/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

datajugend posted:

Ceci n'est pas une papa penis

Ah, you must work for the Film festival. Please consider my submission.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:02

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 08:54

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
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dee doot doot; College Slice

Haifisch posted:

My father [50M] just emailed my [21 M] college professor to try to alter my class schedule behind my back

This still happens when you teach at a graduate level. Nothing like the parent of a 25-year-old emailing you demanding that you give their baby extra credit.

Hopefully the professor either ignored the email or responded with, "I'm sorry, I cannot discuss my students with you as it is a violation of FERPA." to hopefully shut him up.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:15

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Me [27M] with my Wife [27F] of 3 months, ex fiance [33F] of 4 years begging me to "come home"

quote:

Firstly, thank you for even reading this. Seriously. I have never reached out to anyone for help, so please know this is a serious problem I'm trying to internalize and understand.

I am a 27M, and was engaged to a beautiful, fun 33F, when we met, I was 23, and she was 29 going on 30. Sure, there's a 6 year difference, but we fell in love, and it was magical! I never thought I could love someone like I love her. She was married before, and her husband left her to cheat and have other relationships.

We were engaged for several years, she never wanted to set a date, questioned my finances (i am partially disabled in the back due to work injuries since I was 18) still worked 30/40 hours a week but it was all minimum wage stuff, was very obsessive about how the house looked and was decorated. I felt like I was more a piece of furniture than a partner in her life. I know I may not have been the best partner, but I never gave up on us. And one day I came home to a typed letter sitting on my pillow, letting me know that it was over, and for me to move out. I did after she pushed me out.

I moved in with a friend of mine, who happened to be female. We got real close, real quick. I told her about how my ex and I were engaged for years and wouldn't marry me. I was upset and she just held me and told me she would marry me tomorrow. We ended up getting married about 2 months after that letter. I tried in that time to fix my relationship. I tried to clean the house every night so she would feel less stressed. I apologized so much. I don't even want to admit how much I cried as a guy. I tend to be a little more emotional than most though. She seemed really excited to be without me at first. But now she is texting me nonstop. Calling me. Crying and begging me to "come home".

We had a puppy together, and she will be turning 1 the end of this month, and god do I miss her so much. I miss both of them honestly. My wife keeps telling me that she is just emotionally hurting me and wanting what she can't have. But she begged me to come home before she knew I was married. I have never seen my ex act like this; hurt, vulnerable, sorry.

I tried telling my wife last night that I needed to go home to her, and it destroyed her last night. I held her for hours before I finally felt like I couldn't go through with it. Told her I made a promise and I feel like I have to keep it even if it means I'm not with the woman I feel like I'm supposed to be with (my ex).

My wife, is very kind hearted, very loyal, very loving of me. Probably more so than I. She is always visiting me at work to make sure I'm doing ok because she knows I struggle to get through the days. She never complains really, is just genuinely happy to have me in her life, even though I'm a piece of crap and would rather be with someone else.

I feel like in time, once the ex moves away in the next couple months, things will ease. But until then, I'm struggling more than I ever thought I would in my life. My wife has introduced me to family (even though we haven't told them yet), friends, she has also never had a boyfriend, let alone husband. I don't want to leave her to deal with the aftermath of me walking out. I convinced her to move out of her apartment and into a rental house with me which is more expensive than her apartment was. I considered leaving but still paying for my share of rent and bills until the lease was up... but I still feel like I would destroy her. I've never seen such a warm hearted person.

Tell me I'm making the right decision? Tell me that letting my Ex move away even though shes begging me to come back, and I truly do believe she is sorry for everything. She said I don't belong with someone I've only been with a couple months, I belong with her, and she will pay for the annulment and marry me the day after. That she cant see herself with anyone other than me. She wears her engagement ring every day now. I think she just finally realized the mistake she made.

In all honesty, I'm a little angry with my wife for letting me get married to her so quickly, but I also know I was hurting and pushed for it at the time. Do I do the right thing and stay with her, and hope my feelings for my ex fade? Am I making the right decision in not running back?

My heart wants my ex, but doesnt want to destroy my wife. My head wants my wife, but doesnt want to let my ex be without me, and I miss the puppy. (she's told me we cant be friends because it hurts her too much, but the last couple days she's tried to go do things with me i like, she trying to show me she's sorry)

TLDR; I'm 27, Male, married to a very caring woman for the last 3 months. We got married shortly after my ex of 4 years kicked me out of the house. She realizes she screwed up, has apologized, and wants me back. I feel so hollow wanting to leave and go back to her. Tell me I'm doing the right thing by staying with my wife?

His wife should upgrade him from partially disabled to fully disabled before the obligatory :murder:

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:22

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

how dare my wife marry me so soon? you know how men are!

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:27

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Doggles posted:

Me [27M] with my Wife [27F] of 3 months, ex fiance [33F] of 4 years begging me to "come home"

His wife should upgrade him from partially disabled to fully disabled before the obligatory

It's like a layer cake of bad ideas.

Get married after dating someone for two months! Then get angry at them for "letting" you get married that quickly! Truly believe that your ex is sorry for everything and won't drag her feet on committing/realizing she doesn't like you that much again! Hem and haw even more for the puppy!

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:27

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

My (21 M) girlfriend (21 F) uses a purse ,nearly everyday, that was given to her by someone who hurt her in the past. It really bothers me that she does, what do I do?

quote:

I have been dating this girl for about 6 months and fell madly in love with her. She told me early on that she had been assaulted when she was younger by someone she knew in school. He bought her a bag as a hush hush gift and she still has it. For convenience purposes she uses it nearly everyday. It doesn�t seem to bother her anymore and she expresses that it�s a reminder that she is alright. It�s also her favorite brand and a very expensive purse so I don�t like the idea that she is also keeping it for its value. Is it wrong for me to feel angry about it? I want to support her, but as someone who loves her I can�t even look at the thing without getting a sick stomach in my feeling.

tl;dr Girlfriend has a bag that was given to her by someone who hurt her I don�t know how to come across as insensitive about my negative feelings towards it.

How can I make my girlfriend's assault from long before I knew her about MEEEEEE :qq:

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:28

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

spite house posted:

My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me.

I'm so glad the little fella's gonna be ok.

I'm not trying to start a Seaworld debate but aren't they super loving smart? Like smart enough that just keeping it in the tank would be a battle on top of the ethics of keeping an incredibly intelligent creature in a household tank?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:29

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

OP posted:

Maybe I can talk to my wife about just being good friends again, and being roommates? And not going back to my ex either?

I really hate the thought of public help, and I don't qualify for disability because I can still "work", but it doesn't mean I'm not in pain constantly, and the depression doesnt help either.

I havn't looked into resources because I don't financially qualify for them anymore because I'm married, and her income is a lot more than mine. So maybe I should talk to her about backing up a little?

Thank you for not tearing in to me... I already feel terrible and some of the comments are painful, i know i deserve it, but i already know im awful.

Now I ain't saying he's a gold digger...

e:

Danaru posted:

My (21 M) girlfriend (21 F) uses a purse ,nearly everyday, that was given to her by someone who hurt her in the past. It really bothers me that she does, what do I do?

How can I make my girlfriend's assault from long before I knew her about MEEEEEE

"How dare she not feed my knight in shining armor complex. :qq:

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:29

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I'll never stop getting really upset hearing about surprise pets as gifts. I think I'm safe but it's definitely a thing I'm afraid of.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:31

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Doggles posted:

Me [27M] with my Wife [27F] of 3 months, ex fiance [33F] of 4 years begging me to "come home"

His wife should upgrade him from partially disabled to fully disabled before the obligatory

You know that thing about doing the exact opposite of whatever your instinct is? The Costanza Principle? This guy should do that.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:31

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

An absolutely gorgeous man [37M] asked to kiss me [25F], and I said no. Now, I really want to talk to him again, but I don't know whether that's a good idea. Help?

quote:

God, it took me forever to write this. I'm sorry if it's jumbled. I really don't know how I'm feeling.

I think I'm a solidly normal person. Sometimes I think I'm interesting and pretty, sometimes I think I'm boring and unattractive. I think that's true of most women my age.

This guy, however, is an 8/10, smart, interesting, and charming as hell. I swear to god he looks like Tarzan. He's getting his second degree at 37, and he and I had a few university classes together. He always seemed interested in me (stopped me after class to talk, asked me to get coffee on a regular basis). I didn't reciprocate for a few reasons:

1) First and foremost, he's out of my league. I'm really not just saying that. I think I'm objectively less attractive and interesting than the women he's been with, and he's been with a lot of women. That brings me to point number two...

