Bonzo posted:

Should I [33 M] tell my best friend [25 F] she shouldn't get married

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

It's kinda funny how people who break down over cats are always seen as way more unreasonable/weird than someone who breaks down over a dog

quote:

My [28/F] boyfriend [28/M] is mad because I won't pick up his dog's poop. That's the ONE chore I don't want to do for a dog that's not even mine. Who is right and wrong here?Relationships
submitted 1 year ago * by petrockfan

My boyfriend Eric and I have been together for two years and have been living together for 6 months. He's great and our relationship is wonderful. I do have that ONE problem though that is bringing me here.
Eric is an animal lover, particularly a dog person. I...am not.

I don't hate animals, or dogs, or any living creature. I wouldn't even say I dislike them (mostly), I'm just...ambivalent I guess.

I did not grow up with animals because my dad had allergies and my mom was an extreme clean freak. So I never grew up with animals but, to be fair, I wasn't like most kids begging for puppies and kittens and ponies. I just accepted the way things were.

When I moved out I didn't get any animals because I didn't want any.

Then I met Eric. We had an instant connection, we get on well, etc. etc.

Eric has a dog, Jax, who he LOVES. Eric is just an animal person anyways but when I met him I knew he and Jax were a package deal and I accepted that.

We talked about moving in together before we did it. Eric made it clear Jax was here to stay and I was fine with that. I reminded Eric I don't care much for animals so I didn't want to have any more except Jax. He was dissapointed but agreed.

I play with Jax. I give him food and water, I brush him, take him for walks, give him treats. There is one thing I WILL NOT do. And that is scooping poop.

Jax is housebroken (that was a deal breaker for me so thank god he was trained) but I HATE picking up dog poop. It is just so freaking gross and disgusting to me. It smells awful and is utterly repulsive to me. So I wont do it.
This makes Eric really upset. He says since Jax is our dog we need to split all the chores evenly. I said he adopted Jax 3 years before I even met him and he's been scooping his poop all this time so HE can continue to have that responsibility. I do everything else with Jax so he shouldn't give me flak about this.

Eric sulks and pouts and witholds affection from me over this issue. He says I'm not being fair or doing my part and that we have a mutual responsibility.

Reddit, I didn't ask for this dog and if it were up to me I'd NEVER have gotten a dog. I compromised with Eric for the sake of the relationship. I play with and help take care of the dog in other ways because I love Eric and I kind of like Jax. At the very least he's very tolerable to live with and well behaved. I just can't stand poop. It's not just dog poop, it's ALL poop. It's one of the reasons I never got a pet, I don't want to deal with animal urine and feces.
For the record, Eric takes care of all the vet bills for Jax.

Who is wrong here? What can I say to Eric?

TL;DR Boyfriend has a dog. I'm not an animal person but I don't mind him having just one dog. He moves in. I help out with all the chores except scooping poop because it's just so disgusting to me and I don't want to do it. It's one of the reasons I don't have pets. Boyfriend is mad and says I'm not doing my part. I'm mad and saying it's his dog, he had it before he even met me, he can do this one chore by himself. Who is wrong here?

EDIT: I just got back from a shift at work so I haven't really had time to respond. A lot of people are asking if I don't pick up Jax's poop when I take him for walks. I've never actually had Jax poop on a walk because Eric and I make him "go" in the yard before we do. We tell him "hurry Jax, Hurry" which he knows means "must poop and pee before I get a walk." So yeah, all of Jax's excrement is in the yard. I do take a plastic bag with me just in case because, actually, that's one of the things I can't stand about dog people is how they leave their dog poo poo all over everything. So even though I'd probably puke if I had to do it, I would pick up after Jax if he pooped on a walk outside the yard. Luckily thats never happened

Pick posted:

Pick posted:

There's nothing wrong, I just find it interesting and sad that a guy thinks he should be ashamed of crying over a cat. I cry about my cat all the time and my cat is fine, I just love him so much

Jeff Sichoe posted:

She fully accepts that the sister will be dependant on her and does not baulk, should she not be allowed one day without this burden?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Now that's a woman with healthy self esteem
Scarface's sister i mean

Tiny Deer posted:

If drunk crying over cats is wrong I don't want to be right.

