- bird with big dick
- Oct 21, 2015
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But the person that posted is the wife I thought.
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Jan 28, 2017 23:13
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 02:32
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- Lonely Virgil
- Oct 9, 2012
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Haha Holy gently caress what happens on Valentines day do the women glare daggers at each other why the dude eats his steak?
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Jan 28, 2017 23:34
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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What the gently caress is a meta?
Well, meta is defined by something that is self-referential, or sometimes a concept behind a concept, or an abstraction of the base concept that kind enhances it. It's a weird word/prefix.
Watching a play in which the actors pretend to be actors putting on a play is meta. If the play-within-the-play were about an audience watching a play-within-a-play. That'd be "meta as gently caress."
Cheating on a test could be meta, as you're using knowledge you shouldn't have access to, while pretending not to possess that knowledge, to defeat a challenge that is supposed to be measuring your mastery of the knowledge that you should have access to.
A paramour is a lover, almost always used to refer to an illicit partner, most often the spouse of another. Paramour and amour are actually interchangeable as they mean the same thing (par amour means "through love" and has plenty of weird language poo poo going on over time) A metamour would be someone you're cheating on your spouse or main squeeze with but explicitly not trying to hide, and possibly even informing others about, especially the person you're cheating on. Meta, short for metamour in this case, is an attempt to have cool and edgy jargon for those in the know, to confuse the normies.
So, to answer your question directly,
tl;dr: a "meta" is a sign of mental illness and poor moral fibre.
Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 23:38 on Jan 28, 2017
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Jan 28, 2017 23:36
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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That, and also a way to avoid thinking about a person as the wife of your boyfriend--she's 'your meta', a variably willing participant in your sex life.
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Jan 28, 2017 23:39
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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Need some advice with husband's breach of trust
quote:Hello reddit,
I'm sorry if this post is too brief (Ed: HA) to fully capture everything that's gone on in full detail, but I think I'd have to write a book to do that. Anyways...I'll try my best to explain.
My husband and I are both in our late twenties and have been together about 5 years. We have a strong relationship that we are both proud of and has helped us both through tough times. Over two years ago, about six months before our wedding, I brought up the concept of polyamory with him, to which he promptly freaked out. After several months of very emotional discussions, he agreed that it would be something he'd be very much interested in. The subsequent two years were full of fruitful conversations about what things would look like for us, though we never actually opened up during that time. Neither of us had met anyone we really cared about and We wanted to take things very slow.
We decided during this time that we'd be extremely respectful of the pain each person would inevitably be going through as the other started their very first extramarital relationship. We read the books, etc etc, and had decided on a certain model for the first time we opened things up. We both were extremely clear that while we were completely open to pretty much anything in the future, we'd have to be careful up front to allow each other the time to adapt to something completely new for both of us. Obviously, much of this conversation revolved around sex. We were both pretty firm that this part of a new relationship is what mattered most. We did not want to have unprotected sex with someone new without prior consent, ideally we'd meet the person first, take things slow, etc. We both understood that while withholding certain privileges in a long term relationship was not something we found ethical, we'd both appreciate a lot of communication and patience with each other to avoid significant emotional disruptions the first time around. Solution: a metric fuckton of communication.
Fast forward to several months ago. I met B at work. B was a good friend to husband and I before it became obvious that there was something deeper between B and I. He had never been in a polyamorous relationship, but after working with me for quite a while and seeing the potential between us decided he'd like to take the plunge. Husband was involved in all conversations with this, immensely liked and respected B, and despite having lots of insecurity problems, encouraged our relationship. However, it did not feel right for B and I to progress things without husband being more on board, especially since husband and I had established ground rules for the how we'd treat each other for the first time. B was patient, understanding, and supportive during this time. We waited three months before starting our sexual relationship (actually kind of ironically brought us much closer) in order to help my husband transition to the new experience. My husband worked so hard during this time and I can't express how proud and humbled I am that he resolved a lot of his issues on B and I's behalf. During this time, I stretched myself very thin trying to make sure husband was okay and B felt good about being with a married woman. It was a tough time for all of us, but we all grew a lot and were constantly communicating.
Goddamn did it pay off. We all have our doubts that this is sustainable long term, but the several months after we all decided it was appropriate for B and I to take our relationship further were incredible. Husband and B would hang out and go to the gym, my relationship with my husband was starting to get better as we were communicating more, and I was on cloud nine starting my relationship with B. There were of course still rough patches but overall things were great.
