- Panfilo
- Aug 27, 2011
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EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
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Good call! Isn't it hypocritical for a disabled woman to make a big stink about her daughter dating a disabled guy though?
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Oct 3, 2017 20:17
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 28, 2024 05:57
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- TheScott2K
- Oct 26, 2003
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I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.
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Good call! Isn't it hypocritical for a disabled woman to make a big stink about her daughter dating a disabled guy though?
Hypocrisy doesn't matter.
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Oct 3, 2017 20:18
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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My racism is validated! I shall continue to assume things about people based on their ethnicity.
i knew you would because you are White
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Oct 3, 2017 20:43
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- TheScott2K
- Oct 26, 2003
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I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.
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i knew you would because you are White
Look just because I'm white it's not fair of you to assume...
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Oct 3, 2017 20:45
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- 30 Goddamned Dicks
- Sep 8, 2010
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I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.
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Fun Shoe
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I sort of get their concern because T1 diabetes is a bitch and a loving half to self-regulate and absolutely leads to secondary health concerns but at the same time, who in the gently caress gives a gently caress other than the person with diabetes and perhaps the person they're marrying.
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Oct 3, 2017 20:45
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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How enormous is this dude if simply being in visual contact would be enough for the parents to know he's diabetic?
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Oct 3, 2017 20:54
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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Fiance is right and everyone else involved is a spineless wimp
Edit: I touched the poop cause I just can't allow that level of spinlessness to continue
Yep. It's your wedding. Invite or not invite whoever the gently caress you want.
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Oct 3, 2017 21:00
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Ex wife has a new interpretation of our visitation order
quote:
OK. I need to get this out so that I can try and get some sleep because tomorrow is going to suck. I just received an email from my ex wife.
I hope this is enough info to go by, I'll be happy to add whatever if it's helpful.
Location - California. Marital status - Divorced. Two sons, one 9 year old, one 13 year old. This issue is only with my 13 year old because my 9 year old has school this week. I'll pick up my 9 year old after whatever goes down with my 13 year old.
Pretty standard visitation order has been in place for almost 4 years.
I have my sons every other weekend and on the Monday nights when I do not have them on that weekend. It works for my work schedule because on the weekends I do not have them I am working. We alternate all the standard holidays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, 4th July, etc. We each have 2 weeks uninterrupted time during the summer.
Tomorrow is the Monday they would spend with me and this coming weekend as well.
My 13 year old is in middle school. School is out this week for fall break. There is no mention of fall or spring breaks in the visitation order.
She emailed me tonight stating that since he is off school this week for fall break I will not be seeing him until October 16th(the next scheduled Monday that I have him). She says that school break supersedes visitation.
I can't afford another attorney right now because I'm tapped out from paying my former attorney for the divorce.
I'm very involved in my sons lives and talk to them on the phone every night that they're not with me.
She has never claimed this before and sprung it on me just tonight.
I'm trying to think what I can do to make this as non confrontational as possible. However if I need to involve the police I will. Pick ups and drop offs are spelled out in the visitation order. 3pm tomorrow at her place for my 13 year old. Should I just go there with a copy of the order and if he's not there or she doesn't let him leave do I call the police? I'm thinking I go to the police station first (it's maybe a half mile away) show them the order, tell them I'm trying to be proactive and ask them what they would like me to do. They have better things to deal with but I need some help here.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Oct 3, 2017 21:04
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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Ex wife has a new interpretation of our visitation order
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Oct 3, 2017 21:08
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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Wow.
I [63] am suspicious of my son's mystery girlfriend!
quote:u/mamathrowaway123
EDIT: I have not told my son anything bad about his girlfriend. I have only been nice to her. I am just concerned quietly.
Throwaway Really need some perspective, suggestions from other parents or young adults. I posted this on another reddit channel and got awful input.
My son is in his late 20’s. He has a Master’s and got a great job right out of college and relocated for it. He’s always kept to himself though. Most of his answers to my questions are simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’. I would encourage him to get involved in his new town’s activities, but he would just stay at home and not make new friends or date.
