/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

this is magic you're magic :swoon:

quote:

This all started with a relatively simple issue - he wouldn't remove his shirt when we would have sex. I realize that everyone has their quirks/body issues so I thought he was just nervous at first, especially since we'd only been dating a couple of weeks. I figured that once we got to know each other better he would eventually feel more comfortable and it wouldn't be an issue, but if not, it wasn't a huge issue for me. This never happened, though. He continued to keep his shirt on during sex even after we'd been together for a while (even up until just this past week). I did ask him about it once just to make sure he was okay, but I could tell that he was uncomfortable so I didn't push him. This was back in July, and I haven't brought up the shirt since then.

Anyway, so my out of the blue my boyfriend tells me yesterday that he has something he wants to tell me. Long story short, we meet at my place and he says he needs to tell me about his past and that this is connected to the shirt issue. He then tells me that he feels comfortable enough with me to reveal his past as a neo-nazi. The reason why he wouldn't remove his shirt is because he has a swastika tattooed on his chest. He apparently has never removed it because he is too ashamed to have it done.

I was shocked, but he tried to reassure me that he's changed and is not the same person he was when he got that tattoo. Apparently his best friend from high school joined a white supremacist group and he encouraged my boyfriend to join. Unfortunately, he says that once he started hanging out with them he started to adopt their beliefs and lifestyle because he wanted to fit in and because he started to believe their message.

I think his behavior is absolutely inexcusable, but he has never done or said anything that would make me doubt that he has changed. Still, he also shared with me some stories about how his group harassed some African-Americans in the community and some Hispanics. It was difficult to hear, but he did seem remorseful. I know that we all make mistakes, but to me this is beyond a simple mistake. I want to believe him when he says he's changed, but I have a hard time imagining how I can see him the same way.

I guess my question really is about whether this should be a deal breaker. I lean towards that belief, but maybe I am wrong to not give him a second chance. He hasn't done anything like this, to my knowledge, in the time we've been together and he seems remorseful, so maybe I'm being unfair. I don't know. I guess I'm just confused. I want to be able to get past this, but I'm horrified right now.

I do love him and prior to this I could see us being together long term, but now I don't know. It also doesn't help that he said he won't remove the tattoo (still because of embarrassment/shame). That alone makes it harder for me to see a future together with him.

sorry baby my heart belongs to you but the rest belongs to Hitler, a deal's a deal

# ? Feb 17, 2017 20:57

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# ? May 28, 2024 07:01

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

How big is this swastika? You could turn that into a banging Windows 98 logo cover up!

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:04

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

this is magic you're magic

sorry baby my heart belongs to you but the rest belongs to Hitler, a deal's a deal

here's what i think about that

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:04

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

this is magic you're magic

quote:
Anyway, so my out of the blue my boyfriend tells me yesterday that he has something he wants to tell me. Long story short, we meet at my place and he says he needs to tell me about his past and that this is connected to the shirt issue. He then tells me that he feels comfortable enough with me to reveal his past as a neo-nazi. The reason why he wouldn't remove his shirt is because he has a swastika tattooed on his chest. He apparently has never removed it because he is too ashamed to have it done.
sorry baby my heart belongs to you but the rest belongs to Hitler, a deal's a deal

pretty sure bad prison swastikas are the reason tattoo removal exists in the first place

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:05

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

wtf

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:07

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

Mirthless posted:

pretty sure bad prison swastikas are the reason tattoo removal exists in the first place

There are even programs out there that will remove this stuff for FREE. http://www.freshstarttattooremoval.org/

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:08

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Sitting at a nice fat 0 upvotes:

My husband [20 M] and partner of three years cheated on me [18 F] when we were still dating. How do I bring up that I am still hurting?

quote:

Well the title pretty much says it.
Our relationship started great. We were still in high school and I was head over heels. He then left me a month into our relationship for a classmate, but over the summer we still saw one another.
Fast forward to the end of the summer/his freshman year of college. He breaks up with the girl and we are official again. This starts a long-distance relationship. He and I have always been absolutely crazy for one another, so the distance sucked, but I felt we could do it. Unfortunately he left again for another girl.
Fast forward to the end of his freshman year. His fling was over and we were back again. After a broken heart, and some growing up to do on his part, we spent the summer together. He planned on joining the military that February, so this was our last summer until he came back. Things are wonderful. It finally feels like he is 100% mine. We plan on a future.
He left for basic that February and was gone until May. All that time I sent letters each day and I thought things were going perfect. Then his cousin messaged me on Facebook saying before he left, he cheated on me with another girl, who happened to be her husband's sister. I knew something was up because he had her in his phone, texting her before he left; when I would ask who she was, he said they were just friends. I didn't want to be that girl, so I never pushed it further than that.
One of his last Sunday phone calls before basic was out, I confronted him. He denied it and began to ask what my plan was- "What if I did? Would you break up with me?" ...I mostly would have if he admitted it, but he seemed upset to the point that I figured he was telling the truth.
I believed him. I sometimes bring it up in light situations. He still says he didn't and that he must be a popular guy if people he barely talks to says he boned them. Something inside of me still wants closure. I don't know how to bring it up in a way where I can show how upset I still feel from no true answer, but not sound like I'm beating a dead horse and have him get upset with me not believing him.
I'm serious. This eats away at me daily. I can't even look at him sometimes because all I do is imagine him doing this to me again. Some advice would be nice on how to ask or go about this. This relationship to me, is worth salvaging. I want to fix this.
tl;dr: How do I get over my husband's cheating in the past?

Comment time

quote:

Lol and you married him after this. Get a divorce, this is ridiculous.

quote:

Why does this website have such a bias against people experiencing infidelity? I want to FIX THIS, not cut this off. I guess no one here has wanted to solve a problem differently before.

quote:

Grow up kid. You're playing house and way out of your league.

quote:

Because that's helpful. You have no clue who I am.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME, WE IN LOOOOVE

quote:

You're 18 and you're married?
Wow.

quote:

I thought this was a place to seek advice...not to be judged. Different strokes for different folks. You just seem kind of mean.

Married at 18, married because of the military, he's a cheater, she wants to stay no matter what and is looking for reinforcement. Ahhh love

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:24

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Nazzadan posted:

Content

Me (35 F) with my husband (34 M) of 5.5 years, together 12.5. His conflict-resolution tactics are starting to wear on me.

This is the stupidest fight I've ever seen.

Hahaha, even when reddit points out she was being an idiot for getting upset in the first place she doubles down on the whole "they were my feelings and it's not fair to just invalidate them like that". I had a gf like that and it's miserable to deal with because they're never "wrong" they're just "upset" and literally every fight has to end in you groveling because their emotions are always valid, it's exhausting. These people never consider your emotions or how you might feel after they accused you of a bunch of bad poo poo that wasn't even on your mind.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:25

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My GF is a Tumblr Nazi, what do?

Has this woman not heard of hybrid vigor? Race mixing is good for you!

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:30

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

ArbitraryC posted:

Hahaha, even when reddit points out she was being an idiot for getting upset in the first place she doubles down on the whole "they were my feelings and it's not fair to just invalidate them like that". I had a gf like that and it's miserable to deal with because they're never "wrong" they're just "upset" and literally every fight has to end in you groveling because their emotions are always valid, it's exhausting. These people never consider your emotions or how you might feel after they accused you of a bunch of bad poo poo that wasn't even on your mind.

Same and yeah that was an exhausting as gently caress relationship holy poo poo.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:31

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

ArbitraryC posted:

Hahaha, even when reddit points out she was being an idiot for getting upset in the first place she doubles down on the whole "they were my feelings and it's not fair to just invalidate them like that". I had a gf like that and it's miserable to deal with because they're never "wrong" they're just "upset" and literally every fight has to end in you groveling because their emotions are always valid, it's exhausting. These people never consider your emotions or how you might feel after they accused you of a bunch of bad poo poo that wasn't even on your mind.

well her dude isn't exactly gonna let her vague feelings slow him down so good match imo

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:33

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Moridin920 posted:

Also I kinda wanna see the spicy nazi memes lmao

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:33

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Nazzadan posted:

Sitting at a nice fat 0 upvotes:

My husband [20 M] and partner of three years cheated on me [18 F] when we were still dating. How do I bring up that I am still hurting?

