Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

«‹›91 »

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

so i called my bro in law hes like ya what u gonna do im like lol no way bro saints all da way hes like.#1.eli fan so im like jus you wait bountygate made us maddddddd u! cant even see it

# ? Jul 16, 2012 15:47

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 09:57

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

the ring is the thing

# ? Jul 16, 2012 19:50

McKracken: Jun 17, 2005; Lets go for a run!

That dude's grammar/syntax/spelling isn't the greatest, but do I understand correctly that his wife logs into the message board site for him at night so he can sit there mesmerized and astounded by the amazing level of Saints chat discourse for an hour?

# ? Jul 16, 2012 23:31

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

McKracken posted:

That dude's grammar/syntax/spelling isn't the greatest, but do I understand correctly that his wife logs into the message board site for him at night so he can sit there mesmerized and astounded by the amazing level of Saints chat discourse for an hour?

Do you... not do that?

# ? Jul 16, 2012 23:32

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

McKracken posted:

That dude's grammar/syntax/spelling isn't the greatest, but do I understand correctly that his wife logs into the message board site for him at night so he can sit there mesmerized and astounded by the amazing level of Saints chat discourse for an hour?

Maybe he's Steven Hawking and doesn't have the use of his limbs so his wife operates the computer for him.

# ? Jul 16, 2012 23:37

Oodles of Wootles: Nov 8, 2008; safe

When you get home from work a good woman should have dinner on the table and all your favorite blogs pulled up on your webtv

# ? Jul 16, 2012 23:43

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

That dude is on another level. That Dude for mod

# ? Jul 17, 2012 00:13

Serisothikos: Dec 4, 2004; Unlimited Pasta Pass

Rap posted:

That dude is on another level. That Dude for mod

But what if his wife is out doing something, how would he pull up the forums? I know this is an unlikely scenario but WHAT IF

# ? Jul 17, 2012 13:01

JT Jag: Aug 30, 2009; #1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver

"Give him his guaranteed contract but put a clause in for dui's and other stupidity"

- a guy, on Justin Blackmon's potential holdout

# ? Jul 25, 2012 01:26

Martian Buddy: Jun 4, 2010; Are you ready to swear
right here,
right now,
before the devil

An NFL.com thread on "Players you despise and why":

quote:

I can not stand Drew Brees.

I accually got to go to this huge party right before the superbowl in Dallas in 2011. And both Mark Sanchez and Drew Brees were their and Mark Sanchez was real nice, cool, and he was willing to give autograughs. But Brees was a complete d*o*u*c*h*e, he wasn't willing to really talk to people, an I'm not sayig he had to do autograughs but he's a super star quarterback he could've not been such an a-hole.

Plus he's overrated based souly on my opinion that Tom Brady and Arron Rodgers are in a class alone.

quote:

vick, coz hes a huge foggot

quote:

hmmmm whoever's idea it wise to crowd the sidelines so that the gunners on the punt team had to try and avoid them or the guy that actually tripped a gunner on a punt play

In Response:

That guy was fired! Don't be jealous of the consistently excellent Jets ST lead by Mike Iron Hips Westoff.

Now I remember why I still look in the NFL.com forums from time to time.

# ? Jul 25, 2012 03:57

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

huge foggot. mike vince u r a huge foggot

# ? Jul 25, 2012 13:22

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

From the guy who brought you the 30 pick mock draft comes another glimpse into the mind of an untreated schizophrenic.

quote:

I believe so.

*Editor's Note: As Always, the following Bits ~ or at least the intelligent parts!! ~ owe a Great Deal to the Author's extensive discussions with Brother MayoClinic, Fellow FootBall Fanatic!!

The "245" Amorphous D ~ The Next Great Defense!!

Amorphous D ~ Birth of A Bull Market of Deception!!

First ~ A bit of FootBall History, Ladies + Laddies:

It was in 1880 ~ 132 long and lustrous years ago ~ that the number of Players on the Field was reduced from 15...to 11.

And so the merciless + unrelenting Persecution of Defenses...began!!

"It Starts."

1880's dramatic Rule Change effected a substantial impact on the Game ~ in favor of the Offense, of course, as all such reductions in Personnel do ~ and consequently demanded not only that the remaining 11 Defenders become far Quicker and Craftier than before...but also that their Alignments become more Flexible, Unpredictable...and Deceptive.

And it established a Trend that has persisted to this very day.

