toiletbrush posted:

"reading r/relationships is fun and sure does make me appreciate my good and secure relationship" he thought to himself as he drove home from work two hours early, before unexpectedly walking in on his girlfriend taking a dick blast to the tits from that guy who was 'just an old friend' from Facebook

Andrast posted:

I don't know why the surgeon would need to ask when it's obviously Hercule

Waterbed Wendy posted:

That guys sounds like a loving tool. I understand hating being seen with cringey anime dorks because who in their right mind wouldn't, but that he wishes literal violence upon the AnimeTeam is pretty lame.

Tbh I would never get involved with someone who really really liked anime so I have no real advice but to burn that whole situation to the ground and walk away.

Mirthless posted:

I get the overall impression from the story that he's lead his girlfriend on about how much of a "nerd" he is in an attempt to make the relationship work. Also, the six year age gap, the weight policing, etc, all make me think he's a creep. I have no doubt she and her friends are irritating but also there are some red flags here and it's hard for me to not consider the situation of a controlling partner driving away their partner's friends.

and lmao at "I used to get beaten up in high school... why aren't people beating these guys up? ", that is some pathetic poo poo right there

dude should get over her friends, and if he can't he should get out of the relationship. If he doesn't want to date 24 year olds who like anime and won't shut up about it he should get over his alt chick manic pixie dream girl obsession and start dating normal women his own age

quote:

Me [19 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of a year, he is becoming extremely obsessed with his "waifu" and I don't know what to do

I've been going out with this guy for a while now, and for the most part it has been a very happy relationship. He doesn't look like the "otaku" (anime obsessed) type so I had no idea until it was past the second date or so. I don't even mind that he likes anime, he's even gotten me into a few series.

However, my boyfriend has recently become more and more obsessed with this anime character. He has a keyboard, body pillow, figurines, and posters around his dormroom with this chick semi naked. To make things worse, this girl looks like a 12 year old. Her personality/looks are almost completely the opposite of mine as well.

He has recently been refusing to go on runs with me (we both met through a cross country running club) because he prefers to lie around on the couch looking at pictures of his "waifu". It gives my self confidence a kick in the face when the boyfriend I thought loved me prefers to spend his time with a fictional character. He even admits that if she existed in real life that he would totally go for her, as if this relationship is not worth anything to him. We haven't been intimate for a few weeks now. How should I confront him on this? Am I overreacting? Please help!

EDIT: Should have included this before, boyfriend's younger sister died a month ago and this may be the reason why his obsession has spiraled out of control.
Re-Edit: I'm just going to reply to all of your comments here instead of individually. I'm going to confront my boyfriend today with his best friend to convince him to see a therapist. I'll submit an update later on how it goes. I know that not making the connection between his sister and his recent behavior reflects on my personality terribly but honestly, I didn't want to see it. I was in denial. My boyfriend is exactly the stereotypical stoic guy when it comes to feelings... mentioned his sister's death in a passing comment which lead to an argument after he refused to accept my condolences or talk more about it. I guess I just didn't want to connect the dots, he and his sister had a 10 year age difference and their family was very dysfunctional so it didn't seem like her passing effected him as much... Boy was I wrong. Thank you for your advice.

tl;dr: Boyfriend is becoming obsessed with an anime character. What should I do?

quote:

I [19F] alternate between feeling disgusted at my boyfriend's [18F] seeming attraction to anime characters and feeling disgusted at myself for not fully accepting him

My long-distance boyfriend and I have been best friends for years and in a relationship for two. I've never felt more at ease with anyone else in my entire life, I'm fascinated by his intelligence and eloquence and life philosophy, and I love how considerate and perceptive he is.

I always knew that my boyfriend liked Pokemon, cartoons, Japanese music, and videogames, including ones that feature scantily clad women, but I never gave it a second thought. As we grew closer, he started to send me the theme songs to animes that he watches because we always share our favorite songs with each other. I thought it was really weird that the main characters were always baby-faced teens with porn star boobs and squeaky voices, but then I thought about the gratuitous sex scenes in the TV shows that I enjoy and figured it wasn't that bad.