One day out of the blue, during a weekend visit with us. He suddenly tells us he has a girlfriend he met in a video game he plays online. She came out of nowhere. He answered my questions about her, but said he didn’t know much about her family since she doesn’t speak with them, but that she had no kids. They spent a weekend together (this also bothers me. WHY? One hotel room? Obvious sex upon a FIRST meeting? Not classy of her) when they met in person. She is college-educated at least. I didn’t think much of this relationship, assuming it wouldn’t last.
Fast forward, two months later, he visits me for my birthday and says nothing that weekend about his long-distance girlfriend (this is relevant later). 2 months after that, I was texting him about future plans over the summer and he suddenly tells me that his new girlfriend moved to his current town, and he wanted to tell me before things got awkward in my planning events over the summer. When I asked if she was living with him, he simply replied yes. He wasn’t even going to tell me they were living together unless I asked!
Anyways, I met her and she’s nice. She’s 5 years older than he is. She's in her 30's and I know almost NOTHING about her. Big chunk of her life is a mystery. During her first visit, she told me I could ask her any questions to get to know her, since she understands how she seemingly has just shown up. I am curious about her past relationship history and family. When I asked about her family, she simply says she doesn’t talk to them anymore since her father was sexually abusive and the family took her father’s side. Again this is suspicious to me. Why not talk to her siblings or mother? How can they “take” sides?
When I asked her when she moved in, she had moved in the week before the birthday weekend! He had not told me! When I asked him why he didn’t bring her, he said because it was my birthday and it would’ve been a distraction to my day of celebrating.
I just have some red flags since my son didn’t tell me, she just showed up, and she moved in with him so quickly. They’ve been together almost a year now, but he never tells me anything about them. When I ask how things are, he simply says “Great.” How can I know if things are truly going well? What should I ask?
How do I get to know her past? Should I hire a private investigator? This whole thing of meeting online in a game is just bizarre to me. I like her personality, but wish to know more about her past life. Isn’t it odd how they met? I would have asked her more questions, but I didn't want to be rude. How can I indirectly find out about her past life, relationships, etc?
tl;dr: I know nothing of my adult son's girlfriend and want to know more.
OP:
quote:What is so wrong in hiring a PI? Obviously I would never tell them I did. They are expensive, but it is good to make sure whoever joins your family is a good person. Milotic fucked around with this message at 21:27 on Oct 3, 2017
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Oct 3, 2017 21:24
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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For that diabetes thing its super common in Asia to the point where people dont give a gently caress how rude it is. A guy I know was pressured by his family to dump his fiancé he knew since gradeschool and dated for 6 years because a final pre marriage health screen showed I want to say she had slight anemia.
Hell my inlaws wanted bloodwork and family history before they wanted to meet me because why get attached to someone youre not going to welcome into the family.
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Oct 3, 2017 21:26
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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Wow.
I [63] am suspicious of my son's mystery girlfriend!
OP:
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Oct 3, 2017 21:31
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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lol that she latched onto the girlfriend's ability to cut lovely, harmful relatives out of her life as a red flag. The video games are the real red flag
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Oct 3, 2017 21:38
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- Bunni-kat
- May 25, 2010
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Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?
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JFC that sounds like a miserable schedule for those kids to put up with.
Sounds like standard shared custody to me.
T2 is generally from enjoying the Jabba the Hutt lifestyle with accompanying body shape.
*Generally*, but skinny fuckers can get it too, so people should still get tested one a year or two.
Wow.
I [63] am suspicious of my son's mystery girlfriend!
OP:
gently caress this woman. "How can they take sides" Christ almighty I want to slap the stupid out of her mouth but there wouldn't be anything left afterwards.
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Oct 3, 2017 21:38
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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Sounds like standard shared custody to me.
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Oct 3, 2017 21:46
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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Long, have bolded bits. TLDR is at the top.
My (34M) wife of 12 years (36F) can't talk about sex and I'm feeling unsatisfied. We both think the other is being unreasonable and need some perspective.
quote:u/Tryingsomethings420
I'm on mobile but I'm completely unapologetic about format errors /s. It's a bit of a long story so thanks for hanging in there if you make it to the end. Any opinion will be appreciated.
