/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Sexting is abuse

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:02

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 08:26

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Self abuse

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:03

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

lmao im not saying you look at one sext and are immediately "MY SO IS PORN AND PORN IS MY SO" but you cannot stop your brain from noticing similarities and creating links, you can't. you aren't smart enough to stop this from happening. if you look at porn for a quick hit of sex, and nudes from your SO for the same kind of hit, your brain will begin to associate the two and associate the emotions tied to each activity.

I don't really think they're the same, an SO sending nudes is more like foreplay to upcoming sex, barring some long distance thing.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:03

90s Rememberer: Nov 30, 2017; by R. Guyovich

Jim Barris posted:

If I were confronted about it I'd say that they're personally meaningful to me. These are photos that were taken for me because the subject of them wanted to excite or entice me. I've never thought of them as jerking off material even if they are, of course, erotic. I keep other things too to remind me of people but nudes are sort of special. It's a little more intimate of a memento. I've never thought of it as unethical and I would get rid of something if specifically asked, which I never have been.

source your quotes

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:04

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Caganer posted:

Sexting is abuse

Did you cut your hair yet?

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:04

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

If I was a woman I wouldn't send a nude to anyone for any reason whatsoever but I'm not so it doesn't surprise me that y'all do because you people are incomprehensible.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:06

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Jim Barris posted:

If I were confronted about it I'd say that they're personally meaningful to me. These are photos that were taken for me because the subject of them wanted to excite or entice me. I've never thought of them as jerking off material even if they are, of course, erotic. I keep other things too to remind me of people but nudes are sort of special. It's a little more intimate of a memento. I've never thought of it as unethical and I would get rid of something if specifically asked, which I never have been.

here's a loving excellent reason to never give anyone nudes jfc

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:07

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I don't keep them organized in folders or anything but "tearfully scroll through my ex's text history deleting the photos" has not been a part of any breakup of mine.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:09

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

lmao im not saying you look at one sext and are immediately "MY SO IS PORN AND PORN IS MY SO" but you cannot stop your brain from noticing similarities and creating links, you can't. you aren't smart enough to stop this from happening. if you look at porn for a quick hit of sex, and nudes from your SO for the same kind of hit, your brain will begin to associate the two and associate the emotions tied to each activity.

That's like saying if you look at photos of dogs online you are deemphasizing your dog because it's becoming just another dog to your brain or whatever you believe is happening.

The brain is sophisticated enough to differentiate between experiences, having an intimate photo of a partner you know can be a memento, a reminder, a preview, or many other things that tie into the actual person you know and the experiences you have with them.

I get the good intentions behind the concern but this thinking is one step above "the camera will take your soul if you allow your picture to be taken" stuff, I get it but I'd like to state that good news: human beings are more sophisticated than one may think and are able to factor additional context when considering people they know vs strangers.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:09

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Ham Sandwiches posted:

human beings are more sophisticated than one may think

lol

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:12

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

here's a loving excellent reason to never give anyone nudes jfc

See you were bitching and moaning about how disconnected people are yet here you are condemning me for sentimentality and having an emotional attachment to intimate photos of women I've personally known and slept with.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:13

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Jim Barris posted:

See you were bitching and moaning about how disconnected people are yet here you are condemning me for sentimentality and having an emotional attachment to intimate photos of women I've personally known and slept with.

I can't tell if you're doing a bit or not

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:15

90s Rememberer: Nov 30, 2017; by R. Guyovich

Jim Barris posted:

See you were bitching and moaning about how disconnected people are yet here you are condemning me for sentimentality and having an emotional attachment to intimate photos of women I've personally known and slept with.

Actually you're the caricature of "creepy dude who holds onto nudes" that nobody expected to be able to hold up as an even better reason to never sext. But now that you're here, this guy. This guy is why you don't take naked pictures of yourself and send them to your partner.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:15

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

Jim Barris posted:

See you were bitching and moaning about how disconnected people are yet here you are condemning me for sentimentality and having an emotional attachment to intimate photos of women I've personally known and slept with.

hint: they just like complaining

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:15

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

THESE ARE MY NUDES! THEY WERE MADE FOR ME!

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:18

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

jim barris, i want you to imagine that you text each woman whose photos you have with that story about your nostalgic browsing, and really think about if even one of the responses would be anything even close to "aww that's so sweet and sentimental, I look at that picture you sent of you jerking your cock all the time too!