For 132 years, the vast majority of the Paying Public ~ as well as the Innovators who crafted the Games's Evolution before there was a Paying Public ~ have displayed a relentless, ever-increasing appetite for Offense ~ along with a shamefully minimal appreciation for Defense!! ~ as a result of which the Trend of Change in the Game's Rules and Regulations, almost since the Game's very inception, has carved out a 132 Year Offensive Bull Market.

And there's no end in sight.

Time for a gratuitously + unnecessarily confusing + complicated Chart:

Points Per Game Since 1880:

The sad part is that I actually think I'm being funny.

So, yes: Virtually since The Dawn of FootBall, Defenses have adapted to this Relentless Persecution by becoming increasingly Quicker, Faster, Smaller, and Smarter...And Defensive Coordinators have indeed been compelled to forge Systems and Schemes that have become increasingly Flexible....and increasingly Unpredictable and Deceptive.

And as any Student of Warfare ~ or Football ~ will tell you: The more Flexible, Unpredictable, and Deceptive that you wish to be...the fewer Soldiers you should commit to The Front Line BEFORE the Inception of Battle.

Coach Amos Stagg ~ Revolutionary FREAK!!

In 1890, The GodFather of all FootBall Revolutionaries ~ Coach Amos Stagg of the SpringField Young Men's Christian Association Training Center, which eventually became SpringField College ~ tore up the Competitive LandScape ~ one of about 8 million times he would do so ~ by trumping the classic "92" Defensive Formation with the introduction of the "722" ~ And in his spare time he played in the very first BasketBall game in History!!

This Relentless Persecution of Defenses would compel numerous Evolutions in Strategy and Scheme in the decades to come, as described eloquently yet understandably by Jene Bremel of the New York Times:

* In the late 1940's, Coach Greasy Neale of the Philadelphia Eagles forged a Dynasty with a dominant "524".

* But on Opening Day 1950, the 2 Time Defending World Champion Eagles were shredded by the phenomenal Tactics of Coach Paul Brown's CleveLand Browns...and the rest of the NFL scrambled, in more or less sheer panic, to try to find some way to combat this new and Revolutionary CleveLand Offense. The result: The "43".

* In the 1970's, we saw the rise of the "34". It receded in the 1980's, but is now rapidly taking over the Game.

Time for another gratuitously complex + complicated Chart to illustrate the Point:

Number of Base Defensive Down Linemen Since 1880:

Yes, but at least I'm amusing myself.

So I've got that going for me.

Which is nice.

1880 ~ 11 Men on the Line of Scrimmage in Base Defense.

2011 ~ 3 or 4.

You, um...get the picture.

What Does The Future Hold?

The Running Game hasn't been outlawed ~ yet ~ so it might be a bit premature, at this point, to field 11 CornerBacks.

But we're seeing the first signs, ere the last few years, of even Smaller, more Flexible, and less Decipherable Defenses gaining Market Share with some of the bolder, more creative Defensive Coordinators and Head Coaches:

* New EngLand Patriots ~ the 155!!

* PittsBurgh Steelers ~ the 245 + 155!!

* GreenBay Packers ~ Nickel + Psycho Packages!!

* Seattle SeaHawks ~ the Amoeba Defense!!

Mind you: all of these are instances of the "155" and the "245" being employed as Sub Packages.

Nobody's talking about installing the "155" or the "245" as a Base Package.

Well, except for me.

Amorphous D ~ Birth of A Bull Market of Deception!!

"ALL War is based on Deception." ~ Sun Tzu

Indeed, the concept of Sub Packages, itself, is undergoing a Revolution: The changes in the Rules ~ and the implementation of the Rules ~ have been so severely detrimental to Defenses since 2003 that ~ just in order to survive without getting "40 Burgers" dropped on them every single week ~ DC's've been compelled not only to adapt with increasingly indecipherable Defenses that keep their options open ~ hence the recent rapid resurgence of the 34!! ~ but have indeed needed ~ for sheer survival's sake ~ to seek out and try to field personnel who can morph between multiple formations, in order to Multiply the Indecipherability of their Strategy + Schemes!!

Relentless Persecution, Part 12: The "No Huddle" O!!

Just when you might think that Defenses are starting to recover from the combined onslaught of Pansy Polian's Punishment of Physical FootBall and Gutless Goodell's Flag FootBall Foolishness and Flatulent Phuckery...

The Greatest, Most Merciless Evil in The History of Defensive FootBall...Strikes.

I refer, of course to:

Tom Brady ~ Scourge of Gods!!