In all seriousness I can't detect a problem here except his feelings of shame about feeling an emotion because men aren't supposed to love small fuzzy things, which is sad but not a relationship problem.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

It's kinda funny how people who break down over cats are always seen as way more unreasonable/weird than someone who breaks down over a dog

quote:

Me [35/F] pregnant again after stillbirth, SO [35M] of several years refusing to take over duties that might kill or harm our baby.Relationships
submitted 6 months ago * by cherobics

No throwaway, because who cares if he reads it?

Last July, our first baby Ivy died at 41 weeks due to cord strangulation. We were both pretty devastated, as she was very much wanted, and the last year has been difficult between us to say the least. I'm including this because it's definitely relevant.

Last Friday, he was laid off from his job. In an incredible twist of fate, I discovered I was probably pregnant that same day, and this week a blood test confirmed I'm about 6 weeks along. It's a HUGE surprise because we were being very very careful with birth control. I'm personally on the fence on keeping her... on one hand, we've had some relationship problems and money is very tight, but on the other hand we're both working towards good futures and I'm not getting any younger and have some minor health issues that could become worse later... this might realistically be my last chance at this.

(EDIT upon request: I waited several days until I got the blood test back and knew for sure to tell him, as I knew discovering this news on the day he lost his job would be quite a lot of stress... ) Initially, his response was fantastic. He was supportive and understanding, asked lots of relevant questions, and agreed with me that we have a huge decision that we need to think about very carefully. When walking, he even wouldn't let me eat a blackberry off a bush because he was afraid there might be pesticides on it that could harm the baby. Things were looking good, regardless of what we decided.

Then everything crumbled. Last night, i asked him if he'd be willing to clean the cat's litter like he did last time around, since toxoplasmosis could potentially kill the baby. I don't take this lightly AT ALL after what happened last time. Reddit, he flat out REFUSED. Very angrily. He said that if I couldn't "handle my responsibilities" we would just get rid of the cat because he was "not doing all the poo poo jobs." I calmly said that I didn't appreciate an ultimatum or a decision being made unilaterally, and that whatever happened, I needed his support as an equal partner. I even stated that I'd be willing to discuss this option, but that I'd like to get opinions from the OB and the vet first to see what solutions we could work out. Well, he was not willing to talk about that at ALL, and it all deteriorated from there. He threw up just about every excuse he could think of.

-I'm entitled because I need his help changing the cat litter and occasionally bending over to pick things up when I get bigger.

-He doesn't "have time" to change the cat litter or otherwise help because he's looking for jobs (he's spending 7 hours a day or more watching TV and playing computer games, and when the situation was reversed and I was pregnant and looking for jobs, I was expected to do 98% of the housework because I was home more.)

-I'm "setting him up for failure." (I have no idea what this means and he couldn't explain it.

-I'll "make him keep doing it forever" and "nag him every day about it." (Nope... last time I took over the job IMMEDIATELY while I was still healing, and he would not touch it for 6 weeks or more until the cat would start smearing poop about, and I'd have to ask him to do it.)

Reddit, I am so exhausted, disappointed, furious, and sad. AM I being entitled by asking him to help? I really honestly think that he's the one being entitled. Maybe there's another issue here that I'm not seeing, that's why I'm coming here. Is it stress from being laid off? Or maybe fear from what happened last time?

I always thought that men helped their pregnant ladies and took care of them. I'm not expecting foot rubs and chocolates every day, I'm expecting him to help with the things I literally cannot do easily, which I would do in a HEARTBEAT for him if he was sick or otherwise incapacitated. I thought that's what couples did, fill in the gaps and pick up each other's slack as part of the teamwork..... but last night he was talking about "picking up my slack" with DISGUST in his voice, as I was somehow horrifically selfish for being pregnant by accident. I honestly don't know what to think. Reddit, is this fixable, or is there some possible angle or aspect of his response that I'm not being sympathetic to?

tl;dr: SO initially seemed happy about new baby, now refusing to help with things that might be dangerous for baby.

quote:

Thanks for all the advice I got from you yesterday. You'll be happy to know that my girlfriend is now my ex-girlfriend, she's gone, its over, I sent her home. I won't be seeing her again.