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:18

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Jeza posted:

THESE ARE MY NUDES! THEY WERE MADE FOR ME!

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:19

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

I'm proud of contributing to this derail

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:19

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I thought this derail had about played itself out after I was done participating in it but it appears to still be here

weird

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:20

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

the purge, but for nudity

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:20

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

jim barris, i want you to imagine that you text each woman whose photos you have with that story about your nostalgic browsing, and really think about if even one of the responses would be anything even close to "aww that's so sweet and sentimental, I look at that picture you sent of you jerking your cock all the time too! "

Nah I reject your entire hypothetical. That's nonsense you've crafted to cast me in the worst possible light. You're basically asking 'Why don't you text every woman you've ever known and tell them you jerk off to their old nudes?'. gently caress that and gently caress you too frankly.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:31

90s Rememberer: Nov 30, 2017; by R. Guyovich

Jim Barris posted:

You're basically asking 'Why don't you text every woman you've ever known and tell them you jerk off to their old nudes?'.

letting the mask slip

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:32

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Jim Barris posted:

Nah I reject your entire hypothetical. That's nonsense you've crafted to cast me in the worst possible light. You're basically asking 'Why don't you text every woman you've ever known and tell them you jerk off to their old nudes?'. gently caress that and gently caress you too frankly.

you know full well that those women would not want you to keep those images dude, it's so loving obvious you're fighting that

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:34

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

I liked spider derail way more.

So I ordered a bunch of stuff on Amazon via a canceled credit card..

quote:

So my grandma canceled the credit card just because, she reported to the credit card company that it was lost. Not true. I then ordered a Pop Funko to see if anything would come, it said payment revision required. So I order another one, and it does not say that. It actually says shipped the next day. Cut to me ordering thousands of dollars worth of poo poo in intervals. I get a bunch of the pops in but none of the expensive stuff. Until recently the only thing not a pop that says shipped is a switch and some mangas. There's a lot of stuff set to come in tomorrow, 2-3 thousand dollars worth. I don't know why but a lot of my recent orders have not said Payment revision required. It usually takes orders an hour or less to say it if they're going too. And I have multiple pages of orders that do say it. My new orders for the most part, don't say it. And a lot say they're coming in tomorrow. But none of them are shipped. And recently fed ex called us and said we would be required to sign the new orders coming in. Help, am I screwed? Sorry for spelling mistakes. Edit: Im in ky The card was canceled EDIT The credit card was canceled, why are the order still coming? Also my grandma knew as soon as the first item shipped. She didnt care about it, she cancelled it because she wanted to switch cards or something. I never used it besides for occasionally ordering movies on my TV. Its on her amazon account, she didnt know how to take her now canceled credit card off. I got on her computer and ordered some stuff. I only told her once I realized some of it shipped. She didnt care (she knew her card was cancelled) so I went a little overboard expecting only a few items to ship, and the rest to say payement revision required. Also downvote me all you want, its a throwaway and theres not really a point. Im just trying to get it cleared up why some of the stuff actually shipped. And this is not a cover up for me stealing someones cancelled credit card. Please actually provide help, im confused to whats happening and what will happen

Edit again everything I stated is true please stop accusing me of theft of my grandmothers card. I just want to know if this is a bigger deal then I thought If i returned all of the items or paid money for them. Even so its 500 dollars for everything thats came in

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:37

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Jeza posted:

THESE ARE MY NUDES! THEY WERE MADE FOR ME!

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:39

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

The big heist where you order hundreds of dollars of garbage you don't want with a canceled credit card, to see what would happen

when the poo poo arrives, post to reddit "ok now what??"

I have to say that's a pretty ownage story all things considered

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:40

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Anne Whateley posted:

Maybe you have or tbh maybe you didn't know to ask? I'm 30 and almost every guy I met from a dating site and a decent number I met in person asked (many many many times) for nudes. I don't do sexy pics at all, no not even if there's a sheet strategically covering R-rated parts, no not even bikinis or underwear, no seriously not at all, and you would not believe how many guys that's a dealbreaker for.

I always just send a picture of a macaque with estrus swelling when asked for nudes.