Of course during this whole transition we were talking about my husband finding another woman. I quite honestly couldn't wait to see who he'd meet...maybe was even more excited than he was. So when he started texting someone he met online, A, I was super excited. They seemed to be hitting it off immediately. A was also married, and was just as excited as my husband. They scheduled their first date for early December, on the weekend B and I were taking our first weekend vacation together. Just the previous week my husband and I had made a breakthrough discussing some of our communication problems, now husband had a date, and I was going out of town with B. A resounding "gently caress yeah" from all parties.
When my husband and I brought up the topic of sex before I left for the weekend, he brushed the topic off. He assured me nothing was going to happen, as both he and A apparently did not like to have sex on the first date. I felt good about that and left town with no worries, feeling like there was nothing to talk about. The night of the date husband would occasionally text me awesome updates, saying how wonderful this woman was. I was over the moon. The last I heard from my husband he was wondering if he should kiss A or not. I passed out early, but they stayed out late.
The next morning I awoke to a text from my husband saying "don't freak out but we had sex last night." He had taken her back to our apartment and had sex with her in our bed without a condom. Literally everything about the previous sentence are things that we both explicitly stated were not okay for or first experiences outside our relationship. I spent the weekend kind of in shock, happy they'd hit it off, telling myself "isn't this what you wanted?" But then I completely bottomed out as soon as I got home. I feel completely betrayed. My husband and I had spent literally years discussing what we were and were not comfortable with on what timescale, and he completely disregarded all of this on his first date, and all without communicating any of this to me. I literally had no chance to talk to him about any of it. I am especially hurt because I worked my rear end off trying to make sure he felt sufficiently comfortable when things started with B. I felt behind at my job, stopped exercising, etc. That doesn't make it "unfair," but on top of the existing communication problems between my husband and I, I just no longer trusted him with the situation.
I spent the next week at home, too upset to go to work. B was super helpful for both of us during this time. He helped talk us through a lot of it. Husband and I talked and cried a lot during that next week. My husband did not mean to hurt me - he actually thought I'd be happy for him, which really just kills me more. Husband saw A again several days after the incident to keep her updated with what was going on, as I was a complete mess and was second guessing the entire situation. We all spent the holidays apart, which was probably bad for me. My husband and B were trying their hardest to help me through this, but the separation was too much. I again had to take another week off of work to somewhat reestablish myself - I couldn't focus at work, could barely talk to colleagues without tearing up...was basically a mess. I have never reacted this strongly to anything. I'm usually an emotional constant through a lot of situations. But this just hit me so hard. My relationship with my husband has always felt somewhat invincible to me, so having something like this happen made me doubt a lot of things between us.
During this period my husband thought it was best to stop seeing A for a little while to get our relationship back on better footing. I can't say I disagreed. I was in contact with A very soon after this all happened, and we communicated quite well. She was a little worried that I was overreacting, but after she understood the situation a little better she gave me the space I needed. I even went out to dinner with her just to clear the air. We had a great time and she is indeed lovely. I do feel some jealousy, but after a lot of reflection and conversations with her, my real problem is just the broken trust with my husband.
So it's been about a month since all of this happened. Husband agrees that he hosed up and is having a hard time seeing me so hurt. He has not been talking to A and has not seen her, at his request. Honestly, I need that right now, but I am still intensely guilty about it. I still feel cheated. Long term, id be so happy for them to be together and for things to be just as awesome as before all of this happened. But I'm still having a massively hard time with this. The fact that this happened in the first place is a symptom of deeper problems between my husband and I, which we've been discussing a lot more seriously than before. Actually that's a huge pro in this giant clusterfuck. Before all of this, I felt entirely comfortable addressing these problems in parallel with his new relationship, but now I don't know. I'm struggling with finding a balance between giving myself enough room to heal and letting their relationship progress. Some days I just want to stop caring and leave my husband and all of this poo poo behind. I feel physically sick. Other days I'm super optimistic everything is going to be great. Until this point in our polyamory experience, I was the one who seemed to have the answers and know the best way to do things. Now I'm questioning everything and feel lost.
So I guess I'd really appreciate some advice, or maybe at least some kind words from those more experienced. Am I nuts? What is the best step here? How do I get back to "normal?"
tl;dr "Wait, I was the only one who was supposed to have sex outside of our marriage, not you! How dare you betray me, you cheater!"
