big scary monsters posted:

Darth Walrus posted:

you're hunting big scary monsters for scientific research and making gear out of their body parts. 

excuse me

Al! posted:

i hope she mostly shoots guys in the dick and balls, gives em a full on scalise

The Ultimate Doge posted:

I hope there's a rivalry between her and James Bond where he starts shooting women in the pussy and everyone gets mad at him

The Ultimate Doge posted:

007 after a one in a million shot: Oh dear, this courier seems to have dropped his package
*MI6 erupts in applause*
James bond after same: It looks like that egg... has been scrambled
*Everyone in MI6 whips out their phones to start cancelling him*

The Ultimate Doge posted:

Bond clearing his throat and adjusting his tie as he tries to salvage his dignity: That is to say... the ovaries, are over-easy
*White woman in MI6 tells 007 to shake her head so she can record it and post it as a gif on Bond's Twitter*

priznat posted:

737 Flat because its pitch is downnnnnn

Antivehicular posted:

I like how the world-renowned scatologist is only "secretly" into toilet noises

Also, "potty training every day," like it took him an '80s-sports-film training montage to learn how to take a poo poo

EorayMel posted:

Irradiation posted:

I'm torn by my hatred of twitter and the ability to directly call Elon Musk a moron as Shrek.

Ad by Khad posted:

Crawling out of my cave, I lift myself up. Whipping the blanket up and down near the bonfire, I send a smoke signal to my nearest neighbor, living ten miles away. The hot summer sun beats down on the cracked desert landscape. He lights a firework in response, to tell me he got the message. He's always been the smart one, able to make his own fireworks to send messages that way. Hopefully he doesn't lose his other foot making homemade explosives, but if he does, that's on him.

I'm glad he got the message. It's an important message. The message was "DECENTRALIZATION ALWAYS PREVAILS". I hope he sends a microtransaction to the satellite high above to crypto-tip me for it. I could really use the money.

I don't have reliable electricity to be able to check.

Baronjutter posted:

Rafi lives on an island near me and I've gone there and gotten hugs from him, he's real and good and a huge children's and environmental advocate.

KHLAV KALASHNIKOV posted:

♩♬ Heynong Heynong Heynong Heynong Man... tzoukasphooooone ♫

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD posted:

i sang “baby arugula in the deep blue sea” enough times that my ex would say “no. stop” as we were even approaching the produce aisle

Jeza posted:

please dont sing arugula

Jeza posted:

please dont sing arugula

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Greens I am the one

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Greens I am the one

Bertrand Hustle posted:

[over supermarket PA system] conquering the lunch

Heath posted:

Certain birds tagged with red bands get laid more often than ones with other colors or ones without. I forget where I read that, but birbs love adornments

RoboRodent posted:

Lol. We talked about this phenomenon in zebra finches in an animal behaviour class I took. Zebra finches love red. Red is sexy.

ynohtna posted:

So you're saying birbs have red flight districts?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

[on speakerphone] conquering the lunch

Bertrand Hustle posted:

[on speakerphone] conquering the lunch

ol qwerty bastard posted:

Dig out my dishes
And make some sandwiches
With ham on the top of
Arugula

jesus WEP posted:

As Sun Tzu once said in The Art Of War, have some of this you fat prick

EorayMel posted:

End of Shoelace posted:

"MWAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" orson welles bluto and loopy De loop are in orson welleses house-and-party. bluto and loopy De loop are listening raptly to orson welles talk about "paul masson california" champagne. orson welles laughs first and then talks about "paul masson california" champagne. bluto and loopy De loop are raptly listening to orson welles talk, even when he laughs at first. orson welles tells bluto and loopy De loop about "paul masson california" champagne. "paul masson california" champagne is not made in france. "paul masson california" champagne is made in california. it is called champagne even if it comes from california and not france. "paul masson california" champagne is fermented in the bottle. "paul masson california" champagne is not fermented in a barrel. it is as good as french champagne even if it is made in california by fermenting it in a bottle, not france. orson welles does not drink the "paul masson california" bottle fermented champagne because it is poison. bluto and loopy De loop are then told by orson welles that champagne is poison, even "paul masson california" champagne. bluto and loopy De loop understand that champagne is poison because they listened raptly. loopy De loop can now talk about "paul masson california" champagne, and talks about it to bluto who listens raptly.

quote:

My mom, filled with wisdom, once told me, "You know, boys get boners about everything, and no one should take it personally. But nobody tells them that and one day they get a boner while looking at a brown paper grocery bag, and the next thing you know he's an adult and can't get it up without his wife wrapping herself in brown paper bags."

quote:

Yeah like you're five and all watching daffy duck get shot in the face and your brain just decides to squirt the wrong kind of endorphin into your brain or something and you forever get a boner when you think of ducks with their beaks on backwards

quote:

Indeed. When I was a frustrated teenager, I did all sorts of freaky sexual things to try to get my release. Wore my mother's clothing, got the family dogs to lick yoghurt off my dick, ran naked through the nearby forests at midnight while masturbating, put my own faeces in my mouth, tied myself up with ropes, filmed myself masturbating and masturbated to the film.