2) He's an ex-party boy. I'm talking hard drugs, spontaneous threesomes, copious amounts of alcohol. I wouldn't be surprised if he had "YOLO" tattooed across his left butt cheek. He seems pretty embarrassed by his past, and he's trying to clean up now. I'm not sure how successful he's been.

3) I don't think we're each other's "type." I'm the girl who sat by herself at lunch in 7th grade because the other kids thought I was annoying. I have fewer than 100 friends on Facebook. I have a gimpy leg and haven't gone outside in days. I'm not "cute awkward"; I'm awkward awkward. This guy, on the other hand, is the popular jock type. He's also decently older than me. (For the record, I thought he was 28 when I met him. I swear to god he doesn't age.)

Anyway, I finally caved one day and went to coffee with this guy. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life. We had a nice time--he's a great conversation partner--but I never felt completely comfortable around him. Then, he drove me home, and before I went inside, he asked to kiss me. I got nervous and said no. Because of his past and our age difference, I was afraid that he was trying to take advantage of me. He's tried to contact me a few times since then, but I've been distant.

Now, I want to talk to him again. I really don't think I could be in a relationship with him--we're so incredibly different--but dammit all if I don't want to kiss him. And maybe other things, honestly. I would probably have to have a few drinks before I could muster the courage to go there with him, but he looks like Tarzan, you guys. Tarzan. (Also, I would definitely be clear with him about my intentions. I wouldn't lead him on or anything. Something tells me he's not looking for a girlfriend, anyway.)

Again, I'm sorry if this post is jumbled or stupid. I just don't know what I want, and you guys give pretty good advice in my experience. What do you think?

tl;dr: Insanely hot guy who is the opposite of me in every way asked to kiss me, I said no, now I regret my decision. Worried about his shady past and our age difference. Should I contact him?

[UPDATE] An absolutely gorgeous man [37M] asked to kiss me [25F], and I said no. Now, I really want to talk to him again, but I don't know whether that's a good idea. Help?

quote:

Texted him after my last post, asked him out for drinks, he said yes. Started flirting over text. He admitted that he wanted to sleep with me--I was giddy. Then he dropped the bomb on me. He's loving married.

I called off the date, obviously, but I'm so disappointed. I've never wanted to gently caress someone so much in my life.

tl;dr: Asked the guy out. Found out he's married. Called off the date. Feeling irritated.

Edit: For the people asking whether he�s in an open relationship�I asked, and he isn�t. He tried to open it last year, but his wife wasn�t on board.

lmao

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:32

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

In all honesty, I'm a little angry with my wife for letting me get married to her so quickly

You utter jackass. You jellyfish. You simp.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:33

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

lmao

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:35

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Doggles posted:

Me [27M] with my Wife [27F] of 3 months, ex fiance [33F] of 4 years begging me to "come home"

His wife should upgrade him from partially disabled to fully disabled before the obligatory

This dude is such a spineless piece of poo poo I don't even know where to start

This is my favorite part, where he tries telling his loving wife he is "going home" to his ex fiancee because hey, thats what she said in the texts, so beep boop now that I've received instructions I have to do it!!

quote:

I tried telling my wife last night that I needed to go home to her, and it destroyed her last night. I held her for hours before I finally felt like I couldn't go through with it. Told her I made a promise and I feel like I have to keep it even if it means I'm not with the woman I feel like I'm supposed to be with (my ex).

What the gently caress is with this dude, fuuuuuckkkkkkkk

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:35

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I'll never stop getting really upset hearing about surprise pets as gifts. I think I'm safe but it's definitely a thing I'm afraid of.

And what the hell am I supposed to do with this drat horse, then?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:35

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Palpek posted:

An absolutely gorgeous man [37M] asked to kiss me [25F], and I said no. Now, I really want to talk to him again, but I don't know whether that's a good idea. Help?

[UPDATE] An absolutely gorgeous man [37M] asked to kiss me [25F], and I said no. Now, I really want to talk to him again, but I don't know whether that's a good idea. Help?

lmao

Wow a rare insight into the other side of a not openrelationship

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:36

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

She could still sleep with him if she really wanted to

Since she is so down on her appearance, maybe she is one of those girl who you just have to let their hair down and take off the glasses and they go from a 4 to a 10 like in a 90s teen movie.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:37

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

He's ... 37, ... I wouldn't be surprised if he had "YOLO" tattooed across his left butt cheek.

