Made a tinder, made my self-esteem lower.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Made a tinder, made my self-esteem lower.

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Windows 98 posted:

The stink of MRA wafts off this thread like a cat poo poo in the summer heat.

The reason girls don't like you is they can sense your desperation and attitude like they owe you sex. You vile piece of poo poo. Your hyper inflated ego sincerely thinks you're a ringer for "slightly above average" in how attractive you are but at no point did you ever consider that females, unlike makes, do not care exclusively what your stupid loving face looks like. Try getting some facetime in with the homeless in your public library and build some social skills you autistic egomaniac and then maybe one day a girl may even consider talking to you. Secondly it's a tell tale sign you're a pathetic piece of poo poo desperately on the hunt for a girl who's self esteem could possible be lower than your own rock bottom esteem when every picture you have is a selfie or mirror shot. It's obvious you have no friends or social skills enough to develop a human relationship to the point where someone may even consider taking a picture of you. That does not bode well for a prospective date because you're more than likely going to just ask them to come watch Netflix on your mom's account, possibly her basement. Go climb a loving rock and have mommy take a picture of you in front of some trees. You vapid piece of poo poo.

Nice meltdown idiot

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:31

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 19:03

down n out: Sep 16, 2008; Nap Ghost

Fleshlight between the mattress and box spring has been pretty good for long dry spells, maybe op should try that and chill out?

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:33

Hot Karl Marx: Mar 16, 2009; Politburo regulations about social distancing require to downgrade your Karlmarxing to cold, and sorry about the dnc primaries, please enjoy!

join isis they have sex slaves so you can even be ugly and get some action

although you seem like a bitch and will end up as a sex slave

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:36

scott zoloft: Dec 7, 2015; yeah same

use pictures of you that were taken by someone else somewhere cool but don't say where they're from so you can look cool like you don't give a poo poo

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:38

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

down n out posted:

Fleshlight between the mattress and box spring has been pretty good for long dry spells, maybe op should try that and chill out?

Terrible. Flesh lights are overrated as gently caress. My hand is way better and it doesn't require extensive prep or cleanup.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:47

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Windows 98 posted:

The stink of MRA wafts off this thread like a cat poo poo in the summer heat.

The reason girls don't like you is they can sense your desperation and attitude like they owe you sex. You vile piece of poo poo. Your hyper inflated ego sincerely thinks you're a ringer for "slightly above average" in how attractive you are but at no point did you ever consider that females, unlike makes, do not care exclusively what your stupid loving face looks like. Try getting some facetime in with the homeless in your public library and build some social skills you autistic egomaniac and then maybe one day a girl may even consider talking to you. Secondly it's a tell tale sign you're a pathetic piece of poo poo desperately on the hunt for a girl who's self esteem could possible be lower than your own rock bottom esteem when every picture you have is a selfie or mirror shot. It's obvious you have no friends or social skills enough to develop a human relationship to the point where someone may even consider taking a picture of you. That does not bode well for a prospective date because you're more than likely going to just ask them to come watch Netflix on your mom's account, possibly her basement. Go climb a loving rock and have mommy take a picture of you in front of some trees. You vapid piece of poo poo.

hm seems harsh

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:52

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 4 days!

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

Terrible. Flesh lights are overrated as gently caress. My hand is way better and it doesn't require extensive prep or cleanup.

*whew* glad to hear it.

*discreetly cancels Amazon order*

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:52

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

Windows 98 posted:

The stink of MRA wafts off this thread like a cat poo poo in the summer heat.

The reason girls don't like you is they can sense your desperation and attitude like they owe you sex. You vile piece of poo poo. Your hyper inflated ego sincerely thinks you're a ringer for "slightly above average" in how attractive you are but at no point did you ever consider that females, unlike makes, do not care exclusively what your stupid loving face looks like. Try getting some facetime in with the homeless in your public library and build some social skills you autistic egomaniac and then maybe one day a girl may even consider talking to you. Secondly it's a tell tale sign you're a pathetic piece of poo poo desperately on the hunt for a girl who's self esteem could possible be lower than your own rock bottom esteem when every picture you have is a selfie or mirror shot. It's obvious you have no friends or social skills enough to develop a human relationship to the point where someone may even consider taking a picture of you. That does not bode well for a prospective date because you're more than likely going to just ask them to come watch Netflix on your mom's account, possibly her basement. Go climb a loving rock and have mommy take a picture of you in front of some trees. You vapid piece of poo poo.

you seem upset about this guy's fugly face?

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:56

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

Windows 98 posted:

The stink of MRA wafts off this thread like a cat poo poo in the summer heat.

