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one time i hooked up with a coworker and snorted drugs off of her titties then later while we were loving i called her the wrong name
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Jan 14, 2017 10:38
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1 time i used a dirty sock instead of a clean one
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Jan 14, 2017 10:46
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once she forgot to demand the money up-front
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Jan 14, 2017 13:09
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I put pee in the poop hole once
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Jan 14, 2017 15:12
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Enfield posted:im geting a bon,er
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Jan 14, 2017 17:21
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One time I was getting shithoused with some people and became more drunk than is typically advisable. Eventually everyone fell asleep except for me and my friend's girlfriend, who decided it would be a good idea to blow me on the couch. This was all fine and good until I suddenly roared a gallon of Chinese food all over the couch and floor Godzilla style, skillfully missing her head and my crotch at least. She stopped, got out the carpet shampooer (it was her apartment), and cleaned it up while I just sat there and silently watched. No one else woke up. She finished up, came back over, and tried to pull my dick out again but at that point I'd had some time to actually consider the situation and said I should probably go home. She and my friend broke up a few weeks later for unrelated reasons  Thinking back I'm realizing most of my sex stories are at least this gross if not grosser
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Jan 14, 2017 18:13
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If you have ever had the misfortune of reading my posts than perhaps you know that I am a white guy who bangs married black girls. One of them is pregnant now so I have to find a cheap prenatal paternity test to determine whether the kid is gonna come out mixed and it is not a very good time tbh
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Jan 14, 2017 18:21
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Skeleton Ape posted:One time I was getting shithoused with some people and became more drunk than is typically advisable. Eventually everyone fell asleep except for me and my friend's girlfriend, who decided it would be a good idea to blow me on the couch. This was all fine and good until I suddenly roared a gallon of Chinese food all over the couch and floor Godzilla style, skillfully missing her head and my crotch at least. She stopped, got out the carpet shampooer (it was her apartment), and cleaned it up while I just sat there and silently watched. No one else woke up. She finished up, came back over, and tried to pull my dick out again but at that point I'd had some time to actually consider the situation and said I should probably go home. She and my friend broke up a few weeks later for unrelated reasons u didnt even have sex wtf
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Jan 14, 2017 18:21
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you need to have sex if you want it to be a sexual misadventure. im the police of this now
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Jan 14, 2017 18:23
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Blue Train posted:If you have ever had the misfortune of reading my posts than perhaps you know that I am a white guy who bangs married black girls. Ah the most dangerous game.
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Jan 14, 2017 18:24
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Enfield posted:you need to have sex if you want it to be a sexual misadventure. im the police of this now Once I got cum in my eye and it burned and my eye was all red the next day and I had to make up stories about why my eye was all hosed up. e: I won't tell you what his name was because it wasn't a he it was a human female with a good butt and nice boobs and a big dick Skeleton Ape fucked around with this message at 18:35 on Jan 14, 2017 |
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Jan 14, 2017 18:32
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monkeytennis posted:cleg nut. You made me Google this.  indeed
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Jan 14, 2017 18:42
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I had sex with this chick once and then she wouldn't leave. I guess I'm something called married now and apparently I can't bring other ladies home anymore. Not quite sure how this happened.
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Jan 14, 2017 22:15
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Arkanomen posted:I had sex with this chick once and then she wouldn't leave. I guess I'm something called married now and apparently I can't bring other ladies home anymore. Not quite sure how this happened. I've heard of this happening before I'm sorry
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Jan 14, 2017 22:19
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Arkanomen posted:I had sex with this chick once and then she wouldn't leave. I guess I'm something called married now and apparently I can't bring other ladies home anymore. Not quite sure how this happened. RIP
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Jan 14, 2017 22:26
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poo poo its not fatal is it? People said its not contagious.
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Jan 14, 2017 22:30
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Arkanomen posted:I had sex with this chick once and then she wouldn't leave. I guess I'm something called married now and apparently I can't bring other ladies home anymore. Not quite sure how this happened. 
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Jan 15, 2017 03:04
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shut up blegum posted:You made me Google this. I always knew these by the name of 'tag nut' because that's what The Great Mighty Poo in Conker's Bad Fur Day called them. Now I'm curious about dried poo poo etymologies.
