/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

I think it depends on where you are, because in NYC it's absolutely the norm that gross poly guys are loving 5 women at once, while the poly woman at home doing his laundry is trying to find some guy, any guy, who's not rapey or an rear end in a top hat. It doesn't get better until the poly women start to date each other.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 16:48

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 14:06

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

It's got to be an age thing, too. The stereotype of 'desperate and sexless' changes genders somewhere around age 30, so I'd imagine the pool of available potential partners changes pretty dramatically over time.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 16:54

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

BRB, researching Brooklyn apartment prices so I can go live out my dream of being the protagonist of a harem manga

# ? Jul 24, 2018 16:55

Richter Scabies: Dec 30, 2012

phasmid posted:

Holy poo poo, I had looked for this about a month ago and thought maybe it was gone for good. The sparkliest gemstone of the weird poly shitshows. Thank you.

I could have sworn the last time I read this the comments were ripping the author apart, now they're sucking his balls????

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:01

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Anne Whateley posted:

I think it depends on where you are, because in NYC it's absolutely the norm that gross poly guys are loving 5 women at once, while the poly woman at home doing his laundry is trying to find some guy, any guy, who's not rapey or an rear end in a top hat. It doesn't get better until the poly women start to date each other.

Squashing Machine posted:

BRB, researching Brooklyn apartment prices so I can go live out my dream of being the protagonist of a harem manga

IIRC, NYC has the USA's biggest gender disparity in favour of women. (the Bay Area tends to be the opposite to varying degrees)

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:06

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Richter Scabies posted:

I could have sworn the last time I read this the comments were ripping the author apart, now they're sucking his balls????

There was a separate article written by an unconnected woman that was pretty much long form 'how loving dare you'

Edit:. Hahahaha that twat's author blurb says 'he has been amplifying the emergence of new culture for over a decade'

tactlessbastard fucked around with this message at 17:13 on Jul 24, 2018

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:10

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

brb, amplifying the emergence of new culture *disappears into bathroom with lotion and kleenex*

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:15

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Straight White Shark posted:

brb, amplifying the emergence of new culture *disappears into bathroom with lotion and kleenex*

Disappears to the bathroom with a cotton swab and a blood agar plate

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:19

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Straight White Shark posted:

brb, amplifying the emergence of new culture *disappears into bathroom with lotion and kleenex*

*shoots meth, sits at cafe table, opens laptop to pornhub*

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:22

John Lee: Mar 2, 2013; A time traveling adventure everyone can enjoy

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Oh Joy Sex Toy is one of the unsexiest comics about sex I've ever read. Oglaf is outright parody and manages to be better pornography.

There's a certain internet thing that's hard to describe but you absolutely know it when you see it when people are trying so very hard to appear progressive, open-minded and accepting but it practically oozes from their skin that they're just desperate for attention, approval and drama for general self-indulgence, and will prove themselves to be the pettiest beings alive when mildly provoked.

I've read a few dozen, and I think it's a fine comic when it's actually reviewing the sex toys and talking about the author's personal experiences. It's when it randomly decides to spotlight a fetish that things get unpleasant.

John Lee fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Jul 24, 2018

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:30

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

It's very 2018 that when it comes to 'People who define themselves by their sexual habits and are absolutely insufferable' furries seem to actually be on the low end for the most part.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 17:39

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

I�ll bold the important bits, but sounds like it couldn�t have happened to a nicer person

Me [26M] with my GF [26F] of 3Y, She Cheated & Got Me Jumped

quote:

u/throwawayshecheate
She wasn't answering texts or calls, when she eventually did she said she was out with a girlfriend. I checked the map on Snapchat that shows where your friends are, and hers said she was home and that friend wasn't even with her. So I came home and when I went upstairs and started walking down the hall she yells don't come in, when I started opening the door she's like "DO NOT COME IN" and I open it and literally walked in to see her on all fours for another man. I completely froze and just felt this sinking in the pit of my stomach, I felt almost nauseous. I was shaking and they started getting dressed not saying a word and I said well what the gently caress? and then she was literally trying to justify cheating. She was saying how I don't treat her right and say she's too fat to have sex with, I make her feel ashamed about her body. (The only thing even remotely close is that doggystyle doesn't work it would always slip out and I said it was because of her weight/butt being too big, I never said it in an insulting way and was trying to help motivate her weight loss which is something she talked about wanting to do anyway. I never put her down about her weight and we did still have an active sex life despite her being 5'3" & 280lbs) shutting the door, I punched her once, and the other guy literally runs up to me and starts beating the poo poo out of me. And she doesn't stop him, she was basically cheering it on, giggling, and literally said "beat his rear end!" during it. This is just the most hosed up experience ever, after the fight I left and now I'm at my friends house. I have no idea what's happening now, I guess we're broken up, but we rent together so I don't know how everything is gonna work. I don't know what advice anyone can even give but this is just so hosed up. I don't know how to contact her again to deal with the process of moving out and I'm humiliated.

