/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

If you live in America you're probably asking some of the people to use half of their PTO and to work late for the rest of the month just to attend your destination wedding. As you are in your 20s or something, a bunch of your friends probably recently started new jobs and aren't allowed even take time off.

And that's just the ones who can financially afford to attend.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 01:30

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# ? May 29, 2024 13:30

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Found out he has a huge gun collection first time I (28F) went to his (29M) place and I want to know if I should run.

quote:

Please help.

I've been talking to this guy for about a month. We went on our first date two weeks ago and have been on a total of 6 dates. He asked me to be exclusive after the 5th date. I thought it was kind of fast, but I'm not dating anyone else and, although I don't advertise this, I only date one person at a time, so I agreed to be exclusive.

Then after date 6 I go to his place for the first time. I notice a huge safe in his closet and ask if it hold guns. He says yes and that he's afraid he'll scare me away if he shows me. I'm more curious after this so I ask if I can see. He opens it and inside there's a small arsenal. Now, I'd be fine with if it were for hunting (although I'm personally against it), but they don't serve that purpose. He has several semi-automatic guns and a lot of pistols. He was really proud of "making" one of the semi-automatic ones (and this thing looked just like guns that school shooters use and it freaked me out).

While still showing me the guns his brother (roommate) and some friends return home. I'm kind of in a weird head space, but meet them, and one of the friends is aggressively talkative and asks me question after question in a weird harassing sort of way. He later said "bye Elizabeth," which isn't my name or close to it at all and I'm pretty sure he knew that.

On top of all that my guy and me were hanging in his room later and he brought up boyfriend/girlfriend labels. I told him it was too soon for me. He seemed fine with it and said he'd ask another time.

Overall he says he's crazy about me, but a part of me feels off about that. He doesn't know me that well yet and, while he's very attentive, he doesn't ask a lot of questions about myself. He's going on a hiking trip this weekend and told me "not to have too much fun" while he's gone.

And TMI, he also doesn't stay hard when we have sex and only came once from PIV. I assume he has been watching a lot of porn/death gripping since he hasn't dated in awhile.

I'm just not sure if these are red flags or things to be concerned about and need some objective advice.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 01:35

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Lady you need a permit to conceal the lede youre carrying at the bottom of that post.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 01:36

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

If the sex was amazing, she wouldn't care if he had such a cache of weapons that the FBI started calling me for tips about it

# ? Aug 31, 2019 01:42

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Sagebrush posted:

okay, so we'll generously say

Nah, that's kind of a gross thing to do.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 01:51

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Its not even that she wanted an 1911 but got a snub nose, its that she's getting a Mars.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 01:53

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Tourists seem to think NYC is one big theme park and all the residents are just employees. People are constantly handing me their phones or cameras to take pictures of them in front of a building that's more than three stories tall, asking where the Brooklyn Bridge is while literally standing underneath the loving thing, teaching their children how to walk a flight of stairs during rush hour in the subway, etc.

So how many random cell phones do you have in your collection now?

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:00

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Bored posted:

So how many random cell phones do you have in your collection now?

Collection? They're all in his somehow still in business electronics shop that charges 450 dollars for a first generation iPod.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:03

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Pinecone Sample posted:

Found out he has a huge gun collection first time I (28F) went to his (29M) place and I want to know if I should run.

�He�s having trouble cumming. I�m sure he�s addicted to snuff videos.�

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:03

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

him: opens safe full of red flags, "i made these myself"

her: is this a red flag?

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:07

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Sagebrush posted:

okay, so we'll generously say that you have a $1000 junker shitbox (even the scrap value of a car stays pretty stable at about 500 bucks). you have a cheap laptop that cost you $700 and a three-year-old android worth a hundred dollars. the total value of everything else you own -- all your furniture, clothing, housewares, cosmetics, etc -- is less than one thousand dollars? what the hell does this person's living situation look like?

There are no ages, OP may be living at home, or in a furnished apartment/shared house. Even otherwise a cheap laptop is less than 700, a table and cheap futon from walmart, or used, maybe 200-300 total, add a cheap mattress and that's about it. People who don't care about clothes wouldn't count them, and even if they did you can get a lot of cheap clothes for 1-200 and they wouldn't have that value used. 50 gets you basic kitchenware. For a single person it's plain but it's not a necessarily a bad living situation. People don't generally count the small/consumable/uninteresting stuff as worldly possessions (pens and pencils, cleaning supplies, a mop, etc).

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:09

number 1 snake fan: Jul 16, 2018

chitoryu12 posted:

“He’s having trouble cumming. I’m sure he’s addicted to snuff videos.”

