Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Stinky_Pete
Aug 16, 2015

Stinkier than your average bear
Lipstick Apathy
Talk to me again and I'll pound ya!

*grunts* I hate people...

Talk to me again and I'll pound ya!

Kill, kill, kill...

Heh, those mercs don't stand a chance

Talk to me again and I'll pound ya!

Stinky_Pete fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Oct 4, 2016

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!
[▯▯ ▯▯]: ▯▯▯▯▯...

Paladinus fucked around with this message at 00:14 on Oct 5, 2016

Dely Apple
Apr 22, 2006

Sing me Spanish Techno


*stands in one place for over 10 seconds*

WOOOOW THIS IS BORING

...

WOW, THIS IS BORIIIINGG

...

WOOOW

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
I'm the token unpleasant guy that isn't a physically fit model like everyone else. Possible corrolation between that and why I'm so grouchy!

Enophos
Feb 29, 2008
>Name

Name's Farmer!

>Job

I'm a farmer!

>Farmer

Aye, I work the land!

>Bye

Enophos fucked around with this message at 08:36 on Oct 4, 2016

Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem
code:
Yep, Papahl got 
lost, just like 
he said!  Now, I
am so famished I
can't move!  Can
you give me some
vittles?        
    Yes  Nope

You're one cold 
hombre...

This æ is so    
delicious!  I'm 
going to eat the
æ right now!    
 Bon Appetit!

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
*I was killed by an unseen attacker and my dead body was dragged into an air vent where apparently no one found me. Ever.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
This big blonde Earthling with an even bigger ego won't stop killing me. Sure he shot me out of the sky and I can revive myself, but he won't stop kicking me in the balls as I get up.

Son of a bitch even did it while I was taking a poo poo.

Sax Battler
Jul 31, 2007

Another bloody customs post,
Another fucking foreign coast,
Another set of scars to boast,
We Are The Road Crew.

I hosed a she-elf once.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
These loving heroes never hold the door open as they tromp off to god knows where. Next time they are behind me, I'm gonna jam the door stuck for a few seconds :smug:

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY
Me an me usband Yargvild put up "restricted area" signs, but somebody kept stealing 'em. Now I'm afraid perfectly honest folk have been walking off with our cheese wheels.

Teikanmi
Dec 16, 2006

by R. Guyovich
*Standing in market square, head turning to follow you* "Hello."

Teikanmi
Dec 16, 2006

by R. Guyovich
Two randomly generated GTA 4 NPCs walking down the street pass by one another, suddenly stopping, and locking onto each other for a moment.

GTV 4 NPC 1: "Man, it's ALL THAT!"
...
GTA 4 NPC 2: "I can't believe whatchu sayin'!"
...
GTA 4 NPC 1: "Alright then."

Both linger for several seconds, idling, and then turn and walk the opposite direction they were originally going. NPC 1's hot dog has vanished during this exchange.

Quote-Unquote
Oct 22, 2002



We're here to safe the earth from the alien threat
The navy launches ships, the air force sends their jets
But nothing can withstand our affixed bayonets
THE EDF DEPLOYS

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY
Hi! I'm mister one-off! I'm here to guide you through the mandatory tutorial! Well, it looks like you already have a weapon - let's see if you know how to use it!

*pc tries to jump over fence that surrounds zone*

Come on over here and let's get started!

Come on over here and let's get started!

Come on over here and let's get started!

Come on over here and let's get started!

MeatwadIsGod
Sep 30, 2004

Foretold by Gyromancy

Quote-Unquote posted:

We're here to safe the earth from the alien threat
The navy launches ships, the air force sends their jets
But nothing can withstand our affixed bayonets
THE EDF DEPLOYS

*Wanders thoughtlessly into the line of fire of your plasma gun, killing you instantly*

"Why did you get married?"

sout
Apr 24, 2014

take it slow now, it ain't a race

*head rotates slowly throughout entire conversation*

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007

Buglord
Don't let him get away!

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007

Buglord
My mother's my sister!

Leroy Dennui
Aug 9, 2014

Gina McCarthy made us gay,
but we would not have met
had Biden not dropped his cones
:gaysper::frogbon:

Malcolm Excellent posted:

My mother's my sister!

There was a game adaptation of Chinatown?

Lladre
Jun 28, 2011


Soiled Meat
I used to be a PC, till I took an arrer to the knee.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY
My name is Gato, I do heroin in the hedgerow behind me after the carnival closes. It's because my dad was Gato and his dad was Gato and we're a bunch of gypsies trying to navigate this confusing world which is pretty depressing, all told. So come play the loving Gato game, rubes. Get some loving monopoly money.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
Ha! You have been robbed hero! Robbed by me, Ignacio, the greatest pickpocket in the west!

Now that I have stolen your money and inexplicably declared this to you and your party of armed adventurers, I will slowly exit the area at a casual walking pace. Whether you immediately snare and murder or me is up the "essential" tag.

Teikanmi
Dec 16, 2006

by R. Guyovich

Malcolm Excellent posted:

My mother's my sister!