TL;DR: I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, she tried justifying herself and got the other guy to jump me, I don't know where to go from here.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 18:18

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

Milotic posted:

I�ll bold the important bits, but sounds like it couldn�t have happened to a nicer person

Me [26M] with my GF [26F] of 3Y, She Cheated & Got Me Jumped

This was posted in this thread like 2 months ago lmao

Paul Zuvella fucked around with this message at 18:30 on Jul 24, 2018

# ? Jul 24, 2018 18:28

hevnz 2 murgatroyd: Apr 13, 2018; by Smythe

I don't think "jumped" means what you think it means.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 18:40

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Richter Scabies posted:

I could have sworn the last time I read this the comments were ripping the author apart, now they're sucking his balls????

I just read the comments and wow you are not kidding. Although they all seem to be in the same kind of tone with the "shucks golly, ian, you are so brave &talented" that makes me a bit suspicious. But I don't care what kind of emergent culture he's from, he's a hack twat and his article is comedy gold. It's a loving Greek mask and I love it.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

It's very 2018 that when it comes to 'People who define themselves by their sexual habits and are absolutely insufferable' furries seem to actually be on the low end for the most part.

Yeah, but it might be precipitous to assume that all these brokebrains aren't furries in addition to being poly weirds.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 18:46

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Milotic posted:

I’ll bold the important bits, but sounds like it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person

Me [26M] with my GF [26F] of 3Y, She Cheated & Got Me Jumped

quote:

5'3" & 280lbs

To be fair that's pretty thick

# ? Jul 24, 2018 18:52

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

that's positively spherical

# ? Jul 24, 2018 18:54

Ocean Book: Sep 27, 2010; - hi

one of those comics from the website talked about 'gender euphoria' in juxtaposition to gender dysphoria and i think thats a nice way to look at things.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:10

Nail Rat: Dec 29, 2000; You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!!

I'm sorry but if you're 5 3 and 280 you are too fat. That said her boyfriend was a literal rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:14

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My [28F] boyfriend [29M] often makes inappropriate (violent) jokes, when confronted basically insists I need to lighten up?

We have been together for 2 and a half years and we live together. He has never harmed me or behaved in ways that would be red flags. He is the type of guy that jokes around maybe too much and can make serious discussions tedious, but it�s who he is. I deal. Sometimes his jokes cross a line and I have called him out on it, but then he gets upset and says something like, �I just say the first thing that comes to mind. It�s who I am� instead of validating my concerns or expressing interest in working on it.

The most recent examples I can think of include a conversation we had about the game Clue, and the murder weapons. He went on taking it very far and said something like, �That�s what I�d do. Use a rope and throw you over the balcony.� We weren�t even talking about each other in this context, just about the game scenarios. He brought it into real life, and put us in the situation. It really scared me and I became upset. I asked him why would he EVER joke about that sort of thing? Why would he want to make me feel threatened or unsafe? He got frustrated in response and went on with the whole, �It�s just a joke, relax, why are you attacking me� spiel. More recently, he was holding me close and rubbing his hands up and down my back. I mentioned that he was tracing a trail right along my spine, and his reply was to say something like, �Yep. And one right move and I could make you paralyzed forever.� Again, I was immediately upset. I said, �Why would you say something like that?� And again, he was upset that I could possibly ever find that threatening?? He said, �It�s just a joke. You should trust me enough to know I would never actually do anything to hurt you.� and I said something like, �I do trust you, but when you say something like that, it makes me question my trust. Of course it does. You could have said something loving about my body, but instead you said something threatening.�

And it went on with him saying it was just a joke, just the first thing that came to mind and didn�t I ever just say the first thing that popped into my mind? To which I said, �I don�t think the first thing that pops into my mind is the harm that I could cause you. I would just never think that. Please, can you be mindful about your words? There are some things that just shouldn�t be joked about, and I will always get upset about them. Jokes about hurting me should be off limits.� But then he got upset and said I was attacking him over a joke he didn�t even mean and that it�s just who he is to make jokes all the time. I did keep talking for a while trying to explain why these jokes might upset me more than someone else (previous experience in an abusive relationship), but again he just kept insisting that he should get a pass because I should already trust him and know it�s only a joke. He eventually did apologize the next morning for upsetting me, but did not necessarily say he would be mindful of how his words make me feel or anything like that. I feel like we did not resolve this conflict, and I don�t feel like he truly got why I was so upset.

Should I revisit this conversation? Is this normal joking material? How should I present my feelings so that he does not feel attacked but feels empathetic or at least compassionate about my reaction?

