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Volcott posted:Judas was the most devoted apostle and that's why he was asked to take the fall and become humanity's most infamous betrayer. Someone had to do it or the whole "death and resurrection" thing wouldn't have gotten off the ground. Ooh, I like that one. It makes Matthew 26:22 make a lot more sense. Why else would they all ask "Lord, is it I?"
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Nov 1, 2017 04:22
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What is the bible's stance on incest? Asking for a friend.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:28
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Seems to be surprisingly ok with it as long as you keep it on the dl
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Nov 1, 2017 04:29
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vyst posted:What is the bible's stance on incest? Asking for a friend. You have to get your dad drunk first.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:29
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vyst posted:What is the bible's stance on incest? Asking for a friend. are you the only living humans on earth? do you at least think you are?
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Nov 1, 2017 04:31
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Limbo's closed, right? And people keep having abortions, correct? My god. Someone is collecting all the dead baby souls!
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Nov 1, 2017 04:37
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gently caress and suck and let God finish on my chest
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Nov 1, 2017 04:38
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"Ammon," Wikipedia posted:After the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the daughters of Lot had sexual relations with their father, resulting in Ammon and his half brother, Moab, being conceived and born. This narrative has traditionally been considered literal fact, but is now generally interpreted as recording a gross popular irony by which the Israelites expressed their loathing of the Moabites and Ammonites, although it is doubtful that the Israelites would have directed such irony to Lot himself. (emphasis added)
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Nov 1, 2017 04:39
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Either way, it's implicit in the story that Incest Is Bad
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Nov 1, 2017 04:40
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Colonel Cancer posted:Limbo's closed, right? And people keep having abortions, correct? My god. Someone is collecting all the dead baby souls! You don't get a soul until you take your first breath. Abortions are totally cool in the Bible, there's even a story about preparing a"bitter drink" to cause one.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:41
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Who What Now posted:You don't get a soul until you take your first breath. Abortions are totally cool in the Bible, there's even a story about preparing a"bitter drink" to cause one. It's debatable but I'm familiar with that whole passage. Let me correct my earlier statement: ever since Limbo closed its gates, someone has been ciphoning the souls of all the abandoned meth babies! For what evil purpose?
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Nov 1, 2017 04:47
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The Catholic Church says the Bible's genre is sacred story. It's neither fiction nor history. It's a myth that tells a deeper truth. My favorite stories of the Bible are the Jesus stories and the Jonah story. Removing the need to validate their historicity, the first one is about a teacher's sacrifice and the second one is about trying to run away from hard truths.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:50
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yahweh is a jealous demon who took control of our world to impose his will for his own aggrandizement. after witnessing what a poo poo job he did, in the new testament he sacrifices himself in a hopeless attempt to save the world he ruined.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:56
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- hi
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Colonel Cancer posted:It's debatable but I'm familiar with that whole passage. Let me correct my earlier statement: ever since Limbo closed its gates, someone has been ciphoning the souls of all the abandoned meth babies! For what evil purpose? If there's one thing that can't be debated, it's that the Bible loves killing babies.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:58
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Caufman posted:The Catholic Church says the Bible's genre is sacred story. It's neither fiction nor history. It's a myth that tells a deeper truth.
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Nov 1, 2017 04:59
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in case anyone is interested the library of congress has a listing of some of jesus christ more contemporary works: https://lccn.loc.gov/n82042325 quote:LC control no. n 82042325
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Nov 1, 2017 05:00
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a series of divine emanations emerge out of the perfect substance which comprises true reality including a computerlike machine projecting our own conception of the universe that we refer to as "God", however this artifact or process is an imperfect representation of the absolute and is unable to adequately comprehend anything beyond itself. the program we reside in is simultaneously meant to contain this process as well as is the process itself, all conceivable reality expanding and contracting infinitely with the end purpose of replicating the first substance which once completed will merge with itself and destroy our worldNathilus posted:This one time god was like "kill ur son" to this dude. iirc after Abraham binds his son God ceases direct communication with him Les Os fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Nov 1, 2017 |
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Nov 1, 2017 05:00
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It was actually Shep that begat Malthazar.
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Nov 1, 2017 05:01
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Jesus was drunk most ofb he time and got the bronze age equivalent of the clap from Mary Magdeline
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Nov 1, 2017 05:03
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Caufman posted:My favorite stories of the Bible are the Jesus stories and the Jonah story. Removing the need to validate their historicity, the first one is about a teacher's sacrifice and the second one is about trying to run away from hard truths.
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Nov 1, 2017 05:04
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Who What Now posted:The Bible states that slave owners (CEOs and bosses) can beat their slaves (employees) so long as they don't die for a day or so. Which is more relevant by the day. good message imho
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Nov 1, 2017 05:07
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mind the walrus posted:I dig the Jesus story taken 100% on its own merits, but the fact that it's become a cornerstone for multiple civilizations and abused in every shape and form has me really, really hating it. It's like if someone took the Spider-Man origin story and built the next 2000 years around it. you need to tell the stupid peasants something otherwise they will start making up their own poo poo. thats always trouble! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnster_Rebellion
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Nov 1, 2017 05:10
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John of Patmos was scared of the Roman Empire (and rightfully so) and Revelation was conceived during a P. cubensis experience, raving about demons and horseman and the whore of babylon while a bored scribe took dictation.
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Nov 1, 2017 05:11
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Ruth/David OTP
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Nov 1, 2017 05:17
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If you're really rich you can custom order a giant needle with the eye the size of a semi and then you can ride as many camels through it as you want. Hell, charge other shmucks to do it too!
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Nov 1, 2017 05:20
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Colonel Cancer posted:If you're really rich you can custom order a giant needle with the eye the size of a semi and then you can ride as many camels through it as you want. Hell, charge other shmucks to do it too! its an analogy, so i think you only have to do it once then all rich people get into heaven forever
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Nov 1, 2017 05:23
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mind the walrus posted:I dig the Jesus story taken 100% on its own merits, but the fact that it's become a cornerstone for multiple civilizations and abused in every shape and form has me really, really hating it. It's like if someone took the Spider-Man origin story and built the next 2000 years around it. You're not wrong. The stories might have stuck around because of cynicism, but it's up to the reader how the story will impact their life.
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Nov 1, 2017 05:25
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Dangerous Minority posted:God decided to gently caress with Job just because he was bored and thought it would be funny This is the most important story in the Bible.
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Nov 1, 2017 05:33
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Pick posted:This is the most important story in the Bible. this is the implicit message of christianity. God is an rear end in a top hat, and you should be happy he died on the cross
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Nov 1, 2017 05:36
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Jephthah knew that his daughter would be the first one to come out and greet him. He knew.
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Nov 1, 2017 06:33
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2 Kings 2:23-24 is real.quote:From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.
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Nov 1, 2017 06:36
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That the holy spirit is the weirdo part of god's brain. The father is all about smiting and death, Jesus is about love, and then there's the guy whos in a Halloween ghost costume yelling about how we should throw frogs at them.
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Nov 1, 2017 06:51
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I like the theory that the story of Cain the farmer killing Abel the shepherd is an allegory for ancient agricultural tribes wiping out nomadic pastoral tribes.
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Nov 1, 2017 06:54
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Mine is that I was REALLY loving AWESOME as Caiaphas at Theatre 29's production of Jesus Christ Superstar in 2003, to the point where I'd meet random people around town for years afterwards and they'd tell me how bad I'd loving scared them. Not much, but it's better than the Bible ever done me.
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Nov 1, 2017 06:58
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McGavin posted:2 Kings 2:23-24 is real. thats impressive, two Dire bears is Summon Natures Ally VII. this guy is at least 13th level with the LORD
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Nov 1, 2017 07:02
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Ialdabaoth is a little bitch child of chaos with his Laws and poo poo Sophia is the bringer of Gnosis and secretly influenced those desert savages to speak of her obliquely
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Nov 1, 2017 07:21
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Bimmi posted:Mine is that I was REALLY loving AWESOME as Caiaphas at Theatre 29's production of Jesus Christ Superstar in 2003, to the point where I'd meet random people around town for years afterwards and they'd tell me how bad I'd loving scared them. my evangelical cousins once roped me into going to see a jesus christ superstar production at the chintzy tourist town in lancaster amish country and at some point a weirdo old lady started holding her hands up to the stage like the power of christ hisself was emanating from this very off broadway shitshow production
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Nov 1, 2017 07:39
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Percelus posted:my evangelical cousins once roped me into going to see a jesus christ superstar production at the chintzy tourist town in lancaster amish country and at some point a weirdo old lady started holding her hands up to the stage like the power of christ hisself was emanating from this very off broadway shitshow production Yeah, it has that effect. Dum, I know.
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Nov 1, 2017 07:43
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like i could see having a religious moment from musical theatre if colm wilkinson and philip quast were performing les miserables https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0SWaGfkPxA but jesus christ superstar in pennslytucky? the worst part of born agains is their utter lack of taste in all things
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Nov 1, 2017 07:44
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another example of how retarded evangelicals are when it comes to media consumption - kevin sorbo's 'let there be light'
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Nov 1, 2017 07:50
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