TLDR: I want my wife to talk about doing new things but she says she can't talk about sex and we should just do it and that should be good enough. I'm not satisfied but can't change anything because she won't talk.
My wife and I have been together for nearly 18 years and married for 12. We got together young but neither of us was completely inexperienced when we got together. I had a bit more experience when we met but not by a large amount. Our sex life had always been pretty vanilla and 99% of the new things we've ever tried has been at my urging. And 100% of the ideas rejected have also been mine. This worked out fine for a long time but things kind of changed a few years ago.
Maybe 6 years ago I brought up the idea of threesomes and wife was sort of into the idea but didn't want to jump into anything. We knew we needed to openly talk of that was going to work but talking has never been wife's strong point. She is extremely uncomfortable talking about sex in any way (yeah Christian shame) and usually get pretty upset if the topic come up. She was able to get over some of her insecurities and shame long enough to work out some ground rules we were both comfortable with. This lead to talking during sex about fantasies and dirty talk which was a new thing for her to be comfortable with. This talking was very hot for me and I told her so many times. We agreed that even if the open relationship stuff ended we would always keep the new communication going. We worked out a few things that each of us would really like to do (she wanted a mfm three-way I wanted a fmf as examples) and fast forward about a year and all of her list items have been crossed off and maybe 1 out of my 5 have been achieved. My wife had a negative experience with a jerk boy and decided the LS scene wasn't really for her anymore. We agreed that either of us could pull the plug at anytime so that's when everything ended.
I wasn't happy about that but it is what it is. I tried not to hold it against her but it was hard to not feel resentful as she decided to stop thing's literally the day after crossing her last item off her list. I figured we could move past this with communication and maybe some role play and dirty talk to help me feel satisfied. She said she understood and agreed to try and help me in ways that wouldn't involve other people as she wanted total monogamy. This meant she wanted me to stop looking at porn also which I have always done and used as a way to fantasize without her. I would have prefer not to look at porn but I don't want my wife to do things she finds unpleasant so I use it as a release.
She wasn't really comfortable talking about much immediately as she wanted a bit of time to process some things. I tried to be patient and asked here and there if she was willing to talk but she never was. I should mention we have a bit of a mismatch labido in our relationship. Wife would prefer 1-2 times a week and I would prefer 8-10 time a week. We have never really had a big problem with this as we both compromise a bit and our usual is about 2-4 times a week. From the time she decided to stop swinging our frequency slowly went down to 1 Or less time a week After about 6 months I felt so pent I lost my cool while trying to talk to her and we had a big blow up fight. At the end of that fight I told her if she can't start talking I need to at least look at porn. She wasn't happy but agreed. I also wasn't happy either, as I wanted to fantasize and have sex WITH my wife. When I finally got her to answer why she wasn't comfortable taking dirty she said she didn't have a problem with it she just didn't know what to say. We talked about some of the things I'd like and she agreed she was comfortable trying to work it into our routine. Some things I suggested were to talk about things from her past that turned her on and talk about times she felt sexy/horny. She seemed to think this could be fun and promised to keep communication open.
6 months after that she hasn't once initiated any taking about sex or any dirty talk. Multiple times I asked and was rejected. Frequency picked back up to 3ish times a week but I was feeling less and less satisfied with the vanilla sex. I tried taking again but she would deflect or straight up refuse. So I did what I'm good at and lost my cool again (I'm on medication to help my moods and have done therapy. I'm usually really good until I feel backed into a corner). During this fight she told me she's not ok with talking about her past as it brings up to many memories. Would have been nice if she told me that months ago but at least she's talking. I basically leave it with her to try and work through a solution on her own.
3 months later I asked her what her thoughts were. She told me I'm not being realistic and they normal married couples don't talk about sex. She can't understand why I can't just have sex and "go with the flow" I felt like she was shaming me for having a higher labido and told her this. She said that my labido is my problem not hers and they I need to figure it out. The solution a told her might work was to open the marriage again but she didn't want to do that. She said she would try to work on it again and I told her to go to counciling. She didn't want to do counciling and I've done enough counciling to know it isn't a magic cure anyway so I kind of left her with it.
