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Bust Rodd posted:Once at a music festival I made a really big deal about how I was smart and cool and sold the best drugs and my best friend listened to me rant and rave for like an hour about and then when I came down he told me to hand him my phone and I did and he took a picture of my face and handed it to me and I guess he had attached about 14 clothes pins to my glasses and hair and hoodie while I was talking and I was just too high to notice. Its the most owned I have ever felt and I will never delete that photo.  Bust Rodd
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Jul 28, 2020 01:20
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We were visiting grandma, and my mom went into the kitchen to get something and my grandma leaned in and told me "You ruined her life, you know."
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Jul 28, 2020 01:26
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RandomFerret posted:We were visiting grandma, and my mom went into the kitchen to get something and my grandma leaned in and told me "You ruined her life, you know." Lol rekt
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Jul 28, 2020 01:34
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I was playing catch with my dad one day when he decided to call it quits to get the grill started, and I figured I'd still keep playing and just toss the ball up and take a few swings at it, let the dog run after it and bring it back, that kinda thing. So a couple of crappy ground balls later, I figure 'one more for the road', and toss the ball up, and hit full on. REALLY connected. ...and promptly sent the ball right into the shed window. poo poo. My dad had JUST told me the other day to watch that when I'd been hitting gravel rocks off the drive way with the bat doing the same drat thing and now of COURSE I did this. My dad, with his super sonic dad hearing powers walks over right on cue and immediately spies the unfathomable carnage this terrible child has wrought upon his prized shed (he had actually built the shed himself, it was nice), turns to me, just pissed, and says "Goddammit, Beef," and I'm thinking "Here we go, this is it, he's gonna say it." He hasn't dropped the one dad'ism all dad's use yet. NOW is the time. I can feel it in my bones. The instinctual bond a child has with their father when they know a true dad-bomb is about to fall. So I finish the Dad joke for him "I know, I know. You brought me into this world, and you can drat sure take me out of it." He stopped mid holler, paused with a strange look in his eye, glared at me, and said "Who the HELL told you THAT one?" And that's the day I found out I was adopted.
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Jul 28, 2020 01:38
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It took me this long to pick one but RandomFerret's reminded me: The first time I met the mother of the guy who ruined my life he left me with her for a few hours. She was Japanese and had been in the US for 45 years but had only broken English. I was in love with the guy and we were new so I was nervous. She watched Japanese sitcoms while I complimented the small house and sat there awkwardly eating her homemade sushi. After an hour she asked me some questions about my myself and then said, "Monster [her son's name] is not for you. You good girl. He is not for you!" She raised her voice and shook her head and said it like 5 times in a row. I can't believe I didn't consider it really but I didn't. His own mother told me not to date him and I knew he was her baby, her youngest of two boys. 
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Jul 28, 2020 01:42
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christmas boots posted:I remember one time in 6th grade we were doing something that required glue and I was out of glue. Anyway I had a crush on the girl one desk over and I started to ask if I could borrow her glue and she cut me off and told me she would never go out with me in a million years. It was absolutely devastating. And that girl's name was Ariana Grande.
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Jul 28, 2020 01:48
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Imagine being named Ed during sex ed. Lol. Here's my own. My cousin had a cool puffy keychain and he said it floats. I held it mid air and dropped it and it fell to the ground. I said "that doesn't float" realizing right after that he meant in water. This was when I was in like 1st grade. Welp.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:11
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Another time: His name was Snarl, Snarl of Bor. *whipcrack*
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Jul 28, 2020 02:15
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The very first time I remember getting owned was when I lifted an entire box of matchbox cars over my head to try and show my sister's friend how strong I was. It was a triple own really, cuz not only did I drop the box, but I was six and she was fifteen so it was never gonna happen, and also I was six and didn't know what "it" was anyway, I just knew I wanted to impress my sister's friend and I failed spectacularly. They laughed at me.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:16
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An even earlier time I got owned has been told in my family for decades. I don't remember anything about it but apparently one day when I was five I decided I was going to murder my brother with a small cast iron skillet. My stealthy approach to the couch where he was sitting went unnoticed until I raised the pan to strike, at which point he raised a throw pillow to block the attack and redirected the pan directly into my face. My sister had to go get my mother, who was in the shower at the time, summoning her with the words "Mom, William's bleeding from the eye!"
