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Kevin designs a hook trap that pulls down Marv's pants, forcing him to expose himself to Kevin, and getting him added for life to the sex offender registery.
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Jun 3, 2021 20:58
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| # ? May 28, 2024 05:53 |
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Kevin hides in the basement while Harry and Marv break in the basement door and walk past, then he stabs them in the taints with meat hooks and hangs them from the ceiling
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Jun 3, 2021 21:02
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The bedroom corridor leads right up to an evil-appearing devil face set in mosaic at the corrdior's end. (SHOW THE WET BANDITS GRAPHIC #6). The face has a huge O of a mouth; it is dead black. The whole area radiates evil and magic if detected for. The mouth opening is similar to a (fixed) sphere of annihilation, but it is about 3' in diameter -- plenty of room for those who wish to leap in and be completely and forever destroyed.
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Jun 3, 2021 21:44
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The Wet Bandits escape from the mansion and as they’re speeding away Harry looks back upon the multiple near death experiences they just survived and finds the bravery to finally tell Marv how he feels. Marv pulls over onto a deserted side road and stops the truck. He locks eyes with Harry before they kiss passionately. Finally the love they had ignored for so long was free. They make love in the back of the truck, but just Marv is about to finish, Kevin casts Enlarge Balls and Marv’s resulting orgasm explodes Harry from the inside out.
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Jun 3, 2021 23:07
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Harry is dazed from the last trap. Kevin, now dressed as a barber, leads him to a barber's chair. he rubs Harry's head with bottled fertilizer, causing his hair to regrow. Harry is excited at this development, but when the new hair sprouts flowers, Harry becomes outraged.
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Jun 3, 2021 23:19
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Kevin leaves a copy of Ethan Frome out where the bandits will inadvertently come across it. the book is open to the sled scene.
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Jun 3, 2021 23:21
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Harry and Marv sit relaxing in their dingy apartment surrounded by appliances and loot from their many burgling runs. Their latest acquisition, the McAllister's VCR and a large 32" tube TV. Marv idly hits play on the VCR, and the tape that was already in there begins to play. The black and white images are unsettling: A bright ring; a chair in an empty room; a woman brushing her hair, who turns to look at the camera; a coastal cliffside view, and later, the woman throwing herself off the cliff. Finally, a well. A young boy, face obscured by long hair, crawls out of it in an uncanny fashion. No, wait, the boy is crawling backwards. Marv hits stop on the remote, and at the same time, the phone rings, which Harry answers. "Seven days..." rasps Kevin's voice on the other side of the line.
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Jun 3, 2021 23:22
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Kevin places a guillotine blade over the doggy door of the house. Marv sticks his head through and Is immediately beheaded. Kevin pumps his fist in victory as Marv’s head spins comically around on the floor. Marv’s body then opens the door and stumbles around looking for his lost head. Kevin’s victory dance is cut short as Marv reattaches his head and continues to pursue Kevin.
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Jun 3, 2021 23:31
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Kevin let's go the chain and allows The Beast to devour the wet bandits.
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Jun 4, 2021 02:02
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Kevin pretends to get groomed by Marv, a prominent Twitch streamer, on Marv's Discord. Marv "convinces" Kevin to let him come over to his house. When Marv arrives, sitting on a stool is Chris Hansen. Marv is arrested and has to tell every future burglar employer that he is on a registry
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Jun 4, 2021 02:12
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Kevin dies peacefully, erasing the universe and any trace of the Wet Bandits’ existence.
