Soup du Journey posted:

there's certainly a correlation between religion & culture (and development level, for that matter), but i question your categorization of the era. christianity came into being among a people under foreign occupation, subject to a rule that was often shaky, where both terrorism and violent reprisals were endemic. theology aside, christ's gospel was a model for resistance of a radical sort, not complaisance and anodyne positivity.


oh i know the answers. by asking them im trying to guide u to my sex cult

friendbot2000 posted:

My personal head canon is that all the religions are true and were put in place as a population control method. I view God as a Game Reserve Warden. Impartial and not afraid to cull the herd when it becomes out of hand. The asteroid is a reset button for when things need to change lol

Rutibex posted:

but every successful religion encourages people to breed as much as possible

basic hitler posted:

The koran took the issue of scriptural purity and addressed it head on at the expense of everything else.

evilmiera posted:

"If our book is too boring to read, people won't be able to find a fault with it"?

Pick posted:

this will blow your loving miiiind but I'm a practicing catholic and i go to church FOR REALS and so I think it is mostly allegory still applicable to modern times

Motherfucker posted:

consider my mind blown that people still think this poo poo.

Pick posted:

this will blow your loving miiiind but I'm a practicing catholic and i go to church FOR REALS and so I think it is mostly allegory still applicable to modern times

Motherfucker posted:

consider my mind blown that people still think this poo poo.

Rutibex posted:

i didn't expect any fundamentalists to be posting, but here we are. so the bible must be interpreted according to a strict literal reading?

how old do you think the earth is?

Who What Now posted:

"Look, I know the Bible says it explicitly condones slavery and human sacrifice, but those were really just allegories for _{*mumble mumble*}"

Motherfucker posted:

I think its full of poo poo and only idiots pay attention too it.



Although in my headcanon jesus is Kenshiro

basic hitler posted:

Consider the time and place that poo poo was written. Philosophy hadn't quite risen to writing a charter on the essential rights of man yet.

basic hitler posted:

Consider the time and place that poo poo was written. Philosophy hadn't quite risen to writing a charter on the essential rights of man yet.

Percelus posted:

god i suspected you were messed up but i never knew to what extent

Caufman posted:

This isn't Augustine's thinking, but I've thought of original sin and the karmic knot as trying to explain a similar concept: that actions today are the consequences of actions yesterday, whether we can tell or not. One is a linear model and the other is infinite with no beginning or end. But they each have an overlapping message: wrongdoing begets wrongdoing. It's not a mindblowing, esoteric interpretation, but it's important to morality, east or west.


Sister, your faith can grow beyond this. God answers our prayers. Knock on the narrow door, and you will receive the reception of ultimate satisfaction.

People in the old testament understood that the world was not as it should be or will be. That's why they've awaited a messiah, to put an end to the Enemy's rebellion, legitimize the rule of God, and usher in the World to Come. We're living in the period of the counterfactual claim that if God does not rule, people will be fiiiiine. But within the story, this is actually a very brief period that just feels long because it'll likely last the rest of your life.

Who What Now posted:

Duh. Which is why those obviously weren't allegories, and they obviously didn't come from an omniscient and/or omnibenevolent being and it's dumb to pretend it did.

Motherfucker posted:

um, the dawn of time by god??

If you try and say it was by some mortal tool I'll cut your hands off you loving heretic.

basic hitler posted:

That poo poo was written by dudes and primarily subject to edit by byzantine and jewish priesthood politics but contains the revelation of God all the same.

Who What Now posted:

Weird how God's revelations arent the least bit more advanced than the culture that made him up.

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

Nathilus posted:

I like the Vampire book of nod version of the story.

One day god said unto the brothers, "Sacrifice unto me the first part of all that you have."

So Abel gathered the strongest and sweetest among the young of his animals and tossed em on the fire. And Cain took the most tender shoots and sweetest fruits and tossed em on.

And Abel got props while Cain got a harsh word and a bitch slap, his sacrifice considered unworthy.

So Cain thought about it, and at length he realized his error.

Eventually once again god called down that the time for sacrifice was at hand.

And once again abel brought the youngest, sweetest, and most beloved of his animals.

But Cain did not bring his pimpest plants, knowing that the almighty did not want them.

And Abel said, "Cain, you did not bring your youngest and sweetest, the first part of all your joy, to sacrifice on the altar to the one above."

Then Cain cried tears of love while he sacrificed that which was the first part of his joy upon the altar. his brother.

Nathilus posted:

This one time god was like "kill ur son" to this dude.

And the dude was like, "gently caress! Well... You're the almighty so I'll do it but only cuz its you askin."

And god was all, "psyche! drat dood you were really gonna do it. Thats hosed up, lmao."

basic hitler posted:

The gospels and acts taken alone are near marxist.

Soup du Journey posted:

well okay, but what are the consequences of eating the fruit? it's not just expulsion. women now feel pain during childbirth

We Know Catheters posted:

Jesus hosed Judas

quote:

At the Gates of Heaven

The tree-branch creaked, the noose tightened, and the next moment Judas was in the arms of the only man he had ever loved. The pleasure overwhelmed the surprise for a moment, and then the shock took over and he pulled away. "What" he began, and then stopped, made speechless by the clarity and sweetness he saw in Jesus' eyes.

"Come on," Jesus said, smiling broadly. "We have to go see Father."

Judas looked around. He was unmistakably not in Judea. "Then your father is" Oh. "And you are" Oh. There was a delightful giddiness in the knowledge that everything he had ever believed in his entire life was utter nonsense. Judas took Jesus' hand and followed him into the chamber where God sat in judgment.

"Well, Judas," God asked, "What have you done with your life?"

Judas thought. "I betrayed Your Son to death," he said. "And then I killed myself."

"I see," said God the Father. "And do you have any explanation or excuse for what you have done?"

Judas tried to recall all the reasons that had seemed so important to him, important enough to die for. "No," he said. "Not really."

"Then do you think you should be allowed to remain in heaven?" God the Father asked. Judas wasn't sure he knew what the other option was, but he didn't think he was going to like it very much. Still, he had been given that one kiss, which was far more than he had expected. He was about to accept his fate when Jesus interrupted.

"Excuse me, Father," Jesus said, "there is something you have forgotten."

God the Father raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"I love this man," Jesus said, "and my soul is entwined with his. If you send him away, heaven will not be heaven for me. If you send him away then I will follow him, for he is the beloved to me above all the greatness of heaven."

"Yes, there is that," God the Father sighed. "Very well, then, Judas. You may stay."

Jesus whooped with ecstatic laughter and grabbed Judas by the hand to lead him into heaven. He was stopped by God the Father's booming voice. "Judas, go. Jesus, wait one moment."

Judas bowed, and scampered off into the heaven that awaited him.

"Ever since you've been back from earth," God the Father began crossly when Judas was out of earshot, "you've been like that with everyone who's come up here.
Prostitutes, Roman soldiers, corrupt judges, and now this. 'My soul is entwined with his,'" God the Father mimicked, "'Beloved above heaven.' How am I supposed to get any judging done? Are you going to carry on like this with everyone you met down on earth?"

"Just you wait, Father," Jesus said with a grin. "Just you wait."

Who What Now posted:

And?

basic hitler posted:

and it's good reading and worth living by

Who What Now posted:

Not really, no. There's a fuckton of truly awful lessons and advice in the NT that you can do without.

Who What Now posted:

Well in Matthew 5:21-30 Jesus puts forward the idea of thought crime; that hatred is no different than murder and that lust is no different than adultery (presumably even if you aren't married), and that's just asinine.

Immediately after he says "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." which is (probably) not meant to be taken literally, but is still poor advice because you should work to understand your thoughts and feelings and not simply try to remove them entirely. That's how you get people living with repressed emotions, which has never in human history worked out well for anyone.

Jesus is against divorce [Mat. 5:32] and likens it to committing adultery again, which is regressive and harmful to anyone in an abusive marriage.

Matthew 5:38-42 just sets you up to be a victim to be taken advantage of and victimized, which Jesus says is a good thing. I hope I don't have to explain why being a victim is bad.

Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus tells you "Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on." which is some truly godawful advice which I, again, hopefully don't have to explain.

And that's just reading the skimming the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus also tells slaves to obey their earthly masters, rather than to rise up and bash their master's brains in with rocks. But it's not surprising a bronze age middle eastern man doesn't see anything wrong with slavery, even if a supposedly omnibenevolent god absolutely should.