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blarzgh posted:There isn't one, at least not in any decent state. http://www.theonion.com/article/man-knows-unsettling-amount-about-nationwide-age-o-3716
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Jul 3, 2017 15:15
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#creepmom I [F16] am having a "stalking/following" situation with my boyfriend's [M17] mom [F35]. quote:Okay so this all started yesterday but there's no doubt in my mind that this has been going on for a while. My boyfriend (let's call him Tim) and I were on our way to my house for him to drop me off (we both work at the same place). Tim's phone starts ringing half-way to my house and he answers because it's his mom. So they start talking and I can't really hear what she's saying to him but his answers are "taking thnksfrthbndmrch home", "about 10 minutes", "what? chuckles".
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Jul 3, 2017 15:19
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[30M] have not had a proper blowjob in 9 years, no thanks for my [30F] wife.quote:Background: When I was younger I had a lot of sex. I was a good lucking guy and women came to me easy. I had everything I wanted, physically. But there was something in my life missing. I grew tired of the mindless sex and when I finally met a girl I could call my intellectual and spiritual equal, I stopped caring about sex, and we formed a real relationship, and married a year later. That was 8 years ago. Don't know why he needs his wife, he seems quite capable of sucking his own dick.
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Jul 3, 2017 15:34
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maskenfreiheit posted:http://www.theonion.com/article/man-knows-unsettling-amount-about-nationwide-age-o-3716 Its for work, I swear!
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Jul 3, 2017 15:35
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La Brea Carpet posted:[30M] have not had a proper blowjob in 9 years, no thanks for my [30F] wife. Seems kind of old to learn the world doesn't owe him blowjobs. quote:Yes, and she is pretty indifferent. She says she "can't do it" and ever since she tried swallowing that 1 time she says she'll "never" try it again. She's quite stubborn and never yields what she wants -- which is kind of the reason I liked her in the beginning, because I admired her strength and fire, and it has led to quite a successful career, especially for a woman, in a field mostly dominated by alpha men. But it leads to ultimate frustration in the bedroom. Sometimes she even half-jokes that I should "go see a prostitute" but then later says she was "just kidding" and will He should probably "kill" himself. Everything about that paragraph makes me want to punch him in the "face".
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Jul 3, 2017 16:21
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La Brea Carpet posted:[30M] have not had a proper blowjob in 9 years, no thanks for my [30F] wife. Do her and yourself a favor and divorce, then do a favor to the world and jump off a cliff.
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Jul 3, 2017 16:29
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Boohoohoo, my wife will only suck my dick once a month and I've chosen to exclusively consume porn involving blowjobs which make me want them even more
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Jul 3, 2017 17:42
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Once a month is shameful and he is correct on that point despite being an idiot bitch in every other respect
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Jul 3, 2017 17:46
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Don't be a trash person, and if there's one or two sexual acts you ~just can't live without~, you're a huge idiot if you marry someone who's not down for that. Also is he eating her pussy? I bet he's not even eating her pussy. So many of these I feel like the unreliable narrator is leaving out the absolutely parsimonious amount of pussy they are eating.
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Jul 3, 2017 17:47
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Blue Train posted:Once a month is shameful and he is correct on that point despite being an idiot bitch in every other respect a naked woman holding u as u lie, naked, in bed is a pleasure inexhaustible. she tells you she loves u and all u can think of is the tragedy of her death. the love begins to hurt. blowjobs indeed. homosexual donkeys
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Jul 3, 2017 17:48
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Orkin Mang posted:a naked woman holding u as u lie, naked, in bed is a pleasure inexhaustible. she tells you she loves u and all u can think of is the tragedy of her death. the love begins to hurt. blowjobs indeed. homosexual donkeys 
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Jul 3, 2017 17:49
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Pac-Manioc Root posted:Don't be a trash person, and if there's one or two sexual acts you ~just can't live without~, you're a huge idiot if you marry someone who's not down for that. alot of these cowards think cunnalingus (sp?) is gross. they also think that a womans period isnt the best time to make sweet loving love to her. they are wrong on both counts. they are homosexual donkeys in the bedroom. these idiots can barely spell. i would bet my loving HOUSe that these guys have pathetic shaped dicks
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Jul 3, 2017 17:50
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so i posted in a thread with a ridicuously large age gap asking the woman if she is adopted, because if so it might be better if she just bangs her dad instead of involving a string off middlemen and now i'm banned from /r/relationships 
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Jul 3, 2017 17:58
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maskenfreiheit posted:so i posted in a thread with a ridicuously large age gap asking the woman if she is adopted, because if so it might be better if she just bangs her dad instead of involving a string off middlemen and now i'm banned from /r/relationships the only good gap is a thigh gap,and even those are overrated. im a virgin btw
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Jul 3, 2017 17:59
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maskenfreiheit posted:so i posted in a thread with a ridicuously large age gap asking the woman if she is adopted, because if so it might be better if she just bangs her dad instead of involving a string off middlemen and now i'm banned from /r/relationships lmao
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Jul 3, 2017 18:02
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La Brea Carpet posted:[30M] have not had a proper blowjob in 9 years, no thanks for my [30F] wife.