Death grip means he's jacking it too hard/tight with his hand, not snuff porn????

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:11

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

chitoryu12 posted:

“He’s having trouble cumming. I’m sure he’s addicted to snuff videos.”

She said he squeezes his dick too hard when he jacks off to porn

Pistol grip pump on my lap at all times

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:12

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

please be gentle with your penis, it's the only one you get

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:15

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

chitoryu12 posted:

�He�s having trouble cumming. I�m sure he�s addicted to snuff videos.�

Xik posted:

please be gentle with your penis, it's the only one you get

Don't snuff your penis

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:19

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Xik posted:

please be gentle with your penis, it's the only one you get

What's with the commercial blitz during sports lately about bent boners, what are they even selling, some guy talking over images of zucchini

Not even going to search how to spell the name of this disease, I don't need targeted ads for that

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:21

Miserable Maid: Apr 22, 2010; Cat Army

Dazerbeams posted:

Which would mean that the mother doesn't give a poo poo about her husband either, since he's also a big Marvel fan.

Yeah, the op said it's really messing with the marriage, and when the sister left for the grandparents house, the mom left too

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:26

Nuebot: Feb 18, 2013; The developer of Brigador is a secret chud, don't give him money

I'm still catching up to this horror show because every time I have a few moments to read the good poo poo, like ten more pages are added but I just want to say that the biggest reoccurring theme I've noticed is that 21-25 year old manchildren dating 17 year olds (and often knocking them up) is the worst thing. Like, that specific "We've been together for five years" and the math puts them in that exact age range seems to check out for a third of the bizarre abuse cases that get posted, you could make a bingo by them.

Nuebot fucked around with this message at 02:35 on Aug 31, 2019

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:29

Coredump: Dec 1, 2002

Sagebrush posted:

okay, so we'll generously say that you have a $1000 junker shitbox (even the scrap value of a car stays pretty stable at about 500 bucks).

Nitpick time. Had a car that ran and drove but on its last legs. Scrappers were offering around $200. Sold to Carmax for $220 as that was the highest offer.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:36

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

attn: thread

if you are planning to prank your girlfriend by lighting her car on fire, hitting her with a baseball bat, feeding her poison, making a series of emotionally devastating comments, etc., please refer to this instructional video on how to perform a prank that is both funny and harmless

https://i.imgur.com/cVDL03s.mp4

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:37

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

AITA for telling a girl that I have a fetish about her?

quote:

Throwaway, all fake names, blah blah blah. I (22M) have always had an albino fetish, but it isn’t something I share with any people. Until recently, I didn’t know any albinos, but I do enjoy watching albino porn in my free time.

I just started taking Italian this semester, and I’ve been sitting by “Carmen” (19?F). She is an albino, and she’s seriously the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. She has a great figure and cute little vintage glasses, and of course she’s an albino. We’ve been chatting before and after class, and yesterday we walked to the library together.

That’s where I made my mistake. As we were walking, I asked if I could take her out for a nice meal, and I told her my albino fetish. She didn’t say anything, and this morning she didn’t sit next to me. My instructor was looking daggers at me the entire class, and I think Carmen must have told her something.

AITA? I didn’t say anything explicit or go in to gross detail, I just told her I had a thing for girls like her. She could have just turned me down, and I wouldn’t have been rude about it.

Thank goodness for honest men

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:38

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Sagebrush posted:

okay, so we'll generously say that you have a $1000 junker shitbox (even the scrap value of a car stays pretty stable at about 500 bucks). you have a cheap laptop that cost you $700 and a three-year-old android worth a hundred dollars. the total value of everything else you own -- all your furniture, clothing, housewares, cosmetics, etc -- is less than one thousand dollars? what the hell does this person's living situation look like?

You're overthinking this. I guess it's possible it's truthful (as Peaceful Anarchy described), but it's far more likely that it's just an exaggeration used for emphasis.

It's the same way that people say stuff like "whoa! that's crazy! that's more than I paid for college!" or similar phrases. Is it mathematically correct that {Item X} costs more than I paid for college? Well, if you consider loan repayment interest, textbooks and other supplies, tuition inflation, and so forth, of course not. But the purpose of the phrase isn't meant to be taken literally as a raw comparison of exact dollars-and-cents, it's meant as a metaphor to convey "holy poo poo, this seems ludicriously pricey".

Pinecone Sample posted:

What's with the commercial blitz during sports lately about bent boners, what are they even selling, some guy talking over images of zucchini

Not even going to search how to spell the name of this disease, I don't need targeted ads for that

I've also been wondering this. Like, the purpose of advertising is to get people to buy your product, right? Are "curved dongs" really such a major national epidemic that your accountants/marketing division can justify paying for ESPN ads every 20 minutes shilling your product?

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:50

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Xik posted:

him: opens safe full of red flags, "i made these myself"

her: is this a red flag?

No idiot like that "made" any of those. It's just a man barbie AR-15 which you can assemble out of parts if you know how to use a hammer and pin punch and can watch youtube videos.

Yes, you can all judge me for having rifles and hunting, but I'm trying to give you some guidance here.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 02:51

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Sagebrush posted:

who cares about destination weddings -- this is the line that's bugging me

okay, so we'll generously say that you have a $1000 junker shitbox (even the scrap value of a car stays pretty stable at about 500 bucks). you have a cheap laptop that cost you $700 and a three-year-old android worth a hundred dollars. the total value of everything else you own -- all your furniture, clothing, housewares, cosmetics, etc -- is less than one thousand dollars? what the hell does this person's living situation look like?

i went on a destination wedding to india and the whole two weeks was entirely paid for as long as i covered the plane ticket there. still expensive, but absolutely the right choice to go

OP was probably exaggerating a little but lol check out this froo-froo richie rich trying to humblebrag about owning more than 2 plates

e: Actually, now I think $2800 is feasible; I wouldn't assume that they own a $700 laptop, but maybe they own a phone worth a few hundred dollars, and maybe they own a cheap car but possibly not. Then get most of your furniture, clothes, and housewares from craigslist, salvation army, and goodwill. In grad school I probably didn't have more than $5k of stuff to my name, most of which was my car

QuarkJets fucked around with this message at 03:05 on Aug 31, 2019

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:01

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

MagusofStars posted:

Are "curved dongs" really such a major national epidemic that your accountants/marketing division can justify paying for ESPN ads every 20 minutes shilling your product?

I assume penis shape is just the latest niche in the male-sexual-insecurity market that's given us low-T clinics and zillions of alleged penis-size enhancers. There's a certain kind of dude who will fall for "maybe your penis is really weird and gross" marketing every drat time.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:04

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Motronic posted:

No idiot like that "made" any of those. It's just a man barbie AR-15 which you can assemble out of parts if you know how to use a hammer and pin punch and can watch youtube videos.

Yes, you can all judge me for having rifles and hunting, but I'm trying to give you some guidance here.

Needs a variant with :blastu:

Not gonna lie, though, the image of him being proud for what is basically a color-by-numbers gun collection is funny.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:05

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for telling a girl that I have a fetish about her?

Thank goodness for honest men

Maybe don't fetishize people, and treat them like people instead of objects? I dunno OP good luck with your weird thoughts

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:06

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Antivehicular posted:

I assume penis shape is just the latest niche in the male-sexual-insecurity market that's given us low-T clinics and zillions of alleged penis-size enhancers. There's a certain kind of dude who will fall for "maybe your penis is really weird and gross" marketing every drat time.

There is a thing where you can damage it and the scar tissue will cause it to bend. If you've always got a weird cock that's life, but if it suddenly becomes cocked see a doctor. From what I've read it's a pretty simple fix but going untreated can cause more issues. No clue why info about it suddenly seems to be everywhere though.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:14

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

FilthyImp posted:

Needs a variant with

Not gonna lie, though, the image of him being proud for what is basically a color-by-numbers gun collection is funny.

AR-15s are lame anyway. Other than my CCW pistol my entire gun collection ends at 1938. It�s like a museum.

Browning Auto-5 FTW.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:20

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

Antivehicular posted:

I assume penis shape is just the latest niche in the male-sexual-insecurity market that's given us low-T clinics and zillions of alleged penis-size enhancers. There's a certain kind of dude who will fall for "maybe your penis is really weird and gross" marketing every drat time.

"maybe your * is really weird and gross" marketing is everywhere. maybe your vagina is gross -- buy this douche. maybe your kitchen counter is gross -- spray it with lysol.

air freshener companies' entire message is basically "your home probably stinks and you don't even know it, how embarrassing" and now we have poo poo like scented garbage bags. god forbid a garbage can smell like garbage.

in the 1950s it was trendy to plumb your toilet with hot water because that would prevent unsightly bowl condensation, a terrible social transgression

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:32

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Just LoL if your gun collection isn't a meticulously recreated version of the CS 1.1 arsenal

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:38

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Sagebrush posted:

in the 1950s it was trendy to plumb your toilet with hot water because that would prevent unsightly bowl condensation, a terrible social transgression

Holy moley I worked in a building that was plumbed that way.

Nothing worse than going in for your morning dump and having your rear end steamed up from hot water in the bowl.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 03:42

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Dazerbeams posted:

Which would mean that the mother doesn't give a poo poo about her husband either, since he's also a big Marvel fan.

speaking from a scientific perspective, that's probably why he deserved the divorce.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 04:11

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

FilthyImp posted:

Not gonna lie, though, the image of him being proud for what is basically a color-by-numbers gun collection is funny.

Yeah, you said this better than I did and that's exactly what I was talking about.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 04:17

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Barudak posted:

Yes. A lot of golden children get in on the abuse of the scapegoat child because the narcissist parent both encourages it and not abusing the scapegoat is like the only way to lose golden child status.

It strikes me that this really describes how my grandparents and aunt were with my mom and my other aunt. The youngest girl was the golden child and could do no wrong, and my mom and her older sister just got poo poo on constantly. And my aunt played up the scapegoating until both of her parents were dead, and is still a total bitch to my mom. She's super nice to me, my kids, and my wife, but she really treats my mom badly in usually subtle, and sometimes not so subtle ways. Because of all the history, the holidays are a minefield. This got even worse after my mom's older sister died.

Jokes on my aunt and her husband though, since their son married a woman who is both just as crazy and even meaner. She wouldn't let my cousin visit his mom on Christmas when my aunt had cancer, when they were already in town to see her equally crazy family.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 04:31

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Barudak posted:

Its not even that she wanted an 1911 but got a snub nose, its that she's getting a Mars.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 06:19

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

My (15f) cousins (14f, 13m, 10m, 9m) have been refusing hugs and its my fault.

quote:

This is something that the rest of the family is upset about, but my mom and sister think it isn't a big deal.

It was a problem a few years ago but we resolved it. And now it has come back.

Whenever my family says goodbye, there are a lot of hugs and kisses. I can be touch sensitive, but since I'm older I can get away with a handshake or a very quick hug.

My little cousins have to give a nice long hug. When I was 11, I just gave one of my cousins a fist bump, which resulted in the rest of them requesting one as well.

When we say goodbye, I offer them a choice of a hug or a fist bump. I also offer the option of just having goodbye to each other.

So two years ago, my littlest cousin started asking his grandma if he could just give her a fist bump. She was upset and my little cousin was told by his parents to give his grandma a hug. Then came the infamous words.

"But she said that we don't have to give a hug if we don't want to!" Cue the pointing to me. My aunt and uncle's and grandma all had a very long conversation with my mom. It became a rule that they had to hug all adults and when my aunt and uncle's saw that my cousins were saying goodbye they would say "Give your cousin a hug goodbye."

I would say to my cousin that "if you don't want to give a hug, you don't have too."

Cue me being told off and I was no longer allowed to say that phrase.

Then I would ask my cousins their preffered method to say goodbye.

Another argument about how I couldn't say that. By now my cousins would just tell me how they wanted to say goodbye.

Now I hear that my littlest cousin, the one who got me into the most trouble, but also the one that appreciated the options the most, is refusing to hug his own parents goodbye and is repeating a pharse that he has heard me say often. "I am not comfortable with physical contact right now."

My aunt and uncle believe that I am making my cousins be uncomfortable with touch by asking them so many questions about the preffered method of goodbyes.

My mother is telling me to just apologize, so that we don't have to go through this again. I am putting my foot down, and saying that children should be allowed to refuse contact when they want to.

My aunt and uncle are even more upset, because when I last saw my cousin, he hugged me a lot and we cuddled. When I was visiting, I saw him refusing hugs from his parents once or twice and thought nothing of it.

Sorry about this being so long, but it's a very complex situation in my family.

# ? Aug 31, 2019 06:19

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

ad090 posted:

My (15f) cousins (14f, 13m, 10m, 9m) have been refusing hugs and its my fault.

Why the motherfuck do so many families decide to teach their kids that it's not okay to say no to physical contact with an adult???

# ? Aug 31, 2019 06:22

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for telling a girl that I have a fetish about her?

Thank goodness for honest men

what a creepy, stupid, bastard

# ? Aug 31, 2019 06:24

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# ? May 29, 2024 13:30

nankeen: Mar 20, 2019; by Cyrano4747

Barudak posted:

the best piece of pompei graffiti is "Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men�s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!" because it proves cumshitters ancestral claim to the mt. Vesuvius mens bathhouse

# ? Aug 31, 2019 06:27

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