When my boyfriend visited me, we cuddled and chatted all day and then decided to watch each other's favorite TV shows. He showed me an anime and it grossed me out so much that I didn't even really want to cuddle with him that night. I won't mention the name of the series because my boyfriend Reddits, but there were all these slow panning shots of the high school girls' bodies and SO. MANY. SEX. NOISES. Girl waking up? Sex sound! Girl bumping into another character? Sex sound plus extended boob grazing! Girl working on an assignment? Sex sound plus a revealing school uniform! Girl crying because she can't save the day with her magic powers? Sex sound plus a heaving chest! I wouldn't call it a sex sound if it was just an ambiguous whimper, but it's always repeated, crescendoing whimpers accompanied by suggestive visuals.

Maybe I'm just prejudiced, but I also thought that the plot and dialogue were really childish and predictable, especially in contrast to the other things that my boyfriend enjoys. I, perhaps wrongly, started to suspect that he's sexually attracted to young anime characters, and a few things have aggravated this concern:

1) We narrate our fantasies when we're sexting, and one time when he was narrating what he imagined me saying, he said, "Onii Chan, #$@&%*!" Literally translated, Onii Chan means big brother but it's been sexualized by anime. I would never call my boyfriend my brother so I don't know where that came from.

2) He said that he loves watching CGDCT animes (Cute Girls Doing Cute Things) before bed because he always sleeps really well after watching them.

3) He shows me anime girls and asks, "Isn't she cute?"

4) When we were in high school, he masturbated to "anime that was basically porn" at least once because he didn't have access to regular porn. I know he has needs but the idea of him whacking it to anime girls is cringy to me.

I've mentioned a few times that I dislike how sexualized his favorite anime characters are, and he assured me that he liked the plot and that the sexualization is just fan service. The more animes he tells me about, the more I see that the plots could be interesting. But when I actually look up the animes and see how the girls look and act amidst a potentially decent plot, I can't get past my disgust. I also get a little jealous. And then I feel like a bad girlfriend and a bad person for looking down on something that he enjoys.

Should I ask my boyfriend point blank if he's attracted to anime characters? Is it damning to our relationship if he is? Am I just an intolerant person?

tl;dr: My boyfriend appears to be attracted to anime characters; what should I do?

gentle pete posted:

quote:

EDIT: Should have included this before, boyfriend's younger sister died a month ago and this may be the reason why his obsession has spiraled out of control.

quote:

My [26 M] roommate has turned into the roommate from hell ever since I [26 M] got together with my girlfriend [24 F]. The worst thing is that he constantly keeps his door open while streaming graphic hentai videos and pictures. Are things with my friend irreparable? Should I listen to my girlfriend?

Background:

For the last two years, I started renting a small townhouse with my good and close friend, "John." I've known John for eight years. He's always been the awkward, weird guy. He is sometimes moody and intense, but he is generally a good guy and largely misunderstood. He is very into anime and has tons of posters, figurines, and regularly attends Anime Expo each year.

I started dating my girlfriend, "Jennifer," about six months ago. Before I got with Jennifer, my roommate was also interested in her. She would come over a few times, but she made it really clear that she wasn't going to be anything but friends with him. Even though this happened, John and Jennifer got along well and she still came over to hang out.

So we all got into a normal routine, Jenn would come over, hang out with John, and then I would pop down make dinner and have dinner with the both of them. Eventually, Jenn and I started to talk to each other, and little by little, I started to really like her. One night, when John was in the restroom, I asked her out and was amazed that the feelings I had were mutual.