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Jul 3, 2017 18:03
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La Brea Carpet posted:[30M] have not had a proper blowjob in 9 years, no thanks for my [30F] wife. One glaring omission is that he doesn't say something along the lines of "I go down on her, turnabout is fair play". Be the change you want to see in the world.
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Jul 3, 2017 18:06
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maskenfreiheit posted:One glaring omission is that he doesn't say something along the lines of "I go down on her, turnabout is fair play". women sometimes pretend to love facials but none of them do really.its whats called stockholm syndrome. i dont even know why they tolerate cum at all. its loving gay
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Jul 3, 2017 18:07
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I think we're getting some cross talk from a CS server
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Jul 3, 2017 18:13
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maskenfreiheit posted:so i posted in a thread with a ridicuously large age gap asking the woman if she is adopted, because if so it might be better if she just bangs her dad instead of involving a string off middlemen and now i'm banned from /r/relationships worth it
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Jul 3, 2017 18:17
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Lareine posted:Boohoohoo, my wife will only suck my dick once a month and I've chosen to exclusively consume porn involving blowjobs which make me want them even more Your wife will only suck my dick once a month too. 
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Jul 3, 2017 18:19
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I couldn't imagine staying in a long term relationship that was sexually unsatisfying, particularly for a pretty mundane request like oral, dude's not trying to get her into watersports or anything. He is however an insufferable garbage man in his own right and i think he'd be doing her more of a favor to call things off.
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Jul 3, 2017 18:21
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ArbitraryC posted:I couldn't imagine staying in a long term relationship that was sexually unsatisfying, particularly for a pretty mundane request like oral, dude's not trying to get her into watersports or anything. He is however an insufferable garbage man in his own right and i think he'd be doing her more of a favor to call things off. if memory serves u have eight masters degrees in jacques derrida. imagine me saying that in the most accurate and gay way imaginable. in any case, no doubt u detest mr derrida as all stalinists ought. there is no 'oral' in the nuclear wasteland of former england
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Jul 3, 2017 18:22
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I'm always down to go down, but how hard is it to imagine that some people find genitalia in their mouths extremely distasteful (har har)?
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Jul 3, 2017 18:27
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The reddit comments are super funny in that one because so many of the posters seem to think once every other month is more than enough and not something anyone would find disappointing. Those are some sad reflections of their sex life. e: here's another good one from the OP quote:Yes I've cum into my own mouth. I don't mind it. maybe he should try loving dudes ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 18:30 on Jul 3, 2017 |
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Jul 3, 2017 18:27
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maskenfreiheit posted:so i posted in a thread with a ridicuously large age gap asking the woman if she is adopted, because if so it might be better if she just bangs her dad instead of involving a string off middlemen and now i'm banned from /r/relationships lmao
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Jul 3, 2017 18:38
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maskenfreiheit posted:so i posted in a thread with a ridicuously large age gap asking the woman if she is adopted, because if so it might be better if she just bangs her dad instead of involving a string off middlemen and now i'm banned from /r/relationships They can't handle the truth
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Jul 3, 2017 18:51
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Imagine having such an insignificant, pointless life that what you care about most is how many blowjobs your wife gives you per month. 
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Jul 3, 2017 19:23
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Imagine having such an insignificant, pointless life that what you care about most is how many blowjobs your wife gives you per month. his life sux bcuz his wife dont
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Jul 3, 2017 19:35
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Pac-Manioc Root posted:Don't be a trash person, and if there's one or two sexual acts you ~just can't live without~, you're a huge idiot if you marry someone who's not down for that. Lol he has a follow-up on that which makes it even worse somehow quote:Oh, blowjobs are already foreplay. And they usually last about 30 seconds.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:44
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my ultimate evaluation of anything time related is in seconds per year.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:46
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100 seconds X 0 seconds = 0 seconds so I guess he is technically correct.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:47
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Hughlander posted:Lol he has a follow-up on that which makes it even worse somehow So... 30 seconds... times 100... Right, so he goes down on her for 50 minutes a year? Also drat why does it have to be some kind of bartering game, just find things you both enjoy and do them.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:48
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Darling, hang on, I have to update my spreadsheet
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Jul 3, 2017 19:52
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Tater Love 
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Just lol if you can't whip your dick out and have your partner give you a quickie.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:52
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COOL CORN posted:Also drat why does it have to be some kind of bartering game, just find things you both enjoy and do them. You're never going to win at sex with that attitude, sir.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:52
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zakharov posted:Darling, hang on, I have to update my spreadsheet There was an E/N regular whose wife hated him so in addition to a variety of other issues they had a dead bedroom and he literally kept track of how many handjobs he got a year in perhaps the saddest excel sheet known to mankind.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:54
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PSA: once you start using initialisms to describe sex acts, you officially watch too much porn. 'BJ' is an exception as long as you are like 14 or younger I guess.
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Jul 3, 2017 19:56
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zakharov posted:Darling, hang on, I have to update my spreadsheet *ding* Your turn
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Jul 3, 2017 20:06
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HazCat posted:PSA: once you start using initialisms to describe sex acts, you officially watch too much porn. DVDA is just way faster than typing or saying the whole thing.
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Jul 3, 2017 20:46
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