/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

ishikabibble: Jan 21, 2012

QuarkJets posted:

Imagine trying to move out of your mother's basement only to have to move back in because your mother broke into your apartment and stole all of your stuff

My friends mum didn't want my friend moving out(she did anyway) so she stole my friends keys and took all her stuff back to her house while she was at work. URGENTLY NEED SOME ADVICE

"where do we stand legally if her mum ends up calling the cops??"

she literally committed a loving burglary

# ? Oct 31, 2018 08:11

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 10:34

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Finally back up to speed with the thread. Let�s start with a quick one

I (26m) broke up with my long distance gf (26f) of one year. How long should I wait to ask about an open relationship?

quote:

u/AltLeftTears
Most of our relationship was spent in different states with the occasional visit every month or two. I broke up with her for selfish reasons (lust for other woman) and I already know that. I don�t need a flood of hate comments as I believe breaking up with her is much more honorable than cheating. I share a deep connection with this person and may actually love them. I plan on asking her if she would be open to the idea of an open relationship until she can move to my state.

TLDR: How should I ask my ex gf if she would be willing to try an open relationship and how long should I wait?

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:24

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

My [15M] brother [7M] turned off my computer when I was working on an essay. Teacher [49M] got me two weeks detention.

quote:

u/[deleted]
Before you even start, I'll answer the same questions I've been asked my parents and teacher.

Q: Why didn't you do it sooner?

A: I have other classes to do Homework for, a job that I work four afternoons a week at and have a social life. It just piled up with all my other stuff. I normally spend 4 hours a night on homework.

Q: Why didn't I save it?

A: I don't know. Mistake on my end.

Q: Why did my brother do it?

A: Because he's a little loving brat. He cries if he doesn't get his way, He wanted to come into my room to play my PS4 when I was working. I said no, He turned my computer off.

Q: When was it due?

A: Monday

On sunday night I was working in my room on this essay that I had to have due by Monday, I wrote one paragraph and had a written plan for it prior to Sunday. I was going to take four or five hours to finish it off, shower and go to bed. I started at 6pm and went to around 9pm when my little poo poo of a brother walked in. He wanted to play on PS4 because he could not sleep. I told him no and to go to bed. He said he didn't have to because he doesn't have school. That is true. His school had a small fire last week Thursday, and is closed for a week while they access the damage. He and no other students were there. It happened after hours.

He kept begging me and I told him no. He went and sat down on my bed anyway to play my PS4. I picked him up and carried him to the door, I turned around to get some papers off my bed that I needed. I heard him run away. I turned around and my loving computer was off.

I ran after him to his room. He screamed for mum and dad as soon I came into his room. They came to defuse the situation. They told me to go to my room. Mum came to talk to me later on saying I've got to be more patient with a younger child. She said that she and dad were sorry about my essay and would deal with him.

I got to school, and I tried to explain it to my teacher. The hardass just told me he's taking a grade off for it being late, and I have two weeks detention where I have to write the essay during it. I have poo poo to do on Fridays. I have work after school and go out with friends.

Is there a way to reason with him?

TL;DR: Little bastard of a brother turned my computer off when I was working on an essay. Teacher gave me two weeks detention, and is taking a grade off for it being late. Is there a way to reason with him?

Don�t leave things to the night before. And always Ctrl-S. A power cut could have achieved the same. Also word will auto save normally anyway. And once you�ve typed something once, retyping is easy.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:29

DoctorWhat: Nov 18, 2011; A little privacy, please?

what loving high school teacher assigns detention for late papers, our school system is hosed.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:33

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

My boyfriend wants a sexless relationship, should I stay with him?

quote:

u/katveesf
My boyfriend (m24) and I (f22) have been dating for a little over two years. When we first met, we were so in love and had sex all the time. However this is my first relationship, and I still have some self esteem issues that I've taken out on him.

I started getting extremely jealous about him checking out or interacting with other women or even watching porn. I'll admit I laid many guilt trips upon him for natural things. My reason for getting terribly jealous about his porn was that he watched it several times a day, but never once got off to me. I would send pictures that he would thank me for but never actually get off to. This led me to believe he was not truly attracted to me if he wasn't fantasizing about me when I was gone. By the way, is this a crazy assumption?

