ITT you are on the hit Spike TV Show 'Bar Rescue'

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT you are on the hit Spike TV Show 'Bar Rescue'

«‹›12 »

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

i'm the half bird half horse thing that sneaks in at night and drinks all the grenadine

# ? Oct 18, 2016 09:16

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 18:54

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

Man, who is this douche tellin me how to run this joint? Get that camera outta my face

*wait staff does some CRAZY poo poo caught in CCTV*

Oh WTF sorry I douted your bar rescue skills

# ? Oct 18, 2016 09:49

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

GRILLARY CLINTON posted:

how do you gyrate a fist

# ? Oct 18, 2016 09:53

Alien Sex Manual: Dec 14, 2010; is not a sandwich

take me you ANIMAL posted:

Was that the shithole with bugs everywhere, including in the booze, that they turned into a steampunk bar? Because i'd take your experience over a steampunk themed bar any day.

The fact that they "rescued" a bar and made it steampunk just made the episode with the pirate bar 1000% funnier. Like I get that maybe it wasn't a great theme for a non-beach area but I swear the host acted like he'd been molested by a Renaissance Faire in childhood.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 12:06

Manticorny: Sep 7, 2016; It's a sad and beautiful world.

*gets yelled at by a guy whose claim to fame is the butt funnel*

# ? Oct 18, 2016 13:58

shut up netface: Jun 15, 2008

"When was the last time you cleaned these lines? DISGUSTINGGGGG"

I haven't watched a second of it, but I'm assuming its like Kitchen Nightmares but in a bar.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:05

Manticorny: Sep 7, 2016; It's a sad and beautiful world.

shut up netface posted:

"When was the last time you cleaned these lines? DISGUSTINGGGGG"

I haven't watched a second of it, but I'm assuming its like Kitchen Nightmares but in a bar.

pretty much, but the yelling guy doesn't have any actual skill at anything

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:07

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

i'm the half bird half horse thing that sneaks in at night and drinks all the grenadine

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:07

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

I'm the owners family who he hired because we're very close and he trusts us more than anyone else

I'm going to steal everything that's not nailed down

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:19

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

"WHERE IS ALL MY MONEY GOGIN!?!" *does a bunch of blow because the bar industry is a terrible business practice that only supports the worse dregs of society which you are completely welcome to partcipate and even facilitate it but dont expect to be rich if you are easily influenced and ruined by the immoral pleasures of life and have an addictive personality and not willing to exploit these weaknesses in other people instead*

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:21

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

I'm the owners 65 year old aunt that got hired to be the bouncer, I'm only awake for about 2 hours of my shift

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:22

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

I'm the guy who punches Taffer right in his pudgy face. Not because I'm mad though, I just wanted to see if there's even bones in there.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:31

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

I'm the alcoholic that was keeping this place open but now I have to find a new bar because the place is now well lit, has a jukebox that plays bro country, and the bartender that I tipped $10 to over pour was fired.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:33

lorn Wayne: Jan 7, 2006

is bar rescue anything like Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares? how sweary is the bar rescue guy?

what i'm saying is I Like Kitchen Nightmares.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:35

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

I'm the former "party bar" that taffer added a bunch of flat screen tvs and videogame consoles to because letting a bunch of drunk rowdy strangers near expensive electronic equipment will get me out of my $250,000 debt

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:36

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

im always suggesting to turn the bar into a gay bar.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:36

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

I'm the one of the customers who comes in before the bar is relaunched. I'm pissed I can't use the vouchers the producers gave me because the bar is over max capacity.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 14:58

a very large fish: Oct 18, 2012

im the waitress who's turning tricks out by the dumpster

# ? Oct 18, 2016 15:33

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

IF I CAN'T DRESS AND TALK LIKE A PIRATE THEN I QUIT!

*throws eyepatch on ground and storms out*

# ? Oct 18, 2016 15:55

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

I'm the spinning 3d bar logo on the tvs that have been installed all over thr bar because branding is the most important thing

# ? Oct 18, 2016 15:56

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

im the drink mixing consultant that has 6 hours to teach the unmotivated bartenders making minimum wage how to juggle and do tricks and poo poo while they make drinks

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:02

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

I'm the food consultant who thinks changing the menu from hamburgers and chicken wings to sliders and boneless chicken wings prepared by the same minimum wage busboys and the same owner who buys the cheapest food legally possible is going to completely change this bar's fortunes.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:06

Gentleman Blogger: Sep 19, 2003; directions make no sense in the grand scheme of things.

So, I live around the corner from (what used to be) Piratz Tavern, aka the highest-rated episode of this goddamn show.

I went a few times before ol' boy showed up to cut the place to pieces, even went for dinner. I liked it, even if it was full of Renn Faire nerds in costume, both as servers and customers. They did have an actual one eyed dude serving tables, that was fun.

I wasn't even aware that they had done this whole bullshit but one day I walked past it with a buddy and it was CORPORATE Bar and Grill. I guess Taffler did it because there's a bunch of corporate headquarters and generally a bunch of lovely office blocks in the neighborhood. They had even tried to set up some kind of drinks robot? That they didn't get the correct permits for? Also it was full of those stupid motivational posters. We went in for lunch, the food was basically the same, just less "pirate-y". It was empty for a lunch service. Both he and I agreed that no one drinks in this neighborhood, as it's within walking distance of public transit, and if I'm gonna get drunk, I'd rather go downtown and drink at a real bar. And not one that looks like the office I just left.

A few weeks after that, they had reverted to Piratz Tavern ( I guess this was mentioned on the show? I dunno, I don't watch it) and they posted this on the 'Tubes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSPkbJohdyo

A few weeks later they lost their lease and closed. When the Indian restaurant over top of the local punk rock dive bar caught fire due to "having like, 10 mufuckas living above a restaurant", and the bar had to close due to water damage, the dive bar took over the space. This was like, literally days after Piratz closed. Now, it's "Quarry House Temporary" although we're all pretty sure the dive bar won't go back to where they were due to egress laws, as they were grandfathered in, and there was only one way in and out of the place, so to renovate, their permits would get pulled and they'd have to put in a new entrance. Which they can't.

That's my Bar Rescue story.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:07

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Gentleman Blogger posted:

So, I live around the corner from (what used to be) Piratz Tavern, aka the highest-rated episode of this goddamn show.

I went a few times before ol' boy showed up to cut the place to pieces, even went for dinner. I liked it, even if it was full of Renn Faire nerds in costume, both as servers and customers. They did have an actual one eyed dude serving tables, that was fun.

I wasn't even aware that they had done this whole bullshit but one day I walked past it with a buddy and it was CORPORATE Bar and Grill. I guess Taffler did it because there's a bunch of corporate headquarters and generally a bunch of lovely office blocks in the neighborhood. They had even tried to set up some kind of drinks robot? That they didn't get the correct permits for? Also it was full of those stupid motivational posters. We went in for lunch, the food was basically the same, just less "pirate-y". It was empty for a lunch service. Both he and I agreed that no one drinks in this neighborhood, as it's within walking distance of public transit, and if I'm gonna get drunk, I'd rather go downtown and drink at a real bar. And not one that looks like the office I just left.

A few weeks after that, they had reverted to Piratz Tavern ( I guess this was mentioned on the show? I dunno, I don't watch it) and they posted this on the 'Tubes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSPkbJohdyo

A few weeks later they lost their lease and closed. When the Indian restaurant over top of the local punk rock dive bar caught fire due to "having like, 10 mufuckas living above a restaurant", and the bar had to close due to water damage, the dive bar took over the space. This was like, literally days after Piratz closed. Now, it's "Quarry House Temporary" although we're all pretty sure the dive bar won't go back to where they were due to egress laws, as they were grandfathered in, and there was only one way in and out of the place, so to renovate, their permits would get pulled and they'd have to put in a new entrance. Which they can't.

That's my Bar Rescue story.

i usaully dont read long posts like this but i did, and i was quickly reminded why i never used to. thanks

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:11

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

I'm this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCU3K6l95Xw but in a bar, I guess

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:13

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

I'm Jon Taffer's wife going into the bar wearing a slutty outfit and sitting at the bar alone, acting like a flirt, so that Jon Taffer can run in raging angry about the inappropriate work environment when the bar owner inevitably makes a lewd comment towards me.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:16

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

I've eaten at Piratez Tavern. They brought me the wrong food, but I didn't notice and ate it anyway, it was alright.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:23

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Hector Beerlioz posted:

I've eaten at Piratez Tavern. They brought me the wrong food, but I didn't notice and ate it anyway, it was alright.

lol slow down fatty look at your food before you eat it

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:24

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

hth posted:

i've always wanted to call jon taffer a loving nutter to his weird face, I envy that you had the opportunity Nooner

ur mom taffed my jon till i loving nuttered on her weird face

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:24

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

I was very hungry and I had had a glass of grog

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:25

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

am i the hottie with the body or the cutie with the bootie? :wink:

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:27

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

Chinatown posted:

the best bars are the ones where u can find cocaine

hth

Men's room, after Biker Dan uses it there's usually a leftover bump on the toilet paper dispenser.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:28

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

Smash it Smash hit posted:

am i the hottie with the body or the cutie with the bootie?

ur jon taffer smoking fat d in the mens room while they making ur virgin daiquiri

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:30

military cervix: Dec 24, 2006; Hey guys

Eh, nothing I've seen of Bar Rescue (practically nothing) convinces me that it can match the craziness that is amys baking company on kitchen nightmares.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uPOGxUtZvk

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:31

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

Tiff Taffin' Taffer...

:colbert:

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:31

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

i just google reverse image searched jon taffer this guy lookin like mickey rourke hosed a turt

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:32

ladron: Sep 15, 2007; eso es lo que es

Jastiger posted:

I'm the 21 year old server who is expected to take this job as serious as a vice president position at a fortune 100 company, but gets paid $3 while listening to the owner bitch about coming up short half a million.

I've only seen this once when I happened to catch the show and the girl was basically like. "I'm 19, I don't get paid poo poo here, I'm not hanging around so some weirdo from vegas can yell at me. deuces." I watched a few other episodes to try and catch a similar moment but that was it.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:32

social vegan: Nov 7, 2014

he look like someone took a ton of loose skin and threw it over a big bolwing pin

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:32

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

I'm the outrageously high power bill you can no longer afford after the "rescue".

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:37

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 18:54

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

I'm the product placement Jagermeister tap machine that does into to every bar no matter the theme.

# ? Oct 18, 2016 16:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT you are on the hit Spike TV Show 'Bar Rescue'

«‹›12 »