- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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I know, it's kind of shocking and funny. The olds wanted respect but in the internet age it's harder for them to hide that they're barely literate.
Have you ever noticed that baby boomers can't type a complete thought? It's all just sentence fragments separated by ellipses. And if you point that out, they get REAL mad.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:42
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 00:14
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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And they used to say people don't know how to write anymore, back in the day we wrote big long letters to each other all the time...
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Apr 8, 2018 15:42
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Have you ever noticed that baby boomers can't type a complete thought? It's all just sentence fragments separated by ellipses. And if you point that out, they get REAL mad.
yes i have in fact seen the president
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Apr 8, 2018 15:43
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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And they used to say people don't know how to write anymore, back in the day we wrote big long letters to each other all the time...
I still did that with a girl I was interested in. Turns out she really liked articulated thoughts and old fashion letters.
We dated for a really long time.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:44
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I still did that with a girl I was interested in. Turns out she really liked articulated thoughts and old fashion letters.
We dated for a really long time.
I like long letters, I still have quite a few penpals. It's hard to keep up, but luckily I type absurdly quickly.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:46
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Insane teenager drama
Me [18 F] with my BF [18 M] of almost a year, kind of traumatized and REALLY need outside perspective
quote:
u/basura_time
Hi. I'll keep this as brief as possible. We'll call boyfriend Jim. edit (since my original piece here was so ill-received and prevented any actual advice): I am open to any opinions about this relationship. Please think them through though. I would prefer if I got more than just a two word "dump him" or three word "you're a witch."
Jim and I came to school at the same university at the beginning of this semester for the first time as freshmen.
Things that are Important to Note:
It was the beginning of the year, and we'd just been exposed to lots of authority figures telling us rules. One thing that was emphasized was having guests over in the dorm, and how any guest in the dorm was the responsibility of the person who let him in.
For reasons that are irrelevant to this post, we decided that our "makeout spot" would be the basement level of a certain stairwell in my dorm. Yes, it's trashy. No, I don't want to hear about how trashy it is.
We'd recently been arguing about how much physical affection to have in our relationship; he wanted more, I wanted less, a tale as old as time.
The Incident:
We were in our spot in the stairwell, expressing physical affection for each other, for around an hour. There was a little tension because he wanted to take it further than I wanted to, but we were mostly happy with each other and it was a pretty good time. At one point, my mom texted me and I wanted to respond, but Jim wasn't done with me yet. He kept trying to do things--nothing terrible, just hug, kiss, etc. I wanted to text my mom, so I shrugged him off.
He was very offended by this and it made him so upset that he was moved to tears. He said that it seemed like I barely wanted anything to do with him physically anymore. He said he only wanted to hug me.
I felt terrible, immediately realizing how I must have come off, apologized, explained that I just wanted to send a message, sent it, and went over to comfort him for about 15 minutes. He seemed to be doing better. I thought we were out of the woods.
It was very late at night and I was exhausted, so I asked him to please leave because I wanted to go up to my room and go to bed. He said he wanted to stay. I asked him to leave. He said not yet.
Prior to this event, he had often refused to leave my personal space (such as my dorm), which made me very anxious and upset and has since led to me doing almost anything to avoid having him in my room alone with me. I assumed that he was pulling a similar stunt now. I went up to my room to put on my PJs and brush my teeth, confident that if I stopped giving him attention and letting him have power over me that he'd leave on his own.
After I was all ready for bed, I went back down to check and make sure he was gone. After all, he was my responsibility. I didn't want to get kicked out of the dorm for letting a guest hang out in the stairwell late at night unattended, especially a big guy like my boyfriend.
He was still there. I asked him to go. He said no. I begged him to go, almost in tears. He refused. He said not yet. I was furious, desperate, and extremely stressed. I told him he absolutely had to go, or else I was going to bring the person at the front desk into this.
He was livid. He marched up the stairs and down the hall. I went with him. I said good night at the door. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me to shut up. I watched him leave.
I went upstairs, relieved that he was gone. I collapsed on my bed and had a wonderful night's sleep.