I would.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:38

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Oh man there's a subreddit we haven't checked in on in a while

I feel cheated on???? (self.polyamory)
submitted 7 hours ago * by gentlesong

quote:

so been seeing a person, every time we had sex with my wife and myself i was like heres a condom, put it on.

My wife has also for years been absolutely on top of me for wearing condoms in our trysts of the m/f persuasion. She says its because of pregnancy and other women and I get that , but I say HELLO YOU MADE ME WEAR A CONDOM EVERY SINGLE TIME EVEN WHEN I LOVED THE GIRL REALLY MUCH A LOT.

we have finally taken the jump and I've ditched my OPP and i'm like cool ok this guy is cool have at her, invited him over when I'm at work totalyl not jealous, sent her to his house totally not jealous. I seemed to be doing fine with compersion

then today.

Get home from work after a few words the wife is like "so gentlesong I've made a decision"

"I want to sleep with this guy bare back after knowing him 1 week"

My response is hmm no actually not into it, maybe after we know him and hes proven himself for 6 months to a year I'd be into opening that option up.

"But condoms don't feel good, they hurt"

"use more lube then?"

then she tells me that

"I already hosed him bare back and he came inside me"

loving see white hot rage, and then pain. lots and lots of pain. The only thing I can think of as similar is the pain of being cheated on like a sucker punch from some 300 lbs gorilla.

I get it, its my fault for not sitting them both down and saying specifically do not gently caress bare back, but I feel that loving bare back is kind of a thing that you would ask say a partner that you are fluid bonded with about?

turns out they've been loving bare back since the first time they got together and its killing me because I've hosed her since they barebacked and now I could have whatever the gently caress he has. meh.

i'm probably wrong and I asked for it etc. live and let live shes got an iud so no pregnancy scare, but am I wrong in thinking that I shouldn't have to sit down the person who has been on me every single time about wearing a condom with my extra marital partners, and explain to her to use a god drat condom?????

meh

anyways i'm at the point after having that (load of cum spooged in her pussy) experience without being asked before hand and just kinda sprung on me, and the fact taht on the 1st day when I said use a condom he was barebacking her(Without my consent)(it was dark)(wtf) anyways that I don't want him in my life or my house and I said not into her dating this person and I withdraw my blessing. I'm probably an rear end in a top hat so have at her reddit tell me what a piece of poo poo i am

she said stuff like" oh i thought you only wanted him to wear a condom to protect your fragile male ego and its fine if we did it in private" like wtf is this woman even my wife??

how i feel is we have had an agreement that I wear a condom every single time no exceptions. is it my fault and on me that I should expect her to do the exact same thing unless specifically and directly asked after opening the OPP thing up for her??

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:39

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Palpek posted:

An absolutely gorgeous man [37M] asked to kiss me [25F], and I said no. Now, I really want to talk to him again, but I don't know whether that's a good idea. Help?

[UPDATE] An absolutely gorgeous man [37M] asked to kiss me [25F], and I said no. Now, I really want to talk to him again, but I don't know whether that's a good idea. Help?

lmao

Lmao! Please let me cheat on my wife with you after she turned down an open relationship! It's so good! 🤣

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:40

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Ham Sandwiches posted:

This dude is such a spineless piece of poo poo I don't even know where to start

he did say he got a back injury, maybe it was a spinectomy

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:41

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I'll never stop getting really upset hearing about surprise pets as gifts. I think I'm safe but it's definitely a thing I'm afraid of.

You think you're safe. You think you're fine. Wait until a family member shows up with two puppies because you mentioned thinking about a dog and you know you don't want them but they are cute and were being abused and your kids love them and pretty soon it's too late to turn back. You've got two surprise pets.

quote:

In all honesty, I'm a little angry with my wife for letting me get married to her so quickly, but I also know I was hurting and pushed for it at the time.

Leave your wife so she can be with someone less...you. She's never had a boyfriend and you're mad at her for not being more mature about marriage than you?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:43

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Cool updates from the rebound wife guy!!

quote:

Reddit: Good grief what a mess. You need to be single and not be with either of these women. You need a therapist, fast. No, you shouldn't have married someone after 2 months and you should NOT have stayed in contact with your ex. Please go book yourself in with a therapist immediately.

quote:

OP says: In all honesty, after my injuries, I can't really be "independant", unless I'm living in my car. Which I've done before for years, but really can't right now.