TL;DR: Boyfriend has joked about killing me and causing serious bodily harm. When I get upset at these jokes he says that I should trust him and know it�s just a joke and it�s just his personality. How can I get him to take my feelings seriously?

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:16

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

holy moley :stare:

I Can�t Bring Myself To Delete The Sim Of My Ex

quote:

Whenever I get a crush on someone, I usually secretly add them to whatever game of The Sims I�m currently playing. Despite this being an incredibly weird thing to do, it�s a ritual I�ve followed for years. Normally it doesn�t get so complicated.

The last time I talked about this at all, I was bonding with a new friend over our shared love of The Sims at a bar. She told me that she, too, used to add her crushes to the game, though mainly the celebrity ones. When I was going through puberty and trying to understand sex and romance, putting my celebrity crushes into The Sims so we could fall in love, get married and WooHoo our hearts out was one of the ways I tried to handle the intense, scary feelings I was experiencing for the first time. Somewhere, deep in the hard drive of a dust-covered computer in my parents� house, there is a tiny virtual town where a sim of myself and of Conor Oberst of the band Bright Eyes have grown old together, surrounded by our many children.

As I grew older and more experienced in dating, I didn�t stop adding my crushes to The Sims. I just traded in celebrities for people I actually knew. There�s a good chance that if I have ever been sexually or romantically interested in you, you have made an appearance in whatever save file of The Sims I have made. For the most part, given how the life cycles of Sims work, these characters grow old and die at the same time my feelings for that person do. It�s a way to burn out an intense feeling, to just intoxicate yourself on your crush until it goes away.

On the rare occasions that I do end up dating the crush in question, I usually get too preoccupied with, you know, actually dating that person to continue to live out our simulated romance. By the time we�ve broken up, they�re already a ghost in my game. But now that I write and play and think about games for a living, including ongoing coverage of The Sims, I don�t have the luxury of just waiting around for certain Sims to die anymore. Right now, I have a save file of The Sims 4 I want to revisit, but I have no idea what to do with the Sim of my ex-boyfriend.

I have had a lot of really bad relationships, but the one I had with my most recent ex wasn�t one of those. On the contrary, it was perhaps the first good relationship I�ve ever had. We broke up mostly because being long-distance was too difficult for us to manage. Leaving him was incredibly difficult, even if I knew it was the right thing to do.

I�m over it now, for the most part. I�m dating again, I have lovely friends, and I�m generally just enjoying sweating like a hog wearing little to no clothing during this surprisingly wet New York summer. But once I remembered about my ex�s Sim sitting on the old computer in my closet, there was a little damper in my summer glow-up.

It was a bit like being haunted. I had long since gotten rid of all the other old remnants of our relationship. A tear-stained letter has been tucked away in a drawer, along with the Polaroids of us at the beach. Sometimes I think about wearing a necklace he gave me; most days I�d rather not. I thought I had done all the healing you�re supposed to do after a breakup. I�ve rebounded and gotten back on Tinder and had some very bad dates and a few really good ones. But my ex is still here, on a hard drive that sits unspinning in my closet.

Today I decided to go open that save and try bring myself to delete him, or at least to break us up in the game. Where I had left it, we had actually gotten married, which I never told him about. It made me uncomfortable to think there is a version of myself, even a virtual one, that is still in love with him. Yet when I opened the game and saw us hanging out in an apartment in San Muyshuno, I knew immediately that I still couldn�t bring myself to get rid of this Sim.

Sometimes when I hear certain songs, I am transported back to an intense memory. When �El Scorcho� by Weezer comes on, I remember how warm the air felt as my friends and I drove back from an abandoned park we�d been trespassing on, and how I reached out the window to make a wave with my hand as we all screamed the words to the song. When I saw this Sim of my ex, I remembered meeting him for the first time, the awkwardness of our first kiss. I remembered the fumbling conversation where we admitted we were attracted to each other. I remembered making him mixtapes. I remembered how he called me �little bird.� He was just there, frozen in the moment when things were all new and exciting and good.

At that point, it felt like deleting him from my game or breaking us up was just shaming my past self for daring to fall in love at all. It helps that those memories are too distant now to even be bittersweet. They�re just good. It�s good to remember what falling in love feels like, even if all my love for him is gone now.

I made my ex�s Sim kiss my Sim, and I saved the game, closed it, and put my computer back in the closet. Now, it feels less like a haunting and more like a yearbook: a way to bring me back to a moment that has long since died, not with bitterness, but an appreciation for all the ways I have grown.

pretend i bolded everything because each and every fact and emotion described herein is jawdroppingly bonkers and very bad

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:18

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Lmao Kotaku Dot Com, folks

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:24

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Why cant you be a normal person and build a pool and sell the ladder?

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:24

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Skutter posted:

I mean, the Amish will probably do really well in most apocalypse scenarios but... I don't get having the romance twist. What exactly is sexy about the end of the world?