...

Married at 18, married because of the military, he's a cheater, she wants to stay no matter what and is looking for reinforcement. Ahhh love

the moral of these military spouse stories nearly always seems to be "don't marry somebody in the military, or who is getting into the military"

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:34

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

My mom married my dad well before he joined the Airforce. To be fair, he was in med school and doing the military officer thing afterwards to pay off his loans. I turned out fi...oh.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:36

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Moridin920 posted:

Same and yeah that was an exhausting as gently caress relationship holy poo poo.

The ironic part is if you read through the comments basically any of the posts where someone disagrees with her she just digs in her heels and continues to explain herself/justify what she said/did instead of accepting their point and moving on, which is exactly the behavior she's getting upset about with her SO.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:39

the_sea_hag: Oct 9, 2012; LOAF FANCIER

Play posted:

Obvious troll; true in many situations but not in plenty of others. Most of it has to do with the experience a man has in a fight. They seem really scary if you've never been in one before and they should ALWAYS try to be avoided. I've been in plenty of fights and I run from any I can and sucker punch or otherwise cheat if I can't. But fights are scary and the surge of adrenaline gets people acting weird, literally fight or flight and usually flight

I think what Pick means is that white guys are weenies over fights that don't involve fists. Such as maturely facing one's racist family and holding them accountable for the way they acted. I'm sure if that girl's boyfriend could punch his grandmother, he'd have no problem. But he's too much of a weenie even for that.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:41

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

loving white people!

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:43

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

The more comments I read through the worse it gets, she says they have minor scuffles like that on at least a weekly basis (always her getting upset) and this has been going on for years, I have no idea how you'd put up with it for that long.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:44

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Husband prolly drinks a lot.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:46

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

ArbitraryC posted:

The more comments I read through the worse it gets, she says they have minor scuffles like that on at least a weekly basis (always her getting upset) and this has been going on for years, I have no idea how you'd put up with it for that long.

Maybe she's one hell of a lay and the fights precede makeup sex? That's all I got.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:47

Tweezer Reprise: Aug 6, 2013; It hasn't got six strings, but it's a lot of fun.

They said that Queens could stay
They blew the Bronx away
And sank Manhattan out at sea
-- Miami 2017 by Billy Joel (1976)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az1FSLfZxH4

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:49

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Husband is actually the only thing capable of keeping up with her, and inflatable punching bag.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:50

Palisader: Mar 14, 2012; DESPAIR MORTALS, FOR I WISH TO PLAY PATTY-CAKE

Pick posted:

The Bioware site was selling it back in the day, they had a signed 500 print run of four designs: the Keep, sooomething else I'm not remembering right now, the Arishok, and Meredith. I bought them straight from there. (Oh yeah, I have the Arishok as well, but that print is behind the Meredith one in the frame. I have considered switching them out but frankly I like the one of Meredith best.)

I like you, Pick

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:51

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Go rescue her from the sea of incel nerds she is apparently surrounded with so we have more tales of woe about Chads and Stacies to post in the other thread.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:52

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

But do u like like her??

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:55

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

ArbitraryC posted:

Hahaha, even when reddit points out she was being an idiot for getting upset in the first place she doubles down on the whole "they were my feelings and it's not fair to just invalidate them like that". I had a gf like that and it's miserable to deal with because they're never "wrong" they're just "upset" and literally every fight has to end in you groveling because their emotions are always valid, it's exhausting. These people never consider your emotions or how you might feel after they accused you of a bunch of bad poo poo that wasn't even on your mind.

