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While Harry and Marv aren't looking, Kevin replaces the house with an exact copy made of antimatter, which annihilates them as soon as they touch it.
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Jun 6, 2021 02:02
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| # ? May 23, 2024 21:50 |
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Harry and Marv once again decide to rob the McCalister house. A weary Kevin, at this point in his early forties, asks them if they want to take a loving break for once and chill. Kevin, Harry, and Marv spend the night drinking beers in the dark living room only lit by the glow of the TV, talking about how hard life is and how much the world sucks and how they wish they weren’t all losers. It’s a nice, brief respite from the living hell of their everyday lives, Anyway as Harry and Marv leave a robot shows up and rips their dicks off and beats them to death with their own dicks.
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Jun 6, 2021 02:26
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Harry and Marv climb into the house through a window, only to discover the floor is covered in sticky super glue! While the wet bandits are stuck fast, Kevin sits down next to the glued area. He has a long chat with them, eventually getting them to open up and share their reasons for turning to crime. Kevin convinces them to turn over a new leaf. It's difficult for Harry and Marv to find honest work due to their criminal records, but they eventually get jobs working the line at a factory. The work is exhausting, but the pay is decent and they feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Years later however, the physical demands of the job have taken their toll. Harry has severe back pain that never quite goes away. Opiates are the only things that help, but his addiction quickly spirals out of control. Marv has respiratory problems, and is later diagnosed with mesothelioma. His lawsuit against the factory fails, and neither have health insurance. Harry is huddled alone in an derelict house when he dies of a fentanyl overdose, after aspirating his own vomit. Marv hangs on for a while longer, but eventually succumbs when he can no longer afford proper treatment. The next day, Kevin sells the factory for a tidy profit.
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Jun 6, 2021 03:22
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While walking down a hallway in the McAllister house, the Wet Bandits stop suddenly as the lights go out! It’s completely dark. Suddenly they are bathed in the light of the headlamps of a speeding car roaring straight at them! Using a fancy camera, Kevin takes a funny picture of their terrified faces just before the car hits them, killing both of them instantly. Later, Kevin posts the photograph on an online forum where it is used in humorous photoshops for a week and then forgotten.
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Jun 6, 2021 04:44
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Marv was at the car wash just finishing up and about to vacuum up his car when the Kevin's head popped out of the hose and said "aw poo poo look at yo car, the only grain you grippin is nutri-grains" and Marv tried to ignore him but Kevin was like "and ya head too big" Marv was like drat.
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Jun 6, 2021 04:54
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Funky See Funky Do posted:As Harry and Marv open the door to the McAllister residence the string tied to the stick propping the box up pulls tight, causing the box to fall over the house, trapping Harry and Marv inside.
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Jun 6, 2021 18:34
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Kevin simply grows larger than the bandits
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Jun 6, 2021 18:36
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Harry and Marv walk through the door and a bucket of water falls on them and Kevin taunts, "Ya'll some wet rear end bandits. Some wet rear end bandits. Some real wet rear end bandits."
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Jun 6, 2021 21:05
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Harry and Marv walk through the door and a bucket of glue falls on them followed by ponchos, moustaches, and sombreros. Kevin makes a fake post by Mike Mattei on reddit saying there will be a live adaptation of the Loco Bandito featuring the Wet Banditos. Harry and Marv are cancelled and refused work from every reputable employer of burglary, so they have to turn to streaming NES games for 20 hours at a time to make ends meet.
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Jun 6, 2021 21:20
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Kevin treats the bandits for once with a trap rigged with fleshlights on jackhammers. Little do they know, when they were stunned by an earlier trap he tied their balls in knots so they can't cum while the fleshlight keeps tuggin em and tuggin em.
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Jun 6, 2021 21:27
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RavenousScoot posted:Kevin treats the bandits for once with a trap rigged with fleshlights on jackhammers. Little do they know, when they were stunned by an earlier trap he tied their balls in knots so they can't cum while the fleshlight keeps tuggin em and tuggin em. Tugged 2 death
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Jun 6, 2021 21:35
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Kevin creates an air cannon to launch basketballs at Harry and Marv. They manage to dodge most of the basketballs, although Marv takes a shot to the balls in comedic fashion. "Hey kid, looks like your aim's a little off!" They laugh, thinking that Kevin has finally run out of tricks. With that, a bowling ball comes flying through the air, cleanly removing Harry's head from his neck. Marv starts screaming as he hears the machine warming up for another shot. "Steeeee-RIKE!" yells Kevin giddily.