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Jun 4, 2021 02:14
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Kevin puts a powder on the doorknob that, when inhaled, gradually causes a hallucination that replaces any picture, screen, or face with an image of Buzz's girlfriend. As the condition worsens, the bandits find it difficult to communicate; a severe aphasia sets in that results in them being able to say only "woof." They abandon their plans and try to escape. At this point, the floor, ceiling, wallpaper, and even their own reflections look like Buzz's girlfriend's picture. They almost go insane until they find the door and exit the house. Gasping, crying, they look up at the sky, praying to a god they never believed in to save them from this living nightmare. As they look at the sky, a glint of light sparkles across a pair of braces that span the sky. A pair of unblinking eyes looks down on them like twin suns-forever burning into their souls. woof. (illustrated by Junji Ito)
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Jun 4, 2021 02:33
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Kevin, Marv, and Harry are forced to play basketball for the fate of the Earth against aliens who've sucked the skills out of the worlds best basketball players. Fortunately, they have help from some plucky animated pals. e: one is a very sexy bunny lady Smugworth fucked around with this message at 02:36 on Jun 4, 2021 |
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Jun 4, 2021 02:34
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Kevin engages with Harry and Marv online. He tells them he's Home Alone but when Harry and Marv arrive they're greeting by a tall, fair-haired man in a suit that invites them to take a seat.
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Jun 4, 2021 02:40
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Kevin injects low pH laundry detergent into holes drilled into Harry' and Marv's skulls, in an attempt to transform them into zombie slaves who will never leave him.
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Jun 4, 2021 02:51
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King Kevin leaves Ithaca, New York to go fight some motherfuckin' punk-rear end Trojans. Meanwhile, Harry and Marv swoop in and try to woo Kevin's son, Telemachus, and to a lesser degree, his wife, Penelope. Kevin does a bunch of cool poo poo, and then twenty years later he gets bored and goes home. He wiggles his hips at Penelope, and then simultaneously fist-fucks Harry and Marv while wearing old-timey baseball gloves he stole during a trip to the future. Finally, Athena rolls up in an old Dodge Caravan and kicks Kevin in the dick so hard he drops dead.
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Jun 4, 2021 03:18
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kevin takes a picture of marv having sex with harrys wife and he puts it on a t shirt and he waers the tshirt around town and then harry sees it and gets mad at marv
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Jun 4, 2021 03:36
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Kevin captures the Wet Bandits and locks them in a cage in the basement. He was actually just going to leave them there for a few hours to scare em a bit, but ActRaiser just came out and he’s been playing that a bit so he forgot. 30 years later Kevin sells the house after his parents die and the new owners wonder why there’s a person sized cage in the basement.
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Jun 4, 2021 03:48
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kevin makes the plane ride and has a fun time with his family and he makes a photo album and puts it on his dresser and when the burglars break in they look at the album and they are sad about the fun times with family that they never got to have which made them turn to a life of crime and it puts marv into a dark place and he ends up killing himself.
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Jun 4, 2021 04:24
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kevin dresses up like a girl and harry immediately has a huge crush and his heart physically pops out of his chest for just a second and he runs up to kevin but then kevin is carrying a mallet and he hits harry on the head with the mallet giving him a concussion so he has to spend weeks in bed and has terrible headaches and gets addicted to painkillers
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Jun 4, 2021 04:29
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Kevin just cuts the BS and tosses a bowling ball right into the nards of Joe Pesci who actually yells "gently caress OFF KID!" because that was not how they rehearsed.
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Jun 4, 2021 04:32
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Watching a television news broadcast, Kevin learns that Harry is transporting a secret United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) report on orange crop forecasts. Kevins recalls large payments made to Harry by Marv. He realizes Marv will obtain the report early to corner the market on frozen concentrated orange juice. On New Year's Eve, Kevin boards Harry 's train in disguise, intending to switch the original report with a forgery that predicts low orange crop yields. Harry uncovers his scheme, and attempts to kill him, but is knocked unconscious by a gorilla being transported on the train. Kevin disguises Harry with a gorilla costume and cage him with the real gorilla. Kevin delivers the forged report to Marv in Harry's' place. After sharing a kiss with Ophelia, Kevin travels to New York City with Donald Trump doing a cameo, carrying with them Kevin's and Ophelia's life savings to carry out their plan. On the commodities trading floor, Marv commits his holdings to buying frozen concentrated orange juice futures contracts, legally committing himself to buying the commodity at a later date. Other traders follow their lead, driving the price up; Kevin short-sells juice futures contracts at the inflated price. Following the broadcast of the actual crop report and its prediction of a normal harvest, the price of juice futures plummets. Kevin buys at the lower price from everyone except Marv, fulfilling the contracts they had short-sold earlier and turning an immense profit. After the closing bell, Kevin explains to Marv that he made a wager on whether hecould get rich and make Marv poor at the same time, and Kevin collects $1 from Donald Trump doing a cameo. When Marv proves unable to supply the $394 million (equivalent to $1.02 billion in 2020) required to satisfy his margin call, the exchange manager orders his seats sold and his corporate and personal assets confiscated, effectively bankrupting him. Marv collapses holding his chest and Harry shouts at the others, demanding the floor be reopened in a futile plea to recoup his losses. The now-wealthy Kevin vacations on a tropical beach, while Harry and the gorilla are loaded onto a ship bound for Africa.
