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*is handed sphaghetti in an ice cream cone* Yeah sorry we're out of plates |
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Oct 11, 2017 16:38
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 17:29 |
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Waiter comes over and says "I came here to do two things, serve you food on a plate and get a massive tip... and I'm all out of plates." |
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Oct 11, 2017 16:49
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Robot Made of Meat posted:They just handed me the plum, and dumped perfume all over it. really confused why the server is standing blindfolded in front of a table of sharp implements but i'm sure there's a thesis behind all this crimes |
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Oct 11, 2017 16:53
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Robot Made of Meat posted:They just handed me the plum, and dumped perfume all over it. 
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Oct 11, 2017 16:55
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My daughter wanted milk, so they just lassoed up some cow, pulled her in the back door, and told all the kids in the place to get on their hands and knees and take an udder.
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Oct 11, 2017 16:56
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Restaurant took us 5 hours to get through, they ran out of menus and made us guess the exact names of the dishes we wanted in a game of pictionary, except they were all gimmicky and named like "Big Wad of Beef Burger" and our waiter hadn't been in art school long enough to realize he was a terrible artist. |
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Oct 11, 2017 16:57
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so just use two hiphens instead |
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Oct 11, 2017 17:06
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You ever eat Cheerios out of a halved and pitted avocado? It's different!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Oct 11, 2017 17:07
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A turkey fryer which is also a high-speed blender. the server approaches my table with a newspaper funnel in hand. LET THE THANKSGIVING. . . BEGIN.
crimes |
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Oct 11, 2017 17:11
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Fried fish? Wrap it in news paper. French fries? News paper. Gumbo? Oh you better believe that's news paper. |
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Oct 11, 2017 17:52
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Waiter: How do you like your steak Thomas: Bloody and mooing! Waiter: Coming right up! "Thomas, you fool" |
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Oct 11, 2017 18:10
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I've never been to Japan, so help me out here, guys... is putting each piece of sushi on it's own playing card really 'the way they do things over there'? 'Cause that's what the manager is trying to tell me. |
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Oct 11, 2017 18:27
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server: so by making a corral out of the garlic mashed potatoes, using the steak to dam up the remaining gap, and reinforcing it all with the steamed vegetables, you have a nice gravy lake in the center of your table that won't spill out everywhere! me: OK, but won't the gravy start to flow everywhere once I begin eating everything that's containing it? server: *shrugs* ---------------- |
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Oct 11, 2017 19:30
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Server: "um, chef? Maybe if we washed the plates rather than smashing them in the alley behind the restaurant we wouldn't run out every night?" Head chef: "Do I tell you how to serve?!" Server: "uh... yes chef" Head chef: "Shutup and pass me that renaissance painting so I can plate up this boeuf bourguignon!" |
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Oct 11, 2017 22:12
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server: hey chef, we're out of spoons as well chef [to little dog]: you shut the hell up
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Oct 11, 2017 22:18
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Excuse me sir do you have dishes oh what's that you don't well you're in luck I brought them |
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Oct 11, 2017 22:32
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*Slams table violently* What do you MEAN the dishes ran away with the spoons???
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Oct 11, 2017 22:54
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when benihana runs out of plates you better learn to catch or you'll leave hungry, that's just the way it is |
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Oct 11, 2017 22:56
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City of Glompton posted:when benihana runs out of plates you better learn to catch or you'll leave hungry, that's just the way it is that's at the good locations. at the bad ones, you're picking your food off the griddle in between all the spatula flipping and cleaver chopping. ---------------- |
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Oct 11, 2017 23:05
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steakhouse waiter: Listen, a serving of meat should fit in the palm of your hand, so really we're doing you and your health a favor. |
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Oct 11, 2017 23:39
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Try the Soup de Jour which I guess is French for "we're gonna pour this in your pocket so careful- it's hot!"
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Oct 12, 2017 00:31
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it's going to start as just a mere restaurant novelty twist of "bring your own dishes", but it's going to end as "bring your own dinner, too".
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Oct 12, 2017 00:48
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Splatmaster posted:Try the Soup de Jour which I guess is French for "we're gonna pour this in your pocket so careful- it's hot!" "What's Pocket-Stew?? You won't believe this crazy new millennial fad!!"
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Oct 12, 2017 00:49
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*i ladle my wife a purseful of lobster bisque before tucking the menu into my collar, approximating the fold of a cravat, and drink the entire tureen of soup before a crowd of delighted patrons*
crimes |
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Oct 12, 2017 02:21
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I could maybe have forgiven the restaurant I was in for not having any dishes. But any sentiment in that direction on my part was quickly extinguished when they indulged that one patron in reliving his fraternity years, standing on his hands while his family propped him up, so that he could buttchug not just his pre-dinner cocktails, but also his soup, breadsticks, salad (with dressing, thankfully Italian), ravioli, and two servings of tiramisu. ---------------- |
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Oct 12, 2017 02:53
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eating a big turkey leg, "I don't know, it seems fine to me." |
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Oct 12, 2017 02:56
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| This restaurant really takes "open your mouth and close your eyes" to another level | |
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Oct 12, 2017 04:06
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*is handed a tractor tire filled with rain water* Well I've heard of farm to table but this is ridiculous |
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Oct 12, 2017 19:28
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"Oh, jeez, I feel so bad for this restaurant. They must be *so* embarassed," I say as I patiently wait for my Zuppa Toscana to drain to the bottom of a 105-piece marble run toy.
blaise rascal fucked around with this message at 17:20 on Oct 13, 2017
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Oct 13, 2017 12:27
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The waiter runs up to me, screaming as the hot soup burns his cupped hands. I tie a bib around my neck and lean back, mouth agape, and he gratefully pours the chicken noodle broth down my throat. He whimpers, rubbing his scalded palms together. I hear the pained cries of another chef in the back reaching into the oven and trying to pull out a pizza with his bare hands.
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Oct 13, 2017 13:10
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UWBW posted:The waiter runs up to me, screaming as the hot soup burns his cupped hands. I tie a bib around my neck and lean back, mouth agape, and he gratefully pours the chicken noodle broth down my throat. He whimpers, rubbing his scalded palms together. I hear the pained cries of another chef in the back reaching into the oven and trying to pull out a pizza with his bare hands. wow, I hope you tipped well, because that is some dedicated service!
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Oct 13, 2017 14:18
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Twenty Four posted:wow, I hope you tipped well, because that is some dedicated service! Pssh, you should see how the guys down the street at the Italian place. Straining the noodles out of the boiling water is a real delicate operation, I tell ya.
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Oct 13, 2017 14:37
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"Sir," cries the waiter, "please! Do not come in here! We have run out of everything!" "Nonsense, my good man!" I exclaim, "I will have one of your finest meals, please." One of the busboys flattens out some dirt to create a makeshift table, and puts a rock down for me to sit on. The chef, openly weeping, brings me a napkin full of grass and small stones. I smile, and bite down, teeth shattering and blood overflowing onto the napkin. A waitress faints. The sound of a small child crying fills the air, from somewhere out of sight. "I-Is it to your satisfaction, sir?" asks a trembling shift manager. "Lovely!" I say, coughing on a grub. Later, in the hospital: "You know, I didn't mention it because I didn't want to be rude, but service was awfully poor."
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Oct 13, 2017 14:50
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UWBW posted:Pssh, you should see how the guys down the street at the Italian place. Straining the noodles out of the boiling water is a real delicate operation, I tell ya. I know that place. instead of serving their pizza on a platter, they chuck it at your eye screaming "'ats amore!"
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Oct 13, 2017 14:54
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A big pile of fried fish on the floor and a similar mound of tartar sauce right next to it. A single wedge of lemon. |
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Oct 13, 2017 19:23
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:A big pile of fried fish on the floor and a similar mound of tartar sauce right next to it. A single wedge of lemon. if you want to post about your dinner last night pls take it to the fine dining thread |
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Oct 13, 2017 19:26
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HEY! I eat my fish out of my codding bucket thank you very much |
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Oct 13, 2017 19:32
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If our current theories about the ultimate fate of the universe are correct, then the Restaurant at the End of the Universe really will have run out of everything except a nearly infinite void of waste heat just unimaginable fractions above absolute zero. |
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Oct 13, 2017 20:15
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Zero stars. Everything’s too cold and they’re out of stars. Would not return. |
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Oct 13, 2017 20:53
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 17:29 |
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I toast the world's last scone over the glowing heat of an irradiated mutant. carefully, ever so carefully, i carry it over to the wrought iron table i created in the image of some delicate parisian filigree, half-remembered from either a cafe or cemetary gate. the table itself was reclaimed from a cemetary gate, so it would only be fitting, but this is only the table! behold the wine i have squeezed from the eyes of my foes, bottled in a yes that is a shampoo bottle, thank you, but no cracks! none at all. that's a lucky bottle, my friend. ah! but what is lacking in this breakfast, if not a dollop of butter! Quickly, to the last operating cold storage bunker in my shelter! See upon the shelf, that delicate porcelain dish, the elegant silver knife, untarnished by this hellish wasteland? and, yes, that is the last tablespoon of butter left on Earth. Slowly, ever so slowly, we'll carry it through the twisting maze built by who knows what God, for who knows what purpose? Safety or damnation, either feels the same locked in the bowels of the underground, so yes I accept the fate handed to me, as my hair falls out in clumps. I would rather die an Englishman than live a worm feasting on rot and death! Stay here, I'll pull back the vault door. Mind the wind, it's been gusty ever since the bombs fell. There's but ten yards of rubble between here and the table so if you'll hand it to me I can- NO! You FOOL! You UTTER TWIT! you broke it! IT'S RUINED! All cracked and dusty and, oh the BUTTER'S MELTED! Do you KNOW what you've DONE? There was time! There was time now, for me to enjoy a scone! crimes |
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Oct 13, 2017 21:39
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