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Baronjutter
Dec 31, 2007

"Tiny Trains"

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

The Matrix is basically three things.

> A really dumb college guy that barely eeked out a C- in philosophy that is now unbearably pretentious about how only he can TRULY SEE the deeper complexities of life, maaaaaaan.

> A really dumb white guy that saw an anime once and bought a $50 plastic and molded steel sword at a flea market and thinks he can deflect bullets with it

> A deeply sexually repressed dumb guy that thinks wearing borderline fetish gear is subversive but makes him look like a tool

Imagine those three nerds wrote a script for the totally smartest anime kung fu leather fetish badass super wicked awesome movie that's not dumb, gently caress you, mom, I'm not going to church, EVER. And for some inexplicable reason someone gave them $100,000,000.

That's the Matrix 1.

And holy mother of god, the sequels are a trillion times worse than that.



In summary: watch them. They are a towering monument to how dumb and gay the late 90's were.

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Space Taxi
Oct 31, 2016
The Matrix is a fine movie and I enjoy looking at lady's leather butts.

oohhboy
Jun 8, 2013

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Randarkman posted:

Also if I remember correctly there's only one or two scenes that feature bullet time. Like most movies that introduced something which became heavily referenced and imitated in other movies the original usually used it sparingly and for effect rather than just because of a generally accepted fact that it's really cool.

I've just pulled an all-nighter completing an exam project, and I'm thinking I might just put the Matrix on and fall asleep to that. It's a good movie.

There are at least 4 Bullet time scenes*, more if you count scenes without bullets like the crane kick.

There is the famous building top Neo bullet dodge.
When Morphous gets shot in the leg.
The subway fight.
Neo finally becoming the One.

*Paused or really slow and rotate around the action scenes.

The scenes in Matrix works because they serve a function outside of looking cool.

Randarkman
Jul 18, 2011

Well, it's been a time since I watched it. So I'll chalk it up to that.

HoAssHo
Mar 10, 2005

:love::love::love:

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

The Matrix is basically three things.

> A really dumb college guy that barely eeked out a C- in philosophy that is now unbearably pretentious about how only he can TRULY SEE the deeper complexities of life, maaaaaaan.

> A really dumb white guy that saw an anime once and bought a $50 plastic and molded steel sword at a flea market and thinks he can deflect bullets with it

> A deeply sexually repressed dumb guy that thinks wearing borderline fetish gear is subversive but makes him look like a tool

Imagine those three nerds wrote a script for the totally smartest anime kung fu leather fetish badass super wicked awesome movie that's not dumb, gently caress you, mom, I'm not going to church, EVER. And for some inexplicable reason someone gave them $100,000,000.

That's the Matrix 1.

And holy mother of god, the sequels are a trillion times worse than that.



In summary: watch them. They are a towering monument to how dumb and gay the late 90's were.

This is exactly what I imagined it to be.

Okay, now I'm excited but first I gotta watch the pilot of Twin Peaks with a person who's never seen it before and who can only follow TV shows with great assistance despite being otherwise intelligent. Can't wait for Game of Thrones to come back!

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

Twin Peaks is awesome but you gotta go in with the idea that it's a slight parody of soap operas, while also being loving creepy and weird as poo poo.

Jay is right, some of that poo poo is the scariest thing ever, and I saw this show first on Netflix waaaay after it came out. It came out a year before I was born, so I have no ties to it. But gently caress it gets incredibly dark.

monster on a stick
Apr 29, 2013

a bone to pick posted:

There are a lot of "james bond but a kid" books, none of them are good.

What about Baby Bond? Blofeld can have a kitten and everything.

HoAssHo posted:

Okay, now I'm excited but first I gotta watch the pilot of Twin Peaks with a person who's never seen it before and who can only follow TV shows with great assistance despite being otherwise intelligent. Can't wait for Game of Thrones to come back!

That's going to be fun. I watched it when it came out, everybody was wondering what the gently caress it was. I'd love to hear how dated it looks now that more TV shows have high production values and look more like movies than three-camera TV shows.

HoAssHo
Mar 10, 2005

:love::love::love:

CelticPredator posted:

Twin Peaks is awesome but you gotta go in with the idea that it's a slight parody of soap operas, while also being loving creepy and weird as poo poo.