As if Defenses didn't already have enough disastrous changes to deal with ~ what with the multitudinous Evils wrought by The Conspiracy to Maddenize FootBall ~ along comes Tom Brady, who makes note that Defensive Schemes are rapidly becoming more fragmented ~ in other words: Sub Packages are exploding, as DC's desperately rotate more and more Specialists in and out ~ Run D Specialists, Pass D Specialists, Nickel Packages, Dime Packages ~ in a frantic effort to stem The Relentless Tide of Maddenization...

So what does General Tom do??

Why, he waits until he's got the best Match Up of Personnel on both sides of the Ball...and then he hits the Gas!!

There's No MERCY in FOOTBall!!

The No Huddle Offense has, of course, been with us for a very long time, historically employed as The 2:00 Drill. And while its application as a Primary Offense ~ in order to exploit Bad Matchups and to exhaust Defenses ~ is much more recent, it still goes back to the Boomer Esiason Cincinnati Bengals of the 1980's.

But the increased Specialization of today's Defensive Personnel ~ "Specialist" being of course a clever euphemism for "Not Good Enough To Be A Starter" ~ offers savvy QuarterBacks an unprecedented multitude of Opportunities to strike Defenses when they're most vulnerable...and to drive them all the way downfield before they can recover!!

Mind you: Not everyone can do what Tom Brady, Drew Brees, and Aaron Rodgers can do.

Not on their Scale.

But as soon as the rest of this famously "CopyCat" League fully embraces the stunning enormity of this gaping hole that the explosive growth of Sub Packages has exposed Defensive Schematics to ~ and I believe that the 2012 season will reveal that, in fact, they already have ~ the FloodGates will truly be thrown wide open.

I'm not joking: I believe that Tom Brady and a few others have already proven ~ via The No Huddle Offense ~ that the entire premise behind the recent explosion of Sub Packages is fundamentally and fatally flawed!!

And therein, I believe, lies the Vacuum.

My GOD...What's a Defense to DO??

We all know that Nature Abhors a Vacuum.

And I have posited that Sub Packages have been exposed...and are about to be shredded on a league-wide basis.

Furthermore, it has been argued that any Base Defense that doesn't have at least three Down Linemen ~ in other words: the "245" or the "155", to say nothing of sending out zero Down Linemen!! ~ can be run on all...day...long.

Ladies and Laddies?

I call "BULLSCHITTE."

Because that, Ladies and Laddies...is what they once said about the 34!!

Well, they were wrong, then, weren't they?

Indeed, I'd bet cold, hard Cash that that's also what they said about the "43", when it replaced the "52" in the 50's!!

And while I wasn't privy to the meetings ~ to the best of my recollection ~ I'll bet that Coach Stagg got hit with a ton of PushBack, back in 1890, when he moved from the "92" to the "722"!! Hah!!

"They're gonna run the ball down our THROATS, Coach!!"

WRONG!!!

Despite the Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth over the years, with every Schematic Change, the facts are crystal clear:

Defenses have evolved from the "92" to the "722" to the "524" to the "43" to the "34" over the last 132 years, as they've scrambled to react to the introduction ~ in 1906 ~ of the Passing Game, and to its explosive expansion.

And they are now forced to pay a tiny fraction of attention to the Running Game that they once did, back in the day.

And yet D's are still able to compete against the Run, to this very day.

"How in the name of God is that even possible??", one might ask.

One word, Ladies and Laddies:

Evolution.

We Improvise...We Adapt...We OVERCOME!!

Evolution

The Game ~ by dint of the dramatic changes in Rules and Implementation over the last 10 years ~ has evolved.

Again.

And there's no sense in DC's kidding themselves.

In order to survive ~ and in order, ultimately, to thrive ~ Defenses must once again evolve with it.

I won't venture a TimeLine, but I believe, yes, that the "43" Base Defense is about to rapidly disappear from the NFL.

And I wouldn't be surprised to see the "34" Base vaporize in the next decade or so, either.

"74" Schemes ~ such as the "34" and the "43" ~ are about to fade away, I believe.

"65" Schemes ~ such as the "155", "245", "335", and "425" ~ are about to explode...as Base Defenses!!

Remember where you read it first, if you'd do me that Honor!!

How To Approach This Insanity?

I'll leave the details to the Experts, of course, but I have a few ideas.

The two most critical Principles, in my view, both of which I've touched on, are these:

1 ~ Embrace "65" Base Schemes and leave "74" Base Schemes behind: D's that hope to compete against the Flying Circuses of the 21st Century had damned well better deploy 5 Defensive Backs. At is simplest, it is far better to have an extra Corner or Safety occasionally attack upfield against the Run...than to ask a MidFielder ~ "Middle LineBacker", Earthlings ~ to be constantly backpedaling downfield, desperately trying to keep up with a guy 30 pounds lighter than'm!!