Anyways, I wanted to make sure things were okay with John. He said that he was totally cool with us dating and said that he was already interested in someone else. So we started dating. She comes over sometimes during the week and only stays over on weekends to respect John's privacy. John told me that she could still come over whenever she wanted as long as we all could hang out like before.

She hasn't treated John any differently, and out of respect for him, I've tried not to be too physically affectionate with her when we're hanging out. Also, when she's over on the weekends, we are very quiet about being intimate. Most weekends that she is over, we don't do anything but sleep to make sure that John doesn't get weirded out.

My problem:

A month after we started dating, John became the roommate from hell. John started to withdraw and become increasingly brooding. Often, I would see him sulking and depressed. After a bit, he stopped hanging out with Jenn and me. When I asked John if he was okay, he said that he was going through some personal stuff and just not in the mood to hang out. So we started leaving him alone and just enjoying our time together.

It seems as if his personal issues were being expressed in different ways. Before, John was a relatively clean and tidy person. Now, he just leaves his dishes in the sink for weeks. I have reminded him tons of times about doing his dishes. Furthermore, he knows that I am a little particular about sharing personal things, especially my plates, utensils, and cookware, but when he runs out of his dishes, he uses my stuff anyway.

Then, he started leaving his dirty laundry in the hallways. At first it was just his jacket or something, and then slowly it was his dirty socks, and now he just leaves whatever he wants outside his door. When I confronted him about this, he rolled his eyes and just told me that he was too lazy. So I started grabbing garbage bags to bag his poo poo, and toss it into his room when the front of his room was too dirty.

Now, here is the worst thing. John, like I mentioned, is really into anime. And not only anime stories, but also into anime porn, which is called hentai. Usually, he is a really private person, and we don't talk about those subjects at all. If he did get off to this stuff, it was all on his own time.

The first time it happened was about a month ago. I walked by his room and I saw that he was watching a really raunchy anime porn. I was taken aback by what I saw, but I just cleared my throat loudly and walked past his room. Then, I heard the door slam shut. Maybe he forgot to close his door or thought that no one was home. I thought this was an isolated incident, but it happened a few more times. Each time that I saw him though, he wasn't doing anything else but browsing.

After one of these times, I sat down with John when he came downstairs to have dinner and I asked him to start closing his door if he was doing something that was private. John just silently watched me and scoffed as if I was saying something unreasonable. He apologized, but it didn't seem like it was sincere. I told Jenn about what was going on, but she dismissed it.

Anyways, the last straw for me was last week. Jenn came over and after saying hi to John, she came to my room to hang out. After mulling our evening plans for awhile, we decided to catch a movie. Jenn went to John's room to ask him if he wanted to tag along. All of a sudden I heard her scream, followed by John's door slamming shut.

After calming down a bit, Jenn told me that when she went over to John's room, John's door was half closed and she heard soft voices coming from his door. It wasn't uncommon for John to watch anime with his speakers on, so Jenn just pushed the door open. She said that she felt like bleaching her eyes out. Basically she saw something with tentacles doing nasty things to an anime girl. However, that wasn't what caused her to scream. She screamed when she saw that John was standing in front of his monitor, hands down his pants, and masturbating furiously. She says she didn't see his penis, but she at least saw him making the motions in his pants. I asked if she wanted to call the cops or something, but she didn't feel threatened just perved out by him.

Now, Jenn won't come over to our place anymore, wants me to cut ties with John, and move in with her. I agree that Jenn shouldn't come over anymore since it is obviously upsetting. There are two main problems though, Jenn really wants me to leave my friend. However, I've only been with Jenn for six months. It feels like that's not long enough for me to make any long term plans with someone I've known for so little time.

Also, I'm not sure what to do about my roommate. I'm not sure if why his behavior has changed so drastically since I started dating Jenn. I wish I could understand him because he was really a pretty good friend. It's a shame if I can't repair my friendship with him since it's been so long. What do you guys think I should do?