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Jan 15, 2017 03:18
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I've always heard them called dingleberries
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Jan 15, 2017 03:19
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Once while completely nude and trying to romance a girlfriend, I shot a champagne cork straight into my eye at close range. It hurt like a motherfucker but through the miracle of corneal reflex my eyelid saved me, and I only had to endure the humiliation of collapsing naked next to her while she laughed uncontrollably. That, and the bruised eye socket the next day.
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Jan 15, 2017 03:31
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I hosed a hairy pussy and comed
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Jan 15, 2017 03:39
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one time this girl gave me such a furious dry handy that she ripped my dick skin and there was blood everywhere one time time i got a beej after some chipotle and she projectile vomited all over my dick probably other stuff
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Jan 15, 2017 04:55
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oh yeah one time at a party i was drunk af and my gf at the time was give me a blowie out in the car and i had to hurl so i rolled out of the car and was puking in the middle of the street with my pants around my ankles and a raging boner
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Jan 15, 2017 04:56
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I've never vomited or been vomited on during sex acts. Am I doing something wrong?
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Jan 15, 2017 05:37
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The Management posted:I've never vomited or been vomited on during sex acts. Am I doing something wrong? Very
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Jan 15, 2017 05:40
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I put my penis is a consenting woman's vagina. It was pretty cool
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Jan 15, 2017 05:41
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I just came to get something to eat
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Jan 15, 2017 05:44
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Was getting a beej during my high school years on a path near the Stanford dish array. We thought we were out of site from normal foot traffic but a group of horse riders came by and totally saw us. I didnt bother to tell her since she couldnt see them.
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Jan 15, 2017 05:52
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Arkanomen posted:I had sex with this chick once and then she wouldn't leave. I guess I'm something called married now and apparently I can't bring other ladies home anymore. Not quite sure how this happened.  but it's quite cool, not a misadventure.
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Jan 15, 2017 19:13
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Everytime I do sex I do a very good job in all aspects of the scenario
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Jan 15, 2017 19:26
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She had forgotten her birth control pills at home but we weren't going to not have sex so I was going to pull out. I said something about her cumming but she misunderstood and thought I said I was cumming. She quickly scooted back and I thrust my dick directly into the mattress. It hurt like a mother fucker and she was freaking out because she didn't know what happened and accidentally kicked me in the balls while trying to get to the lamp.
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Jan 15, 2017 19:27
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LingcodKilla posted:Was getting a beej during my high school years on a path near the Stanford dish array. We thought we were out of site from normal foot traffic but a group of horse riders came by and totally saw us. I didnt bother to tell her since she couldnt see them. I was one of those horsemen. I was just glad to see young love in the springtime; and happy for you.
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Jan 15, 2017 19:31
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A pedophile tried to abduct me when I was in 5th grade, a story which I shared on Something Awful many years ago. However, according to a slew of new articles, he was probably very misunderstood and we should feel sorry for him that he wanted to rape pre-pubescents. Really we should have all had a good laugh about it.
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Jan 15, 2017 19:50
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Allegedly
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Jan 15, 2017 19:51
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Pick posted:A pedophile tried to abduct me when I was in 5th grade, a story which I shared on Something Awful many years ago. However, according to a slew of new articles, he was probably very misunderstood and we should feel sorry for him that he wanted to rape pre-pubescents. Really we should have all had a good laugh about it. He probably went on to write that salon dot com op ed.
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Jan 15, 2017 19:55
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Pac-Manioc Root posted:He probably went on to write that salon dot com op ed. It led to me becoming so afraid of people that I hung out on the internet instead and eventually the something awful dot com forums. this is grounds for a multi-million-dollar civil suit imho.
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Jan 15, 2017 20:09
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Pick posted:It led to me becoming so afraid of people that I hung out on the internet instead and eventually the something awful dot com forums. this is grounds for a multi-million-dollar civil suit imho. If I were the judge I would set the award at say your postcount X $10.00.
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Jan 15, 2017 20:21
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Pac-Manioc Root posted:If I were the judge I would set the award at say your postcount X $10.00. $430,940? I'll take it.
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Jan 15, 2017 20:21
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The cunning lowtax earns yet another moist 10 dollar bill
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Jan 15, 2017 20:23
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right in the butt
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Jan 15, 2017 20:34
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