/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Female to male transmission through vaginal (PIV!) sex isn't extremely likely so she's probably safe, and it sounds like he didn't wait long enough to even get properly tested before going apeshit. She should definitely :sever:

with pruning shears in either case.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 17:56

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# ? May 28, 2024 21:22

The_end: May 17, 2014

Haifisch posted:

?

I was in a car accident and the cop who helped (20/30sM) came to the hospital to visit me (29F).

This is a red flag. The cop wants to bone down.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:02

blackmet: Aug 5, 2006; I believe there is a universal Truth to the process of doing things right (Not that I have any idea what that actually means).

fruit on the bottom posted:

[AUST] Employee is accusing me of discrimination.

Is constructive dismissal a thing in Aussie law?

I have no idea, but it's a pretty breathtakingly awful thing to do. Like, I kind of want to forward it to Ask a Manager and see what happens.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:02

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

My (24 M) wife (29 W) made a disturbing comment about weed that bothers me.Relationships

quote:

My wife and i are happy newlyweds of 2 months with a 10 month-old son. Up to this point in our relationship, she has been everything i have ever dreamed about : beautiful, smart, funny and we have an amazing and extremely active sex life. My total dream come true!
The other day, we were talking about smoking weed. Personally, i do not like weed at all but have no issues with people who enjoy it, as long as its not around me in closed quarters and not all the time. My wife occasionally likes to smoke, especially when shes feeling anxious or stressed, which i have no issue with because she respects me enough to do it outside and i love her enough to want her to feel better. This day we were talking about it while she was high and she said "you know, youre the only man I've ever felt comfortable enough to smoke around. The only other man ive ever smoked around i ended up F***ing. I dont smoke around other guys because i get so horny that i dont know what would happen!"
For a minute, we both went quiet. I could kind of tell she had just said something that she immediately regretted, so i gave her the chance to explain by asking "you mean before when you were single, right?"
She replied with "definitely before when i was single, because I've never trusted any other guys to not take advantage of me, especially since i get super touchy-feely and have a hard time controlling myself. I def wouldnt do it now that im with you because i dont know what would happen. But i wouldnt ever hang out with any other guys either so you dont have to worry about it anyway."
That latter is true, her and i have the type of relationship where we do everything together. We never spend time with our friends really alone and we are both perfectly happy that way. We love spending all of our time together. Still, this comment rubbed me the wrong way. So i replied "so youre telling me that if i wasnt around and there happened to be a guy around, youre a hit away from cheating on me? Like if youre at work and theres a cute guy, all youd need is some weed and a place and youd cheat on me?"
She said "no, i didnt say that. Im saying that idk what would happen, so im never gonna put myself in that situation because i love you. And im never alone with any men anyway. I just have a hard time controlling my sexual appetite when i smoke." So i said "ive smoked before and gotten really high. Ive also drank before and gotten really drunk. However, ive NEVER felt the urge to sleep with someone when under the influence, especially not when i was in a relationship. And i am a firm believer that a 'drunk man's actions are a sober man's thoughts', which is a saying you use frequently (and she does). So if we follow your own logic, youre thinking about f***ing other guys youre around all the time, and youre just a situation away from cheating on me."
She again repeated that thats not what she was saying, that she has no idea what would happen and that she will never put herself in that situation and told me i was being stupid and asked to drop it. So i did, but it still very much bothers me.
And before anyone notes this, yes i know the purpose of her original comment was to let me know just how much she trusts me. It was supposed to be cute. However, i couldnt just let the other half of that comment go, especially when she doubled-down on her comment afterwards.
So heres my question: should this be bothering me? Should i just be thankful and happy that she trusts me so much and that shes swearing to never put herself in a bad situation because she loves me? Or should i be bothered that my wife is possibly just a situation away from cheating on me? That it could possibly be THAT easy for her?
tl;dr: My wife made a comment about how she doesnt smoke weed around other guys because she gets "so horny" and "doesnt know what might happen". Should i be bothered by this?