The next morning, I woke up to two new voicemails from him. He was crying and furious. I had never heard him so upset. He kept saying we were done, and that he couldn't believe I'd do such a thing to him. I figured he was tired when he sent them and probably just needed a good night's sleep. Then he'd realize that I wasn't such a monster after all. I left him a voicemail of my own and had breakfast.
The day went on and I didn't hear a word from him.
I grew concerned. What if something had happened to him on the way back to his dorm? I friended his roommate on Facebook and messaged him, asking if he'd seen Jim. Yep. Jim was fine, as far as his roommate knew.
My roommate, a friend of Jim's, mentioned that Jim had shown her his new bike and that they had lunch together. I pretended that I knew all about Jim's new bike.
I figured Jim must be madder at me than I thought. I composed a long, heartfelt apology and sent it to him on Google hangouts right before my math class started.
I went home for the weekend that night, still having heard nothing from Jim. I remember checking his Facebook profile picture periodically. It was of us together. If he was really done with me, he'd take it down. I was sure of that.
He never took it down. I left him messages on every platform I could think of. He ignored me. As the weekend waned, I was beside myself. I may have painted this guy in a bad light earlier in this post, but honestly, he's not usually like that. He's the light of my life. This whole incident was so "off". I wanted to start over.
Saturday night, a picture of him with two girls I had never seen before went up on Facebook.
Sunday afternoon, I left him a Facebook message saying maybe I had been too stingy about physical stuff. I told him I loved him and that I missed him. This time I was the one with tears in my voice.
I wrote a long poem and folded a lot of origami flowers. I kept checking his profile picture. It never changed.
Sunday night I got a call from him. I couldn't even handle myself. When he spoke to me, it was in the harshest voice I'd ever heard. He said he didn't want to talk, but that he'd meet up with me that night because I said I'd change the physical stuff. I wanted to talk to him. He said no. He hung up.
I called him back. He answered. He said he didn't want to talk to me, very emphatically. He hung up.
I went back to the university that night and met him. I told him I'd found a more private place for us to meet up. He said he wanted it to be my room, but I assured him that this place was better because my roommate was in. (Thank God.) The spot I had picked turned out to be worse than I remembered. He was livid and walked away from me.
I stood there outside of the building feeling like my whole world was crumbling. I called him. I told him there was another spot. I showed him. We went there. He stood in front of me in the dark. I just stared at him.
He stared at me.
The thought of doing anything physical was laughable. He said something, I don't remember what, and I just burst into tears. I cried and I cried and I cried. Writing this right now, my eyes are filling (so much for that makeup job). We talked a little. He said he didn't think it was fair that he had to be my "emotional tampon" if I wasn't going to at least try in the physical department.
We went back to our stairwell and I just sobbed for hours. We talked a little too. Here are the important points:
He realized he didn't need me or something, that he could just move on
He couldn't believe how low he'd sunk when he had to beg his girlfriend for just a hug
He was still tearful that night, and he couldn't go back to his dorm because he couldn't let his friends see him cry, so he sat on a hill after he left and cried there
He met a bunch of people and told them all about our relationship problems, especially girls
He took one girl for a walk around the gym (found this out later, but whatever)
He had been done with me, but my promise to change had made him reconsider
He didn't think I was wrong to try to limit physical encounters, but he wanted something different and that was okay
He also brought me a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom because I was sobbing so much
It took awhile, but we eventually sort of patched things up. We grew, compromised, communicated better, and came out of the whole thing stronger.
However:
Him abandoning me for three days and all this talk of his about not needing me and just finding other girls like that...it screwed me up inside. I don't think I can trust him. I understand if he was upset and wanted to end things, but the way he did it just seems to have rewired me.
Now if he doesn't answer my texts or my phone calls, I just freak out inside. Some nights I just think about those three days and kind of panic. Thinking about it makes me cry every single time. It makes me feel helpless and really alone. I do have other friends and family, but he's...different. Someone I loved so much just disappearing like that is such a foreign concept to me.