First thing I did was apologise to my sister and tell her how sorry I was for having been a poo poo and useless brother. I should have been there for her but I failed her by giving my girlfriend more chances even after how cruel she had been. I told her how ashamed I felt and how I had failed her as a brother, and I promised her I would never do that again. I swore to her that I'd never let put her in a situation where someone can do that to her again, I made a promise and I really do mean it this time.

She forgave me and told me how glad she had honestly really been hoping that I break up with her and send her home, but she didn't want to push me about it, and she reassured me that I am in fact a good brother, and I shouldn't be too hard on myself and call myself a poo poo brother. I told her it is honestly what I am because I failed her when I should have been there for her.

I explained the entire situation to my parents and told them everything that had happened and how my girlfriend was no longer my girlfriend because of what she had done, we are now through. I explained to them that the remaining two weeks we can all spend together as a family and I am really looking forward to that. Both my parents supported me and told me I'd made the right decision, I told them I should have made it earlier and I failed my sister by waiting too long, but they forgave me thankfully and were understanding.

Also, some people had mentioned the shorts I had bought. You are right, I was totally sending her the wrong message by getting her something she can wear that will cover up the scars. I told her those shorts I bought are just if she wanted to use them, but I don't think she needed them, and I don't think she should use them. I told her in my opinion she had nothing to be ashamed of from those scars, I think those scars are very beautiful and I think she is beautiful with them, she should be very proud of herself because she struggled through an immensely difficult period and overcame many hurdles throughout her life and she ended up on top of it all as a winner. I told her in my opinion she is a hero and she will always be my hero, the strongest and bravest person I've ever known. She was really happy to hear that and so were my parents, she said she's not feeling as bad about those scars as she was the previous days and she's ready to go to the beach again.

tl;dr: Broke up with my girlfriend, she's gone, apologised to my sister and family for having been a poo poo brother, they forgave me and now I look forward to spending the remaining two weeks with them.

quote:

My [M27] boyfriend of two years wanted me [F26] to stop spending so much money on beauty supplies. I did, but now he thinks I'm ugly and he is secretly spending that money on something else.◉ Locked Post ◉
submitted 1 year ago by turtledove1248

So I have fairly bad skin. I have about six to seven red pimples on my face at any one time, uneven skin tone, and dark undereyes. I also have rather small eyes and eyelashes. So without makeup and a regime of beauty products, I don’t look as pretty. However, my boyfriend is aware of, and hasn’t complained about my natural look before.

We have live together for about six months, and recently in the last two months I have made a change. My boyfriend was rather upset with how much I spent on makeup and beauty supplies a month since we have combined expenses. I probably spend about $75 a month on lotions, makeup, and whatever else I need. He told me, “why not just go without makeup and use what I use?” He thought the extra $75 would be better spent on something we buy together, like food.

So I did. I wanted to make my boyfriend happy, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn’t.

After a few weeks I started to break out even worse, and once my old makeup started to run out I noticed that my boyfriend stopped taking me out. We used to go on a date every Friday, but not anymore. We would go out with friends on Saturday, but suddenly my boyfriend wants to just “hang out with the guys” for weeks. And grocery shopping? He started doing it by himself on Friday when I am at work (he’s self-employed).

So I asked him about it, and he told me, “You’ve really let yourself go. I think you need to lose weight if you want this relationship to be more serious.”

I have never been so insulted in my life. One, because we have been talking about marriage since we moved in together (though it “mysteriously” stopped recently), and two, I’ve lost ten pounds since I started to really focus on my exercise regime. I told him this, and he said I was lying. Clearly I’ve gotten fatter, because my face is all puffy.

I wanted to shout at him, but I didn’t, and we sat in the living room. I told him that the only thing that changed, other than my weight gain, was that I stopped using all my beauty products and instead used the cheaper stuff he does. I asked him if the reason why we stopped going on dates is because I don’t look as polished as I normally do. He said yes, that’s why.