TL;DR: Since I started dating a girl my roommate claims to no longer be interested, he has started to be a dirty person and also keeps his door open while looking at graphic hentai pictures/videos, which has come to a head when he scared my girlfriend last week. Is there anyway to repair my friendship? Should I listen to my girlfriend even though we've only been together for so little time?

gentle pete posted:

Mirthless posted:

I get the overall impression from the story that he's lead his girlfriend on about how much of a "nerd" he is in an attempt to make the relationship work. Also, the six year age gap, the weight policing, etc, all make me think he's a creep. I have no doubt she and her friends are irritating but also there are some red flags here and it's hard for me to not consider the situation of a controlling partner driving away their partner's friends.

and lmao at "I used to get beaten up in high school... why aren't people beating these guys up? ", that is some pathetic poo poo right there

dude should get over her friends, and if he can't he should get out of the relationship. If he doesn't want to date 24 year olds who like anime and won't shut up about it he should get over his alt chick manic pixie dream girl obsession and start dating normal women his own age

Mirthless posted:

On one hand six months is early to start living together

On the other hand maybe you should move in with your girlfriend dude there is nothing in that friendship worth saving. You are a chad to this man, and you have taken from him his stacey.

quote:

I [27/F] was asked by my friend [27/F] to loan her money, but I have reservations. Non-Romantic
submitted 1 year ago * by cookofthesea

So my friend, who I have been friends with since 7th grade, needs to borrow money.

The thing is, over the years, we have drifted apart. I don't even see her once a year. We live pretty close, but the thing is, she has always been dependent on other people.

Part of why I don't see her very often is because she always needs a ride, or always needs me to pick her up from the train station or wants ME to go to her. Again, she isn't far away, but driving to where she lives is bad because there's nowhere to park; and public transportation is expensive and takes way longer than driving and then I'd have to take a bus and THEN walk three blocks. She can't pick ME up from the train station because she doesn't have a car.

In a sense, I also feel like she is a "freegan." She is always talking about how she didn't have to pay for this, didn't have to pay for that, "oh look at these shoes that I just found lying in the street, yay, free shoes," "oh, so and so paid for my meal," "oh, so and so bought my coffee."

But also, she does go to a lot of festivals...I don't even know the names of all of them and they aren't really important right now, but they are basically festivals like Coachella, Burning Man...stuff like that. I know that she volunteers at some of these, so she gets free admittance sometimes and maybe even free food.

She has been laid off for the 3rd time in a year. The last time she got laid off, was about three weeks ago. She does get unemployment benefits. She did have a roommate battle, taking them to court to get them evicted. I suspect she has no help with rent, not having two roommates anymore, but from what it sounded like, they weren't paying rent anyway, hence, taking them to court to evict them.

Anyway, she sucks at communicating. I will call her, she doesn't answer, and I'll leave a message saying, "hey, just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing, call me back!" and she NEVER does.

Text messages GENERALLY go unanswered-if they don't, it's after two or more days.

To be perfectly blunt, I love her, and I always will, but she is a poo poo friend.

She also does have a tendency to only contact me when she needs something or has a question for me. NEVER to say, "hey how are you?"

So of course, I naturally, kind of weaned off her. I'm not going to just cut her out of my life, but I also don't feel like catering to her. If she ever wanted to just meet up sometime, truly meet up and maybe be a bit independent in the process of meeting up, I would definitely hang out with her.

The last time she texted me before this most recent time was in June to say happy birthday, which was surprising. But then she followed it up with, "hey I have a meeting in a town near yours, we should meet up," aka, "hey can you pick me up from the train station and wait for my meeting to be over and THEN we can hang out."

The other thing is, she is perpetually late. The last time I actually hung out with her, we had a meeting time of noon for lunch. She said she'd take the train, I agreed to pick her up from the train station, she said she would take the train that would arrive right at noon, great. I leave early enough to be there by noon. AT noon, she texts me to say that she is running late. The train takes about half an hour to even get to where I was picking her up from. AND SHE HADN'T EVEN LEFT HER HOUSE YET.