Also, he hasn't changed his position on the issue. He says that what I did was terrible and that it was okay for him to just leave like that. He says he'd do it again. He showed no remorse. I've expressed to him that I think it was an immature way to handle it, but he didn't seem to care. He still says he doesn't need me, just that he wants me.
He is a lot more respectful of my boundaries now, though, and kinder to me in general than he ever has been. Our relationship seems to be growing.
I've tried to bring up how upset I still am about that, but he either ignores my comments or says something pacifying that doesn't satisfy me. It's making me think that I'm losing my mind, and I've toyed with the idea of getting counseling for it--but I don't want to blow things out of proportion.
Also, the other day, he hung up on me because he had work to do, despite me protesting that I wouldn't say a word and just wanted to hear his voice. I was enraged, since that seemed like exactly what I had done to him, and I planned on freezing him out the same way, to show him what it felt like. I was also scared because he just...hung up. He didn't even want to talk to me. It reminded me of how he left. But I only made it for a day before I answered his texts. I showed him the parallels, but he thinks that what I did was worse. He seems to invalidate my opinions on the matter.
Basically, my question is: Am I right to feel this way? Or did I really deserve his abandonment? Is that an acceptable way to break up? This is basically my first real relationship, so maybe this is how things work and I just didn't get the memo?
And if it's not okay, I would not turn down words of comfort. It's been two months and I'm still shaken up. Sometimes I just hate him for doing that to me. The past two days it's really been bothering me, and I'm not even sure what I'd do if I had to see him face-to-face (we've both been busy and haven't visited in awhile).
tl;dr: Boyfriend abandoned me and then came back. Am I a harpy? Is my reaction normal? Should I see a counselor?
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Apr 8, 2018 15:49
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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Insane teenager drama
Me [18 F] with my BF [18 M] of almost a year, kind of traumatized and REALLY need outside perspective
This guy is a loving scum bag. First the guilt trip then the little revenge.
Really shows her how much she meant to him.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:53
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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This guy is a loving scum bag. First the guilt trip then the little revenge.
Really shows her how much she meant to him.
Teenage girls expect their boyfriends to care about them, teenage boys think they're owed sex in return for caring. This is why teenage boys should be locked up until their prefrontal cortexes finish cooking.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:57
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Teenage girls expect their boyfriends to care about them, teenage boys think they're owed sex in return for caring. This is why teenage boys should be locked up until their prefrontal cortexes finish cooking.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:58
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Excuse me, but the teenage boy caring is not part of that equation.
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Apr 8, 2018 15:59
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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Teenage girls expect their boyfriends to care about them, teenage boys think they're owed sex in return for caring. This is why teenage boys should be locked up until their prefrontal cortexes finish cooking.
True. It just seems like teenagers nowadays can't face adversity.
I can't even recall the amount of times I've been shot down. Don't mean imma go buy a motorcycle and pick up questionable partners and post it on facebook.
That said, I think it goes both ways more than people think.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:01
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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All men should read bell hooks fyi
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Apr 8, 2018 16:02
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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All men should read bell hooks fyi
LOL nah.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:04
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- nonathlon
- Jul 9, 2004
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And yet, somehow, now it's my fault ...
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This is a pleasant reminder that you can just put all of the trolls and shitposters on squelch. Profiles -> Ignore list.
Apply liberally to every troll and attention seeker and entire pages of this thread become just "jerk detected", over and over again.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:05
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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You should read bell hooks! She's good
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Apr 8, 2018 16:06
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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You should read bell hooks! She's good
I'm not really into books describing oppression whether it's oppression against women, men, people of diversity, etc.
We are living in some of the best times of the country, people have the highest quality of life they've ever had, live longer than they ever could.
I'd rather read books for escape rather than harsh realities that I think are exacerbated by abject perspectives. That being said, I have no doubt she is a decent author, probably just not my cup of tea.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:09
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I've still never been able to get through "Welcome to the Monkey House" without thinking that setup was a good idea. I like most of Vonnegut's stuff--like, a lot--but as soon as you introduce sex as a topic then the average dude cannot handle the idea of not getting sex all the time because sex sex sex sexy sex.