I agree that I need some sort of mental help, I suffer from PTSD and depression, but I can't afford insurance either. My wife is excited to help me get in to doctors and get help as soon as her insurance opens up for this year.

quote:

Reddit: AND Angry with your wife for letting you marry her!? The loving audacity of you. Get a grip and gain some loving composure of your feelings and own YOUR decisions!

And here is generalized whining from the OP that thread is not going well:

quote:

Literally Spineless OP: I simply asked for advice, not to be torn apart any further than I already am. But thanks for putting another nail in me.

AH WAIT THE PUPPY

quote:

Literally Spineless OP: One year old puppy, and a dog I spent 4 years with too of hers. I wasn't hung up about my ex at all actually... until she contacted me begging me to "come home"

She has been very supportive because she wants to see me get closure with her. Maybe she is just too good for me... And you're right, I should take more responsibility for my actions, I'm sorry.

EDIT: I've never had a dog before, and I've never loved an animal before. So this is new to me in losing one.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:45

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I'm not trying to start a Seaworld debate but aren't they super loving smart? Like smart enough that just keeping it in the tank would be a battle on top of the ethics of keeping an incredibly intelligent creature in a household tank?

Yeah, you have to really make sure that they're intellectually stimulated � they need lots of puzzles and toys or they'll go crazy.

And even if they're happy, they'll still probably try to escape the tank because gently caress it, why not. In some aquariums, octopuses will sneak out their tank at night, devour some of the other exhibits, and then sneak back to their tank before anyone is the wiser.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:45

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

mods please change my name to fluid bonded poly husband

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:46

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

The phrase "fluid bonded" really makes my skin crawl

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:49

LGD: Sep 25, 2004

Yawgmoth posted:

Movies are loving terrible about diabetes because all anyone knows is "diabetes means sugar and insulin things! " and apparently doing 30 loving seconds of reading wikipedia is too goddamned much for any writer in hollywood.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters had a more realistic portrayal of diabetes for god's sake.

Con Air was a documentary and happened in real time

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:50

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

she said stuff like" oh i thought you only wanted him to wear a condom to protect your fragile male ego

LMBO this lady is ice cold

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:50

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

girl pants posted:

The phrase "fluid bonded" really makes my skin crawl

okay he came in me and we're fluid bonded...but....he hasn't used the bathroom while I'm showering like you have. We're still bathroom bonded, husband. Our relationship is still special.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Yeah, you have to really make sure that they're intellectually stimulated � they need lots of puzzles and toys or they'll go crazy.

And even if they're happy, they'll still probably try to escape the tank because gently caress it, why not. In some aquariums, octopuses will sneak out their tank at night, devour some of the other exhibits, and then sneak back to their tank before anyone is the wiser.

I saw a news story a while back about an aquarium that couldn't figure out why one of their sharks was dead until they watched security footage and realized the octopus had entered its tank and killed it. Or something like that. Fuzzy on the details.

flick my Mr. Bean fucked around with this message at 21:53 on Jan 10, 2018

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:50

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Danaru posted:

Oh man there's a subreddit we haven't checked in on in a while

I feel cheated on???? (self.polyamory)
submitted 7 hours ago * by gentlesong

With all this fluid bonding and compersion it sounds like a robot error report following maintenance.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:51

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

girl pants posted:

The phrase "fluid bonded" really makes my skin crawl

Yep seems like the unironic version of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLyAKm6V8FA

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:51

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Barudak posted:

With all this fluid bonding and compersion it sounds like a robot error report following maintenance.

Invalid compersion ratio detected, readjusting fluid bonding to compensate

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:52

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Randler posted:

Somebody in the 600lbs thread reposted this pretty informative blog post on what high- and low blood sugar can eventually do to your body if you have diabetes. It uses a pretty graphic language to describe that stuff, though.

Yeah, that's a classic from one of the goon nurses posting in the medical stories thread. Read the whole blog.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:53

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Fluid bonded sounds like a way for poly people to still convince themselves that their partner isn't actually having sex with a person, just a condom.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:54

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Another open relationship success story!