Gee, thanks for calling me to say, "hey I'm moving slow, can we meet a bit later?"

But no. I was THERE ON TIME and THEN she contacts me. So I freaking waited for her for over an hour.

She is very aloof, gets frustrated easily, so I don't come down on her hard, but I just choose to keep my distance and I don't go to her anymore, I let her come to me, and I don't always accept offers to hang out for obvious reasons.

But, when she texts me, after nothing for months, asking to borrow 200 bucks, I'm floored. I want to help her, I really do. But I'm upset. It's the principle that she contacted me because she needed something.

You know, if you think you'll ever need to ask someone for something maybe you should at least try to stay current with them. But don't obviously just see me as a saving grace for you.
I'm not even concerned that she wouldn't pay me back, I'm sure she would at some point, I don't make a lot of money, but $200 doesn't put me out, even if I never see it again. But I do work hard for my money.

Back to her losing three jobs in a year-these have all been telemarketing jobs of some sort. I don't know if she gets laid off because she isn't a good worker, I know she had a lot of praise from the first job, but the company was just not doing well, so they pretty much cut everyone. But I just don't know how stable a telemarketing job is. She is actually very intelligent and was the typical class nerd, and she LOVED that she was considered that. She could do so much more.

Anyway, with her recent job loss three weeks ago, she still went to a festival, that was hours away and bought expensive food, etc. If I were her, I would have sold my ticket. It sucks, but still, you need to be able to support yourself. She also always posts about going to karaoke nights...and I don't know if you have to pay, but there is always a drink in her hands. I don't even care if someone else bought it for her-fine, ask them for money, obviously, they can buy your drinks and whatever else it is people buy you, so couldn't you ask them for the money?

Or...your PARENTS? She is in good standing with her parents, so it's not like they would say no, especially if she will pay them back.

But the thing is, it isn't like she ALWAYS asks for money, but, given her job situation, I just feel like she didn't plan carefully enough. Like I said, she does get unemployment benefits and I know it's not a LOT, but she could have started saving and maybe not gone out several times. Pretty much everyday, I get a notification saying, "so and so is attending an event near you today!" so I find it a bit hard to feel TOO sorry for her.

But then I feel guilty for not feeling sorry...

I don't want to see her unable to pay her bills, but at the same time I am really hurt that this is when she contacts me and I don't want to her to continue to contact me for stuff like this.

I did consider partially helping her out, maybe kicking her 50 bucks or so, but even then, I just...I don't know. I haven't responded back to her and it's been a day since she has contacted me.

She'd used another friend like this before-hadn't talked to him in a long time, called him up at night needing a ride AND cash for the train...and then went on to talk about it on her blog, saying something along the lines of it being good to know that you can not talk to someone for a long time and they will still help you...he caught wind of that and was PISSED and now doesn't talk to her anymore.

I apologize if this has gotten long, and possibly repetitive, but I hate that she has put me in this awkward situation of wanting to help but not wanting to out of principle.

At this point, I don't know if I am looking for advice, encouragement, or to be told if I'm the one that's the lovely friend for not helping...but I just needed to get this out there, because I just don't know if I should feel obligated to help her.

TL;DR: Friend typically only contacts me when she is in need, most recently asked to borrow $200 after losing her 3rd job in a year, yet she is ALWAYS posting on Facebook about going out. I feel bad for her, but I don't want to help her due to the principle that she only comes to me when she needs something.

UPDATE: Texted "friend" yesterday saying I couldn't spare it, and that I was sorry she was in the situation and that I'm sorry I couldn't help and got no response. No surprise there!

Darkhold posted:

A page back people were talking about how much better this thread makes them feel.

Monday my wife had surgery. She's been basically bedridden while she recovers. Meanwhile myself and our two kids have a super nasty cold. I've been running her food/tea/whatever while taking care of the kids and trying to do all the housework and running to the bathroom to be sick myself.