Over the next couple months I tried to gently guide her into doing things I found more stimulating. As she didn't want to talk and just go with the flow I thought this might be something that could work for her. After some hurtful rejections and me literally begging for her to just talk about normal stuff so I can hear her voice she starts talking about a few small things (your dick is big, do it like that, harder etc.) to me once in a while. One night I asked her to just make up a fake story so I can hear her talk she told a story about flirting with a guy at the gym. I came in literally 15 seconds and praised every bit of how awesome that was. She thought it was a bit silly but said "if that's all you need I am more then happy to do that once in a while. As long as I can make it completely fake"
I was left thinking we'd finally made a compromise that can work. That good feeling lasted about 5 days until I asked her to do it again. I had finished her off and I was having trouble finishing. I said something like please talk to me about anything and her response was "No". That's it just no. No offer for anything else. I was crushed. After I asked her why not she told me she didn't feel like it. I asked her if we could plan another time to do it and she suggested in a couple months. I tried to explain how pent up I felt and I said a couple months would be tortuously long so she said she would do it the next day. Next day came and we started sexy times. She went a LOT more aggressive then usual to make me finish as fast as possible. When I asked her to slow down she got upset and in what I felt was a confrontational way started talking about a girl (fake) from University. The sound of her voice put me over the edge in literally 5 seconds. So it was nice I guess but 5 seconds worth of the thing you've been waiting years for felt disappointing.
A few days later when I tried to talk with her about this again she told me she wants this to be a special occasion thing and doesn't want to hear about it every other month. And she said if I can't deal with that maybe I need more counseling. I said I would gladly go to couples counciling but desiring to hear your wife's voice isn't really something I feel I need counciling for though I have been doing cognitive therapy techniques to try to not focus on it so much. She reluctantly agreed to couple counciling and our appointment was in 5 days (tomorrow). Since the appointment has been made she's been doing what I call manic bonding and is acting overly loving. She's asked me to cancel the appointment multiple times and initiated sex yesterday even though she was on her period. Before we started I told her directly that she needs to be honest with me and if there's anything she wants to be off the table to let me know. She said I just need you to be gentle. Once we were doing it I asked to hear her voice and she said no. When I couldn't finish she blamed me for doing it when I wasn't really needing to. I started crying and told her the lack of communication about her feelings and rejecting me when I try to satisfy myself has broken me. We left it there and went to bed angry. I slept less then 2 hours and now I'm typing this at work in a complete mental fog. She's asked twice today about cancelling and I'm seriously at my wit's end.
I know I'm not the good guy here but I'd really appreciate some constructive comments. There's no way I'm cancelling the appointment tomorrow but if she doesn't go I think I might be done. An otherwise amazing marriage to my dream girl and I feel broken by this. Please help if you can I really love her and can't imagine my life without her but I can't keep feeling this way either.
This is sad more than anything, but I don’t understand how one can say “Yeah, we’re fairly vanilla”, and how your wife has Christian guilt and be talking about threesomes and whatever the hell a jerk boy is and whatever the LS scene is. I sometimes wonder if I’m just very sheltered.
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Oct 3, 2017 22:00
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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"Married people don't talk about sex" - a healthy person
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Oct 3, 2017 22:04
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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"no I won't say weird poo poo while we're loving, double teaming me with whatever the gently caress a jerk boy is is A-OK though" -an even normaller person
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Oct 3, 2017 22:15
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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"Married people don't talk about sex" - a healthy person
He’s a bit fuzzy and vague, but if he’s planning it all out like a raid leader just before then yes, that’s not sexy, though I can see him wanting to communicate if it’s a little out of her wheelhouse.
I’d be interested in how American churches teach about sex. In the Church of England, sex is viewed as a cornerstone of marriage and is referred to repeatedly through the marriage I service. We tend to ignore the more prudish writings where a certain Apostle goes “Ugh, girls”.
