Not going to go into detail but let's just say it got weird in the vans.

*(Because why not stop at gassing and beating peaceful protesters, why not arrest the ACLU's representative? I'm sure hundreds of lawyers with justice boners won't descend on you :rolleyes:

)

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:06

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Yawgmoth posted:

Neither of these problems would be problems if they didn't go to a "religious school" holy poo poo people stop letting crusty old farts control your sex life

Somewhat NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:08

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Academician Nomad posted:

Driving is also horrendously dangerous, our stupid human brains just normalize it because we do it all the time. Truck driver is one of the most dangerous professions in America just because they drive so much, and they have huge big-rigs to protect them.

Dienes posted:

To be fair, being a truck driver would be much safer if any of them actually followed their safety regulations.

Don't forget American police, whose job on a national whole is dangerous mostly due to driving all day. Despite what you see on TV, a lot of cops will never discharge their firearm on duty or even be physically threatened beyond an angry housewife or belligerent drunk their entire careers. Driving accounts for most of their injuries and deaths. This will vary by department, local demographics and region of course, but cars and heart disease are still gonna be your copkillers.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:21

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Dienes posted:

To be fair, being a truck driver would be much safer if any of them actually followed their safety regulations.

An oversimplification of the situation, since it's break the regulations or be fired. Electronic log books are slowly helping the situation since they're harder to forge, so management is finally losing their grip.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:29

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

ArbitraryC posted:

Is loitering in parking lots pumping your sick bass something people actually do irl and not in movies?

I can confirm this for Missouri all over. Car clubs pick a random parking lot to meet at, sit around for a couple hours rattling the trunks of their money pits with sick bass. They then go speed dangerously around town or whatever once everybody shows up.

Usually there's at least 3-4 guys in shorts, t-shirts and flip flops riding crotch rockets too powerful for their skill and experience, complete with a woman wearing almost nothing riding bitch. Some people must love skin grafts. At least they usually have helmets.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:30

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

cycling is only dangerous because people in cars, who you'll have to share the road with, are incredibly insane and in vehicles much faster and more massive than you and will probably crush your legs when they swerve into you for no real reason

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

the bitcoin of weed posted:

cycling is only dangerous because people in cars, who you'll have to share the road with, are incredibly insane and in vehicles much faster and more massive than you and will probably crush your legs when they swerve into you for no real reason

It is a very real problem, as is bicyclists not following traffic rules such as not making left turns on red or not weaving through traffic. The solution, of course, would be to separate bicyclists from cars, probably beyond just even "a bike lane" like how in some countries barriers, barricades, or parked vehicles separate cars and bicyclists.

But this is America so bike only if you have nothing to lose.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:37

Spadoink: Oct 10, 2005; Tea, earl grey, hot.; College Slice

maskenfreiheit posted:

Maybe she had a negative experience?

My thought too, such a severe reaction and avoidance of certain situations she deems fearful hint at possible sexual assault by a cop.

the bitcoin of weed posted:

cycling is only dangerous because people in cars, who you'll have to share the road with, are incredibly insane and in vehicles much faster and more massive than you and will probably crush your legs when they swerve into you for no real reason

I don't cycle but yeah, as long as you are following the rules of the road on your bike your main issue is drivers, not cycling itself. Like another poster I live in Toronto and holy hell are cars terrible for driving into bike lanes without looking, dooring cyclists, not giving them the mandated 1 metre of space (https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/10/18/cyclist-says-his-pool-noodle-makes-toronto-streets-safer-for-him.html) and going bananas on cyclists for being on the roads to begin with.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:42

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Is there a place that archives these posts before they get deleted? The horrible mistake marriage post is gone and I can only find that snippet that was quoted here

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:46

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Yawgmoth posted:

My (21F) boyfriend's (21M) roommate (20M) tampered with our condoms

I would beat that person so hard we'd both be crying.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 21:54

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Is there a place that archives these posts before they get deleted? The horrible mistake marriage post is gone and I can only find that snippet that was quoted here

This thread

Pvt.Scott posted:

Don't forget American police, whose job on a national whole is dangerous mostly due to driving all day. Despite what you see on TV, a lot of cops will never discharge their firearm on duty or even be physically threatened beyond an angry housewife or belligerent drunk their entire careers. Driving accounts for most of their injuries and deaths. This will vary by department, local demographics and region of course, but cars and heart disease are still gonna be your copkillers.