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Jul 28, 2020 02:22
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A couple months after that happened my mother awoke one morning to find that I had been up for awhile already. All was well until she discovered an empty bottle of Flintstones vitamins with iron. Upon asking me who ate all the vitamins, I, budding criminal mastermind, informed her that "the cat did it". She demanded that I stick out my tongue and as I have heard many times since (as this is another oft-told story in the family) my tongue was every color in the rainbow. And that was the day I found out what liquid charcoal tasted like. In case you're wondering, it tasted like charcoal.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:26
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These scenarios, me humiliating myself trying to impress someone I liked, me injuring myself trying to do something even when I had every advantage, and me getting caught in a really stupid lie, basically repeat themselves over and over and over for the entirety of my existence. There are no high points, no triumphant moments where I succeeded and got to kiss the girl/hide the body/die of iron poisoning. Just a series of harrowing lows until I learned to stop going out, stop trying to do things, stop trying to have friendships or significant relationships. I can't post in this thread anymore
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Jul 28, 2020 02:37
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Every time I click submit reply
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Jul 28, 2020 02:39
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Some dude told me : "It would probably help if you grew a dick" and I just said "yeah probably" and wandered off.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:45
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Sounds like he wasn't wrong.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:48
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My daughter has great comedic timing for farting as a four year old and owns me pretty constantly with flatulence.
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Jul 28, 2020 02:50
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one time while eating beans,
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Jul 28, 2020 03:13
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:These scenarios, me humiliating myself trying to impress someone I liked, me injuring myself trying to do something even when I had every advantage, and me getting caught in a really stupid lie, basically repeat themselves over and over and over for the entirety of my existence. there's new cities and adventures just waiting for you to make an rear end of yourself. places where nobody knows your name and they don't even know they're in to see you act like a fook
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Jul 28, 2020 03:43
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I moved my whole life to Melbourne Australia to travel around this part of the world. Now there are army checkpoints at the city limits to keep us in. Also bought an under construction condo in February. Very much getting owned currently.
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Jul 28, 2020 04:12
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:I went to Lilith Fair back in the 90s after weeks of courting this lady only to be at the concert and she says I want to drink Sarah Mclachlans sweat. This is hilarious all around, but even more so if you are indeed a straight male at Lilith Fair.
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Jul 28, 2020 04:30
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i fell for one of those bait and switch scams with an digital camera. i gave these two suave dudes a hundred bux for a display model for my girlfriend. she was going to be very impressed with my money saving abilities. those dudes earned that $100 and i humbly thank them for the life lesson.
flubber nuts fucked around with this message at 04:38 on Jul 28, 2020 |
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Jul 28, 2020 04:36
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My avatar. Whoever bought it for me knew I hate Trump.
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Jul 28, 2020 14:11
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Lowtax once called me "the worst anything ever" and coming from him that's pretty bad
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Jul 28, 2020 14:16
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I went to a bar with a bunch of coworkers right after I turned 21. There were two cute girls at the bar and I started talking to them, we were hanging out and in my drunken stupor I thought I was super charming. I got both of their phone numbers and vowed to call them the next day. When I tried to, I discovered that both the numbers were fake. The next week a coworker told me that I was basically completely incoherent, then showed me a video of me rambling on about music while those two girls awkwardly tried to avoid me. I owned myself that time.
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Jul 28, 2020 14:19
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 08:27 |
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Also when I was made BYOB mod while I was asleep, then unmodded before I even woke up That's ownage I'll never recover from 
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Jul 28, 2020 14:21
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