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Jan 28, 2017 23:46
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Need some advice with husband's breach of trust
tl;dr "Wait, I was the only one who was supposed to have sex outside of our marriage, not you! How dare you betray me, you cheater!"
Dear Reddit, after months of browbeating my husband into letting me gently caress other people he had the goddamned nerve to cheat on me!
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Jan 29, 2017 00:01
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- Lonely Virgil
- Oct 9, 2012
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You did the thing I wanted you to do, how can you do this to me?
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Jan 29, 2017 00:14
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- Sydney Bottocks
- Oct 15, 2004
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quote:The fact that this happened in the first place is a symptom of deeper problems between my husband and I
I'll take "The Bleeding Obvious" for $2000, Alex
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Jan 29, 2017 00:18
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Had a friend whose dad was a real, real piece of work. He abandoned my friends mother with her two children to run away to mexico and be wtih someone else. After 20 plus years of silence and 0 support my friend gets a letter from his dad, which is like multiple pages long, that with his son from his current relationship now deceased from a motor cycle accident and only daughters remaining from his new spouse and my friends older brother being gay, my friend is now the only one left to carry on his dads family name. The rest of the letter was pages of behavoirs and expectations from the father and what kind of woman the friend should impregnate.
Holy poo poo come back to this and lmao
I'd immediately change my name.
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Jan 29, 2017 00:21
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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To play Nightmare Polyamory Woman's advocate, it seems like the main things she's upset about are that he had sex with the new girlfriend in their apartment/on their bed and that he didn't use a condom, which are both pretty reasonable boundaries to draw.
I thought this as well, but there would be no problem at all if she hadn't pushed for the open relationship to begin with, so I have no sympathy.
This woman could had just had a happy marriage with a loyal husband, not realizing what a precious thing that is.
E: Does the poly subreddit have a rule about commenting "Maybe just try having one partner?" on every post?
WampaLord fucked around with this message at 00:32 on Jan 29, 2017
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Jan 29, 2017 00:30
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Poly relationships are the ever-burning flames of bad ideas perpetrated by morons.
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Jan 29, 2017 00:34
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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He crossed their boundaries, no question there, but Jesus the lack of self-awareness or reflection on her part blows me away. It blows my mind that her husband hasn't just run off with A already, a month of being punished for doing the thing you pressured me to do would put me off a person real quick.
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Jan 29, 2017 00:35
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- Parsley
- Jul 17, 2012
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It's all well and good to have constant discussions about the what-ifs of the situation, especially when so far it's all been to her own benefit, but you can't really just assume how it'll genuinely feel once, y'know, you're facing the reality of "my partner just hosed someone else."
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Jan 29, 2017 00:35
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- Sydney Bottocks
- Oct 15, 2004
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Goddamn, polyamory sounds loving exhausting.
Seriously, it seems by the time you get done discussing rules and regulations and posting relationship flowcharts and all the other poo poo that apparently goes along with being poly, that you'd be too tired and turned off for the actual sex itself. It sounds like it'd have all the erotic charm of a business meeting to discuss the IT department's budget for the new year.
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Jan 29, 2017 00:37
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Seriously, it seems by the time you get done discussing rules and regulations and posting relationship flowcharts and all the other poo poo that apparently goes along with being poly, that you'd be too tired and turned off for the actual sex itself. It sounds like it'd have all the erotic charm of a business meeting to discuss the IT department's budget for the new year.
Probably why it seems to primarily exist at the intersection of sex and autism.
e: and cheeseburgers
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Jan 29, 2017 00:38
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- gentle pete
- Feb 21, 2015
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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The meta stuff made me look up a poly dictionary and these people talk like they're in a cult
quote:CORPORATE MARRIAGE: A group marriage whose members register the union as a legal corporation, the terms of which spell out the financial entanglements and obligations of all the members.
DELTA: A triad, relationship, specifically a triad in which each person is sexually and/or emotionally involved with all the other people. Etymology: So named because the Greek letter Delta looks like a triangle. Usage: Seems to be primarily a regional expression in parts of the United States.
DEMOCRATIC FAMILY: Colloquial A family, typically a family practicing group marriage, in which all the adult partners are considered equal. [as opposed to what????]
ÉGOTISME À DEUX: (literally, French, egotism for two): A term used by members of the Oneida community for monogamy.
EMOTIONAL LIBERTARIANISM: A belief that every individual is entirely responsible for his or her own emotional responses, and that one person’s behavior is never the “cause” of another person’s emotion.
