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Empty Sandwich posted:HARRY:
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Jun 13, 2021 20:33
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| # ? May 28, 2024 02:53 |
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Kevin, from the second story, calls down to the Wet Bandits on the first floor, “Hey guys, have I got a surprise for you two!” Harry calls out, “We ain’t gonna fall for it again, kid!” Kevin brings out Buzz’s girlfriend to show Harry and Marv, and the two men viciously turn to stone and explode violently in a supernatural manner.
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Jun 13, 2021 21:58
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Kevin gets ahold of his dad's M16 ("my new machine gun?" "I can't use the OLD machine guns, with dried German mercenary guts stuck on em!"), kills Harry with it upstairs and then throws the body downstairs where Marv is. Taped to Harry's body is a note that reads "Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho. Also, I'm going to shoot you in the dick." Marv leaves.
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Jun 13, 2021 22:41
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Kevin attempts to one-up himself and go from swinging paint buckets and a lead pipe to swinging an entire toilet. He loses his balance holding on to the “Kohler California King Size” commode and falls over the railing, breaking his neck and mercifully expiring instantly from his injuries. Harry and Marv look on in horror as the police burst through the door. They are both found guilty of murder and serve life without parole, plus 20 years for their various robberies.
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Jun 13, 2021 23:34
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Harry's lung collapses due to severe blunt force trauma from the time Marv wailed on him with the loving crowbar. Years later, Marv goes legit and has a wife who hates him.
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Jun 14, 2021 03:25
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Kevin tricks the bandits into solving a strange puzzlebox. .... But it is not hands that call them. It's desire. The rest of the movie turns into a drawn out fight between Kevin and Pinhead (which Kevin eventually wins).
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Jun 14, 2021 04:48
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It's the year 2030. Harry has long since died, Marv is in a hospital. His family has long since disowned him since his Wet Bandit days, and his only friend is passed on. The monotony of the EKG machines is broken by a sudden visitor. Marv hasn't seen anyone but doctors and nurses, but he instantly recognizes that face. "You... You're the McAllister kid..." He croaks. Kevin stands by his bedside, tears in his eyes. "Listen, I'm sorry for everything we put you through. But can I ask one last favor?" Kevin holds his hand. "Anything, old friend." Marv motions for him to come closer and whispers in his ear. Kevin nods and exits the room. The next day he returns. "Did you get it?" Marv asks. Kevin holds up the filled paint bucket and a piece of rope. "Anything for you." He grabs a chair and proceeds to tie the rope to the overhanging light fixture, ties the other end to the paint can and hoists it over Marv's face. Kevin looks down with tears in his eyes. Marv nods, and Kevin releases the can, smashing Marv's face. As the EKG flatliners and Kevin moves the paint can, he can see a wide smile across Marv's lips. They are both finally free.
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Jun 14, 2021 04:49
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Kevin has been smoking a pork shoulder all day and invites the Wet Bandits for to dinner. It’s time to let bygones be bygones and enjoy a meal together. After they’ve supped on the delicious pork, Kevin tells them he’s going to kill their families and everyone they love. “NO!” They scream. “Why would you do this? We aren’t even going to rob you, you’ve shown us great hospitality!” “You fools,” Kevin says. “They were dead before you even arrived. By the way, did you enjoy the  pork?”
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Jun 14, 2021 05:05
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Kevin calls the police when he sees Harry and Marv trying to break into his house and they arrive in like 5 minutes because he's a little white kid that lives in a loving mansion.
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Jun 14, 2021 05:35
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Kevin gives the Wet Bandits the old human fly treatment, creating Harv and Marry. Both hybrids are suprisingly much nicer people and give up their life of crime to look after orphans or something.
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Jun 14, 2021 10:48
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Harry steps on a talking scale. "500 pounds" "That can't be right" "Oh but it is, my friend," says Kevin rounding the corner with a dildo jackhammer.
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Jun 14, 2021 15:25
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Kevin stood above the carnage he created; bones and sinew protruding from two lumps of flesh. They were once men. Kevin could taste their blood in the air. He was aware of sounds in the room, but could not focus on them or identify them. He licked his lips then shuddered, tears welling in his eyes. The phone rang. "KEVIN!" It was his mother's voice. "We landed at the airport! We'll be home in 30 minutes!" Kevin closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and forced himself to look. He could see the blood flowing towards the corner; this room always did have an uneven floor. The smell got worse. The sounds got louder, now distinct enough to isolate and understand them: The spastic twitching from the smaller lump. The impossible breathing from the larger one. The running current of blood and occasional viscera collecting in the corner. "Ok mom. I'm fine, you don't need to rush." A fruitless attempt to buy more time. "Kevin, I'm so sorry we left you! We're going as fast as we can! We love you! Besides, I still need to fix the driveway today. I'm sure glad I did the preventative maintenance on my jackhammer last week. And your father is really eager to get home to his dildo. We'll be there soon!"