In the Navy

Tomato Burger
Jun 18, 2007
The secret is granola.

phasmid posted:

My name is Gato, I do heroin in the hedgerow behind me after the carnival closes. It's because my dad was Gato and his dad was Gato and we're a bunch of gypsies trying to navigate this confusing world which is pretty depressing, all told. So come play the loving Gato game, rubes. Get some loving monopoly money.

My name is Gato, I smoke metal joints?

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Tomato Burger posted:

My name is Gato, I smoke metal joints?
Now look you've gone and made him cry. He's sensitive, dude. He's like a robotic Artie Lange.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench
Stay a while, and listen!

naem
May 29, 2011

Dragon attacks village, fire attack accidentally aggros the indestructible chicken which goes on the offense BAWK BAWK BAWKK BAAAWWK flapping away for one HP damage until the dragon dies three days later.

The dragon's bones catch and shudder across the village huts until physics slide it down the valley, where dozens of elk and sabercats and rabbits and salmon have spawned uphill, all funneled through the valley by gravity and bad programming, feasting themselves on the corpse, the only food source available

Indestructible children watch numbly as their parents respawn just in time for a new player character who just missed the weekly ritual

HELLO AND WELCOME TO [SHOP]

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry

naem posted:

Dragon attacks village, fire attack accidentally aggros the indestructible chicken which goes on the offense BAWK BAWK BAWKK BAAAWWK flapping away for one HP damage until the dragon dies three days later.

The dragon's bones catch and shudder across the village huts until physics slide it down the valley, where dozens of elk and sabercats and rabbits and salmon have spawned uphill, all funneled through the valley by gravity and bad programming, feasting themselves on the corpse, the only food source available

Indestructible children watch numbly as their parents respawn just in time for a new player character who just missed the weekly ritual

HELLO AND WELCOME TO [SHOP]

I'm the random nooby thief that stabs a vegetable cart merchant to death in a big city brawl from my failed theft.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
I'm the guard that just summarily executes a cat-man in the street for illegally swiping a leek off of a market stall.

naem
May 29, 2011

Wicker Man posted:

I'm the random nooby thief that stabs a vegetable cart merchant to death in a big city brawl from my failed theft.

We sure are having a problem with [THEIF] in this town! If only someone would investigate all this [THEIF]

If you are looking for work, perhaps visit our local [THIEVES GUILD] which is a large prominent building we all apparently know about

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
*a stranger lurks next to me*
*the stranger takes my armor and my sword and dons himself with my items*

*doesn't notice anything*

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT
Gravy Boat 2k
*please go through annoying menu that you're forced to scroll through to get to obvious option*

*has same face as guy in most towns*

*apparently the mother/father get around*

Pitdragon
Jan 20, 2004
Just another lurker

Zzulu posted:

*a stranger lurks next to me*
*the stranger takes my armor and my sword and dons himself with my items*

*doesn't notice anything*

*is stripped down to underwear*
*hears a noise in the distance*
"What was that?"
*investigates, unarmed and in underwear, finding nothing*
"Must have been the wind."
*returns to previous position*

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
Man guarding this gate really boring, I'm gonna go have a smoke. No way I'm gonna do it right here though, sergeant will have my rear end if he sees me smoking at my post!

*walks around corner, smokes a cigarette for about 15 seconds*

Alright enough of that, gonna save some of this cig for my next smoke break in 30 seconds.

naem
May 29, 2011

(Dragon to indestructible chicken)

My brother why must we fight? Hatch we not both from egg??

(Chicken)

For you attack these lesser beings, these HU-MAN, who are in my care

(Dragon)

I must thus little cousin for its in in my programming

(Chicken, puffing)

As is this mine brother, let us BAWK dance the most BA-BAWK ancient dance once more...

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
The man trying to sneak into our base is an unstoppable mutant or an alien. There is no other explanation. I should be filled with primordial fear from this revelation but I am not.

We've shot him around a hundred times, but he lives. Every time he pops from behind the rock we light him up. He gets hit. I see the blood spatter and hear his grunts. But he spends just long enough to shoot one of us and then drop back down behind this tiny rock that I can scarcely believe covers his body. Then a few moments seconds later he comes up again. This process has repeated no less than ten times, and is still going on. Each time he is hit, and more blood splatters. The concrete behind him is soaked in what must be many gallons of blood. I can only imagine that underneath his camo he has strapped blood packs to his body from head to toe. This is an unbelievable amount of blood. He has taken no fewer than 85 bullet wounds, including several to the head, and he is unarmored. He cannot be human.

Each time he gets one of us. Our demise is certain. It is matter of time, nothing else. No force can stop this immortal being. But like Sisyphus and the rock I will excitedly shout "THERE HE IS" the next time he pops up, and fire my weapon as if it could be capable of damaging this monster. He is the unstoppable force. I will greet death smiling. There are only four of us left now.

Jenna, I love you.

Meme Poker Party fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Oct 4, 2016

Tomato Burger
Jun 18, 2007
The secret is granola.
*helps Mega Man from the sidelines, but can't come up with anything more creative than "ITEM-2" or a dog with a springboard on it*

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Punished Chuck
Dec 27, 2010

Wicker Man posted:

I'm the random nooby thief that stabs a vegetable cart merchant to death in a big city brawl from my failed theft.

I'm the random nobody NPC that jumps into the fight for no reason.

  • Locked thread