Anyway, many fights ensued regarding this subject, probably for a year at least. A couple of months ago I forced myself to accept his tendencies and told him that I would like him to be himself, and do what he likes. However the past two weeks he has been "too tired" for sex and can't keep it up even inside of me. Tonight he told me it is exhaust I "neutered" him and made him asexual by making him feel guilty about sexual thoughts. He said he now does not feel any attraction toward me or anyone for that matter but would still like to date and have a sexless relationship. Well this just made me want to give up all together, why stay with someone who does not find me attractive? I have to say, for this whole relationship, I have sensed he wants to find me attractive, but just can't�quite possibly because I'm a little heavy and my breasts sag.

Anyway, I need some advice. I love this man, but I don't know if I can bring back the spark if it's dead altogether. Any anecdotal evidence from people in long term relationships? I would appreciate any advice as to what to do from this point on. I'm feeling pretty lovely about myself as of right now! Thanks!

TLDR: My boyfriend says my jealousy killed his sexy drive and his attraction toward me completely. Should I stick this relationship out and curb my jealousy or just I give up?

You�re 22, you don�t need this. If you�re �a little heavy� and not morbidly obese there will be someone for you.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:35

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Milotic posted:

My boyfriend wants a sexless relationship, should I stay with him?

You�re 22, you don�t need this. If you�re �a little heavy� and not morbidly obese there will be someone for you.

It's reddit. She's jealous of porn. He goes limp inside of her. All evidence points to Moby Dick.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:43

Modus Pwnens: Dec 29, 2004

Milotic posted:

And once you’ve typed something once, retyping is easy.

Everything you said is true except this

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:44

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Eh it should be in your short term memory so you can retype what you wrote. Thinking about what you want to write should take longer than actually typing it typically.

Time to lob a grenade into the thread:

My [26F] wife wants an abortion, I [26M] don't

quote:

u/NoHuckleberry9
I've always wanted children and we had discussed this together and she shared similar thoughts. We planned this out and she got pregnant, all going to plan and we were happy as ever. Now 28 weeks in, she says that she's having second thoughts about this and wants an abortion. Never in a million years would I think she would say something like that. I have dedicated my entire life to creating an environment where I would be able to raise my child. We are successful, and have high paying jobs and are ready. But she now has a change of heart and wants a second trimester abortion, where they pull my baby out piece by piece. I've read all about it and it pains me to think about what could happen to my child. I've told her that if she does go ahead with this then we're over. But I'm literally losing sleep over the fact that I'm helpless and she's holding my baby hostage. I already have an emotional connection with this baby and 7 months in now, I feel like I should have a say in this as well. Where I live in the US, she's allowed to do whatever she wants and destroy my child. What can I do about this and stop this? This is my child just as much as she thinks its hers and I want a say in this. How good am I as a person if I can't protect my child from a horrible operation?

tl;dr: wife's having change of heart about having child and wants an abortion. I need my child.

OP is in California.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:51

TheMaskedUgly: Sep 21, 2008; Let's play a different game.

loquacius posted:

the idea of solipsism, which is already a super sociopathic and borderline-fascist philosophy

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:51

Sing Along: Feb 28, 2017; by Athanatos

r/cats
Why doesn't my cat love me anymore?

quote:

https://imgur.com/gallery/ShjuzXg/new picture of my cat. So, my cat will be two July 2, 2015. His name is Simba and he used to be extremely loving towards me. I lived in a home where my mom didn't allow my cat to leave my room, my room also had a bathroom attached to it, so he would go in the bathroom and my room only. I have moved in with my boyfriend who has 8 cats, Simba didn't like it at first, would hiss at everyone and everything, get mad, growl, and so on. He has since then acclimated to the surroundings and socializes with the other cats and people in the house. However, he has grown very distant from me and become more attached to other people in the house. When we lived at my moms however, he would be my shadow. Cry if I left the room, sleep with me, cuddle with me all the time, and show a ton of affection. Since he's doing the complete opposite, I'm becoming extremely sad. I try to show him love and I even tried to kiss his forehead and he put his paw up to my face and pushed it away. Multiple times. I'm a very loving kitty mom, I don't even like to discipline them. I feel like he basically just used me and now he doesn't even care about me, now that he is able to run free around a house and has friends to play with and more people around. It's making me not want cats at all and switch to getting a dog because my feelings are hurt and I feel like what people say about cats is true, "they just don't give a gently caress". Any advice?