Jay is right, some of that poo poo is the scariest thing ever, and I saw this show first on Netflix waaaay after it came out. It came out a year before I was born, so I have no ties to it. But gently caress it gets incredibly dark.

I rewatched it recently and it affected me a lot more now as an adult than it did when I watched it in the mid 90's on Bravo. Back then it was just, "oh cool, look at this weird poo poo" but I didn't really get it.

The Anime Liker
Aug 8, 2009

by VideoGames
I'm watching it now for the first time and it's just random scenes of goofy people set to 50's lounge music.

When does the alien death cult show up?

Space Taxi
Oct 31, 2016
I started watching Twin Peaks. It's not as gay as I was expecting.

Space Taxi fucked around with this message at 10:08 on May 26, 2017

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

PostNouveau posted:

Watch The Matrix

But then just make up your own sequels in your head it will be way better.

Space Taxi
Oct 31, 2016
Sequels with chimps.

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo
I don't see how anybody can complain about Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. He's absolutely perfect for the role, and he plays it just right. Neo is basically a blank slate, with curiosity and just enough anti-authoritarianism to get him into the plot. His journey over the movie is learning the reality of the world, the whole thing is Neo starting out as an empty vessel and becoming something new. It's not actually clear what he is, but it's clear that he is the catalyst of a great change. The entire concept of making a sequel to the Matrix was doomed from the start, because there's no real satisfactory answer to the question of what happens next.

But seriously, The Matrix rips off The Invisibles so loving hard, like drat

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011

by FactsAreUseless
heh, look at all these fools who haven't seen Twin Peaks.

All I can say is Jay and Josh's review is spot-on, second season is loving atrocious but the last episode is one of the GOAT.

monster on a stick
Apr 29, 2013
The worst part about the Matrix is that it overshadowed the far superior Dark City.

counterfeitsaint
Feb 26, 2010

I'm a girl, and you're
gnomes, and it's like
what? Yikes.

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Make a kids James Bond. Not even Spy Kids or Cody Banks, just like a complete story ripoff of Casino Royale except it's Uno they're playing or possibly go fish. The kids DO have real guns. However all romance story and scenes are dropped because that would be creepy.

Yeah, let's make sure to take all the creepy stuff out.

*Ties lil Bond to a chair naked and beats his balls for awhile and practically gets off from it*

oohhboy posted:

There are at least 4 Bullet time scenes*, more if you count scenes without bullets like the crane kick.

There is the famous building top Neo bullet dodge.
When Morphous gets shot in the leg.
The subway fight.
Neo finally becoming the One.

*Paused or really slow and rotate around the action scenes.

The scenes in Matrix works because they serve a function outside of looking cool.


Pretty sure it was the first time bullet time was ever seen, and it was used sparingly enough to keep it awesome. It's a shame the sequel opened with like 20 minutes of nonstop slomo, ruining the effect forever.

girth brooks part 2
Sep 6, 2011

Bush did 911
Fun Shoe

counterfeitsaint posted:

Yeah, let's make sure to take all the creepy stuff out.

*Ties lil Bond to a chair naked and beats his balls for awhile and practically gets off from it*



Pretty sure it was the first time bullet time was ever seen, and it was used sparingly enough to keep it awesome. It's a shame the sequel opened with like 20 minutes of nonstop slomo, ruining the effect forever.

If you were true vid-head like me you'd know it's first appearance was in Trancers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1EZCMA76d8

What's weird is it's possible to argue that's not the only thing from Trancers to end up in The Matrix. I have no friends.

Randarkman
Jul 18, 2011

I guess the real true thing you can about the Matrix is that the Wachowskis are hacks who kind of accidentally made a pretty good movie.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

counterfeitsaint posted:

Pretty sure it was the first time bullet time was ever seen, and it was used sparingly enough to keep it awesome. It's a shame the sequel opened with like 20 minutes of nonstop slomo, ruining the effect forever.

And right after that a crappy rave orgy in Zion that probably made the movie twice as bad as everything else.

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010

HoAssHo posted:

Somehow I've never seen the Matrix

smdh

It's excellent

Sequels are poo poo, don't bother

starkebn
May 18, 2004

"Oooh, got a little too serious. You okay there, little buddy?"

Randarkman posted:

I guess the real true thing you can about the Matrix is that the Wachowskis are hacks who kind of accidentally made a pretty good movie.