Like it's so weird to have a guy who is normally on the level suddenly write about women with huge tits who you have to rape, to save the world from the evil of a society where you can't even pinch your secretary's rear end.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:10
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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I've still never been able to get through "Welcome to the Monkey House" without thinking it was a good idea. I like most of Vonnegut's stuff--like, a lot--but as soon as you introduce sex as a topic then the average dude cannot handle the idea of not getting sex all the time because sex sex sex sexy sex.
Depends on a bunch of factors like libido, mentality and free time.
Something can be said for quality over quantity.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:12
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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I'm not really into books describing oppression whether it's oppression against women, men, people of diversity, etc.
We are living in some of the best times of the country, people have the highest quality of life they've ever had, live longer than they ever could.
I'd rather read books for escape rather than harsh realities that I think are exacerbated by abject perspectives. That being said, I have no doubt she is a decent author, probably just not my cup of tea.
If you're not into reading feminist literature or books generally except as entertainment then yeah she's probably not gonna be your thing, but I think her general thesis is something men (particularly young men) could benefit from being exposed to
I am a huge bell hooks evangelist. I'm going to start giving away copies of The Will to Change on the street or something
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Apr 8, 2018 16:13
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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It does make me lol that my #1 takeaway from hospice is that women die with friends and family and men die alone, usually because they've spent up the goodwill they were granted in life instead of fostering it.
Boy it is something to see a guy's daughter who clearly hates him be the one person left to take care of him but tell you with such hate and scorn "just text me when he dies".
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Apr 8, 2018 16:15
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- Lacey
- Jul 10, 2001
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Guess where this lollipop's going?
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Donate them and write off the donation. Tell your mom you love her. That mom is going to die someday and there will be no one left who loves you unconditionally.
Better to accept now that you were never loved unconditionally in the first place.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:17
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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If you're not into reading feminist literature or books generally except as entertainment then yeah she's probably not gonna be your thing, but I think her general thesis is something men (particularly young men) could benefit from being exposed to
I am a huge bell hooks evangelist. I'm going to start giving away copies of The Will to Change on the street or something
I think a lot of it comes down to how their raised and if their taught self-respect.
The thing is, if you respect people regardless of race and age, you're more than likely going to respect women.
Say what you want about chivalry in the south, but it has a lot of redeeming qualities.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:17
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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This and that fudge story make me so angry. My mother has given me a couple Cadbury creme eggs every year on Easter (she gets my wife candy she likes and gets my son an Easter basket to be clear). I haven’t eaten a Cadbury cream egg since I was like 19, but she’s in her late 60s and at some point she won’t be around anymore, and it makes her happy. I know when she dies I’m going to miss that kind of poo poo. So suck it up and tell your mom you love her and think she’s hilarious for the harmless poo poo they do to make you happy.
Just arrrghh it’s so inconsequential how can you get aggravated by something like that.
the fudge story wasn't really inconsequencial anymore, the OP was gonna have to basically give up her honeymoon because the mom planed an entire fudge trip for them while they were abroad.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:18
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Say what you want about chivalry in the south, but it has a lot of redeeming qualities.
The South is not exactly a hotbed of respect for women and other races 
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Apr 8, 2018 16:19
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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the fudge story wasn't really inconsequencial anymore, the OP was gonna have to basically give up her honeymoon because the mom planed an entire fudge trip for them while they were abroad.
I'm convinced mom knew and was just trying to see how far she could take it. Why else would you plan an entire trip? Around fudge? For their honeymoon?!
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Apr 8, 2018 16:21
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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I do! I have lived in the South off and on for about a decade now
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Apr 8, 2018 16:21
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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TBH I think the best place I've ever been for treatment of women was the South although that's not saying a lot. (5 years)
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Apr 8, 2018 16:23
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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I do! I have lived in the South off and on for about a decade now
The thing is, true southern men who hold biblical verses tantamount to what it's true message is. You respect each person regardless of their lot in life, despite race and gender.
Just because you have a different perspective or job in life, doesn't diminish you in any way shape or form.