It's generally about America Rediscovering God And God's Purpose In The Midst Of Tragedy. There's a thriving subgenre of books where America turning into a fundamentalist Christian theocracy in the wake of nuclear war or other disasters is portrayed as a good thing rather than a dystopia.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:24

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

holy moley

I Can�t Bring Myself To Delete The Sim Of My Ex

pretend i bolded everything because each and every fact and emotion described herein is jawdroppingly bonkers and very bad

This is up there with that one dude's Sonic bed in terms of having an unhealthy relationship with a video game character

Also just going to laugh forever about how Kotaku keeps handing the mic over to nutballs with extreme personality disorders who treat the site like their own blog

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:24

Squashing Machine: Jul 5, 2005; I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka

Death of a Flower Saleswoman: How My Life Changed Irrevocably and Forever After I Named Aerith After My Middle School Crush and Watched Her Die Before My Very Eyes

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:27

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

Talk about Kotaku Inaction, amirite

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:28

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Healthy comments

quote:

There was this horrible kid on second grade that got my gameboy while I was on the bathroom, and DELETED MY POKEMON RED SAVE FILE!
After getting in a fight with him, I made a new game and promptly named the rival ROLY, the horrible kid’s name. ROLY has been my foil on EVERY. SINGLE. POKEMON. GAME. EVER. SINCE.
I’m 31 now

quote:

I don’t know how the Sims’ save files work, but maybe take that save to another computer, let that digital version of yourself who is happy continue to be happy foreverafter, and then make your sim be single again, therefore symbolically accepting yourself that it’s over, yet allowing that part of you that wanted to be happy with your ex the possibility to do so.

Or maybe just send an email to your ex telling him you still have a Sim of him that’s married to the Sim you, and you want to know his opinion. Worst case scenario, he thinks your crazy and he stops all communication with you. But from the description of your relationship, that’s not going to happen.

Or maybe instead of writing that email write an article in Kotaku.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:28

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

I open my eyes.

I am on the Playa at Burning Man.

I know two things.

My marriage is over.

So is this X-Com squad.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:30

Sai-kun: Feb 6, 2011; Is it ever going to be enough, to love another and be loved?

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Healthy comments

please PLEASE i am wishing for them to send that email i need it

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:32

primaltrash: Feb 11, 2008; (Thought-ful Croak)

Gamergate is bullshit, I hate that I have to qualify that when talking about gaming news, Kotaku mostly does good articles, but also they need the world's biggest wedgie.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:33

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Healthy comments

I wonder if there's some strange inverse to this syndrome. Like some kid who hates Jeremy Irons for being the voice of Scar.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:33

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Yeah I quite like Kotaku for news, certain reviews, whatever they let Tim Rogers do, etc.

But, man,

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:34

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Kotaku: working to justify gamersgate one oversharing brokebrain at a time.

E: They're not seriously suggesting she send the email. They're saying the article is like sending the email but dumber and more public.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:34

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

I have stacked
the cheesewheels
that were in
my inventory

and which
I was probably
saving
for health

Forgive me
I will now climb
This mountain
Sideways on a horse

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:35

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

At the end of the day, the sex wasn't even the complicated part. We got used to a routine. I spent nights with Melody on her houseboat, while my wife and her boyfriend stayed in our old house. The fluid bonding naturally followed.

But when we decided to go our separate ways, one single issue remained. What would happen to our Overwatch group?

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:37

hevnz 2 murgatroyd: Apr 13, 2018; by Smythe

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

There was this horrible kid on second grade that got my gameboy while I was on the bathroom, and DELETED MY POKEMON RED SAVE FILE!
After getting in a fight with him, I made a new game and promptly named the rival ROLY, the horrible kid�s name. ROLY has been my foil on EVERY. SINGLE. POKEMON. GAME. EVER. SINCE.
I�m 31 now

That one is justified. gently caress that kid.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:37

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Squashing Machine posted:

This is up there with that one dude's Sonic bed in terms of having an unhealthy relationship with a video game character

Also just going to laugh forever about how Kotaku keeps handing the mic over to nutballs with extreme personality disorders who treat the site like their own blog

Hey if it works for the New York Times...

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:39

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

"Fluid-bonding". Ugh. Somehow these people find a way to make something natural sound like a gross, despotic new age cult rite.

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:40

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 14:06

Zedd: Jul 6, 2009; I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Husband in love with Selena Gomez
Recently he�s been talking about how excited he is about the upcoming Spring Breakers movie because �it looks really funny.� I looked it up and it�s basically a movie about Selena Gomez wearing a bikini. And finally I caught him looking at a Selena Gomez tumblr. He wasn�t even trying to hide it.

Lady was worried for nothing since Selena was in that movie for like 20 minutes. (Good movie btw)

# ? Jul 24, 2018 19:43

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