The reason girls don't like you is they can sense your desperation and attitude like they owe you sex. You vile piece of poo poo. Your hyper inflated ego sincerely thinks you're a ringer for "slightly above average" in how attractive you are but at no point did you ever consider that females, unlike makes, do not care exclusively what your stupid loving face looks like. Try getting some facetime in with the homeless in your public library and build some social skills you autistic egomaniac and then maybe one day a girl may even consider talking to you. Secondly it's a tell tale sign you're a pathetic piece of poo poo desperately on the hunt for a girl who's self esteem could possible be lower than your own rock bottom esteem when every picture you have is a selfie or mirror shot. It's obvious you have no friends or social skills enough to develop a human relationship to the point where someone may even consider taking a picture of you. That does not bode well for a prospective date because you're more than likely going to just ask them to come watch Netflix on your mom's account, possibly her basement. Go climb a loving rock and have mommy take a picture of you in front of some trees. You vapid piece of poo poo.

Windows 98 coming in and dropping some hard truth bombs

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:58

Soup du Journey: Mar 20, 2006; by FactsAreUseless

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

Terrible. Flesh lights are overrated as gently caress. My hand is way better and it doesn't require extensive prep or cleanup.

how the heck do you even clean those things up, anyway?? do you gotta like reach all up in there, or can you break them down in some way to minimize contact with your own gender fluids?

cause i seriously cant imagine routinely dealing with all that without it having serious negative effects on my mental health.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 15:59

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

you're supposed to clean them?

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:02

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

Doctor Schnabel posted:

how the heck do you even clean those things up, anyway?? do you gotta like reach all up in there, or can you break them down in some way to minimize contact with your own gender fluids?

cause i seriously cant imagine routinely dealing with all that without it having serious negative effects on my mental health.

they have a hole at the bottom and you just run hot water through them. and then you have to leave it out to dry so mold doesn't develop. i had one for a few months in college, threw it away when I moved home. I imagine there is a bum out there still jerking off with my lupe fuentes model fleshlight.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:08

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

they have a hole at the bottom and you just run hot water through them. and then you have to leave it out to dry so mold doesn't develop. i had one for a few months in college, threw it away when I moved home. I imagine there is a bum out there still jerking off with my lupe fuentes model fleshlight.

i want a lupe fiasco fleshlight.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:14

SpaghetioSexNoises: Aug 16, 2015

Aw geez, my dick got leprosy from a piece of rubber shaped like an alien butthole

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:17

ArtIsResistance: May 19, 2007; QUEEN OF FRANCE, SAVIOR OF LOWTAX

what is it with goons desperately asking for peoples' pictures online, if you want validation that someone in the world is uglier than you then that's probably the case but at the same time there are probably more attractive people too

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:45

CrimsonSaber: Dec 27, 2005; Metaphysicist

Create pictures that look like you do something besides eat hot pockets and watch Court TV.

Fake Marathon: Get some people together with a ribbon to represent finish line. Paste a numbered bib to your shirt and dump some water over your head.

Fake Volunteer Work: Find a younger relative and claim that you are a Big Brother or work for the Make A Wish Foundation.

Fake Job: Wear slacks, long shirt, tie, and GOOD shoes. Prop your feet up on a desk while talking on a desk phone. Smile like you're best friends with the CEO. Make sure you are in a nice looking office area, preferably with a view.

Fake Competition: Take a picture with a group of attractive women. Pretend you are a tourist by using a fake accent and ask one of them to take a picture while you stand with the group.

Now just sit back and watch the likes roll in. Nobody cares about your face. Women just want a fantasy about the type of guy you might meet in movie, hoping it will turn out like Twilight or 50 Shades.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:46

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljZyRuVQxfM

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:54

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

CrimsonSaber posted:

Create pictures that look like you do something besides eat hot pockets and watch Court TV.

Fake Marathon: Get some people together with a ribbon to represent finish line. Paste a numbered bib to your shirt and dump some water over your head.

Fake Volunteer Work: Find a younger relative and claim that you are a Big Brother or work for the Make A Wish Foundation.

Fake Job: Wear slacks, long shirt, tie, and GOOD shoes. Prop your feet up on a desk while talking on a desk phone. Smile like you're best friends with the CEO. Make sure you are in a nice looking office area, preferably with a view.

Fake Competition: Take a picture with a group of attractive women. Pretend you are a tourist by using a fake accent and ask one of them to take a picture while you stand with the group.

Now just sit back and watch the likes roll in. Nobody cares about your face. Women just want a fantasy about the type of guy you might meet in movie, hoping it will turn out like Twilight or 50 Shades.

Lol do this op

# ? Jun 25, 2016 16:57

Giraffe: Dec 12, 2005; Soiled Meat

Not-ugly losers with no friends or interests are in hot demand in other parts of the country. Try moving and see if your chances improve.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:00

www: Aug 4, 2010

how many ppl itt giving advice have fat wives???