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Jun 4, 2021 04:41
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Harry and Marc smell something delicious, and in cartoony-floating fashion are thusly lured into Kevin's dining room. There, they spy an enormous plate of Italian spaghetti and meatballs. As the men approach the exotic delicacy, it dawns on them that there is no pasta, but instead a large knot of vipers and cobras. Their appetites further whetted, they creep toward the lip-smacking pile. The snakes explode, injuring the mens' dicks, rendering them dickless, damaging their pride and also killing them. Kevin's dick and balls simultaneously explode, for an unrelated reason.
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Jun 4, 2021 08:21
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Kevin hooks Harry's penis up to a cow milking machine. His partner-in-crime, Marvel, can neither believe his eyes nor maintain his gaze as harry is sucked off into oblivion and rapidly, his vital essence is drained. Kevin grins as he flips the switch, filling hundreds of bottles. He then labels the vile pink product as man milk. A look of horror spreads across marvs face as Kevin next sells the milk slightly below market value.
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Jun 4, 2021 08:48
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Kev lures Harry and Marc into a Sam's Club and traps them in a cage made of toilet paper. Soon freed from their Charmin cocoon, they are still unable to escape the labyrinthine superstore. They spend the next 35 years of their lives within its confines. Subsisting on a diet of cured meats, the men die of gout.
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Jun 4, 2021 09:01
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Harry and Marv discover an unlocked door on a border wall of the house. When opened, there is a dark hallway, despite there being no actual structure outside, on the other side of that same wall. Kevin uses paint cans to knock both of them into this "5 1/2 minute hallway", and locks the door behind them. The burglars hear a growl deep from within the pitch black area. What was once a hallway is now a very large, descending staircase with no known bottom. For years after, Kevin and his family can sometimes hear faint knocking on their walls. Three short taps in succession, followed by 3 longer taps, ending with another 3 quick taps. Kevin is not who he once was. Known some call is air am, ya filthy animal. ----- Kevin sets out some egg salad sandwiches, and both Harry and Marv eat them after being through SO many traps. The eggs were rotten and gives them both real bad gas. Like super bad farts. They leave, disgusted with themselves. Rupert Buttermilk fucked around with this message at 12:45 on Jun 4, 2021 |
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Jun 4, 2021 12:42
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Kevin uses the audio of the movie "Angels with Filthy Souls" to mask the noise of him mercilessly gunning down Marv and Harry with a Tommy Gun.
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Jun 4, 2021 13:09
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Kevin locks all of the doors and windows, thereby creating an impenetrable fortress. The Wet Bandits leave, frustrated, to find easier pickings.
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Jun 4, 2021 13:13
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Pakistani politics posted:Kevin hooks Harry's penis up to a cow milking machine. His partner-in-crime, Marvel, can neither believe his eyes nor maintain his gaze as harry is sucked off into oblivion and rapidly, his vital essence is drained. Kevin grins as he flips the switch, filling hundreds of bottles. He then labels the vile pink product as man milk. A look of horror spreads across marvs face as Kevin next sells the milk slightly below market value. 