Sing Along fucked around with this message at 10:33 on Oct 31, 2018

# ? Oct 31, 2018 09:57

TheMaskedUgly: Sep 21, 2008; Let's play a different game.

Socks4Hands posted:

r/cats
Why doesn't my cat love me anymore?

Open the relationship with the other cats

# ? Oct 31, 2018 10:01

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

TheMaskedUgly posted:

Open the relationship with the other cats

That's what got her into this mess in the first place. Only option now is to :sever:

# ? Oct 31, 2018 10:12

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

Socks4Hands posted:

r/cats
Why doesn't my cat love me anymore?

Cats are disloyal assholes, that's part of the appeal

# ? Oct 31, 2018 10:12

Sing Along: Feb 28, 2017; by Athanatos

i had a feeling that googling "why doesn't my cat love me anymore reddit" would produce something intereting

# ? Oct 31, 2018 10:13

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

well duh, when he was locked in a room alone all day and was bored, lonely and understimulated then of course he got attached to the only remotely interesting thing in his life. Now he has actual friends and things to do he's outgrown you

Why does this remind me of that crazy estranged parents forum?

# ? Oct 31, 2018 10:20

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Milotic posted:

My boyfriend wants a sexless relationship, should I stay with him?

You�re 22, you don�t need this. If you�re �a little heavy� and not morbidly obese there will be someone for you.

this story implies a medical issue; going from "my boyfriend of ~1 year was basically addicted to porn when we met and now has no libido at all, with anyone" is not normal and he should maybe see a doctor

# ? Oct 31, 2018 10:39

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Nice! (no not really):

My daughter[26F] is sleeping with a boy[17M] she met through her volunteer work and I[54F] have strong reservations about it.

quote:

u/hiltmade
My daughter Emily does volunteer work at a local food bank. I also volunteer at the food bank, but unfortunately Due to a bad knee I haven�t been able to help out as much as I used to in recent years. Emily has been volunteering off and on ever since she was 16. She�s loved by the staff and other volunteers and they�re very happy to have her. I�m proud as a mother that even with her busy career she�s taking her free time and giving back to the community.

Recently she�s been spending a lot of time with a boy named James. James and his mother apparently fell on hard times and started going to the food bank to put food on their plate. Emily has been paying a lot of attention to James and apparently even took him out for lunch a few times. I asked Emily why she took a sudden interest in James all of a sudden and she told me he reminded her a lot of Michael.(Michael was her boyfriend who tragically died in an automobile accident a few years ago)

Michael�s death is still a bit of a touchy topic amongst our family so my husband and I decided to not push for answers. About a week ago Emily and I had tea at my house to just talk. She went back to her house, but had left her purse. I called her a couple times and she wouldn�t answer so I decided to drive over to her house to bring the purse to her. I knocked on the door, but no one answered. Her car was out in the front so I knew she was there. I was worried something was wrong so I used a spare key to her house I had to get in.

I heard noise coming from her bedroom and when I got to the door I saw James and Emily naked underneath the covers in bed. They got dressed and I sent James home. Emily and I talked and I just couldn�t believe she would be so irresponsible to sleep with a teenager. Our state�s age of consent is 16 so no laws were broken, but the scandal it could have caused would have been embarrassing. Emily tells me she knows and that�s why she�s been keeping it a secret and that as a fully grown and independent woman her dating and sex life is none of my business.

What should I do? My husband is not too worried and that as long as it remains a secret we�ll all be fine. There�s always a chance that word could get out however. Not only that I don�t understand why Emily would choose to be involved with James. She�s a beautiful woman, she wouldn�t have trouble finding a man.

tl;dr:My daughter is sleeping with a boy she met at the food bank she volunteers at. I�m worried about word getting out she�s doing this not not mention the fact that the boy is still a teenager.