I know a girl like this and it's incredibly frustrating watching her try to come to me and my other friends for support for the weekly bullshit she's mad at her (boring, perfectly nice) boyfriend about when we can't tell her she's being absolutely ridiculous and paranoid because her feelings are always, always valid

can't even imagine being in a relationship like that

# ? Feb 17, 2017 21:56

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Waterbed Wendy posted:

There are even programs out there that will remove this stuff for FREE. http://www.freshstarttattooremoval.org/

Yeah all the tattoo shops around here had a "free gang/racist tattoo coverup!" day a few months ago. They got really mad though because people were coming in with tattoos and trying to convince them it was racist to get a free coverup.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:02

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

Yeah all the tattoo shops around here had a "free gang/racist tattoo coverup!" day a few months ago. They got really mad though because people were coming in with tattoos and trying to convince them it was racist to get a free coverup.

http://i.imgur.com/zBgItRr.jpg :nws:

EDIT: This is kinda :nws:

Please don't do this. There may be children and other sensitive people looking. Actually, we know better than that. But It would be sad if Jake got fired from yet another job because of some lovely tattoo on an rear end. unless it was on Jake's rear end. Then, of course, I think we would all get behind Jake getting fired again.

Somebody fucked around with this message at 07:17 on Feb 18, 2017

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:04

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

That Butt-erfly is racist against humanity.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:07

Vorkosigan: Mar 28, 2012

2nd St Butterflies will gently caress your rear end up.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:08

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Vorkosigan posted:

2nd St Butterflies will gently caress your rear end up.

Obviously

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:09

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

I [22M] told my girlfriend [22F] that I sometimes forget that she's a girl, why did this make her so upset?

quote:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 and a half years now. Before we started dating, we had been really greats friends since the time we were children.

My girlfriend has always just been another one of the guys. For example, she�s always happy to hop on xbox with my friends and I. Another thing is that she is actually a really knowledgeable football fan, maybe even more so than I am. She loves fantasy football and I can always expect super bowl sunday to be a fun time, because she loves being a host for my friends and I.

I guess that me looking at her in this way has caused a problem for us. Recently, she started teasing me over a pair of sunglasses I bought. I took offense to this, and one thing led to another and we started fighting (jokingly). After our wrestling match concluded, I remarked that sometimes I even forget that she�s a girl. Apparently, this touched a nerve for her and she said that sometimes she feels like I treat her like she�s a guy I can f*ck without it being gay. I asked her what she meant by this, and she replied that sometimes my treatment of her makes her feel unfeminine like the way I call her �buddy, pal, or bro� when referring to her.

I feel somewhat confused by this. This has always been the way we�ve treated each other, and she�s never been one to fret over her perceived femininity. Of course, if it makes her unhappy, I�ll alter my treatment of her to be more in line with what she�d like. However, I�m wondering what could have triggered this recent change in behavior?

tl;dr: Told my girlfriend that sometimes I forget that she's a girl and this made her upset for some reason I can't figure out.

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:25

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

quote:

a guy I can f*ck without it being gay.

the perfect woman...

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:30

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Gaunab posted:

I [22M] told my girlfriend [22F] that I sometimes forget that she's a girl, why did this make her so upset?

That's like some deeply internalized something right there imo lol like 'wow girls are only for sex objects but you're not that so it's like... you're a boy!'

quote:

like the way I call her �buddy, pal, or bro� when referring to her.

lmao

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:33

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Pvt.Scott posted:

Obviously

Haha nice

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

Yeah all the tattoo shops around here had a "free gang/racist tattoo coverup!" day a few months ago. They got really mad though because people were coming in with tattoos and trying to convince them it was racist to get a free coverup.

also some of this might be on the tattoo artists. like, a guy might come in with a My Little Pony tattoo and the artist thinks "yeah right, what could my little pony have to do with white power?..."

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Moridin920 posted:

That's like some deeply internalized something right there imo lol like 'wow girls are only for sex objects but you're not that so it's like... you're a boy!'

lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFNvq-xu-3s&t=669s

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:37

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Moridin920 posted:

That's like some deeply internalized something right there imo lol like 'wow girls are only for sex objects but you're not that so it's like... you're a boy!'

girls like clothes shopping and pink and think sports aer boring and would freak out if you wanted to wrassle em dummy, that's boy stuff

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:38

Pivotal Lever: Sep 9, 2003

Waterbed Wendy posted:

Gross! High School is such an awkward time, why do people make it harder on themselves by liking anime and doing other very disgusting things?