Cops aren't even in the top 10 most dangerous professions

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:08

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Improbable Lobster posted:

This thread

Ok, can you paste the text for that post from this thread then I guess :confused:

The one for this post:
I (29F) married a guy (32M) I'd known for 4 months. I've made a terrible mistake.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:10

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Improbable Lobster posted:

This thread

Cops aren't even in the top 10 most dangerous professions

It's a pretty safe job, especially compared to the perceived danger.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:24

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Ok, can you paste the text for that post from this thread then I guess

The one for this post:
I (29F) married a guy (32M) I'd known for 4 months. I've made a terrible mistake.

quote:

Because I am obviously very reckless, I made the stupidest decision and the biggest mistake of my life. I married my husband after only 4 months of dating him.

We met through mutual friends and instantly hit it off. I thought he was the perfection that fell from the sky. He was EVERYTHING I wanted in a guy - all characteristics I would ask for.

So, we started dating and he thought the same for me. We spent every day all day together. When we were only 3 months together, he asked me to marry him. At first, I thought he wasn't serious, but it turned out he was.

Before I met him, I had ended a 7-years-long relationship with a guy that always said 'soon' when talking about marriage and the 'soon' never happened.

The first two months of our marriage were magical. I was insanely happy and I thought I met the man of my dreams, my soulmate... I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world.

But then, it was like my feelings started wearing off. It became sad to me.

In the beginning, I LOVED that he was so talkative and that he knew everything about everything (opposite of my ex) and that whatever I'd say, he'd have something meaningful to add. Today, I find it boring. I can't listen to him anymore. All I hear is 'blah blah blah' and it's seriously going on my nerves.

I loved that he would do anything I'd ask for me. Now I find it annoying (where's your self-respect?) I loved that he would make me breakfast every morning but now I am indifferent to it, it is not meaningful for me at all. I loved that he had many friends, now I think all of his friends are some sort of boring man-boys. I loved that he didn't smoke weed (my ex smoked weed 24/7 while I am an occassional smoker), now I find it annoying!

I find myself criticizing him over everything, starting fights, just 'running away' from him to hang with friends. He asked me what was wrong, I said nothing, just some stress. Which is a lie.

I don't even want to have sex with him anymore. I catch myself fantasizing about other guys.

And I almost made him do my chores (we split house chores equally) because I felt like I could... But then realized what a bitch it would make me so I didn't make him do my chores.

I hate feeling like this. It's definitely not his fault. He is a good person and a great guy. He is intelligent and kind-hearted. I just don't love him like a husband should be loved and I feel bad for it.

That is the stupidest decision I've ever made.

But we spent thousands on our wedding. We invited so many people (friends and large extended family from both sides). He cares for me. He is good towards me. I see how he sees me. He is not jealous or possessive or controlling/abusive. Not a cheater, nor a liar. He is the textbook good guy... I guess I'm just not the textbook good girl.

I am such an idiot. Have no idea what to do. We've been married for 6 months. No, I am not a teenager. I guess I am just immature. I admit it.

Tl;dr - married a guy I only dated for 4 months. Then, over some time, I totally fell out of love with him. He is a great guy.

That's the whole OP.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:25

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Avenging_Mikon posted:

That's the whole OP.

Thank you I wanted to enjoy that post in its entirety :hellyeah:

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Like obviously the woman is insanely stupid, but what the gently caress is the dudes damage to also agree to get married after 4 months?