OP is denying the daughter is engaged in predatory behaviour.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 11:47

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Milotic posted:

Nice! (no not really):

My daughter[26F] is sleeping with a boy[17M] she met through her volunteer work and I[54F] have strong reservations about it.

OP is denying the daughter is engaged in predatory behaviour.

Daughter needs some serious therapy.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 12:06

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

QuarkJets posted:

Imagine trying to move out of your mother's basement only to have to move back in because your mother broke into your apartment and stole all of your stuff

My friends mum didn't want my friend moving out(she did anyway) so she stole my friends keys and took all her stuff back to her house while she was at work. URGENTLY NEED SOME ADVICE

not sure if I'm missing something but it sounds like OP was at their friends place while this happened and sorta just ignored the situation as someone was coming in and taking all their friend's stuff?

# ? Oct 31, 2018 12:59

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

ArbitraryC posted:

not sure if I'm missing something but it sounds like OP was at their friends place while this happened and sorta just ignored the situation as someone was coming in and taking all their friend's stuff?

Well they weren't stealing her stuff and confrontation is hard so

# ? Oct 31, 2018 13:22

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Xik posted:

I was going to post some choice quotes from his history but like the entire thing is just

I have so many questions that I don't want the answer to.

All the answers are right there man

https://mobile.twitter.com/DavieGnome/status/247691512173981697

# ? Oct 31, 2018 13:27

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

AITA for not believing my girlfriend's 'discomfort' during sex?

quote:

Pretty much says it in the title; whenever I initiate sex with my gf she winces in pain and says it's uncomfortable. Yet whenever she is up for it there seems to be no pain issue at all.

Last night we were fooling around and I got her to orgasm through foreplay - zero issues or pain. I was pretty into it and initiated sex and instantly she was uncomfortable, despite me slowing down the pace. Finally after one thrust she yelled out in pain pretty much directly in my face which was the final straw for me. This has been happening for so long now yet she never does anything about it and tbh I doubt there is any pain - and if there is then she seems to be exaggerating it way out of proportion. I know that people will say no vagina, no opinion; but I know for a fact that I wasn't being forceful or rough so to downright scream in my face was totally unnecessary.

She has no other symptoms or discomfort aside from this, and like I said if she initiates then miraculously there's no problem. It's not a lube thing either, trust me I've tried that too.

I guess the reason I'm asking is because last night we kinda had a big fight about it. I lost my cool and told her how huge a turn off it is to see her face screwed up in pain all the time, and how I didnt think the pain was as bad as she was making out. I told her that sex was becoming really boring and I could pretty much predict how it would go each time. I also said the only solution at this point was just to not have sex. She called me an rear end in a top hat and went on the offensive. Said I have two moves and yet I expect her to be like a 'porn star'.

So am I the rear end in a top hat? Or should there be more give and take in this scenario? Can I insist she gets a medical check?

TL;DR: girlfriend is in apparent pain any time I want to have sex, but is fine when she's the initiator. AITA for calling her out on it?

lmao, what a splendid self own

# ? Oct 31, 2018 13:30

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

r/relationships: I told her how huge a turn off it is to see her face screwed up in pain all the time

# ? Oct 31, 2018 13:34

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

All the answers are right there man

https://mobile.twitter.com/DavieGnome/status/247691512173981697

The obvious answer to this tweet is just "yeah but it only looks like that when you're jacking off"

# ? Oct 31, 2018 13:46

RoboRodent: Sep 19, 2012

Theophany posted:

AITA for not believing my girlfriend's 'discomfort' during sex?

lmao, what a splendid self own

She should go to the doctor to rule out medical issues and also she should dump this guy who cares more about getting his dick wet than the fact that his girlfriend is in pain. What a loving scumbag.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 14:31

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Girl like sex when turned on, but hate sex when I thrust wildly at her and yell angrily??? This is INCOMPREHENSIBLE