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Jun 7, 2021 12:52
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As Harry and Marv chase Kevin through the house, Kevin hides in what looks like an ordinary wardrobe. When the bandits go in after him, they are shocked to discover that the wardrobe is much, much deeper than it should be. The heavily Christianized fantasy adventure that follows makes Marv, a committed atheist, profoundly uncomfortable.
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Jun 7, 2021 13:43
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"How do you like THESE apples!?" laughs Kevin as he hands Harry and Marv a bowl of apples. After Harry and Marv eat the apples, Kevin informs them that they are now both addicted to heroin.
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Jun 7, 2021 13:47
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Harry and Marv fall through a hole Kevin has made in the floor and find themselves on stage in front of a cheering audience. Looking around they see Kevin in an adorable little magicians outfit. Kevin beckons them over to where he has set up the classic "sawing a man in half" trick. Marv becomes excited, he's always wanted to do magic, and eagerly volunteers to be the man in the box. Confused and afraid by the strange dreamlike quality of the situation Harry agrees to be Kevin's assistant. It is not until Marv's screams become all too real and that it finally dawns on Harry "That little twerp ain't no magician!"
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Jun 7, 2021 14:04
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Harry and Marv follow Kevin into the sprawling catacombs beneath the McCallister residence. They soon become hopelessly lost. Their only hope of survival is to unravel the timelost mystery and lift the curse that now keeps them trapped. They don't realize that Kevin has slightly altered the already cryptic clues to make the mystery completely unsolvable.
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Jun 7, 2021 14:10
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Harry and Marv reach the attic of the house and hear the distinctive chittering and chewing sounds of termites. "For such a fancy house, you sure got a bug problem, punk!" That's when Kevin appears, revealing that he's trained the termites to feast on human flesh instead of wood. Harry and Marv run down the stairs as quick as possible, but by the time they reach the bottom, Marv has already been turned into a skeleton. Harry feels a sharp pain on his left arm and realizes, to his horror, that it's already being eaten down to the bone as well.
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Jun 7, 2021 14:12
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Marv is a hemophiliac, and Harry is deathly allergic to dander. The ornaments on the floor trap as well as the otherwise useless feather distraction kills them both.
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Jun 7, 2021 14:26
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its a pit of spikes that marv and harold fall into but instead of spikes its my mums dildos
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Jun 7, 2021 14:28
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This time Kevin fills the paint cans with cement.
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Jun 7, 2021 14:30
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Kevin locks Harry and Marv in a white, featureless room. He leaves them there long enough for them to calm down and start thinking their situation through properly. "Why aren't we dead, Harry?" asks Marv suddenly. Harry turns away from the wall and makes a face like Marv just asked something really stupid. Then he pauses. He thinks back to everything that happened to them this day. His mouth hangs open. "I don't know, Marv," says Harry. His voice is very, very quiet. "You're right. We should be dead. Dead twice over. Three times over. How are we still walking?" Kevin's laughter rings through the room, growing louder and louder.
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Jun 7, 2021 15:03
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Kevin plays a particularly savage dozens, holding forth at length on how fat, stupid, lazy, and stank are the mothers of Harry and Marv.
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Jun 7, 2021 16:21
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Janitor Ludwich IV posted:its a pit of spikes that marv and harold fall into but instead of spikes its my mums dildos attached to jackhammers
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Jun 7, 2021 17:12
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HARRY: Well? MARV: (his mouth full, vacuously). We're not tied? HARRY: I don't hear a word you're saying. MARV: (chews, swallows). I'm asking you if we're tied. HARRY: Tied? MARV: Ti-ed. HARRY: How do you mean tied? MARV: Down. HARRY: But to whom? By whom? MARV: To your man. HARRY: To Kevin? Tied to Kevin! What an idea! No question of it. (Pause.) For the moment. MARV: His name is Kevin? HARRY: I think so. MARV: Fancy that. (He raises what remains of the slice of Little Nero's pizza by the stub of crust, twirls it before his eyes.) Funny, the more you eat the worse it gets. HARRY: With me it's just the opposite. MARV: In other words? HARRY: I get used to the muck as I go along. MARV: (after prolonged reflection). Is that the opposite? HARRY: Question of temperament. MARV: Of character. HARRY: Nothing you can do about it. MARV: No use struggling. HARRY: One is what one is. MARV: No use wriggling. HARRY: The essential doesn't change. MARV: Nothing to be done. (He proffers the remains of the slice of Little Nero's pizza to HARRY.) Like to finish it?
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Jun 7, 2021 17:58
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Imagine the ewok swinging log trap but with a dildo on a jackhammer.
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Jun 8, 2021 12:54
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As Harry and Marv are walking down the basement stairs in the McAllister's house Kevin (who is hiding under the stairs) deftly ties their shoelaces together. Harry and Marv look down and see that Kevin has fused them together as one being: Marvy. Horrified by the loss of his identities as individuals he runs from the house screaming, never to be seen again.