2 ~ Substitution and Specializing can be fatal: Aggressively seek out Players with the Intelligence, the Athleticism, and the Character to play effectively in the "155", the "245", the "335", and the "425", or at least two of them. I believe that it's the D's that can seamlessly morph between Schemes ~ thus eliminating The No Huddle's greatest advantage ~ and then disruptively implement those Schemes, who will come to dominate the League in the not so distant future.

An Amorphous D that can seamlessly morph between Multiple "65" Fronts IS The Wave of the Future!!

Am I out'f my mind??

Quite Possibly!!

But...then again...

It...Could...WORK!!!

http://www.patsfans.com/new-england-patriots/messageboard/10/927079-245-amorphous-d-next-great-defense.html

# ? Jul 26, 2012 03:09

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

You should really click through that link to the actual post. The pics sold it for me

# ? Jul 26, 2012 04:14

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

I see he used the archaic "PittsBurgh" and "EngLand."

# ? Jul 26, 2012 04:41

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums: I call "BULLSCHITTE."

# ? Jul 26, 2012 06:28

Arschlochkind: Mar 29, 2010

~ Ladies + Laddies ~

# ? Jul 26, 2012 07:04

smokyprogg: Apr 9, 2008; BROKEN DOWN!
MISSION FAILED

GNU Order posted:

You should really click through that link to the actual post. The pics sold it for me

This is true. It went from :psyduck:

with the addition of the embedded images.

# ? Jul 26, 2012 10:55

troofs: Feb 28, 2011; The better Manning.

That post is amazing.
I feel like there's a particular type of crazy where your posts have hundreds of tiny formatting changes. I mean look at this:

offthegrid posted:

In 1890, The GodFather of all FootBall Revolutionaries ~ Coach Amos Stagg of the SpringField Young Men's Christian Association Training Center, which eventually became SpringField College ~ tore up the Competitive LandScape ~ one of about 8 million times he would do so ~ by trumping the classic "92" Defensive Formation with the introduction of the "722" ~ And in his spare time he played in the very first BasketBall game in History!!

What is the point of all of that? And the tildes :psyduck:

e: I just noticed he separately capitalizes each word in every compound word he writes holy poo poo

troofs fucked around with this message at 11:18 on Jul 26, 2012

# ? Jul 26, 2012 11:11

KettleWL: Dec 28, 2010

My favorite thing about that post is how everyone is just showering him with praise and trying to have these SERIOUS REVOLUTIONARY PROJECTIONS ABOUT DA FOOTBALL after that giant block of absolute insanity. It's like a bizarro tff.

# ? Jul 26, 2012 12:44

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

"How To Approach This Insanity?"

That is an excellent question.

# ? Jul 26, 2012 14:55

ShimSham: May 25, 2007; I heard you
like how I sack.

KettleWL posted:

My favorite thing about that post is how everyone is just showering him with praise and trying to have these SERIOUS REVOLUTIONARY PROJECTIONS ABOUT DA FOOTBALL after that giant block of absolute insanity. It's like a bizarro tff.

He is right that different nickel formations are rapidly becoming the real base defense for teams, whether they call it that or not. Even if they're not playing nickel, teams are putting a larger emphasis on having at least one of their 43OLBs (or both of their 34ILBs) be able to cover reliably. (doing this instead of having to take out one of those LBers and replace him with a D-Back)

He just apparently thinks he's the first person to notice this and is working vocal emphasis into his typing, and he's speaking as if he's a jacked motivational speaker. So yeah, crazy.

# ? Jul 26, 2012 15:01

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

ShimSham posted:

He just apparently thinks he's the first person to notice this

I'm pretty sure anyone that's played a lot of the NCAA Football series figured this out years ago :v:

# ? Jul 26, 2012 19:47

McKracken: Jun 17, 2005; Lets go for a run!

edit: wrong thread dummy

McKracken fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Jul 26, 2012

# ? Jul 26, 2012 19:51

pasaluki: Feb 27, 2008; THIS WHAGON HAS NO BREAKS! I HAVE THE HEART OF THE BUUFALO the strength OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE FURY OF THE THUNDER AND MY WILL IS UNBREAKABLE! I will not surrender to KNOW ONE

I was hoping the article would start with a giant cursive block letter, like in children's books

# ? Jul 27, 2012 06:56

Track6Track7: Sep 29, 2001; Fear the G-Gun.

http://mbd.scout.com/mb.aspx?s=189&f=1603&t=9180831

We will see if the Vanderbilt football forum moderaters allow the following post. My guess is no, given their reluctance to allow any mention of Jay Cutler and/or phone booths in terms of the Tyler Bray "scandal":