It's all just normal teenage experimentation, and I turned out okay. Well actually I can't hold down a decent relationship for longer than a year and I have avoidant attachment problems, but I don't have any particularly weird sexual fetishes. Apart from getting turned on by girls with dirty feet, but there's nothing wrong with that.

cumshitter posted:

I actually haven't spoken to my straight son in several years but was reminded of him today. The last time I spoke to him was when I went to meet with some clients at their office. After the meeting I told my son to wait while I used the bathroom, then I drove off and went for a late lunch with my husband.

Apparently my son just wandered around the office for a week, living on snacks and left out sandwich platters, until he wandered into a meeting and delivered a PowerPoint presentation entitled: "Have you seen my dad? I can't find his car in the parking lot." I guess this really impressed the idiots who worked there, because pretty soon he was their Senior Director of Corporate Communications. This is a Fortune 500 company, mind you.

Seems like my son is doing pretty well, despite his heterosexual handicap, and is now a motivational business speaker and published author with works such as:

Where is YOUR Dad? Defining Your Company's Core Values for Success
Lost in the Parking Lot: Finding Meaning in a Shifting Business Paradigm

Anyway, I was reminded of my son today because during a meeting someone said, "Well right now I'd say we're lost in the parking lot. But once we've had time to make sense of the analytics we'll know where our dad is."

Syd Midnight posted:

got me to peek at the DeviantArt thread, where I immediately saw



"MWAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" orson welles bluto and loopy De loop are in orson welleses house-and-party. bluto and loopy De loop are listening raptly to orson welles talk about "paul masson california" champagne. orson welles laughs first and then talks about "paul masson california" champagne. bluto and loopy De loop are raptly listening to orson welles talk, even when he laughs at first. orson welles tells bluto and loopy De loop about "paul masson california" champagne. "paul masson california" champagne is not made in france. "paul masson california" champagne is made in california. it is called champagne even if it comes from california and not france. "paul masson california" champagne is fermented in the bottle. "paul masson california" champagne is not fermented in a barrel. it is as good as french champagne even if it is made in california by fermenting it in a bottle, not france. orson welles does not drink the "paul masson california" bottle fermented champagne because it is poison. bluto and loopy De loop are then told by orson welles that champagne is poison, even "paul masson california" champagne. bluto and loopy De loop understand that champagne is poison because they listened raptly. loopy De loop can now talk about "paul masson california" champagne, and talks about it to bluto who listens raptly.


and although I can't tell whether it's an example of an overly-specific fetish or just a thread parody of one, it reminds me of this exchange

nankeen posted:

why don't you just stick a cold one up your own pink rear end in a top hat and give your prostate a good foaming you undignified filth hound. i am literally going to come to your house with a nice prosecco, a tempranillo, a riesling, and a cabernet sauvignon

Super Waffle posted:

Jerry Cotton posted:

Reminds me of a party where there were beers and wines and a cheese platter and a chicken salad and at some point people discovered there was no chicken in the chicken salad.

In case some of you aren't able to crack this mystery: I had eaten all the bits of chicken from the chicken salad. Went well with the cheeses.

Blue Footed Booby posted:

From the same thread:

Phy posted:

What is it about Finland that causes its sons and daughters to scoff at social decency? Do the long winters just crack their brains until they're eating all the chicken out of the chicken salad and buying noses on ebay and poo poo?

BLANCHES oval office posted:

agh im going to squat on crazy batshit gun mans roof!!! i hope he has children in the home while i squat barefoot onto his badly done roof and push out me colon snakes. his wife is probably cozy in her snuggly fleece wizard looking robe and the man is drinking a beer. they are not expecting something so bizarre as a child like me to be making GBS threads above them. ahaha im a gradeschool kid who is drinking gin out of a gatorade bottle and now im shot in the stomach by a stupid as gently caress person from the worst state in the country. aaaagh im gutshot and me turds are pouring out silly putty like from the birdshot that riddle me full of deathholes. hail satan death to america i was in band and i was learning clare de lune on the oboe and my mother loved me but now im dead because of guns and idiots.

Phy posted:

What is it about Finland that causes its sons and daughters to scoff at social decency? Do the long winters just crack their brains until they're eating all the chicken out of the chicken salad and buying noses on ebay and poo poo?

barbecue at the folks posted:

We spend 7 months of the year in a drunken stupor to withstand the darkness and the cold. When the light comes back for a short while and we wake up again, there's little sense in spending time on observing social niceties.

Ben Nerevarine posted:

me, a floating god who treats this videogame world as the playground it is:] player.setspeed hmmmm... let's try 300 today

you, a peon in a threadbare tunic carrying around his own pool of mud to walk through:] actually you're playing wrong

rodbeard posted:

I don't know if this person is being serious but it made me laugh.

Amoeba102 posted:

What part of Organic Chemistry is the hard part?

ElMaligno posted:

Dis dick

Lemniscate Blue posted: