/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Barudak: May 7, 2007

QuarkJets posted:

having sex every three weeks while trying to become pregnant? so is he just bad at counting or is she bad at pregnancy planning?

Wait till you find out they think you make babies by kissing

# ? Jun 28, 2019 11:05

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 23:07

IG-88: Apr 21, 2019

Edit: Oops, posted from inside my pants

IG-88 fucked around with this message at 19:04 on Jun 30, 2019

# ? Jun 28, 2019 12:11

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

WIBTA if I had taken a dog to the pound that my roommate agreed to watch without asking me?

quote:

Honestly I feel like TA for even thinking it, but I feel my reasons would have been justified.

I live with my brother (J) and two of his friends (D and M.) M is very... Impulsive, to say the least. Somebody asked him to dog sit for a week and he said yes without asking the rest of us. He brought it up to J and D after he had already agreed, and they said it was ok, but the first I found out about it was when I came home and saw it. This was a problem for a few reasons.

First of all, having dogs on the property at all is a violation of our lease. I would have said no for this reason alone had I been asked first.

Second, it was a full sized poodle. J and D didn't think to ask "how big?" before saying it was fine, and M didn't think to mention it when asking. It was Wayyy too big for our tiny apartment, let alone his room which we had to confine it to, because of...

Reason number 3, and by far the most important and the only reason important enough to make me consider taking the dog to the pound. When we moved in together in September we collectively decided to get a cat. I like dogs. I probably would have gotten a dog had our lease not prohibited it. But cats were allowed so that's what we went with.

She's a rescue, surrendered to the shelter because of behavioral issues all stemming from severe anxiety. We (mostly J and myself) have given her all our love and care and she's improved soooo much in the 9 months since we got her. She's still a little anxious bean but the peeing outside the litter box and most of the other behavioral issues haven't been a problem since month 2, except for once in March when she got sick. I love her more than anything. Watching her grow to trust me, to derive emotional support from me (this isn't me attributing human behavior to an animal mind, either) has been extremely fulfilling.

But she could not handle the dog. She was terrified. She wouldn't come out from her hidey hole at all, not even to eat or drink. Normally if she hears a soda can that sounds halfway like her wet food she comes sprinting in from across the apartment, and she wouldn't even poke her head out to eat when we put the bowl within easy reach of her. She was not ok, it was seriously affecting her health, and that's why I considered taking it to the pound.

We ended up resolving the issue in a better way. M went home to his family for a night and took it with him, and then I had an already planned vacation back to my hometown with J to visit our family, and we took her with us when instead of leaving her in the care of M and D. So she only had to deal with the dog for a couple of nights. But if I hadn't had the vacation as an option I would have had to do something, right? My first responsibility is to my baby.

I know I'm probably gonna get YWBTA, it's not the dog or its owner's fault but I couldn't think of any better alternative so I'm mostly asking if anyone else thinks there was a better way to resolve this because it's eating at me.

Cat people: maladjusted, selfish, unable to solve problems on their own, probably poop in the corner out of spite

# ? Jun 28, 2019 12:28

Lt. Danger: Dec 22, 2006; jolly good chaps we sure showed the hun

take M to the pound instead

# ? Jun 28, 2019 13:08

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Cat people are deranged

# ? Jun 28, 2019 13:24

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Yes, it's utterly mad how some people will put not getting thrown out of their home over looking after someone else's dog.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 13:30

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

Barudak posted:

Wait till you find out they think you make babies by kissing

You mean you don't???

# ? Jun 28, 2019 13:39

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

How actually effective is that, though? Does working retail actually make it more likely people will feel empathy for other retail workers later on, or do they just take it as an excuse of "well I had to suffer through it, so they do too, so gently caress it it's my turn to be the shithead customer!"?

This describes both my mother and mother-in-law perfectly.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 13:40

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Haha holy poo poo. Remember the lady who kept misremembering everything and kept getting herself and her husband into awkward trouble? Remember how I said it sounded just like my ADHD dad?

Guess who has ADHD. Yep, misremembering lady!

Related: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201002/adhd-and-honest-lies-0

Turns out it's a Thing with ADHD.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 14:15

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Will medication help with that? Or is misremembering lady doomed to infuriate everyone around her?

# ? Jun 28, 2019 14:25

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Dazerbeams posted:

Will medication help with that? Or is misremembering lady doomed to infuriate everyone around her?

According to the OP this has all been happening while she's on ADHD medication, so probably the latter.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 14:35

Tythas: Oct 3, 2013; Never felt at home in reality
Always hiding behind avatars

Midnight Voyager posted:

Haha holy poo poo. Remember the lady who kept misremembering everything and kept getting herself and her husband into awkward trouble? Remember how I said it sounded just like my ADHD dad?

Guess who has ADHD. Yep, misremembering lady!

Related: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201002/adhd-and-honest-lies-0

Turns out it's a Thing with ADHD.

well poo poo things make a lot more sense for myself

I mean I was already in the process of getting checked for ADHD but that article was spot on

# ? Jun 28, 2019 14:46

EIDE Van Hagar: Dec 8, 2000; Beep Boop

Leon Einstein posted:

I'm sure the tight grip on their behavior and caloric intake will result in well adjusted adults.

Not feeding potato chips to kids for breakfast is now helicopter parenting.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:01

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

Tythas posted:

well poo poo things make a lot more sense for myself

I mean I was already in the process of getting checked for ADHD but that article was spot on

although I know I have ADHD and have been on medication for it for over 10 years.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:12

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

Not feeding potato chips to kids for breakfast is now helicopter parenting.

It seems like if you're feeding your kids breakfast at all you're probably ahead of the curve.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:19

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Is it illegal to yell "boo" at a cop?

quote:

I live in California. I saw a cop prodding a homeless man sleeping next to a tree with his nightstick. I yelled "boooo" at him and he said he would arrest me if i kept interfering with his investigation. I kept walking on, and nothing happened to me, but could I really get arrested for this? Or am i free to continue booing cops?

Edit: it's come to my attention that my title makes it sound like I'm cosplaying as a ghost and yelling "boo!" To startle people. This is not the case

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:22

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

I don't know why my kid grew up to be an rear end in a top hat, I let him eat whatever he wanted and gave him free rein over his life

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:22

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Pinecone Sample posted:

Is it illegal to yell "boo" at a cop?

It might be illegal, but it's immoral not to

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:23

Koalas March: May 21, 2007

ElGroucho posted:

It might be illegal, but it's immoral not to

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:24

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

Flannelette posted:

Twilight zone poo poo

Pinecone Sample posted:

wait it gets worse

she's really hot and constantly walks around my place completely naked, she brings marijuana every time she comes over and NEVER charges me for it, and her dad is giving me a summer job that i'm technically not qualified for but it doesn't matter because I won't have to actually do anything there

lol at the olds who grew up in times when nerd-dom was a sausage fest.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:26

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Grape posted:

lol at the olds who grew up in times when nerd-dom was a sausage fest.

tell me more about your canadian girlfriend

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:38

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

ElGroucho posted:

tell me more about your canadian girlfriend

lol boy are you confused

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:40

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Dazerbeams posted:

Will medication help with that? Or is misremembering lady doomed to infuriate everyone around her?

Straight White Shark posted:

According to the OP this has all been happening while she's on ADHD medication, so probably the latter.

Some medication works better for some people than others, but there are also other ways you can try to cope with the problem. My dad's gotten better at it (even though he still won't seek medication because he's a stubborn old man) just by finally admitting he's got the problem and trying to write things down.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:42

fins: May 31, 2011; Floss Finder

DrBouvenstein posted:

UPDATE: My wife (30F) suffers from extreme germophobia and anxiety. I (30M) take as many as 30 showers a week to ease her fear of infection. Our relationship is not sustainable and I need help.

Original post ~3 months ago:

Holy shitballs! New Black Mirror script looking good.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:44

welcome to hell: Jun 9, 2006

WIBTA if I uninvited a friend on a trip after finding out he has feelings for me?

quote:

Just an fyi: we are both guys and are both 22.

So me and my group of friends have all made plans to go stay at a cottage next month for a weekend. I�m the main planner of this but everyone is contributing equally financially.

There are six of us going, including one of my good friends �Ryan�. Ryan is gay and I�ve never ever had a a problem with that. I barely ever think about it.

Ryan and one of my other friends �Rachel� are really close and they hang out separately all the time.

Rachel and I and a few of our other friends (Ryan wasn�t there) went out for drinks last weekend and we were all a little drunk by the end of the night.

At one point Rachel takes me to the side and says that she needs to tell me something. She said that Ryan confessed to her that he is starting to have serious almost love like feelings for me. She said that he is really distraught about it because I�m straight and he knows I�ll never reciprocate his feelings. She made me promise not to let on that I know.

To be honest I�m kind of freaked out by it. I don�t know if I�m comfortable having somebody there at the cottage who has such strong feelings for me. I�m considering asking him not to come on the trip. I would cover his portion of the cottage myself.

I feel like because I am the one organizing it that I should be able to decide who I want there or not. Obviously I would talk to him about this and emphasize that maybe it�s best for both of us if we spend some time apart so he can work through his feelings for me.

So WIBTA if I uninvited him?

Reddit voted that they would be the rear end in a top hat.

UPDATE: WIBTA if I uninvited a friend on a trip after I found out he has feelings for me?

quote:

So I eventually decided not to let Ryan know that I knew about his feelings for me and he ended up coming along on the trip to the cottage.