Me [25F] with my BF [23 M] of 2 years, have a non-monogamous relationship. We both found out we contracted herpes somehow and he blames and doesn't want to talk about how this will affect our relationship going forward.

quote:

We started out relationship as completely open 2 years ago. I wanted the open relationship because I was fresh out of a 5 year monogamous relationship that had tied me down and I wanted to be single and not feel like my body was owned by someone. I also felt that I wanted to try a different kind of relationship, and really thought that was what I wanted. He was the first guy I hooked up with since the breakup and we kinda fell for each other pretty quick, but I knew I was not ready to commit myself to just one person and be in a monogamous relationship with him. He was a bit unsure of the open relationship at first but said he was open minded about it and willing to try because he realy wanted to be with me. But then when it came down to it. he always got upset when I hooked up with another guy although I would communicate with him and he would say he was supportive until it would actually happen. Things got more serious with him and I realized being completely open was not something we should do anymore because I knew it hurt him. We agreed that we could explore things like swinging and threesomes together going forward. This has been going great and has worked out to be a great dynamic for us as we are both bisexual and have included men and women into our sex life.

Recently I got tested for STD's and it came back that I have herpes, oral and genital. I have never had symptoms of this at all, no bumps, breakouts, coldsores or anything so it came as a big surprise for me. We knew he got cold sores occasionally and that he got it from his father kissing him when he was little because his dad gets them. So oral I figure I got from him, but genital herpes is another thing in itself and I was very upset about the diagnosis. He got tested too and the results came back positive for both oral and genital herpes for him as well. We are always safe when having sex with others with condoms and whatnot so this came as a surprise to us both. We let past and current partners know and it pretty much resulted in them all telling us that they would not be down to hook up with us again because they don't want to risk getting herpes as well. I am ok with this, its not the end of the world.

I am mostly upset that since we got diagnosed, bf has been in a state of blaming me for "giving him herpes" and that I am the reason that we probably cant be open with other people anymore because although we know its not that big of a deal to us, we still would have to disclose that to future partners and most probably wont be down to get involved with us because of it. He has said that he is angry with me for introducing him to this "sinful and dangerous" lifestyle in the first place and that if I hadn't, then he would have never gotten herpes. I think he is just upset that I gave him a taste of fun and then it suddenly got shut down on him. He actually enjoys the non-monogamy so Im not sure why he is suddenly cutting that lifestyle down. I also think that he feels since I was very open about needing to be non-monogamous and that monogamy had not fulfilled me in the past mentally or sexually that I will end up feeling like he isn't enough for me.

He had been really enjoying being able to be with men and women and having freedom in the relationship, and although that hasn't changed, the diagnosis will inhibit it greatly. I am hurt that he blames me for the genital herpes when it very well could have been him that gave it to me or a partner of both of our that gave it to both of us so its very unfair of him to assume that it came from me just because during our completely "open" phase, I had sex with several men and he wasn't able to find any women to hook up with so therefore I'm to blame because he thinks that's when I probably got it, from that time period.

Now he refuses to talk about our diagnosis and wants to go about our lives like it didn't happen at all. I want him to know that I would be happy to be with just him for now on as I really love him and think I have gotten over the phase of needing others attention and sexuality to keep me sane. I'm not even sure how to approach the subject and know he will get upset and tell me he doesn't want to talk about it.

I would still like to include other people in our relationship but I am not even sure if that will ever happen again. I don't want to feel blamed for us having to change the relationship dynamic and him feeling slighted because I introduced him to it and now im "taking it away". Im not even really sure what I am looking for here, maybe just some insight from others who have had to deal with a situation like this, and how to handle him closing up about it and not wanting to talk through this shitshow happening in our relationship dynamic because of the herpes.

tl;dr: Have a non monogamous relationship and recently got diagnosed with oral and genital herpes. Our relationship dynamic is changing and im being blamed. Is there a way I can get him to open up and talk about this?