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:37

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

[25 F] My Fiance Does Not Respect My Wishes/Lifestyle

quote:

Hello everyone, I have a bit of a conundrum. My fianc� is a great guy and we agree on most matters. However, he's gotten increasingly mean about my hobby/lifestyle (if that's what it can be called).

BACKGROUND (you can skip this): I'll give some background to try and explain the situation more, if it helps any. We both grew up in stable middle class households. During my junior year I was feeling very lost, depressed and didn't really have much I was passionate about. Weirdly enough, I came across a story about Emily Post and etiquette. I really liked the little rules and information on manners and started following her teachings. I never understood what was going on with me, but what clothes to wear to a wedding versus a party made sense and was easy to comprehend. I've never forced it on anyone else or looked down on other people for not following 'manners' like I do. I just really enjoy living my life like this and from time to time I might sit down with an etiquette book.

PROBLEM (you can skim the first part of this as well): Now to the problem. My fianc� doesn't have much interest in etiquette and I don't blame him. I don't force much on him or rant about how he's classless or something. I think it's polite to hang up your coat and hat, and at the beginning of the relationship my fianc� would. Now he'll walk past the coat hanger and just toss his things on my couch, or just drop them at the door. Every week I like to set up a formal dinner. I'll set the table with the multiple forks and spoons. I make sure not to do too many courses to overwhelm or confuse my fianc�.

I always try to be polite and understanding, as I realize these are things not everyone does. Before if I set up a formal dinner I'd explain through out the meal very quickly how things worked, like I'd say, "oh that's dinner knife because it's the largest one you'll wait until the entree to use it." He was nice about it at first, and he learned quickly. Now he'll use random spoons and forks for things, and I've learned to accept it because if I say anything he'll say I'm being annoying or posh or stupid and that it doesn't matter. Just last week though, I made a three course meal (salad, steak and a tart). Instead of allowing me to bring the items out like you normally do, he took all the food and put it on his plate at once. I told him this made me a bit upset, as I put a lot of time cooking the food from scratch and was hoping to have a nice dinner. He responded by getting up, taking his food and throwing it away saying, "if that's how I was going to be he wouldn't eat any of my food again". This really hurt my feelings and I ended up crying in the bathroom. He apologized in the morning and said he had a stressful day at work before leaving really early.

Tonight he was awful. I have a friend, Mary, who likes doing things like I do. We went to her place tonight and she had set up a lovely five course meal, I explained to her my fianc� isn't too good at table manners beforehand and she said it's not a problem. We began with salad. My fianc� ate the salad with the oyster fork, when I gently pointed out that it's for oysters and not salad even though it's further on the outside he said, "I know I just don't give a drat," really loudly. I smiled and apologized for bothering him. Dinner was very awkward after that, as he refused to talk much and pretty much ignored Mary and her husband. When we left he started yelling I was always badgering him on stupid etiquette and he doesn't need to be told how to eat and that I'm a low class bastard pretending to be some royal person.

TLDR: I'm really into etiquette, my fianc� is not. I've tried to get him to do basic stuff, like know what spoon to use in a multiple course dinner and he's gotten very hostile and mean about it.

What can I do to remedy this problem? Should I just stop pushing him?
EDIT: Fiance is 25 male.'

UPDATE: I will talk to my fiance tonight and discuss stopping the dinners or modifying them to make him more uncomfortable. Due to some comments I realized it wasn't okay for him to insult me or call me names and I will talk to him about that as well. Thank you for the nice people who actually gave advice, instead of insulting me and offering nothing constructive. I won't correct him in public anymore, but I'm not quite sure it's equal to him calling me a bastard, as some people seem to glaze over.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:39

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Barudak posted:

Like obviously the woman is insanely stupid, but what the gently caress is the dudes damage to also agree to get married after 4 months?

He asked her after 3, because chivalry and love isn't dead, everything just loving owns and I love these stories

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:39

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

dudeness posted:

[25 F] My Fiance Does Not Respect My Wishes/Lifestyle

How loving empty inside do you have to be for etiquette to be a hobby?