Speed Racer was damned good too

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010

Did anyone see the netflix series Sense8?? I think I cancelled my netflix subscription soon after.

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011

by FactsAreUseless
Its a drat shame that that iconic highway scene is in Matrix reloaded, an excellent action scene buried under 20 layers of poo poo

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010

surely we're only a few years away now from a Matrix reboot.

cast some young buck as the new Keanu role. have Neo be an old dude living inside the matrix in the new Architect role


print money

Randarkman
Jul 18, 2011

wasnt there recently an announcement that a matrix reboot has been greenlit?

Fartbox
Apr 27, 2017
What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

starkebn posted:

Speed Racer was damned good too

This is incorrect

It was a garish, incredibly ugly movie with literally no characters or plot to care about

starkebn
May 18, 2004

"Oooh, got a little too serious. You okay there, little buddy?"

Fartbox posted:

This is incorrect

It was a garish, incredibly ugly movie with literally no characters or plot to care about

No

Jonas Albrecht
Jun 7, 2012


The Matrix fell victim to that weird loving need to make things into trilogies. They could have done the entire "your revolt is just another method of control" thing in one movie, kept the cool poo poo like the fight on the stairs and the freeway scene and ended on a high note.

Fartbox
Apr 27, 2017
What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk


You're wrong

and I, am right

counterfeitsaint
Feb 26, 2010

I'm a girl, and you're
gnomes, and it's like
what? Yikes.

starkebn posted:

Speed Racer was damned good too

As someone who hates every stylistic choice generally associated with anime, something about this movie really clicked with me and I enjoyed the hell out of it. I got it and kept it for several weeks until I was in the perfect mood to watch something like Speed Racer, and it was worth it.

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010

The biggest mistake of speed racer was the loving comic relief monkey and dumb kid.

Endless Trash
Aug 12, 2007


Quantum of Phallus posted:

Did anyone see the netflix series Sense8?? I think I cancelled my netflix subscription soon after.

I made it to the scene in the pilot where it opens with a soaking wet strap-on hitting the floor and two empowered lesbians start pillow talking.

Jonas Albrecht
Jun 7, 2012


Sense8 was fun, but it needed more Sense8 antics.

vermin
Feb 28, 2017

Help, I've turned into a manifestation of mental disorders as viewed through an early 20th century lens sparked by the disparity between man and modern society and I can't get up

Quantum of Phallus posted:

Did anyone see the netflix series Sense8?? I think I cancelled my netflix subscription soon after.

I'm trying to watch Jessica Jones. I think it'd be a lot more interesting if she didn't have super strength and if there was a bit less crying.

Light Gun Man
Oct 17, 2009

toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN




Lipstick Apathy

FrensaGeran posted:

I made it to the scene in the pilot where it opens with a soaking wet strap-on hitting the floor and two empowered lesbians start pillow talking.

so you didn't get to casual german dick or the MIND ORGY then

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010

vermin posted:

I'm trying to watch Jessica Jones. I think it'd be a lot more interesting if she didn't have super strength and if there was a bit less crying.

it's the same as all the marvel shows, it's fine for a few episodes and then gets boring as gently caress

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.
The special abilities in sense8 were kind of blah:

Mexican dude: emoting, sweet abs
Chicago cop: shooting black ppl
Trans person: H4X0R
African guy: drives a bus like a maniac
Korean 98lb woman: knows kung fu
Indian gal: basically the anarchist's cookbook
Angry German: killing, invading poland
Magic pixie icelandic: Spooky DJ powers

The Anime Liker
Aug 8, 2009

by VideoGames
They are rebooting the matrix.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/matrix-reboot-works-at-warner-bros-986292

vermin
Feb 28, 2017

Help, I've turned into a manifestation of mental disorders as viewed through an early 20th century lens sparked by the disparity between man and modern society and I can't get up

"The idea of adapting The Matrix as a television series was nixed in recent months. But Warner Bros. sees a model in what Disney and Lucasfilm have done with Star Wars, exploring the hidden corners of the universe with movies such as Rogue One: A Star Wars Story or the in-production young Han Solo film. Perhaps a young Morpheus movie could come out of the exploration, as an example."

We really need an Endless Trash smilie. Who's got 30 bux?

"Sources say there is potential interest in Michael B. Jordan to star,"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWKQiZVBtu4

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Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010

Kill me

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