Essentially: my wife gets super horny if she smokes weed so she makes sure not to put herself in a situation where this could lead her to cheat, and THIS UPSETS ME FOR REASONS

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:04

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Intruder posted:

My (24 M) wife (29 W) made a disturbing comment about weed that bothers me.Relationships

Essentially: my wife gets super horny if she smokes weed so she makes sure not to put herself in a situation where this could lead her to cheat, and THIS UPSETS ME FOR REASONS

Masculinity_so_fragile.txt

If people want to cheat on you, they will find a way to cheat on you. Either trust your partner or don't, and if you don't trust them, don't date them.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:06

Barudak: May 7, 2007

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My boyfriend of 4 years [22M] just told me [21F] that he slept with his HIV+ coworker. He says he wants to marry me. I feel so lost.

Congrats lady, youve done what Ive thought impossible and are so pathetic I am instinctually repulsed by you.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:07

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

fruit on the bottom posted:

[AUST] Employee is accusing me of discrimination.

Is constructive dismissal a thing in Aussie law?

I'm pretty sure, our labour laws are pretty decent despite the best efforts of conservatives, for the most part. (work for the dole needs to die in a bushfire)

Employer is outright admitting to it, and hopefully hosed, especially if the courts find that confession of a post.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:07

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

blackmet posted:

I have no idea, but it's a pretty breathtakingly awful thing to do. Like, I kind of want to forward it to Ask a Manager and see what happens.

Yeah and it's obvious he is messaging some details to look better.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:08

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Intruder posted:

My (24 M) wife (29 W) made a disturbing comment about weed that bothers me.Relationships

Essentially: my wife gets super horny if she smokes weed so she makes sure not to put herself in a situation where this could lead her to cheat, and THIS UPSETS ME FOR REASONS

Lock the doors, wait till the weekend so the postman isn't going to come around, for god's sake don't order a pizza, and get this woman high enough to do all the permissive sex stuff you don't usually get to enjoy, you idiot. You buffoon. You absolute dullard.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:09

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Intruder posted:

Should i just be thankful and happy that she trusts me so much and that shes swearing to never put herself in a bad situation because she loves me?

Yes you loving retard

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:15

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Clark Nova posted:

Female to male transmission through vaginal (PIV!) sex isn't extremely likely so she's probably safe, and it sounds like he didn't wait long enough to even get properly tested before going apeshit. She should definitely with pruning shears in either case.

guy found a new and breathtakingly retarded spin on the ol' nutty girlfriend poking holes in the condoms

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:16

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Lock the doors, wait till the weekend so the postman isn't going to come around, for god's sake don't order a pizza, and get this woman high enough to do all the permissive sex stuff you don't usually get to enjoy, you idiot. You buffoon. You absolute dullard.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:16

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Lock the doors, wait till the weekend so the postman isn't going to come around, for god's sake don't order a pizza, and get this woman high enough to do all the permissive sex stuff you don't usually get to enjoy, you idiot. You buffoon. You absolute dullard.

Yea, actually, this is the correct answer.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:18

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Lol her description of weed horniness sounds like it was written by a Hearst rag

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:20

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Don't manipulate your wife into sex.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:22

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

'Help, dear, whenever I smoke the devil's plant I become fixated on jazz, dancing, and my insatiable desire to gently caress'

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:23

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

CharlestheHammer posted:

Don't manipulate your wife into sex.

I am super into affirmative consent, so real-talk yeah the guy should be like "Well, I might like to see that side of you you know, for me" and get some jazz cabbage rather than like, slipping weed into her drink or whatever.

"I took your advice Pac Manioc Root and everything was going real good and sexy, until a pair of Mormons knocked on the door and she pounced like a lioness..."

