meteloides posted:

my dad's a paranoid redneck who lives in a trailer on an acre, and back when we still talked he drafted me into digging a well "with" him so he wouldn't have to pay to have another well drilled professionally. I ended up doing most of the work, with a shovel and a crowbar to break the hard-packed sand. I hit water six feet down and kept going another foot to make sure a bucket would fit. I was pretty loving proud of it.

a few days later he had my brother bury the whole thing because he got sick of having a hole in the yard and trying to figure out an easier way to get the water to the surface

Ancient Aroma posted:

Yes, but you clearly aren't koishi

Are you asking for a friend

GEExCEE posted:

VWVWV posted:

for the sake of the thread I guess I'm a redneck since I'm white and live in oklahoma. had a great old time with another redneck just the other day.

my quest for the cheapass sack had placed me in Johnny's bedroom. duct tape swastikas, confederate battle flags, polaroids of the good days; the whole nine yards. I hand him 25 bucks and we sesh to kill some time and during smalltalk he tells me that he had to put down babygirl, his pitbull, on new year's. so of course I'm like oh no, what happened? well.
Johnny begins by airing his suspicions that since she had bitten one of his neighbor's kids in december that she was being poisoned. babygirl was apparently getting noticeably more confrontational and irritable since the incident, which led him to believe that the poison in question was gunpowder since "that poo poo turns dogs into crazy motherfuckers".
on NYE, Johnny had apparently had enough. babygirl would snap at him as he walked by and eventually ended up cornering him in his bedroom. "at that point, man, I look at babygirl right in the eyes and I'm like, 'babygirl. if you don't stop this, I will have to kill you'."

"you see this knife, this one on my belt? I take this one... okay, it was like this exact one (a throwing knife with allover camo and skull print) but a completely different one, and I pull it out to show her I mean business. and then she fuckin jumps at me man! so I'm just like WHAM, I shoot the knife straight into her heart. was fuckin epic... perfect, straight shot bro. she hit the floor immediately! she was so still, on that rug over there, man..."

so I'm like wOW that's uh great that it was quick, at least. and painless (lol). I start audibly jangling my car keys in my pocket a lil.

"yeah, she was so still... and then FWOOSH (he makes a big, explosive gesture from his chest) blood starts gushing fuckin everywhere, man! was fuckin nuts! so I had to jump over there and choke her out with her leash for like, poo poo... a minute and a half? two minutes? I guess I killed my fuckin dog, dude."

I was at a loss for words as Johnny dumped his murder guilt on me so the conversation continued far longer than one fueled by a dime-sized bowl of brick weed should. luckily, another client of his showed up and he shooed me out so we wouldn't see each other. the flyer by the door on the way out made sure to remind me of the importance and supremacy of the white race on my way out.

Harime Nui posted:

I am really not redneck at all but, I have an ongoing rivalry with a pair of raccoons who come to eat out of the cat bowl behind my house every night if that counts.

VWVWV posted:

racoons are mean-spirited animals imo. understandable

Zen Dudeism posted:

I didn't say I was proud of it. It just happened and it was convenient for when I was out of dip.

VWVWV posted:

well, he pretends his cell phone is a walkie talkie (dunno who he thinks he's talking to) and occasionally records video of his surroundings with it too.

his den is full of throwing knives, shurikens and grey goose bottles. he's been lobbing poo poo into one of the walls in that room for at least a couple years; now there's even a human-shaped target made out of some lumber he nailed to the wall. also:

it has a huge boner

Lock posted:

i was legit bummed the day dale died

DrSanchez posted:

One time me and my ex went canoeing in Arkansas, and we saw a dude out in the water with jeans, boots, a cowboy hat, and two tiny rebel flags tattooed on each shoulder and huge one on his back.

WD-40 posted:

we'd get a fiddle player in every Saturday and my boss would let me out from behind the counter (particle board over two sawhorses) to dance with the regulars. if we were feeling particularly festive we'd play the chicken game. we had a special table that was squared out like a bingo board and each square had a number. people would "buy" squares for a dollar each and then someone (usually the mayor) would bring a rooster in and we'd put chicken wire over the table and put the rooster in and then stand around waiting for him to poo poo. if he shits on your number you win.

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

88 was dale Earnhardt right?? Secret nazi?

Ancient Aroma posted:

If you really had a fiddle player then I humbly concede white trash defeat

not that there's anything wrong with the fiddle, mind you

dogdisaster posted:

Hello midwesterners. How are those betty-boop, fairiy and monster drink car decals?

Ancient Aroma posted:

Not nearly as gross as the memorial stickers some people have in their back glass

RIP firstname lastname
"A loving so and so"
He got 'er done

It's not good

dogdisaster posted:

lol sadly enough i know what you mean.

our county has been featured on and off as having the most meth lab busts in the nation. #1 baby

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

Nice...

You ever wrangle possum? If you put one head first into a mailbox, it's too stupid to walk backwards and get out

i am he posted:

cape girardeau

Ancient Aroma posted:

This may have been my brother

I used to live in Arkansas. The other kids in middle school all thought I was super loving smart

It took me nearly a year to realize I wasn't actually a genius. they were all just dummies. that took the wind out of my sails a little