I know how much attraction means to guys, so I told him that I should probably get back to my beauty regime, but he got very, very upset and said that I spend too much money and that I was obviously just not trying hard enough with what we already have. That maybe I was skipping out on washing my face and that maybe the scale is wrong and I have gained weight (I also weighed myself at my friend’s last week, so we would both need to have identically miscalibrated scales).

After that we didn’t talk to each other for awhile, him because he thought I was lying, and me because I just needed to calm myself down so I wouldn’t say something I regretted. I went into the bedroom, and my boyfriend’s laptop was on his bed. When I moved it the screen flickered and I noticed that on his desktop was a bunch of videogames I hadn’t seen him play before.

I feel really bad about it, but I thought something was off so I went onto our bank account website. Normally my boyfriend pays all the bills out of our joint account, and I have always paid everything in cash (I just like the feeling of it) so he usually gets money out of the bank for me during the day and I go spend it.

Well, I noticed a lot of transactions for steam. About $75 worth for the last two months.

Money is pretty tight in our household; we are putting money towards savings and student debt, but we are frugal otherwise. We each have a personal budget though for non-essential expenses, about $150 each. I didn’t realize it before, but when I stopped buying beauty products, my personal budget also went down instead of up, and my boyfriend has been spending the difference on video games.

I don’t know what to do from here.

TL;DR: My boyfriend asked me to stop spending so much money on beauty supplies to help out our budget. Now he considers me ugly and fat and may not commit to me in the future. Also, the money that was supposed to go towards shared expenses went towards secret video game purchases.

quote:

He complains that I don't really have any hobbies since I want to hang out with him. Before, my hobby was makeup and beauty supplies since it takes so much time. I did other things, but because I am so busy with my job (I am always grading papers) I kind of consider my job my hobby instead.

quote:

He definitely gets upset when I'm right and he is wrong. I usually drop it though, because I hate hearing him complain about my job and education.

quote:

Last year he bought $500 worth of games and had to borrow money for me.

quote:

He actually buys the groceries. When we went shopping together he would pick everything out and complain when I wanted something healthy. Recently I have been able to buy fruits and vegetables, which really helped in my losing weight, but now he just buys frozen food all the time.

quote:

Well, he's a bit chubby himself. He doesn't have acne or anything, but I am definitely thinner than he is. I don't really care though, but it's annoying when he makes fun of me eating a salad when he orders a whole pizza for himself and won't even share because I might break out or binge.

quote:

Last July, our first baby Ivy died at 41 weeks due to cord strangulation.

boner confessor posted:

if this isn't a typo then that baby was a week overdue

Pick posted:

quote:

My[27m] girlfriend[28f] says I am childish for wanting to buy a sports car.Relationships
submitted 11 months ago by tooonk1

My girlfriend and I were supposed to spend all day hanging out today for Valentine's day, however we had a big fight and she ended up leaving my apartment. We aren't broken up, but it is definitely looks like we are going towards that path unless there are some big changes. (together 2 and a half years).

So here is the background, I come from a poor immigrant family. Entire life growing up, we were poor and my parents and I always took the frugal option in life. A lot of the dinners we had were made from grains. We barely had money for toys or anything. However, things took a positive turn me and my brother both did good in school and now have graduated college and have good jobs.

All of my student loans have been paid off, and I have saved up a substantial amount of money. My job paid $130,000 last year before taxes. With the money I have I want to buy myself a 120K sports car. It has been something that I have been passionate about for years. And I want to buy it while I am still young.

My girlfriend on the other hand disagrees with this completely. She says that sports cars are for guys in their teens and early 20s, that I need to man up and save money for a downpayment on a house. To me I completely just don't agree with this, the only guys that can get fancy cars when they are young, are children of wealthy parents.

We were talking today, and she is completely against me buying this car. She will point out that my boss has a less flashy car than me and he makes a lot more than me. But she just doesn't get that most people aren't passionate about it. I point out to her that she has a $900 purse, that so many women far richer than her don't spend that kind of money on it, but she says that a purse isn't a life investment, and tons of women supposedly do.

To me, I feel like I have been responsible and frugal my entire life. I have always been doing things for my future, and later on when I have a family I need to do things for my children. For me, I want to do something for myself. And this thing has just been a huge point of contention with me and my girlfriend.