FLUID BONDING: Of or related to practices which involve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourse and BDSM: «blood play». See related condom contract.
FREE AGENT: Colloquial A person who practices polyamory in a way that tends to separate or isolate all of his or her romantic relationships from one another, treating each as a separate entity. A free agent often presents himself or herself as “single” or behaves in ways that are typically associated with the behavior of a single person even when he or she has romantic partners, and often does not consider the potential impact of new relationships upon existing relationships when deciding whether or not to pursue those new relationships.
FREEMATE: A non-married partner in a group relationship. See related metamour, group marriage.
FRICTION PARTY: Colloquial; see cuddle party. Commentary: The term “friction party” is not trademarked; the term cuddle party is. Friction parties, unlike cuddle parties, are informal social gatherings that aren’t typically run as a business, may not be open to general admission (that is, they may be private), and may or may not charge for access.
FRUBBLE: A pleasant emotion of happiness arising from seeing one’s partner with another partner. Contrast wibble; See also compersion. Usage: Primarily British; less common outside the United Kingdom.
LESBIAN SHEEPITUDE: Colloquial A term used to describe a situation where one person has a romantic or sexual interest in another person, which may be reciprocated, but neither of them indicates this interest or makes the first move. Etymology: The colloquialism comes from the behavior of sheep; a female ewe indicates sexual interest and receptiveness by standing still, so two hypothetical lesbian sheep would indicate their sexual receptivity by each standing still, and no mating would take place. Commentary: This expression is often heard on the UseNet newsgroup alt.polyamory.
christ
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Jan 29, 2017 00:39
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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doesn't Oneida make flatware
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Jan 29, 2017 00:41
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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if anyone said "wibble" to me in bed i'd immediately put my pants on and check their ID
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Jan 29, 2017 00:42
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- Improbable Lobster
- Jan 6, 2012
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"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
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Buglord
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Meet the Frubbles is underrated
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Jan 29, 2017 00:42
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- Lonely Virgil
- Oct 9, 2012
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The meta stuff made me look up a poly dictionary and these people talk like they're in a cult
christ
How does this read any different from a tv tropes page?
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Jan 29, 2017 00:42
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- Parsley
- Jul 17, 2012
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When I was first hearing of polyamory (because poly people do not shut up about it), they are always going on about how enlightened they are, and how happy they've become and how much more special they feel and on and on. Honestly, it's easy to feel like a bit of a judgemental bigot when you're looking at it and going "what the gently caress?"
This thread is showing me what I always knew which is monogamy is cool and good.
Parsley fucked around with this message at 00:46 on Jan 29, 2017
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Jan 29, 2017 00:43
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Good god, the poly subreddit is a hive of scum and villainy.
quote:
Monogamy Privilege Checklist
No one ever questions the validity of my love because of my romantic preference.
I can listen to the radio and find the language of my romantic preference represented in the lyrics.
My romantic preference is represented in television and movies.
I can be pretty sure that my roommates, classmates, and coworkers will be comfortable with my romantic preference.
When I talk about my monogamy (such as in a joke or talking about my relationships), I will not be accused of pushing my romantic preference onto others.
I do not have to fear that if my family or friends find out about my romantic preference there will be economic, emotional, physical or psychological consequences.
I am not accused of being abused, warped or psychologically confused because of my romantic preference.
I can go home from most meetings, classes, and conversations without feeling excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped or feared because of my romantic preference.
I am never asked to speak for everyone who is monogamous.
I can be sure that my classes will require curricular materials that testify to the existence of people with my romantic preference.
People don't ask why I made my choice of romantic preference.
People don't ask why I made my choice to be public about my romantic preference.
I do not have to fear revealing my romantic preference to friends or family. It's assumed.
I don't have to defend my monogamy.
I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me for being monogamous.
I can count on finding a therapist or doctor willing and accept my romantic preference as valid.
I am guaranteed to find sex education literature for people with my romantic preference.
I am not identified by my romantic preference.
I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my romantic preference will not work against me.
I am guaranteed to find people of my romantic preference represented in my workplace.
I can walk in public with my partner and not have people double-take or stare.
I can choose to not think politically about my romantic preference.
I can remain oblivious of the language and culture of polyamory without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
I'm not grouped because of my romantic preference.
My individual behavior does not reflect on people who identity as monogamous.