Most of the family's in this area are equally part patriarchal and matriarchal.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:26
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I would say the difference is in the South, men thought you were worth like 80% of what a man was and they knew that they thought that, and some of them would try to work on it.
In Portland, men think you're worth 70% of what a man is, but that they believe they respect women 100%, and since they respect women 100% what is your loving problem, bitch? *respect crashes to 60%*
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Apr 8, 2018 16:27
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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One of my friends literally had somebody pull a gun on her for the crime of "being brown at a gas station at night" so I'm going to have to disagree about the South being particularly good about its treatment of women and POC.
Personally since I'm not brown I've never had my life openly threatened, but my general experience is that people are nice, but extremely condescending. If I'm with my fiance, people will usually address their questions to him instead, even after he says something like "I don't know talk to her".
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Apr 8, 2018 16:29
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I have not had the experience of being brown, but would heavily discourage it in the South. I said being a woman sucked in a straightforward way I could deal with, the racism is out of control.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:30
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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I would say the difference is in the South, men thought you were worth like 80% of what a man was and they knew that they thought that, and some of them would try to work on it.
In Portland, men think you're worth 70% of what a man is, but that they believe they respect women 100%, and since they respect women 100% what is your loving problem, bitch? *respect crashes to 60%*
It just depends on the mentality of the person. We all have to change our perspectives when we're exposed to way more diversity and situations.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:31
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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It just depends on the mentality of the person. We all have to change our perspectives when we're exposed to way more diversity and situations.
Some people really don't and are extremely good about not doing that thing. Usually if it makes them uncomfortable.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:31
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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My sister (30) asked me (34M) if I'd be okay with being named guardian of her kids in her will incase something happened to her. I'm not and now my family hates me.
quote:u/familythrowaway33
Hate may be a strong word, but they're certainly not happy.
My sister has two kids, one five and one two. I love them, but I'm also content just being their uncle (I also said the best part about kids is being able to hand them back to their parents). My sister is my only sibling and we've always been fairly close.
Yesterday she asked me if I'd be comfortable with her naming me as guardian of her children in case something ever happened to her or her husband. I said no. You would've thought I told her I hated the kids, that's how badly she reacted. She asked me if I'd rather they go into foster care or our elderly parents take care of them, and I said our parents are a perfectly acceptable alternative since they'd need something to occupy their time now that they're older. She stormed out of my house and told my parents. I've been called numerous times and texted by my mother who's called me every name under the sun and told me what a selfish person I'm being. My dad has also told me he supports my mom and thinks I should "pull my head out of my rear end and think of someone other than me". Even my own girlfriend is blaming me for this.
Look, the truth is that yes, I make more than enough money to support a family. I'm very well off. However, I never wanted children. I don't even want a pet because it'd take away from the lifestyle I currently enjoy. While I fully intend on marrying my girlfriend at some point, I've been very clear to her about not wanting children because it would take away from us and the life we have together. Yes, this includes adopting my sister's kids.
My girlfriend is now pissed and saying she doesn't know if she can be with someone as selfish as me. She's trying at every turn to make me feel guilty, as are my family members. Is there a way to make my point clearer without coming across as such an rear end in a top hat? I agree that I'm selfish. But better my sister find a better guardian for her kids than me, who'd be a terrible parent.
tl;dr: Refused to be named guardian of my sister's kids in case something happened to her. Butthurt from everyone close to me in my life ensues.
Yikes.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:32
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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My sister (30) asked me (34M) if I'd be okay with being named guardian of her kids in her will incase something happened to her. I'm not and now my family hates me.
Yikes.
If you say "butthurt [...] ensues" then you do in fact need to grow up you pathetic piece of poo poo. The rest of the story just drives that home.
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Apr 8, 2018 16:33
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 00:14
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- But Rocks Hurt Head
- Jun 30, 2003
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by Hand Knit
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Pillbug
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What does this guy think the chances are of him ending up with the kids anyway?
What a douche
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Apr 8, 2018 16:34
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Apr 8, 2018 15:42
Cat Army 