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Jun 14, 2021 19:01
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marv opens a window and he's about to crawl in but Kevin is on the other side of the widnow and he farts real loudly and it startles marv and he bangs his head on the top of his window and then the window crashes down on him and decapitates him and when his head is rolling around on the floor it smells the fart and makes a funny face.
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Jun 15, 2021 05:12
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still working on this one, but you better believe it involves giving the bandits diarrhea!
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Jun 15, 2021 17:53
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Kevin now in his forties decides to look up the criminals from his wacky adventures in his youth. He finds out they were paroled several years ago and are now living their elderly days in a cabin, spending their spare time fishing. Kevin burns the cabin down while they sleep.
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Jun 16, 2021 05:59
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Kevin burns the house down with Harry and Marv inside after trapping their feet in glue. Slow reveal of Kevin counting the insurance money on his new yacht, the Wet Bandit
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Jun 16, 2021 06:06
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Kevin hides in a kitchen cupboard as Harry and Marv ransack the home looking for valuables and they just, they don't find him, because, you know, who steals pots and pans?
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Jun 16, 2021 06:17
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Kevin fuckjing flips out and uses the real ultimate power to decapitate Merv and Jim and something something pirates.
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Jun 16, 2021 06:31
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Empty Sandwich posted:still working on this one, but you better believe it involves giving the bandits diarrhea! Kevin learns that Marv is lactose intolerant. He offers Marv some mashed potatoes. When Marv tentatively asks how they were made, Kevin assures him that it's a completely vegan recipe. Marv never suspects that Kevin is lying and made the mashed potatoes with lots and lots of cream.
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Jun 16, 2021 08:15
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As a nostalgic reference to everyone who grew up with the American classic "Home Alone" this year's superbowl ad break features Kevin using his new smartphone to show off all the modern security options you can access from anywhere in the world after Alexa alerts him to suspicious movement on camera. A little peeved at his game of Raid Shadow Legends being interrupted, Kevin whips out his hot little drone to take care of the bandits with some good old fashioned ingenuity like the original movie: it's rigged with a dildo sawzall.
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Jun 16, 2021 11:20
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Joe Pesci walks into the basement of the building and get his head set on fire. It’s not Harry, but actually Joe Pesci who drunkenly broke into the building looking for a bathroom. He sues Kevin for $500k and wins handily due to his fame.
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Jun 16, 2021 11:42
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Marv walks through the garden towards an open window and is decapitated by a malay gate.
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Jun 16, 2021 11:53
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harry is eaten by a alligator
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Jun 16, 2021 13:12
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Harry and Marv find themselves trapped in yet another room, seemingly without entrance or exit. Upon an otherwise unadorned wall an unsightly visage of a man, his mouth agape and full of darkness, stares at the bandits with its unseeing brassy eyes. They leap into the tunnel hidden in its maw and are utterly annihilated.
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Jun 16, 2021 13:27
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Harry and Marv, burnt and bruised, finally make it to the upstairs hallway. Kevin pulls a rope attached to the ceiling and the attic stairs drop down. He turns to run up the stairs, but there's Another Kevin there. Other Kevin gives a sardonic smile and a sharp, piercing hum hits everyone's ears. Harry collapses writhing in pain, holding his head. Kevin's eyes bleeding, Other Kevin slowly makes his way down the stairs, staring at Kevin. Marv's legs had initially buckled with the surprise of the psychic attack, but it doesn't seem to have affected him as much as Harry, now drooling and twitching on the floor. Perhaps the hot iron to the face? Marv staggers towards Other Kevin, who now notices him, and approaches him with a raised hand and open mouth. Marv struggles, leant forward as if a great hot wind were at his face. Other Kevin walks steadily towards him, mouth now impossibly wide. Kevin, weak but momentarily free, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a leftover Hot Wheels car. With Carol of the Bells booming in the background, he drops the car by Other Kevin's feet just as he passes. Other Kevin slips, feet bicycling in the air before he lands on the nape of his neck with a loud 'crack'. Kevin and Marv slump with exhaustion. Shortly thereafter, Kevin's mom gets back and hugs Kevin close so he can't see as John Candy drags Harry and Marv away to be eaten
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Jun 16, 2021 14:35
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| # ? May 28, 2024 02:53 |
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Not mine, has sound: https://i.imgur.com/U1y2LkA.mp4
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Jun 20, 2021 12:25
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