In everyday conversation, the language my friends and I use generally assumes my romantic preference. For example, "family" meaning monogamous relationships with kids.
People do not assume I am experienced in sex (or that I even have it!) merely because of my romantic preference.
Nobody calls me monogamous with maliciousness.
I am not asked to think about why I am monogamous.
I can be open about my romantic preference without worrying about my job.
My children are given texts and information at school that validates my family structure.
Society encourages me to marry and celebrates my commitment.
As a responsible and loving parent, I won't lose my children in a custody battle because of my romantic preference.
I can easily buy postcards, books, greeting cards, and magazines featuring relationships like mine.
I don't have to worry about being fired or denied housing because of my romantic preference.
I can be sure that if my spouse is in the hospital and incapacities, I can visit and will be consulted about any decisions that need to be made.
Insurance provided by my employer covers my spouse and my children.
Hand holding with my love is seen as acceptable and endearing.
I never need to change pronouns when describing the events of my life in order to protect my job, my family, or my friendships.
If I'm a teenager, I can enjoy dating, first loves, and all the social approval of learning to love appropriately.
If I'm called to work with children or to serve God (in most denominations), I don't have to violate my integrity and lie in order to keep my job.
As a responsible and loving adult, I can adopt without lying about my romantic preference.
I can be certain that my children won't be harassed because of my romantic preference.
I can count on my community of friends, strangers, and institutions to celebrate my love and my family, mourn my losses, and support my relationships.
If my romantic relationship ends, no one blames my relationship structure.
I can get married, legally recognizing my relationship and granting my family many additional rights.
I will never be imprisoned or physically harmed because of my romantic preference.
No one automatically assumes I'm monogamous for sexual reasons only.
I can choose to not think politically about my romantic preference.
Edits from additions below:
50) I can call the police without fear that my relationship will mean I receive their ridicule and insults, or that I do not receive their protection.
51) I will not have to worry that my lifestyle will be used against me in court.
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Jan 29, 2017 00:43
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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emotional libertarianism, so that you too can experience the raw eroticism of kentucky leprechaun rand paul
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Jan 29, 2017 00:44
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- gentle pete
- Feb 21, 2015
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Polyamory Privilege Checklist
- You can bang 3 fat chicks at once
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Jan 29, 2017 00:45
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- Improbable Lobster
- Jan 6, 2012
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"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
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Buglord
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Good god, the poly subreddit is a hive of scum and villainy.
Everyone wants to be persecuted like the gays I guess
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Jan 29, 2017 00:45
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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When I was first hearing of polyamory, all the folk involved are going on about how enlightened they are, and how happy they've become and how much more special they feel and on and on. Honestly, it's easy to feel like a bit of a judgemental bigot when you're looking at it and going "what the gently caress?"
This thread is showing me what I always knew which is monogamy is cool and good.
Much like southern California yoga witches, anyone who spends most of their time talking about how spiritually superior they are is in all likelihood a liar and a twat
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Jan 29, 2017 00:46
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- DragQueenofAngmar
- Dec 29, 2009
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You shall not pass!
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Yeah I like that they needed a term for "horrible shithead who accepts no accountability"; like its that common in their world that a shorthand is welcome
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Jan 29, 2017 00:47
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- Improbable Lobster
- Jan 6, 2012
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"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
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Buglord
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I am pretty much certain that that list started as a heterosexual privilege list before someone felt the need to grab it and change "heterosexual" to "monogamous" because WE'RE SO OPPRESSED. Like, some entries don't even make sense in a polyamorous context.
quote:
I don't have to worry about being fired or denied housing because of my romantic preference.
I can be sure that if my spouse is in the hospital and incapacities, I can visit and will be consulted about any decisions that need to be made.
Insurance provided by my employer covers my spouse and my children.
Hand holding with my love is seen as acceptable and endearing.
I never need to change pronouns when describing the events of my life in order to protect my job, my family, or my friendships.
If I'm a teenager, I can enjoy dating, first loves, and all the social approval of learning to love appropriately.
If I'm called to work with children or to serve God (in most denominations), I don't have to violate my integrity and lie in order to keep my job.
lol
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Jan 29, 2017 00:48
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 02:32
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- Parsley
- Jul 17, 2012
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Good god, the poly subreddit is a hive of scum and villainy.
Every one of these should just have "unless you're gay, i guess" on the end of them.
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Jan 29, 2017 00:48
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Jan 28, 2017 23:13
everyone's arteries.