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:03

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

op, try recon instead

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:04

Giraffe: Dec 12, 2005; Soiled Meat

Better yet, maybe do a little "white lie" and use a photo that isn't technically you but represents the "inner you". Women will understand when they meet you and realize you really want sex.

Here's one, feel free to use it (it's me and my friend)

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:06

nigga crab pollock: Mar 26, 2010; by Lowtax

nobody is getting laid on tinder.

the only people who use tinder now are sorority girls (who will never talk to anyone who has ever posted on this forum), tryhard 20-somethings who act like their poo poo is hot but they have a harry potter tattoo and work at a hair salon (they wont ever talk to anyone because talking to someone would shatter the illusion of having their poo poo together), or nerds who have no experience dating and who overanalyze and reject anyone they come across (you, idiot, and probably the girls you're looking for too)

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:20

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

im not really using it for a "hookup" app, just dating. like, you know, movie theater or coffee shop or bowling alley, maybe a dry parking lot handjob after 2-3 of these arbitrary activities, but i'm not demanding it or anything.

i know match/okcupid are probably better for what i'm looking for, but they just do not have a userbase in my area. also, all the girls on match.com seem to be strictly looking for white christian males who make 50k+ a year.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:33

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

have you tried grindr yet?

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:37

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

Otisburg posted:

have you tried grindr yet?

i wish i were gay, i wouldn't even have to try online dating. gay dudes hit on me all the time.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:43

Hooplah: Jul 15, 2006

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

im not really using it for a "hookup" app, just dating. like, you know, movie theater or coffee shop or bowling alley, maybe a dry parking lot handjob after 2-3 of these arbitrary activities, but i'm not demanding it or anything.

i know match/okcupid are probably better for what i'm looking for, but they just do not have a userbase in my area. also, all the girls on match.com seem to be strictly looking for white christian males who make 50k+ a year.

post your pics in the e/n dating thread. if they;re really bad (they are) everyone will tell you there.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:44

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

I'm pretty impressed by the OP actually. Dude seems like he wakes up very early; and he doesn't go to bed until every woman in his zip code absolutely knows he's a loser. Then when that is finished he does it all again just to make sure. That's dedication right there. To being a loser.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:45

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

i wish i were gay, i wouldn't even have to try online dating. gay dudes hit on me all the time.

if youre the top it doesn't count so get out there and get fuckin htth

# ? Jun 25, 2016 17:58

SpaghetioSexNoises: Aug 16, 2015

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

i wish i were gay, i wouldn't even have to try online dating. gay dudes hit on me all the time.

Gay dudes are hella slutty, girl they won't eeven call you back

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:06

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I'm pretty impressed by the OP actually. Dude seems like he wakes up very early; and he doesn't go to bed until every woman in his zip code absolutely knows he's a loser. Then when that is finished he does it all again just to make sure. That's dedication right there. To being a loser.

You get me, bro.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:15

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

Okay, I deleted my account and made a new one right quick. Tweaked it a bit. Made the jokes in my profile a little more punchier, used a different selfie as my default where I'm not smiling because I read that girls don't like that. I'm expecting great things.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:18

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

Okay, I deleted my account and made a new one right quick. Tweaked it a bit. Made the jokes in my profile a little more punchier, used a different selfie as my default where I'm not smiling because I read that girls don't like that. I'm expecting great things.

Post the jokes and we'll make them actually good.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:19

cnut: May 3, 2016

Is this you op

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:22

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

Post the jokes and we'll make them actually good.

Shut up, dude. You're not tricking me into giving up my material for your profile, Carlos Mencia.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:32

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

cnut posted:

Is this you op

a man out of time: from the past, before color

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:33

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

Hooplah posted:

post your pics in the e/n dating thread. if they;re really bad (they are) everyone will tell you there.

I know they are bad. I see what pictures are "good". They require resources that I don't have to produce (friends, outdoor hobbies, high quality camera). My profile pictures are pragmatic, and they are accurate representations. If a girl can't get down with my DIY Punk Rock attitude, we are both better off.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:50

Iron Prince: Aug 28, 2005; Buglord

i don't gently caress with tinder much so i opened it up after reading the op, swiped right until it wouldn't let me any more and got 18 matches. don't know how you could be loving it up that bad op :shrug:

e: 19

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:51

a star war betamax: Sep 17, 2011; by Lowtax; Gary’s Answer

Op have you ever considered a position as moderator of the something awful forums?

# ? Jun 25, 2016 18:58

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 19:03

pathetic little tramp: Dec 12, 2005; by Hillary Clinton's assassins; Fallen Rib

Why wpuld anyone ever get tinder pro, it's annoying enough having to manage twenty conversations at once.

# ? Jun 25, 2016 19:10

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Made a tinder, made my self-esteem lower.

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