I was hoping to post this and then showing my girlfriend the post so that way she can see that I am not crazy in my views, or I miight just be, and you guys all take her side. Whatever it is, that's what I wanted to share. Oh and for reference, my girlfriend is a music teacher and she makes 45k a year.

Tl;Dr- I want to buy a fancy sports car, girlfriend thinks I should be saving for the future.

tactlessbastard posted:

Re: basement weed:

Never tell the police anything.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2005/04/14/Historic-Tommy-gun-found-in-wall/55051113502020/

He eventually had to sue them to get it back and when he finally won, they returned it completely trashed.

WampaLord posted:

I was a week overdue. It happens.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Sometimes i wish i was a chick so I could have make up as a hobby. It's crazy the poo poo you can do with it.

Pick posted:

vroom vroom

WampaLord posted:

I was a week overdue. It happens.

Earwicker posted:

you dont have to be a chick to have make up as a hobby (or as a career)

WampaLord posted:

One the one hard, sports cars are stupid, but on the other hand he can clearly afford it without putting himself into debt so gently caress it.

quote:

Boyfriend (34M) resents me (30F) for being financially stable.Relationships
submitted 6 months ago * by hibiscus48

Had to repost this since I'm new to reddit and was trying to post from mobile app...

I don't even know where to start with this post. I have always been adamant about paying off my debt, paying cash, and saving.

I save seperately for vacations, Christmas presents, and my checking account has never been negative. I have a substantial emergency fund to cover three months of full expenses. My retirement is fully funded with a match and I also invest seperately into a Roth. I pay my credit cards off in full every month and try to pay cash when I can.

My boyfriend (34 M) and I (30 F) have been together over a year and were having dinner last night and he started saying how I am too concerned with saving and not living as well as that debt is good and shows you're making payments. He also says because I'm so on top of my financial status it's annoying and insulting. Of note he is very much in debt with credit cards and student loans, has taken loans against his 401K and overdrafts his accounts a lot. I know his debt is close to $100K (mostly student loans) but he also revolves his credit debt.

How do I respond to this? I am not extremely frugal, and I actually spend money doing things I enjoy (hobbies, travel, buying things for him when I can, etc). I have never insulted him about his debt and it hurts my feelings that he sees my financial independence as a negative instead of a positive. After all if we end up getting married (this is not currently being discussed) I would gladly pool my resources with my husband. Any tips? My feelings are very hurt. I prided myself on being financially stable, something I thought would be attractive to men. He has not apologized for this outburst yet. I don't know what to do.

As of now I told him I think we need a few days just to sort our thoughts rationally before discussing this emotionally because I am hurt. But how am I supposed to respond? I never thought this would be a problem for us.
EDIT:: a few commenters requested I add this edit about the situation. Many have suggested he is just jealous or maybe I could possibly be projecting being too overbearing about money. Here is the edit from the comments below: Occasionally he will do the "I forgot my wallet" or skip out on dinner early and I have never ever said anything about it because I know he overdrafts his accounts. I've suggested we do free things, cook at home, etc. not just purely for a monetary standpoint but because it's healthier and I don't need "things". Probably why this is all so hurtful for me.

EDIT II: people are asking for more detailed financial picture. My SO is not stupid at all, he makes a good salary of about 70K a year. He just isn't receptive to how to pay off debt. He's fine paying minimums on his credit cards and loans. He does still overdraft his accounts but I'm not his wife and therefore can't tell him how to spend his money (he probably wouldn't like that anyway). I've tried suggesting we do things that don't cost a lot of money, but he enjoys "doing things".

Pick posted:

Sorry, spending 120K on a sports car when you make 130K a year pre-taxes, and don't own a home or any other sound investments first, is insane and insanely stupid.

WampaLord posted:

He didn't want the weed, though.