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:48

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Haifisch posted:

How loving empty inside do you have to be for dinner table etiquette to be a hobby?

Empty enough that you blame your hobby for your Husband being a miserable pile of poo poo.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:50

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

Barudak posted:

Empty enough that you blame your hobby for your Husband being a miserable pile of poo poo.

I mean to be honest that's probably at least part of why.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:54

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

So what do you do for fun?

I try to get assholes to use very specific forks for eating certain types of food.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:55

Barudak: May 7, 2007

chumbler posted:

I mean to be honest that's probably at least part of why.

Oh, 100%, but dont throw dinner away.

Instead, start dressing up like Conan the Barbarian and when she tells you to use a different fork, ravish her.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:57

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Haifisch posted:

How loving empty inside do you have to be for etiquette to be a hobby?

You know at least one of those oyster fork owning shits talks with an affected British accent.

The husband has anger issues, but I'm kind of on his side with this one.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:57

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

My hobby is buying into arbitrary class signifiers.

Though I suppose that's probably all hobbies, really.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:58

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Barudak posted:

Oh, 100%, but dont throw dinner away.

Instead, start dressing up like Conan the Barbarian and when she tells you to use a different fork, ravish her.

Tonight you have come to a world called Gor.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 22:58

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Oh hey, looks like that lady found a new man

https://www.vox.com/2015/9/9/9275611/victorian-era-life

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:01

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

La Brea Carpet posted:

You know at least one of those oyster fork owning shits talks with an affected British accent.

The husband has anger issues, but I'm kind of on his side with this one.

The funny thing is he probably wouldn't mind her 'hobby' if she could bite her tongue when he grabbed the wrong fork. I can't imagine how exhausting it'd be for someone to care that much about which specific utensil I grabbed. I wouldn't be blowing up over it, but drat.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:05

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

We fought a war so that no king could tell me which loving fork to use

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:07

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Yeah my wife got really into period-appropriate hobby of etiquette and at first I thought it was really dumb, but I gotta admit Im really enjoying complimenting her with my period appropriate hobby of spousal abuse.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:07

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Goddammit Reginald Ive told you a hundred times what youre so rudely waving back and forth isnt the Threat Knife

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:09

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

I wonder how the super into etiquette types react to other cultures with different or entirely opposite rules. Do they perfectly conform or secretly (or not so) think their arbitrary rules are superior? Given human history, I assume the latter.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:10

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Barudak posted:

Yeah my wife got really into period-appropriate hobby of etiquette and at first I thought it was really dumb, but I gotta admit Im really enjoying complimenting her with my period appropriate hobby of spousal abuse.

Yes you see my etiquette book has this thing called "the rule of thumb" and don't worry I will stay in accordance

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:10

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

chumbler posted:

I wonder how the super into etiquette types react to other cultures with different or entirely opposite rules. Do they perfectly conform or secretly (or not so) think their arbitrary rules are superior? Given human history, I assume the latter.

Someone should bring OP to an ethiopian restaurant and watch her reaction.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:13

Barudak: May 7, 2007

chumbler posted:

I wonder how the super into etiquette types react to other cultures with different or entirely opposite rules. Do they perfectly conform or secretly (or not so) think their arbitrary rules are superior? Given human history, I assume the latter.

The etiquette types I know dont care, they just want to follow established shibboleths that distinguish them from people who dont know what the rules are. They may have a preferred cultural style, but theyll enjoy any of them.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:15

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

So they'll "when in Rome" it, just that it's important that they're following the appropriate rule set for the context?

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:17

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# ? May 30, 2024 09:39

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

I'm not seeing where he is being abusive or out of line here. She badgered him until he snapped. If he hit her, that would be abusive. Correcting which fork someone uses is a pretty controlling and demeaning thing to do, especially in front of company. The dude is totally in the right.

# ? Jun 21, 2017 23:18

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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