The house is in a slow freefall as clean unfolded laundry piles up, dishes are washed as I need them, the floor is covered in crumbs as I've only vacuumed once this week I've lost my temper with the kids a few times when all they were doing was just slightly naughty kid things and grumbling themselves because they're feeling poorly. I feel like I'm failing and struggling so hard.

Then I read this thread. I'm goddamn superfather/husband.

tater_salad posted:

My girlfriend wasn't feeling well so a few times I brought her food and hung out while she felt asleep and felt like poo poo.
Didn't call her a lazy bitch for not making me food and falling asleep at like 6pm, also didn't rape her in her sleep.

I am the greatest.

Barudak posted:

Being unable to propose is definitely not a red flag and auspicious of any future issues at all.


Ive refused a gift due to this concern. I do not care if the amount spent or what I send back has no importance to you, I can neither guarantee thats actually true and I cant avoid other people judging me for how I reciprocate.

Edit: To clarify the individual wasnt family or a close personal friend.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

In my experience, people who are being genuinely kind when they give extravagant gifts don't expect the same in return.

gentle pete posted:

olylifter posted:

Apparently the "two roommates want the same girl but one gets her and it drives the other one insane" happens.

A few years ago in Windsor: two brothers who were living together were both obsessed with the same girl. She was staying over in one of the brothers' rooms after a night out drinking so the other brother set the house on fire while everyone was sleeping http://www.pressreader.com/canada/windsor-star/20081212/281500747110621

Mirthless posted:

don't poo poo where you eat

the roommate is the biggest incel loser in the world but op should have seen this coming, there are other fish in the sea

it's by no means OP's fault, but it can't hurt to keep an eye out for drama ahead so you're not suddenly surprised when this happens

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

If a robot got a new emotion program installed and asked me what anger and disappointment feel like I would show it your posts.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

If a robot got a new emotion program installed and asked me what anger and disappointment feel like I would show it your posts.

Mirthless posted:

"hey my roommate is very clearly infatuated with this person, I wonder what pursuing them would do to my friendship?" seems like a reasonable question to internally ask.

Psycho Society posted:

Dating a friend isn't making GBS threads where you eat. You tend to date people you know from your life, generally

WampaLord posted:

You're acting like he called dibs.

Also, "don't poo poo where you eat" means don't date a coworker, I've never heard it used to avoid dating a friend of a friend.

Mirthless posted:

It's not "a friend of a friend" it's "a friend of my roommate that i know my roommate is infatuated with"

I'm not acting like he called dibs, I'm just trying to say "Uh, yeah, you should have seen this coming"

edit: vvvv nah that is 100% of what I was saying, I wasn't making a judgement I'm just pointing out "hey, this sure was a thing that was predictable"

quote:

Anyways, I wanted to make sure things were okay with John. He said that he was totally cool with us dating and said that he was already interested in someone else. So we started dating.

food court bailiff posted:

He should have been aware, and indeed he was aware, and that's why he went to the trouble of asking the roommate about it. Remember?

Psycho Society posted:

Sounds like this is maybe the problem of the creepy weirdos and their stalker crushes.

food court bailiff posted:

He should have been aware, and indeed he was aware, and that's why he went to the trouble of asking the roommate about it. Remember?

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

He did ask but isn't that a fairly normal thing to do regardless of what kind of person your friend is? I'm not sure I'd take his word at face value if I already describe him as "weird, awkward, moody, and intense."

Subjunctive posted:

So what would you do? Not date the person because you can't predict the reaction of your roommate? That's a lot of power to give your roommate over you, on the strength of his maladjustment.

Mirthless posted:

No, but it couldn't hurt to be ready for that bridge to burn

Subjunctive posted:

What does "be ready" mean? Rent a standby place? Keep everything packed?