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Vampires have their reflexes removed so they don’t feel atrophy, so enroll them in a jazzercise class and replace their sports drink with milk so that the lactic acid locks up all their muscles when it doesn’t metabolize properly. 
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Aug 27, 2022 11:04
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Pac and Cheese posted:the best way to get rid of a dracula is to repeat the following two times It’s my mom’s favorite music video, she loves kitsch and camp.
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Aug 27, 2022 11:05
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All vampires hate anime. Invite them to a convention center and while they're asleep do a pop-up anime convention. It won't kill them, but it will be a living hell to them.
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Aug 27, 2022 11:17
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Eat a dick Mr. Simpson, this is DADDY’S MAGIC SUMMER. 
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Aug 27, 2022 12:23
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Be unimpressed. Vampires always dress to the nines and try to charm the hell out of you in their fancy castle before they bite you. Be like 'yeah ok whatever nice cape i guess  ' and they will go to their crypt an mope for a decade or two
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Aug 27, 2022 12:48
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I just don't hang out with vampires
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Aug 27, 2022 14:05
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Vampires have their reflexes removed so they don’t feel atrophy, so enroll them in a jazzercise class and replace their sports drink with milk so that the lactic acid locks up all their muscles when it doesn’t metabolize properly. vampires only drink blood. just replace your blood with milk
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Aug 27, 2022 15:26
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Big Beef City posted:I just don't hang out with vampires sometimes you run across a dracula, you know? I try to be prepared for when I do, draculas are pretty annoying tbh, all trying to coerce you to invite them in and poo poo.
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Aug 27, 2022 15:29
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I heard all the anti-vampire remedies were just disinfo spread by vampires to lure people into a false sense of security. 
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Aug 27, 2022 15:48
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Become a vampireire and suck them dry
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Aug 27, 2022 16:22
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Icochet posted:Being rich hundreds of years there's no way their finances are 100% legit, especially as they always end up eating their accountants or driving them insane. Audit the fuckers. Audit them hard Trying to take down a vampire via legal means is how you end up in a room with a vampire and a bunch of lawyers, and then realize they're all also vampires when they all start laughing at you. Vampires are old money. If it won't work on a regular evil rich old person, it won't even slow down a vampire.
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Aug 27, 2022 16:29
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DrSunshine posted:I heard all the anti-vampire remedies were just disinfo spread by vampires to lure people into a false sense of security. It's true. Most vampires love anime. They are naturally evil and don't leave the house a lot. Of course they do.
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Aug 27, 2022 16:31
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Replace all your blood with garlic aioli and taunt Dracula
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Aug 27, 2022 16:34
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Colonel Cancer posted:Become a vampireire and suck them dry  Yes Daddy Drac!
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Aug 27, 2022 16:37
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Trying to take down a vampire via legal means is how you end up in a room with a vampire and a bunch of lawyers, and then realize they're all also vampires when they all start laughing at you. Well obviously the auditor is accompanied by a dutch werewolf with wooden fangs and holy saliva
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Aug 27, 2022 17:06
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:Thank you OP I've been having some vampire problems lately and I'm gonna try this. so it worked but I set it up in my walk-in closet and so instead of the abomination being destroyed by the sun's purifying rays it's just bouncing around in there and it yells insults at me every time it sees me and tries to claw me if I come close so I can't get to any of my clothes and my parents are coming over for dinner tonight. in conclusion gently caress you OP you're a bad person
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Aug 27, 2022 17:27
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Can you even set your age to like 500 years on tinder? How does the half your age plus 7 rule work? Do you ever get weird looks when you're withdrawing your IRA you started in 1870? Do social security payments keep coming? I have so many questions about the day-to-day of it all.
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Aug 27, 2022 17:48
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Just walk around with a high BAC. Draculas do not drink…wine, so you will be safe from the teetotaling fucks.
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Aug 27, 2022 18:02
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vaginite posted:Can you even set your age to like 500 years on tinder? How does the half your age plus 7 rule work? Do you ever get weird looks when you're withdrawing your IRA you started in 1870? Do social security payments keep coming? Someone needs to infiltrate the dracula financial community because I for one want answers to these questions
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Aug 27, 2022 18:05
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vaginite posted:Can you even set your age to like 500 years on tinder? How does the half your age plus 7 rule work? Do you ever get weird looks when you're withdrawing your IRA you started in 1870? Do social security payments keep coming? goddamnit quit trying to justify your way into necrophilia, marius the clan talked about it and we all think its weird
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Aug 27, 2022 18:13
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Just use fanger
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Aug 27, 2022 23:51
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I Have Information That Will Lead to Dracula's Arrest
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Aug 28, 2022 00:14
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drat vamps cant go into a home uninvited... thats why i live in an airbnb.
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Aug 28, 2022 00:31
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in a similar vein a lot of vamp movies end up being about addiction. this is like basically racism if you think about it
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Aug 28, 2022 00:32
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Edgar Allan Pwned posted:drat vamps cant go into a home uninvited... thats why i live in an airbnb. This sounds like a plot to an indie horror film B & 'Blah' A vampire roams the country checking into B&Bs so he can feed on the guests and hosts. Best gimmick because he's never caught on any security camera footage.
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Aug 28, 2022 01:29
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One neat trick they don't want you to know is that if you suck a vampires dick you steal its power
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Aug 28, 2022 01:41
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Edgar Allan Pwned posted:in a similar vein a lot of vamp movies end up being about addiction. this is like basically racism if you think about it Saying vampires are addicted to blood is like saying anteaters are addicted to ants. So yes, racist as heck and call the UCLU(Undead Civil Liberties Union).
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Aug 28, 2022 01:54
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If you bite a vampire they'll just turn into a normal person. Sucking optional but recommended
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Aug 28, 2022 01:54
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Edgar Allan Pwned posted:in a similar vein a lot of vamp movies end up being about addiction. this is like basically racism if you think about it itd be cool if dracula got his power off of banging young gullible british sluts and the blood thing was just an armey hammer esque kink
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Aug 28, 2022 02:51
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Has anyone ever tested the counting thing? It’s seems like something the vampire community came up with trick normal people they’d be safe if they carried around a pocket full of rice. Meanwhile, vamps just laugh as they drain their surprised victim and now they also have delicious rice to eat with their meal.
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Aug 28, 2022 03:55
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Hollismason posted:One neat trick they don't want you to know is that if you suck a vampires dick you steal its power If a vampire sucks it’s own dick does it keep powering up or does the cum get weird and gross? 
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Aug 28, 2022 04:25
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Shinjobi posted:Vampires are stupid I would loving fight a vampire and kick it's loving bat-loving rear end.
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Aug 28, 2022 04:42
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Literally A Person posted:I would loving fight a vampire and kick it's loving bat-loving rear end. draculas seem like they live by some pretty stupid rules tbqh
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Aug 28, 2022 04:44
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Vampires don't have a reflection but obviously still reflect light themselves. They are made out of some kind of strange matter which alters the photons that interact with them so that those photons can only be absorbed, and not reflected. The curse of the vampire isn't like "vampire virus" or some magical mystical undead poo poo, that's just how our dumbass ancestors and moviemakers tried to explain something they didn't understand. They are made of strange matter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_matter, and under certain circumstances when strange matter interacts with regular matter, it converts the regular matter into strange matter. So if you get bit by a vampire you get "infected" with strange matter until that's what you're comprised of too. Now you will also live in a state of unrest apart from regular society because you're a loving strange freak
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Aug 28, 2022 05:02
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If you have a hemorrhoid, that's a vampire bite mark 
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Aug 28, 2022 05:55
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Literally A Person posted:I would loving fight a vampire and kick it's loving bat-loving rear end. i aint fraid of no ghost
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Aug 28, 2022 08:42
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:If a vampire sucks it’s own dick does it keep powering up or does the cum get weird and gross? seize this man and attach his vampire rear end to a turbine we have solved global wurming
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Aug 28, 2022 08:44
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Circle strafing a vampire is a lot easier if you access console and turn on third person mode with the hidden dev command "beeble one"
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Aug 28, 2022 10:15
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Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:ok so vampires don't like garlic, and also if you throw stuff on the ground vampires will be compelled to count it. You might actually be related to Van Helsing. This is loving 300 IQ. I could pick up a big jar of minced garlic at wal mart and use it to pwn a super powerful evil.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:29
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Vampires are weak to kryptonite
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Aug 30, 2022 02:10
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