Everything was fine until the last night of the trip when we were all drunk around the campfire.

At one point the night ended and we all went inside to bed. I was sleeping in a room by myself and I crawled into bed and passed out pretty quickly.

I woke up around 4am to pee and I found Ryan sleeping in the bed with me. I woke him up and asked him what he was doing. He told me he felt lonely and wanted to cuddle.

I told him I wasn�t comfortable with that and asked him to leave the bed. He refused and started crying and saying that he�s in love with me and he�s sorry for being weird about it but that he wants to be with me.

I told him that I didn�t think of him that way and it made me uncomfortable to hear that from him and I started to walk out of the bedroom so I could sleep on the couch.

He begged me to stay but I just left and went to the couch. The next morning we had to leave and we didn�t say two words to each other and we all piled into the car. We all got dropped off and me and Ryan didn�t even say bye.

He texted me a few days later begging me to talk to him but I haven�t answered him and I�ve been avoiding him since it happened.

I just don�t know how to approach this from here considering everything that has happened. I was going to let the crush go but since he confessed to me and SLEPT in the bed with me, I don�t know what to do or if I can move past it.

Anyways that�s my update. Thanks for all the responses to my original post. I really tried to follow the advice everyone gave me.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:46

Pibur: Jan 28, 2019

welcome to hell posted:

WIBTA if I uninvited a friend on a trip after finding out he has feelings for me?

Reddit voted that they would be the rear end in a top hat.

UPDATE: WIBTA if I uninvited a friend on a trip after I found out he has feelings for me?

Reddit was right, he would have been the rear end in a top hat. But, the friend has since completely overstepped and it is now prime :sever:

time

# ? Jun 28, 2019 15:55

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

My bf(M/25) only puts on a condom when he is about to orgasm

quote:

I'm (F/20) not on any birth control and my bf and I usually have sex without condoms but he doesn't cum inside me. He lasts for hours and after he satisfies me, he knows he's going to come so he puts on the condom and then comes back to finish. I don't know if condoms are comfortable after a few hours but I'm trying to incorporate this idea since I'm not trying to get pregnant still. Although it's been effective for over a year, I'm scared of any possibilities with precum and all that. Plus I was advised to keep the condom on from the beginning to the end. A little help please as this is my first and only bf I've had. What do i do?

TL:DR: My boyfriend and i have unprotected sex and he only put on the condom when he's about to orgasm. What do i do?

The weirdest alternative to pulling out.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:00

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

ElGroucho posted:

also don't feed your kid loving chips

lol

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:00

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Should I(21F) tell my boyfriend(23M) I�ve been faking 100% of orgasms for the whole 18 months of our relationship?

quote:

I really love my boyfriend and we are very serious. The only problem is I haven�t been able to orgasm with him and I started faking it from the beginning of our relationship. I�ve never orgasmed with a parter and he�s my first real boyfriend.

In the beginning of our relationship he wouldn�t go down on me and said it was gross to do so. He was pretty selfish for a while in bed but this was because he was inexperienced and he thought sex was over when he came. We�ve moved past this and now his priority is to please me.

I�m not sure why I can�t come with him. I feel satisfied after but I just feel so horrible I�ve been doing this. The weird thing is I squirt but don�t come. What should I do

TLDR: I�ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and I faked 100% percent of my orgasms. I�m not sure what to do

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:00

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

DrBouvenstein posted:

UPDATE: My wife (30F) suffers from extreme germophobia and anxiety. I (30M) take as many as 30 showers a week to ease her fear of infection. Our relationship is not sustainable and I need help.

Original post ~3 months ago:

It really is amazing that our brains work at all.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:01

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

chitoryu12 posted:

Should I(21F) tell my boyfriend(23M) I�ve been faking 100% of orgasms for the whole 18 months of our relationship?

quote:
The weird thing is I squirt but don�t come.

You have duty to tell your bf you've been pissing on him for 18 months.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:02

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

ElGroucho posted:

Cat people are deranged

Yes. Yes we are. :catstare:

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:03

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

I (20M) want to marry my best friend/bro (20M) so he can get a green card and stay in the US.

quote:

Alright. Hear me out. I ain't loving around I'm actually considering this...

My best friend has been going through some iffy situations with his citizenship. He ain't illegal or nothing, it's just taking a lot out of his pocket just to remain in the US.

My gf came up with a joking idea of getting married to him so that he can just get a green card and not have to worry about the hassle. This of course was just a funny joke from her.

...Or was it?