Not sending nudes shouldn't be a deal breaker since it shows good judgement.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:41

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Pick posted:

Ldr are dumb unless there�s a strong reason and a clear end date for the distance

Yes, if it's "we're married and I have a 4 month work commitment abroad" by all means keep going - and possibly send nudes or do sexy stuff on skype or whatever. But We see too many of these "we met on Everquest and it was love immediately" posts that are just really painful and I don't think sending nudes to the person you met on WoW is very smart at all.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:44

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

I've had girlfriends do the whole nude photos rigamarole in the past, which ends up feeling more awkward than not because in my dumbass idea of "fairness" I feel the need to reciprocate, despite the fact that my body isn't very interesting to look at and Playgirl sells poorly for a reason

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:45

tsa: Feb 3, 2014

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

a bunch of incredibly stupid poo poo

lolll

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

lmao im not saying you look at one sext and are immediately "MY SO IS PORN AND PORN IS MY SO" but you cannot stop your brain from noticing similarities and creating links, you can't. you aren't smart enough to stop this from happening. if you look at porn for a quick hit of sex, and nudes from your SO for the same kind of hit, your brain will begin to associate the two and associate the emotions tied to each activity.

maybe you're dumbass brain can't :xd:

tsa fucked around with this message at 20:51 on Jun 26, 2018

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:48

tsa: Feb 3, 2014

but to be fair that was most the last couple pages in general

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

lol

well not you specifically

tsa fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Jun 26, 2018

# ? Jun 26, 2018 20:49

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

I�m thinking prison or indefinite detention sounds good?

[24F]My autistic [22M] brother is ripping my family apart and I've had it.

quote:

u/autisticbro-911
Background: Since my brother was 4 years old and I was 6 years old, we knew that something was different about him. He's been diagnosed with a variety of things, but as he got older it was determined that he is on the autism spectrum. He also has a learning disability as well. My mom, the saint that she is, has spent the past 22 years researching autism, sending him to doctor after doctor, and basically doing anything within her power to help him. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 12 and my brother was 10. We lived with my mom and my step-dad (who is also a saint), but saw my dad frequently. It is important to note that while I love my father, he does not help out with my brother much at all and tells my mom that it's her responsibility as my brother's mother to assume most of the responsibility. I moved out of the house when I was 18, but my brother still lives at home.

My brother has always been difficult to deal with. He has a plethora of behavioral issues, throws tantrums, and does not understand social cues. While these things can definitely be trying on one's patience, he was always a lovable kid and anyone in the family would do anything for him. We were well equipped to handle his tantrums and behavior problems, but as soon as he started going through puberty (Age 12), things started to get steadily worse.

My mom and I noticed that our underwear and bras were going missing around the time that his voice started to change. We couldn't figure out where they would go. Eventually, we found a stash of our underwear in my brother's room, covered in semen. I was appalled and had a hard time coping with the situation. My mom spoke to him about it, and he denied he did anything. We hoped it was a one time thing and decided to let it go.

Unfortunately, this was only the beginning. After that, any chance he got when one of us weren't around, he would steal our underwear and masturbate all over it. Never even really tried to hide it. We'd find it lying around his room and in his bed. Then, he started breaking into neighbors' houses and stealing any female underwear he could find and doing the same thing. He got caught several times, but after explaining that he is autistic, the neighbors wouldn't call the police. We all started locking our bedroom doors and had to watch my brother constantly.

Next, my brother started to become angry, defiant, and violent. My mom took him to every doctor in town and those doctors tried every concoction of medication to help. We thought we had finally found something to help, but then we went on a family vacation where he stole my underwear. When I confronted him about it, he punched me so hard that I went flying across the room. It was the first time he actually hit one of us. My dad blamed me for getting angry with him and I have never quite forgiven him for that.

After we got back from vacation, my brother started resorting to desperate measures to break into our rooms to get the underwear (e.g.: breaking down our doors). My mom tried to help him by buying him women's underwear of his own. This did not work. Apparently, he like the stealing part.

Fast forward to my brother turning 21. At this point, my mom is so afraid of my brother that my step-dad doesn't want her home alone with my brother. My brother is doing whatever he wants, including continuously breaking into neighbor's homes. He steals underwear from all females. Yes that includes even kids, we'd find obvious child size underwear in his room, and old granny panties. The neighbors have now had it (I don't blame them) and they say they will call the police the next time it happens. Everyone in my family is anxiety ridden every day because my brother is so volatile and unpredictable. My mother decides to try to find a rehab-type place that can deal with his stealing issues. The only problem is, most of these places cannot help autistic people. My brother's therapist helps my parents search for somewhere and they eventually find a place that can supposedly help him in 60 days. My dad is against it, but for once my mom stays strong and they drop my brother off. My family is on the poor side and spends their entire savings to try to get my brother some help.