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:24

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

'Help, dear, whenever I smoke the devil's plant I become fixated on jazz, dancing, and my insatiable desire to gently caress'

a bunch of redditors are buying it and scolding the OP & each other for reefer madnesshaming

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:24

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

'Help, dear, whenever I smoke the devil's plant I become fixated on jazz, dancing, and my insatiable desire to gently caress'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VruJdM-CaeM&t=1616s

It's all about the grace notes.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:25

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

Intruder posted:

My (24 M) wife (29 W) made a disturbing comment about weed that bothers me.Relationships

Essentially: my wife gets super horny if she smokes weed so she makes sure not to put herself in a situation where this could lead her to cheat, and THIS UPSETS ME FOR REASONS

why wouldnt your immediate response not be, "lets smoke up"

she gave him an easy way to start having fun AND sex and he's gonna blubber over mystery maybe past people???

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:25

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Oh no honey, what will i ever do with all this weed now that the kids have been sent away to their grandparents house for the weekend and this 75 gallon drum of lube has been mistakenly drop shipped to our house???

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:25

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

CharlestheHammer posted:

Don't manipulate your wife into sex.

On a scale of "signed and initialed in triplicate" to "all PIV sex is rape", where does "wanna smoke weed and gently caress" rank?

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:26

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

CharlestheHammer posted:

Don't manipulate your wife into sex.

It's better than manipulating her into cheating on him, which is what he is doing.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:26

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

i just noticed the ages

that poor woman needs to let that kid alone

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:27

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

a sobering cautionary tale to remind you that people who don't smoke are gonna be buzzkills in more ways than one

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:31

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

a sobering cautionary tale to remind you that people who don't smoke are gonna be buzzkills in more ways than one

Imagine waking up to discover your husband is a hysterically straight edge dullard idiot man-child child.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:51

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Inescapable Duck posted:

I'm pretty sure, our labour laws are pretty decent despite the best efforts of conservatives, for the most part. (work for the dole needs to die in a bushfire)

Employer is outright admitting to it, and hopefully hosed, especially if the courts find that confession of a post.

All that poor girl needs to do is contact the press and that entire dental surgery is right hosed.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:53

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

ranbo das posted:

I had an actual good HOA for our condo. It lasted maybe two years until some old people decided to move to an upper unit and have a stairlift put in for them. The fire marshal said it was illegal so they were offered a ground unit.

They decided to instead sue the HOA for discrimination and also sue everyone on the HOA board individually as well. The old people offered to withdraw the suits if they got paid twice the value they paid for their unit.

Surprise surprise no one wants to be on the HOA anymore.

From a few pages ago but tbh I'm surprised the HoA's insurance didn't sharpen the knives and send their legal team out rather than pay out that liability claim.

e: Or wait did it go to court because no one took their dumb offer?

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:54

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found that he no longer wanted to drink or do weed nor did he want to associate with those who did. No sir, not one bit.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:54

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

His family still waits for him to die, but this time they're the sympathetic ones.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:55

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

fruit on the bottom posted:

[AUST] Employee is accusing me of discrimination.

Is constructive dismissal a thing in Aussie law?

Does this guy think he comes off at all sympathetic? It's astounding.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:59

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Mods please change my name to Jazz Cabbage Harlot

She phrased "weed makes me horny" in the most ridiculous over the top way then he reacted with absurd over the top kneejerk jealousy so I don't really have much sympathy for either of them

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:01

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Lol her description of weed horniness sounds like it was written by a Hearst rag

i can attest firsthand that weed makes some people horny and it's a fine, fine thing

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:02

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Weed can make you horny but it has always kind of annoyed me when people get all "lol I'm SO HORNY when I'm high lol!"

He's also reading way way way too much into it though of course and probably should have segued into sex instead of an argument.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:06

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

COMRADES posted:

He's also reading way way way too much into it though of course and probably should have segued into sex instead of an argument.

really if you can do this it's rarely a bad call. if it's an important argument to hash out you can have it after

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:07

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

why not both? Oxford style, 3 minutes each position

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:09

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

I (27F) think mg bf (25M) has been behaving inappropriately and doesn't seem to be committing to me after 5 years. Am I overreacting, as everyone else seems to think this is fine?

quote:

I'd like to keep this brief, apologies if I ramble but I can't get my head around this and would like some advice on how to handle the situation/gather my thoughts on if I am overreacting? (My bf and I have been together for 5 years by the way).
My (27F) bf (25M) went on a bachelor weekend to Vegas a few months ago. I didn't really want him to go due to the reputation and the fact that he couldn't afford it (we're saving to move in together). Anyway, his parents paid for him to go and I couldn't tell him that he couldn't go because that's not in my nature. Before he left we had a conversation about what was ok and what was not and while he was away I used that time to see my own friends.
He kept in contact while he was away, he was a little bit ill so he said he wasn't drinking. I felt bad for him but I have to admit I felt a bit relieved as my bf tends to act out when he's drunk. I know everyone gets silly when drunk but he takes it to another level.
When he got home he said that he actually did drink on some nights, I said that's fine obviously at a bachelor party he's going to drink. Anyway, weeks go by and i start to find out more, that actually the guys were in their hotel room getting naked together and recording it... I felt weirded out by it but just brushed it off... boys will be boys right?
Last week was the wedding and all the boys from the bachelor weekend were there talking about Vegas. It turns out that the guys didn't just get naked, they performed mild sexual acts on each other. I didn't cause a scene in front of people, I just kept my cool (the other girlfriends didn't even seem bothered, so why should I?)
At the wedding my bf got wasted and was flirting with the waitresses and bridesmaids fake proposing to them, getting selfies with them, saying he would get their names tattooed on him etc. I feel really pissed off but everyone else seemed to find it hilarious, so I just laughed along not wanting to ruin the wedding. I got drunk too, but thought I should probably stop drinking alcohol just in case I drunkenly exploded in rage so I switched to Orange juice and pretended it had vodka in so I didn't seem like a killjoy...
Throughout the wedding though several people said to me, "I can't believe u put up with your bf" in a jokey way. I just laughed it off, still not wanting to cause a scene. My bf then started taking photos with people with his pants down, no underwear. After hearing about the boys getting naked together in Vegas and my bf doing this repeatedly at parties I pretty much begged him before this wedding not to expose himself, I feel like it's too easy for someone to drunkenly start touching my bf up or something, plus it's totally inappropriate.
The next day everyone is laughing and joking over how hilarious my bf is. I felt uncomfortable I didn't want to join in with drinking anymore coz I didn't want to drunkenly lash out at anyone. Although it was then obvious that I was pissed off, people kept joking that my bf would have to make it up to me.
I feel pretty upset right now, but due to everyone's reaction I don't know if I'm overreacting. I feel like my bf cheated on me in Vegas. He's been staying at my parents place with me while we save for our own place but I've asked him to pack his stuff and temporarily stay at his parents while I figure this out.
My bf has been saying for the last 3 years that we'll move in together and it still hasn't happened, something else always comes up that we have to pay for, like an expensive holiday etc. I just want to be settled down with my bf and thinking about getting married and having kids of our own. He knows all of this and just says, we'll save and it'll happen eventually.
I even asked my bf if I had done any of the things that he's done would he stay with me or break up. He said he would definitely break up with me. He therefore knows it's wrong but still does it and thinks an apology will make it better? I'm lost for words. He says the Vegas stuff wasn't cheating because it happened with guys and not girls.
Tl:dr was my bf behaving inappropriately? Is what my bf did in Vegas cheating on me? Do I need to lighten up? I feel like everyone thought it was hilarious yet if it was their bf flirting with the waitresses and getting their penis out it wouldn't be very funny anymore. I love my bf so much that this is so painful for me.

Seems like marriage material to me

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:28

Draxion: Jun 9, 2013

Congratulations to the new Mrs. Sandler.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:32

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

There should be a rule on that subreddit that "this person is a monstrous boorish imbecile but I looooove him/her and can't picture life without him/her" must be accompanied by 3 bullet point traits you admire or love, and a brief, thoughtful essay on how you picture a life where they are not present in and what specifically you would miss.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:32

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# ? May 28, 2024 21:22

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Well if you like it you better put a ring on it, but maybe dont spend so much on the ring.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:35

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