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Oct 3, 2017 22:19
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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Maybe it's a typo and they had trouble with one of the Jerky Boys?
This is really loving my day up, what the gently caress is a jerk boy???
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Oct 3, 2017 22:19
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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"Married people don't talk about sex" - a healthy person
I mean it sounds like his version of talking about sex is insatiably asking for more and more things she doesn't really want to do then getting pouty when she stops putting out in general because she's tired of every encounter turning into an argument.
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Oct 3, 2017 22:26
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- FROOOOOOOOG
- Jan 28, 2009
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Maybe it's a typo and they had trouble with one of the Jerky Boys?
This is really loving my day up, what the gently caress is a jerk boy???
A boy who is a jerk. A mean, inconsiderate person.
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Oct 3, 2017 22:28
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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I’d be interested in how American churches teach about sex. In the Church of England, sex is viewed as a cornerstone of marriage and is referred to repeatedly through the marriage I service. We tend to ignore the more prudish writings where a certain Apostle goes “Ugh, girls”.
there's a huge diversity of christian practice in the states, probably the most awful big denomination are evangelical protestants like the southern baptists who typically take a "sex is bad and you WILL go to hell if you do it wrong" attitude that fucks people up. there are plenty of less crazy denominations though
my read on that story is that it is not an american writing it (americans don't say "from university" or refer to therapy as "counciling")
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Oct 3, 2017 22:28
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
-
Biscuit Hider
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He’s a bit fuzzy and vague, but if he’s planning it all out like a raid leader just before then yes, that’s not sexy, though I can see him wanting to communicate if it’s a little out of her wheelhouse.
I’d be interested in how American churches teach about sex. In the Church of England, sex is viewed as a cornerstone of marriage and is referred to repeatedly through the marriage I service. We tend to ignore the more prudish writings where a certain Apostle goes “Ugh, girls”.
It really depends on which church you go to, but generally in evangelical culture it will run somewhere between "sex is a cornerstone of marriage and beautiful" - "sex within marriage is beautiful but outside of marriage it is tainted by sin" - "sex is sinful and you should feel ashamed of your urges but is also necessary to make new Christians"
With the latter too you'll often get a string emphasis on "sexual purity" as something incredibly important to maintain and if you lose that then it somehow reflects a damage in your soul and negatively impacts your worth as a person--though for boys it's really just a finger wag and a gentle chastisement at worst.
Thing is, even when people Do It Right and get married, even if you're not taught that sex in marriage is wicked, if you've been taught that your sexual urges are the devil's temptation and that your sexuality is a burden or something shameful, you can still end up with major hang ups even in the "proper" context.
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Oct 3, 2017 22:32
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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That's all true but I dunno if the dude trying to pressure his wife into his kinks is really the best barometer for determining whether or not she's really just being a prudish christian. It sounds like she is communicating, she's just saying no, and he wants her to "communicate" by agreeing to everything he wants.
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Oct 3, 2017 22:39
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Me [22F] with my Boyfriend [24M] ~9 months. I bought a joke birthday gift for him. I think I ruined everything.
how could she not like also just buy him a normal gift? Like even if someone say's its okay to not get a gift on a special day, you get them a gift.
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Oct 3, 2017 23:24
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Me [22F] with my Boyfriend [24M] ~9 months. I bought a joke birthday gift for him. I think I ruined everything.
Don't do anything crazy like talk to him. Better ghost, there's nothing else to be done
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Oct 3, 2017 23:25
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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A silly gift and spending the day together sounds like a fine birthday to me. I guess it's their first birthday together, gotta figure out how seriously your partner takes birthdays before committing to that one.
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Oct 3, 2017 23:36
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 28, 2024 05:57
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Also general screed about pranks and all, but you're always playing with fire when the prank sets up the expectation of something nice and replaces it with something lovely.
Especially in a gift scenario if you must, you lead with the lovely fakeout and then deliver a good gift
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Oct 3, 2017 23:44
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Oct 3, 2017 20:17