He actually did not complete the rehab and it ended up being an awful place. We were promised that it would be male-only, and 5 days before my brother graduated, they admitted a female. He had a breakdown, snuck into her room and stole her underwear, and got kicked out.

After my brother finishes the program, he returns home and appears to be doing better. I believe the rehab "worked" because he never has been held accountable for his actions before. He seems to have lost his selfish and lazy attitude and he genuinely wants to try harder to resist his urges. He actually does really well. He gets two jobs, buys a car, and is the happiest kid in the world. We are so happy that he is managing his issue. He goes to sex addict meetings that fulfill whatever problems he has, and he even finds a girlfriend on an autism dating website. We were so afraid this was all too good to be true...and it was.

A year after he got home from rehab, he started to steal everyone's underwear again. He became angry, defiant, and violent again whenever we tried to stop him. His doctors are at the point where they have nothing new to help us any more. My step-dad has threatened to leave my mom because he can't deal with this anymore (and I don't blame him). My mom has such awful anxiety because of all of this, and she truly lives a miserable life. My dad won't do poo poo to help with the situation. I don't live there, but watching my mom and step-dad suffer is killing me. I know my brother has autism, but I truly believe he is a selfish person who is too lazy to manage his problems. There are no rehab places for him. We don't know what to do with him. My advice to my mother was to tell my dad and my brother that she is kicking him out of the house and that he can either get an apartment and face whatever consequences if he breaks into someone's house, or my dad can take him in.

I know this sounds heartless, but he is destroying the lives of the people I love and he shows no remorse. He has a very mild form of autism, so I don't even think I can blame it on the autism any more. If any of you reading this have any advice, I would love to hear it. We have tried EVERYTHING for the past 22 years and I want my mom to be free of the pain that my brother causes her on a daily basis.

tl;dr - My mildly autistic brother is incredibly angry, defiant, and violent. He has hit me before and threatens to hurt my mother. He also steals our underwear and breaks into others' houses to steal their underwear. We sent him to rehab and it worked for a year, but now he is even worse than he used to be. He is tearing apart my family and we don't know what to do.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 21:09

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Milotic posted:

I�m thinking prison or indefinite detention sounds good?

[24F]My autistic [22M] brother is ripping my family apart and I've had it.

Let the neighbors call the cops when he does it again? Problem should take care of itself.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 21:23

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Milotic posted:

I�m thinking prison or indefinite detention sounds good?

[24F]My autistic [22M] brother is ripping my family apart and I've had it.

How possible is it actually to get someone involuntarily committed

Is that just like a thing in fiction or what

# ? Jun 26, 2018 21:24

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

loquacius posted:

How possible is it actually to get someone involuntarily committed

Is that just like a thing in fiction or what

how rich are you

# ? Jun 26, 2018 21:25

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

When I read this this morning, I rather uncharitably wondered if OP likes setting up drama with a twenty year pay off:

My partner doesn't want me to donate my eggs but I want to.

quote:

u/sailwithgrace
I'm transgender, female to male and 20 years old. I'm going to be getting a hysterectomy. I have a date for October 22. My partner is 23 male. We've been together for a couple of years now.

I want to donate my eggs. I am willing to hold off on the hysterectomy. I understand the process involved. I'm in Canada so I don't think I can be paid for the eggs. I'd be happy to travel to be paid.

He doesn't want to deal with me donating my eggs unless I'm getting paid for it. He feels like it would just be another thing for him to stress over and not worth his time to help me with. He's rather opposed to the idea of going back to condoms since I'd need to remove my IUD. I think it would be great to be able to help a couple conceive.

I donated blood until I wasn't allowed to anymore for sleeping with men who sleep with men. I'm on a list to donate bone marrow if they find a match. I'm of the mind that if I'm not using it, why not let someone else?

My question is, do I push for his blessing to donate, leave it be and get the hysterectomy, or look into other countries to be paid for my eggs?

Tl;Dr partner doesn't want to deal with the stress of me donating eggs for no personal gain.

Putting your transition on hold for this seems odd. Also I don�t think OP understands the process despite his claims. And then who knows if in 18 years you get tracked down by your biological child.

# ? Jun 26, 2018 21:26