My best friend is an absolute legend. Someone I look up to but also gently caress with very frequently. He's hilarious, level-headed, and by God he's one of the smartest people I've ever met or will meet. I know next to nothing about his personal life, and I love it. Dude's like a complete stranger that I've studied heavy logistics on. I've gone from thinking he's gay cause he never showed interest in women, to thinking he's asexual cause he's never showed interest in ANYONE, to thinking he's a SERIAL KILLER simply due to the fact that I have not seen ANYONE outrun him.

Most importantly he's a good friend. And I believe the purest definition of a friend is someone that wants to see you happy. And by God if it means I have to marry my bro so he doesn't have to get deported back to Mexico, why the gently caress would I hesitate?! Plus, I won't have to worry about divorcing him cause we're not loving. And even if we did get a divorce it would probably be hilarious and just because we wanted to. "[OP] divorces his bro". The headlines are lit as we speak.

Also not important, but it's not gay to like, marry him right? Like no homo? Not that it's bad but like, it's more like martyrdom rather than coming out?

EDIT: I have been informed that my plan, while I thought was drat near fool-proof, is actually highly illegal and easily one of the worst ideas I've had in my 20 years of living.

BUT. I did not let that stop me from pursuing! (Something else did). I did in fact ask my best friend if he'd be willing to even marry me in the first place.

He replied he would rather go back to Mexico.

Ah, a remake of "I Know Pronouce You Chuck and Larry," perfect for our politically charged times

DemoneeHo fucked around with this message at 16:14 on Jun 28, 2019

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:11

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

From the opposite side:

My [29M] GF[25] of 1.5 years has been faking orgasms and lying about it.

quote:

The other day I was going down on my girlfriend and she asked me to stop abruptly. I asked if everything was alright and she said yes, but she didn't want any more. I asked if she needed some alone time (I could tell she needed it), she replied in the affirmative, so I played some games in the other room.

When I come back she's crying and says she's been faking all of the orgasms we've had together (except for one) in the past 1.5 years, and has been lying about it. She claims something's "broken" in her and she can't come with other people. She said she's only come once with another partner, and it was with me about a year ago. But now I'm overthinking and wondering if she's lying about that.

I have offered to use toys, try different techniques, work with her instructions, but she turns it all down. She can get off by herself, and says she enjoys sex with me even though she doesn't come.

So here are my issues. 1) I have told her in the past that lying really bothers me. It's probably one of my biggest deal breakers. The fact that she came clean to me took a lot of courage on her part and I absolutely recognize she's embarrassed and sad about her perceived flaw. That said, I hate being lied to. She lies about other small things she's embarrassed about, and it drives me nuts. Just tell me the truth first when it's not a big deal.

2) I don't know how much of this upsets me is due to lying, her lack of her orgasms, or/and how much it's about my ego and 'toxic masculinity.' Obviously our problem isn't unique and I've done my share of Googling. I didn't think I put too much pressure on her to finish, but now I'm second-guessing myself. I went from feeling betrayed to introspective, and now feel like I've put undo pressure on her and I'm the bad guy. I get a lot of pleasure from her pleasure, and I've told her that. And I guess that is a form of pressure.

Honestly, I don't know how to proceed. I love her and I want our relationship to be the best it can be. She's said "I'm perfect in every other way, so it doesn't matter that mych" which implies I'm not doing something right in this case. Do I just let this go? Let her decide if she wants to try again?

Tl;dr: my GF has been faking orgasms and lying about it. Don't know how to proceed.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:40

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

I dont know, maybe be supportive and caring instead of making it about your self image, but whatever

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:45

hevnz 2 murgatroyd: Apr 13, 2018; by Smythe

Pinecone Sample posted:

Is it illegal to yell "boo" at a cop?

Yes, but it's perfectly legal to stand in their line of sight and wave those foam noodles like they do to basketball players shooting free throws. The goal is to get them to mess up reading the person their rights.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:45

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

DemoneeHo posted:

I (20M) want to marry my best friend/bro (20M) so he can get a green card and stay in the US.

Ah, a remake of "I Know Pronouce You Chuck and Larry," perfect for our politically charged times

*judge shuffles papers*

"I see you have brought a witness, but where is the bride?"

"Your honor, he is the bride!"

*record scratch as slack jawed judge adjusts glasses*

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:57

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Pinecone Sample posted:

Is it illegal to yell "boo" at a cop?

Now I�m disappointed that they aren�t dressing up as a ghost in a bedsheet and trying to scare cops with loud �boo!�s

# ? Jun 28, 2019 16:58

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Pinecone Sample posted:

WIBTA if I had taken a dog to the pound that my roommate agreed to watch without asking me?

Cat people: maladjusted, selfish, unable to solve problems on their own, probably poop in the corner out of spite

The solution is to make M pay for a kennel.

# ? Jun 28, 2019 17:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 12, 2024 23:07

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Cats are good

# ? Jun 28, 2019 17:27

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