# ? Oct 31, 2018 14:44

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Danaru posted:

Girl like sex when turned on, but hate sex when I thrust wildly at her and yell angrily??? This is INCOMPREHENSIBLE

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:10

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Milotic posted:

Time to lob a grenade into the thread:

My [26F] wife wants an abortion, I [26M] don't

Looks like everyone dove for cover, lol

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:12

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Where'd he steal that line from anyway, I definitely remember hearing it before and being struck by how that's just the worst possible way to describe a dick, it's genius

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:17

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

blarzgh posted:

Looks like everyone dove for cover, lol

Well there's nothing good that can come out of the conversation but screaming at each other

If you want my hot takes, in order: loving no she should not be having an abortion 7 months into her loving pregnancy holy poo poo

It is entirely the woman's say if she doesn't want to carry a child to term, and she can't just be forced to serve as an incubator for a child she doesn't want, but if you abort a child your SO wants and you agreed to have then you have to accept that your SO is almost definitely going to leave you and there's nothing you can do about it

Conversely, since it'll come up, men should probably have a way to opt out of parental responsibility in the same way women can but they don't oh well, there's bigger issues and Roe v. Wade is probably getting overturned with our current Supreme Court anyway so gently caress it

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:20

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

Theophany posted:

AITA for not believing my girlfriend's 'discomfort' during sex?

lmao, what a splendid self own

That girl needs to see a doctor.

Also, that guy is such an rear end in a top hat, oh my god. The correct response would be to not want to cause your girlfriend any pain and offer to do other activities instead, while encouraging her to see a doctor.

He also seems to be pretty bad at sex.

I dealt with a pain issue pretty recently and it went away after I took some antibiotics prescribed by a doctor. It could be a number of things causing it.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:23

El_Elegante: Jul 3, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Biscuit Hider

She�s going to find it difficult to find a provider to perform an elective abortion at 28 weeks on a healthy fetus. I think there�s probably two clinics in the country, and neither are in California.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:24

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Milotic posted:

Eh it should be in your short term memory so you can retype what you wrote. Thinking about what you want to write should take longer than actually typing it typically.

Time to lob a grenade into the thread:

My [26F] wife wants an abortion, I [26M] don't

OP is in California.

quote:

How good am I as a person if I can't protect my child from a horrible operation?

No one is good, OP.

quote:

But I'm literally losing sleep over the fact that I'm helpless and she's holding my baby hostage.

Hostage for what?

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:26

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Theophany posted:

AITA for not believing my girlfriend's 'discomfort' during sex?

lmao, what a splendid self own

salespeople are people who learn how to make others happy. always marry a sales guy. particularly commercial sales, because then they're also unbelievably studly (on the whole)

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:35

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

I guess it's better to marry a charismatic sociopath than an uncharismatic one, sure, Pick

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:36

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Blade Runner posted:

I guess it's better to marry a charismatic sociopath than an uncharismatic one, sure, Pick

drat right!

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:36

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Pick posted:

salespeople are people who learn how to make others happy. always marry a sales guy. particularly commercial sales, because then they're also unbelievably studly (on the whole)

Counterpoint: all the salespeople at my last employer were sleazeballs, loving their way around the office whilst their wives raised their kids. The head sleazeperson had 4 children with 3 different women and decided, after being promoted to head the business unit and in his mid-40s, to commence loving the secretary.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Theophany posted:

Counterpoint: all the salespeople at my last employer were sleazeballs, loving their way around the office whilst their wives raised their kids. The head sleazeperson had 4 children with 3 different women and decided, after being promoted to head the business unit and in his mid-40s, to commence loving the secretary.

countercounterpoint: every single person you date will disappoint you, so go big or go home

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:43

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

countercounterpoint: every single person you date will disappoint you, so go big or go home

This is why I am sticking with my �die alone and unloved� plan.

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:46

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 10:34

Mordor She Wrote: Nov 17, 2014

Pick posted:

don't be lovely about physical disabilities, it's cruel for like... no defensible reason at all

We can't help that it's funny that he's English

# ? Oct 31, 2018 15:57

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