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Jun 8, 2021 20:11
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Kevin builds a trap that rips off and swaps Harry and Marv’s dick and balls and they both stop to argue who has the bigger dick now until the cops arrive.
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Jun 12, 2021 21:13
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Weka posted:Imagine the ewok swinging log trap but with a dildo on a jackhammer. The jackhammer hits Marv in the ear and Kevin screams “Dance all night, you goobers!”
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Jun 13, 2021 01:05
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Kevin finds the written combination for his parents’ gun safe. He shoots and kills Harry and Marv the moment they step inside. Kevin is traumatized by this. He can never forget the gurgling, groaning sound Marv made when he shot his lower jaw off. He knew Marv was pleading for his life, but this was war. Kevin commits suicide at the age of 30 after a series of failed business ventures and romantic relationships, realizing that his childhood ordeal had given him PTSD from which there was no recovery. Tim Curry plays Mr. Hector.
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Jun 13, 2021 01:15
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kevin gets marv and harry to call cps for him so he can go live with parents who arent narcissistic monsters who force him to sleep in the bed with his cousin who they know is going to piss on him. kevins mom castrates them for removing their scapegoat
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Jun 13, 2021 01:22
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Kevin, through a set of contrived traps and baits, locks Harry and Marv in an empty room. Both men, full of laxatives and in pain, stare at a cup before them. Kevin’s voice crackles through a Talk-Boy in the corner of the room: “You know what to do.”
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Jun 13, 2021 02:19
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Kevin gets the robot from Rocky IV and reprograms it to say “HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY AND MARV” instead of “HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAULIE” that makes both men confused, but excited to be sharing and experiencing a birthday they never had in their lives. Kevin comes out of hiding with a giant birthday cake and two party hats and places them on the Wet Bandits’ heads, which make both men sentimental for something they never had and eases their minds of theft. They all have a good chill time and enjoy the vibe throughout the night. As soon as the Wet Bandits are done with their cake, the Rocky IV robot rips their dicks and balls off and shoves them down their throats, choking them both to death. Kevin mugs the camera and says, “ooh, should have wished on your cake for that not to happen.”
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Jun 13, 2021 02:44
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Marv and Harry, after an indeterminate amount of time, finally convince Kevin to open the door. They're not here too rob him or harm him. They're with the state. They need to talk to him about the accident, his family, and where to go now. Somewhere inside Kevin knows this to be true, but he asks for one last walk through the house, to remember it as it is. Harry and Marv, touched, agree, and silently but respectfully keep their eye on him as Kevin makes his way peaceably from room to room. Sometimes he runs his hands over a knick knack, or pauses to stare into an old photo. Finally at long last, after a lingering look, tears streaming, he proclaims that he's ready to go with them now. At that moment a big rear end robot shows up out of nowhere and rips Marv and Harry's dicks off and beats them to death with their own dicks.
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Jun 13, 2021 03:02
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While Kevin's parents are home he sneaks off and successfully steals everything Harry and Marv own.
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Jun 13, 2021 06:09
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Kevin begins puberty at the exact moment he brutally murders Harry and Marv and, well, let’s just say it causes some problems for him down the line.
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Jun 13, 2021 16:12
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Harry and Marv at Kevin’s house. Harry, when the blowtorch lit.
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Jun 13, 2021 16:17
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HD DAD posted:Harry and Marv at Kevin’s house. Harry, when the blowtorch lit. Marv, when the paint cans fell.
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Jun 13, 2021 16:19
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Kevin is really a werewolf and bites the Wet Bandits, thereby cursing them with lycanthropy. The two men cannot fathom transforming into feral monsters once or twice a month and murdering innocent people. After all, they’re just small-time crooks, not murderers, and they decide in a pact to die by suicide by cop with silver bullets. Kevin was never really a werewolf. He just wanted the Wet Bandits out of his hair once and for all.
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Jun 13, 2021 19:37
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Marv stands shirtless and ready in the McAllister's living room. He takes his Bowie Knife and glides it across his chest leaving a long red line in its wake. From the upstairs master bedroom Harry hears only his blood-curdling death cry, and then silence.
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Jun 13, 2021 19:50
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| # ? May 23, 2024 21:50 |
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The Wet Bandits agree to be on a reality show where each week Kevin sets up traps for them to be foiled by. It has ok ratings on Bravo and each season ends with Andy Cohen hosting a reunion show where they recap highlights.
Smugworth fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Jun 13, 2021 |
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Jun 13, 2021 20:28
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