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:56

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

My (30) boyfriend (31) killed a man ten years ago. How do I get my mom to accept him?

quote:

(I�ve changed names and ages to not get recognized)

I met David about six months ago. I met him through friends and we clicked and became good friends pretty fast. One night, when we we�re drinking we began talking about the past, he told me he had been admitted to a psych hospital a couple of years and then told me he had killed a friend in a psychotic break and had been all over news media. His story were all over the place when it happened so I recognized him when he told me, I just hadn�t made the connection. His sentence was to undergo psychiatric treatment and he�s on medication now and really regret doing it. He tells me it was like a dream, and he remember it as such. He was also on a lot of drugs at the time. He�s completely different now and I trust him. He�s the sweetest guy I�ve ever met, and to be honest I can�t connect him to that person who were all over the media.

Well, we started dating a month ago. And I brought him home to meet my mother yesterday and she recognized him. She didn�t say anything to his face, but called me today. She was completely freaking out and telling me I can�t date a murderer. I told her what I�ve told you, he was psychotic, he�s not the same person who did that, and he�s heavily medicated with no intentions of stopping, but she was just completely freaking out, telling me she feared for my safety and she wouldn�t have anything to do with him and I had to leave him immediately. I told her that wasn�t going to happen and she said that as long as I�m dating him she doesn�t want to see me and he�s ultimately going to kill me.

I understand completely she�s fearful and anxious about the situation, but I still think she�s overreacting. It wasn�t a deliberate murder and it honestly annoys me to no end that she thinks that I�m not able to judge his character.

So yeah� how do I get my mom to accept this situation? Am I just doomed to not see her again? Could really use some input.

tl;dr: Boyfriend killed someone in a psychotic breakdown 10 years ago. Mom won't accept him and says she won't speak to me.

[Update] My (30f) boyfriend (31m) killed a man ten years ago. How do I get my mom to accept him?

quote:

Hi.

Thanks for the responses in the last thread. A lot of people told me things I didn�t want to hear, like I couldn�t judge a person after knowing him for six months, which I still kinda think you can, just not as much as I hoped.

I guess some people expects something crazy to have happened, but nothing really has.

He just weren�t as empathetic as I thought. I realized pretty quickly that if I didn�t call him first, he wouldn�t call me for days. And when I told him I had a very unpleasant encounter with a guy, he just laughed and told me that if it were him, he would be happy to get the attention.

And I just couldn�t get over that he killed a guy, honestly. When I was laying in bed and he was doing something else, I couldn�t stop thinking about how vulnerable I was. I didn�t feel safe.

So I broke up with him. I still think he deserves happiness, and to move on from what he did, but I�m not the one for him and I can�t help him.

My mum, was very relieved when I told her we broke up (I didn�t tell her why, just that it didn�t work out) and although she didn�t cut me out of her life like she threatened she�s been a lot warmer towards me since.

About the break up, he actually took it so well that I don�t think he was ever really in love with me. It was basically me breaking up and him saying �You gotta do what�s best for you, so I wish you good luck.�

I�m kinda heartbroken that I apparently didn�t mean that much to him, but I�m still fine.

We still talk though, which is probably stupid, but he�s a fun guy to talk to, and I don�t feel like I can judge him for doing something while on a psychotic breakdown.

Also, as I stated in the last thread, he has no intentions of stopping with his medication. He knows he needs it for the rest of his life, and as long as he follows that, he�ll probably continue to be in my life.

TL;DR I broke up with him.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

Fluid bonded sounds like a way for poly people to still convince themselves that their partner isn't actually having sex with a person, just a condom.

Its a really fancy way to say �shared std risk�

Unless his precum is epoxy in which case theyre being extremely literal.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:56

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I'm not trying to start a Seaworld debate but aren't they super loving smart? Like smart enough that just keeping it in the tank would be a battle on top of the ethics of keeping an incredibly intelligent creature in a household tank?

They are super smart. It probably depends on the species as to if they will try to stage a prison break or not. I think most people who have them make sure there's plenty of enrichment toys for them to puzzle out.

Source: I've watched a lot of videos of pet octopusses playing. I have no clue if they are actually happy in their aquariums. I don't know if any of our marine biologists browse this thread.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:58

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Palpek posted:

My (30) boyfriend (31) killed a man ten years ago. How do I get my mom to accept him?

[Update] My (30f) boyfriend (31m) killed a man ten years ago. How do I get my mom to accept him?

You ever see that french advert where the pig is smilig as it cuts slices of itself off to feed you with? This is that pig.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:58

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 4, 2024 08:54

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Continuing to talk to him after breaking up seems arguably worse than just staying in a relationship with him.

# ? Jan 10, 2018 21:59

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