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Jun 4, 2021 15:39
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While burgling, Harry and Marv find a pair of computers logged into Second Life. Intrigued, they create avatars and set out to rob Kevin’s virtual house. Their avatars get injured by a variety of virtual traps, but they finally kill virtual Kevin and rob his house. Then the police burst in and shoot the real Harry and Marv in the dicks.
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Jun 4, 2021 17:55
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Kevin cooks a delicious pot of chili, drawing the attention of Harry and Marv. They decide to take a moment's reprise from burgling and eat some chili. Unknown to them, Kevin is hiding inside the pot of chili and bursts out, guns blazing.
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Jun 4, 2021 17:58
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Kevin agrees to let Marv and Harry rob the house, but they must promise not to stick their dicks in the three holes in the wall.
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Jun 4, 2021 18:39
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Kevin puts fistfuls of barber hair down the back of Harry's shirt.
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Jun 4, 2021 18:41
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kevin convinces harry and marv to invest in his new cryptocurrency
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Jun 4, 2021 18:49
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Kevin sets up a Saw-like contraption where Marv has to eat two dozen eggs in under 10 minutes to neutralize the bath bomb with an acid center in his stomach. The key to the room is in Harry's butt.
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Jun 4, 2021 19:10
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all the computers run chromeos and all the phones are android. that'll REALLY gently caress with any thieves!
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Jun 4, 2021 19:14
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As Harry and Marv open the door to the McAllister residence the string tied to the stick propping the box up pulls tight, causing the box to fall over the house, trapping Harry and Marv inside.
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Jun 5, 2021 04:39
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Kevin hacks into a government supercomputer to create a woman from a doll with untold magical abilities. She turns Harry into a sentient pile of poo poo who gorges on flies, and she freezes Marv and hides him in a cupboard. A Mad Max-style biker gang shows up and takes the Wet Bandits hostage, but politely leaves with the two after Kevin, who is in another room, plays the audio and gunfire from “Angels with Filthy Souls,” tricking them all into thinking it was real. Kevin mugs the camera and mimics the line, “Keep the change, ya filthy animals.” while raising and lowering his eyebrows quickly.
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Jun 5, 2021 16:33
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Kevin implants a radio transmitter into Harry's gold tooth, uses it to speak to Harry as himself, and tells him he will not be in the McAllister home at a certain time. Harry, being gullible, tells Marv the plan and waits to break into the house at the predetermined time. Meanwhile, Kevin sneaks onto an Air Force base and reprograms the coordinates of a new laser weapon system to the McAllister house, then goes home and places a prism in front of a giant foil bag full of un-popped popcorn and leaves. Harry and Marv show up to what seems like an empty house, and they wait suspiciously at the front door, uncertain whether it's one of Kevin's tricks. Kevin then talks to Harry through his gold tooth and assures him he is not there, and to just walk through the front door and do what they need to do. The Wet Bandits do so, and feel a sigh of relief as they start raiding the home uninterrupted. The laser test begins, hits the prism in the house and starts cooking the popcorn, which soon fills the entire house until it bursts at the seams. Everyone in the neighborhood has a good laugh at what transpired, and the entire town got free popcorn to boot. No one ever knew what happened to the Wet Bandits, that is until they scooped away the last pile of popcorn left and found two charred corpses left behind from the high powered laser test. Kevin mugs the camera and say, “I guess they're called the Dry Bandits now.” while raising and lowering his eyebrows quickly. You Are A Werewolf fucked around with this message at 00:49 on Jun 6, 2021 |
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Jun 6, 2021 00:47
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| # ? May 28, 2024 05:53 |
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Kevin creates an art installation of such profound sadness, such lonely introspection, such staggering somberness, that Harry and Marv begin weeping, hugging each other, moaning and crying out for love, and KISSING. Kevin is all “hey get a room you two”. And they do. They leave him alone, they toss him a box of porn from the van. He manages to get caught masturbating when his family comes home. They don’t really talk about it or bring it up. The hobos who found love through his art will play a pivotal role in Kevin’s fruitful future as a politician.. 
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Jun 6, 2021 00:59
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