Also, imagine not telling the cops about your illegal automatic weapon and then it gets found. That's a loving bad situation to be in. You have bad advice.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

It's kinda funny how people who break down over cats are always seen as way more unreasonable/weird than someone who breaks down over a dog

Pick posted:

Sorry, spending 120K on a sports car when you make 130K a year pre-taxes, and don't own a home or any other sound investments first, is insane and insanely stupid.

quote:

Me [23F] with my Brother [26M] mom passed away and gave me significantly more "inheritance" than my brother because I was her caretaker. He is furiousNon-Romantic
submitted 2 years ago by famdramaTA

My mom passed a few months ago. She had a terminal illness, so it was something we all knew was coming inevitably. Ever since her diagnosis two years ago I've been primarily helping her out. Her and my brother have always had a tense relationship (he is a high functioning addict, and suffers from bouts of manic/depression, sometimes he is great but he can be difficult to get along with.) He has not been helpful since her diagnosis, every once in awhile he would visit during hospital stays or at home but usually he would end up getting angry and argumentative with her and she, understandably, didn't want to deal with that stress.

I was driving her to and from doctors appointments (in her car, I didn't own one) staying with her overnight a few times a week, going grocery shopping for her, caring for her cat and dog, and going to school full time and working 20 hours a week. I love my mom to pieces, and none of this seemed like a burden to me because I knew she would be gone soon and wanted to spend as much time as I could with her. During this time she would give me cash (a few hundred a week maybe) for groceries/gas and tell me to keep what was left over. I'm a very frugal/broke student so I was usually able to pay rent with what was left.

A few months before she had to go into hospice she put her car in my name, because I was the primary driver and she wanted me to have it when she passed. She also made a point of giving me her/my grandmothers jewelry. I was extremely grateful. Soon after we began to plan for what would happen when she was moved to hospice. I took ownership of her small dog and cat and she gave me a check for a good chunk of cash. She explained it was a gift, and she wanted me to use it towards caring for the pets, car insurance, and school expenses. My mom has never had money, she was a single mother who cleaned houses for a living, but she lived within her means and saved up that money. I didn't know it at the time, but it was pretty much the entirety of her bank account that she had given me.

When she passed her retirement fund and life insurance was used for the funeral expenses and then split between my brother and I. He was angry initially that I got the car, rather than selling it and splitting the cash. He has a nice car already and a full time, well paying job but he is often short on cash because of his addiction problems. He threatened legal action, but I told him the car was put in my name and given to me when our mom was still "sound of mind." He found out she gave me all of her available money and screamed and yelled about it. I explained the money was for caring for her pets (the dog is elderly, on meds, needs regular vet visits. Cat has allergies and needs expensive food) he said that taking the pets was my choice and I don't deserve extra for it. Every time I speak to him he just gets nasty and angry, argues when I try to tell him all the things I did for our mom, and claims he did just as much as me.

I love my brother, and I know he loves me and misses our mom. I don't know what to do. Our relationship the last few years has been good (when he is in really negative moods we go awhile without speaking, but that seems to be for the best) but he has been nothing but cruel and argumentative with me since our mom passed and its killing me. I don't want to lose my relationship with my only other close family member, but his demands are totally ridiculous to me and he refuses to accept that I was her primary helper and deserve to be compensated for all the work I did. There is no way I could afford the pets (or the car expenses) without the money my mom gave me.
Sorry this is so long. I've had a rough year, kind o needed to spew it out I guess :/

tl;dr While my mom was ill, I was her primary helper and took her to/from dr. appointments, did grocery shopping, stayed with her, and cared for her pets. My mom gave me cash weekly while I was helping her, gave me her car (because she couldn't drive, I was the only one using it) and a large check (for caring for her pets, finishing my degree etc.) before she passed away. Other assets were split between me and my brother. He is furious that I "got more," and refuses to accept that I did a lot more work helping her, and now I have ownership of two animals that are expensive to care for. Its destroying our relationship and I don't know what to do.

LSD CURES JUNKIES posted:

Yeah it does happen and the cord strangulation thing is just so,so sad. I came out with the cord around my neck and I was grey. The only reason I'm alive is because my mom has an awesome aunt who was her midwife during the birth and she wouldn't give up. That woman needs to leave that motherfucker if he's not willing to help do things that'll keep her safe while she's pregnant.

quote:

 he started saying how I am too concerned with saving and not living as well as that debt is good

LSD CURES JUNKIES posted:

Why can't he just buy a used one?

quote:

My (26f) sweet, caring, loving, boyfriend (25m) went to a strip club and helped and encouraged his friend cheat on his wife. What is going on? What should I do?