I went to a college/university, most of the women I met there were of the sort where you could be like "oops I broke your windshield i am sorry let me pay for the damage" and they'd be all like "okay~~, but I am damaged beyond repair and you have to be a qb and put me in a skybox in exchange for my silence or and the terrible shame I'll carry around forever~~

# ? Jul 28, 2012 06:30

smuggler: Apr 23, 2007; INSULTING THE PACKERS IS NOT AGAINST FORUM RULES, MORON

Here's some ESPN fan comments on the article "NFL: Woman to be replacement ref"

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:33

Cash Monet: Apr 5, 2009

Some of the liners got me.

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:38

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

I'm sorry to sound like a bigot, but

:allears:

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:39

Cash Monet: Apr 5, 2009

Maxxlimit posted:

WOW, can this game get any softer?????????? Might as well make it touch football and play 5min qtrs since we over playing players and they still want the salary cap to be moved up!!! Man the commish is going to have some issues coming if he don't already lol.

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:47

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

What do you want to bet those Christmas lights stay up year-round?

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:50

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Much like that lady ref, players will soon be wearing dresses.

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:58

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

IF HE DO NOT ALREADY LAUGH OUT LOUD

WHATS UP GIRLS CAN I BUY YOU A VEGAS BOMB

# ? Jul 30, 2012 22:59

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

smuggler posted:

Here's some ESPN fan comments on the article "NFL: Woman to be replacement ref"

hahahahaha

# ? Jul 31, 2012 07:50

bigfoot again: Apr 24, 2007

MourningView posted:

Much like that lady ref, players will soon be wearing dresses.

rockford417
Maybe if her name was Helga Von Lundendorf and was a former East German women's wrestler okay. Or Brutessa Ivanoff Romanoff at 6 feet 6 inch 300 pound Russian women's shot putter. But other than that this it is a terrible idea already lumped in with the other 101 terrible moves by the NFL. Can anyone say Mammory Gland Sandwich?
July 31 2012, 1:40 AM

rockford417
What another joke in the endless decline of the NFL. Just put skirts on the quarterbacks and dresses on the wide receivers. This game is a wretched laughing stock anymore. May as well let the DB's have bras too. This product has lost its luster and I will pass on watching any games this season. Just a bunch of brother wanna be rappers and white guys trying to be anything but caucasian. It is plain laughable anymore. The commissioner Roger "Ramjet" Goodell will be coming out next as a transsexual and a cross dresser.less

# ? Jul 31, 2012 12:12

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

I'm pretty sure that last post was typed by some dude wearing women's clothes.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 12:50

RustySeabutter: Nov 11, 2000; Puncho!

BIGFOOT PEE BED posted:

rockford417
What another joke in the endless decline of the NFL. Just put skirts on the quarterbacks and dresses on the wide receivers. This game is a wretched laughing stock anymore. May as well let the DB's have bras too. This product has lost its luster and I will pass on watching any games this season. Just a bunch of brother wanna be rappers and white guys trying to be anything but caucasian. It is plain laughable anymore. The commissioner Roger "Ramjet" Goodell will be coming out next as a transsexual and a cross dresser.less

holy moley

# ? Jul 31, 2012 15:29

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

So when is the NFL supposed to be ruined already? I might be wrong, but I thought year's regular season & especially the playoffs were pretty fuckin' great.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 15:32

The SituAsian: Oct 29, 2006; I'm a mess in distress
But we're still the best dressed

haljordan posted:

So when is the NFL supposed to be ruined already? I might be wrong, but I thought year's regular season & especially the playoffs were pretty fuckin' great.

The type of person who would make such a comment considers anything that isn't Jack Ham concussing black people to be a disgrace to the game.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 17:41

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

The SituAsian posted:

The type of person who would make such a comment considers anything that isn't Jack Ham concussing black people to be a disgrace to the game.

Pretty much this. I don't watch football to fulfill some ridiculous fantasy of televised bloodlust. If I want to see two guys bashing each other's brains in, I'll watch boxing/UFC. I like watching football because of the insane amount of skill, speed, strength & timing required to play at a professional level.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 17:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 09:57

smuggler: Apr 23, 2007; INSULTING THE PACKERS IS NOT AGAINST FORUM RULES, MORON

Not surprisingly, the official they mention in the article is in good shape and reasonably attractive. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, wrt caveman ESPN.com article commenters.

If they're expecting Danica Patrick (they are), they'll be disappointed.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 17:56

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

«‹›91 »