I'm 26/f and he is 25/m. We have been dating for four years and are in a very serious, committed, monogamous relationship.

We have each other's passwords but we never check up on one another, its just for emergencies or convenience. I was trying to figure out when exactly he had booked our flight to see his family so I logged in to his email to pull up the confirmation receipt. The third email down was a thread with 50+ responses to one his close friends. They both work together and they were just talking about guy things I guess. I gathered from the emails that his friend was cheating on his wife (of only a year, who he has a baby with). I expected my boyfriend to tell him to wise up and instead he was covering for his friend and just being all around supportive. We are friends with his wife who is just a sweet heart. She doesn't deserve this.

So after I read this, I did snoop through older emails. Just a lot of misogynistic language about everyone - which is surprising because it is so not like my boyfriend. What bothered me most though was they went to strip clubs on at least two occasions. I found chat logs from when they were talking and matched the chats with when the emails were going back and forth about the strip clubs. My boyfriend went back for private dances (as did his POS friend) and they both were shirtless and they were feelings all over the girls. I don't have a ton of detail beyond that but his friend said the stripper touched his dick so I assume same goes with my boyfriend.

I'm pretty freaking mad. The encouraging his friend to cheat is hosed up but the strip clubs too. He never mentioned it and he spent money that we should have been saving. We are trying to save for a house and we are being really frugal and he went and dropped a lot of cash on other women. WTF. And not to mention that he was getting lap dances and feeling on some other girl's tits. Its pretty drat close to cheating in my eyes.

Its so unlike him. He is the best guy I have EVER been with. He is so sweet and caring and goes out of his way to do loving things for me, even after 4 years. We have the perfect relationship and this poo poo is so not him. I'm amazed he could do this. I don't know what to make of it and I don't know what I should do. I don't want to break up with him over this but its not okay either. I'm planning on confronting him when he gets home tonight but I'm not sure what to do exactly. I'd love some advice.

tl;dr My perfect boyfriend was a bit of an rear end in a top hat in some emails to his friend and helped his friend cheat on his wife and they both went to strip clubs and got lap dances. I'm furious.

boner confessor posted:

we induced i get natural childbirth but my wife was completely done with being pregnant past week 30

quote:

Me [25 M] with my wife [25 F] of 5 years, she uses "her feelings" to impose annoying restrictions that are insignificant.Relationships

My wife does something that really annoys me. She frequently uses "her feelings" as a driver to enforce certain ideas that seem restricting to me.

The logic here being "I feel this way, so even though you don't feel the same way, your care for me should translate into action concerning said thing." The issue with this logic is that it can apply to literally ANYTHING, making me feel controlled.

Examples can include speeding in the car, drinking in certain situations, cussing, keeping my side of the room clean, going to bed at the same time, and really any other thing that a person could want.

Other examples, more common ones, are money discussions. I make good money, she makes good money as well. We are VERY well off, especially for people our age. But spending money to her is just this horrible idea. She wants to be cheap and frugal, and I like to be more "spendy". However, there is no compromise here. I have tried having split checking accounts with allotted amounts per month (essentially still keeping all earnings the same, which is fair as I make more than her), but that is a no-go for her. Buying lunch during the day is just an awful waste of money, which is easy for her to say because her company feeds her lunch. Free.

Another example is riding together to work. I like to ride separate. I like having my own vehicle. I do not like feeling pressured to leave at 5 or workout faster than at my whatever speed I want to. However, it "makes her feel like we are closer" when we ride together. We have compromised here, riding together some and separate some, but this idea sounds so stupid to me... we live together and stay in the same house 2/3rds of the day.

EDIT: Adding other examples since this is turning into something it should not.

I need to know how to argue with this. I am a very analytic and logical person, and the idea is sound, but can easily be taken too far. How can I essentially say "I know you care, but I want to do this more than I care about your feelings being hurt" without saying "I don't give a poo poo about how you feel because you use that as an excuse way too often."

tl;dr: How do I argue with "I feel this way, so even though you don't feel the same way, your care for me should translate into action concerning said thing" when I feel I am being taken advantage of