There was this girl i went to middle and high school with who would, every day in class, take out a safety pin and lance her large pimples and then drain them often times popping whatever came out into her mouth. Every day during class. She would also full cup her boob during the pledge and liked to shake her greasy dandruff hair all over her desk.

Unsurprisingly she was very very into anime and wore cat ears and a collar.

Please do not doxx yourself at this point in time

# ? Feb 17, 2017 22:50

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# ? May 28, 2024 07:01

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

I [40 M] with my female friend [32F]: How come she doesn't like me?

quote:

I'm pretty sure I[40] have unchecked rage issues. Anyhow, I have a female friend [32F] Let's call her "Sarah". She is funny, witty, likes to banter and is like "one of the guys". She's always surrounded by men, but she says she has no interest in any of them. Anyhow, I tried to ask her out on a date, and she told me she just doesn't see me that way. I am also very immature with anger issues and fantasize about her all the time. In fact, I secretly hope she fails at everything, including relationships so I can be there to "rescue" her. Yes, I know, I'm sick LOL.
Anyhow, all of "Sarah"'s boyfriends in the past have been CEOs of their own companies. Weird, but she only dated guys who became super successful at their jobs. Funny enough, all her exes want her back and often write her messages about how they're still in love with her but she says "going back with an ex is going backwards in life".
Anyways- back to our story. So, "Sarah" didn't marry her exes, because according to her, she didn't feel "in love" with them, and could only see things ending in divorce although they are super successful and could've provided her with an ultra 1% lifestyle. "Sarah" comes from a working class family, but her family sacrificed everything to send her to world-class universities, so she puts her career as a priority in lieu of romantic relationships. "Sarah" also has been a vegetarian/vegan since she was 13 years old, and says she only wants to seriously date a vegan guy. I joked that men who don't eat meat are sissy and effeminate and she rolled her eyes at me. She is acquaintances with a lot of famous vegan bodybuilders and always mentions their "hot bod" and sends me pics of them. This makes me very mad! I told her to stop sending me pics of hot men and blocked her from my chat application because I found it so annoying.
Anyways- "Sarah" was really attracted to a guy we mutually know, but since he is married, she considers him "off-limits". Haha, but he wasn't vegan though! She was also interested in another guy, but she gave up on him because he was basically uncommunicative. "Sarah" needs lots of attention. In addition, "Sarah" just met a vegan guy she is interested in and they are going to some vegan food festival together. "Sarah" is like one of those untamed horses who like to run free but she says she will only marry a guy whose voice she still wants to listen to when she's 90 and who can write exciting stories. She told me very bluntly that she thinks my voice is annoying, but i think she is just playing hard to get! LOL I think she goes for the "excitement". Last guy she dated for a month only, she said "he had a hot bod, but couldn't string together two grammatical sentences to save his life" LOL. Ok, so she wants to fall in love with a smart and sexy guy and not settle for a guy just because he's super successful and provide her with a 1% lifestyle. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with her, but I think she should go out with me. It's making me very angry that she is interested in other men, who are supposedly hot and vegan!
What's wrong with her? How come she won't go out with me? I keep imagining that I will be the guy she at least has a hot fling with despite the fact that she told me she is not interested in me!
tl;dr: I [M40] am really interested in a friend [F32] who says she has no interest in me whatsoever, and I often fantasize about her but I think she is really playing hard to get

Another thread by him

Is she leading me on?

quote:

Things she said to me:
*"I just got out of a relationship so not interested in a relationship right now" *"I'm not interested in a relationship with you but we can be friends" *"You are not my type" *"Look, lovabledork, I wouldn't date you EVEN IF I didn't work with you- so let it go!" *"Who's your friend Aaron? He's like...super hot"
We spend a lot of time texting each other and I tell her about my dates and she tells me about the guys she is interested in. I told her I would introduce her to some eligible men but to be honest, she has no problem finding men to like! Am I being fair to her or am I acting like a supreme d**ckhead?
I don't know why I have all these anger issues! I think it's because I'm the eldest child and I usually get my way by screaming at people and throwing fits.
But yeah, although she did NOTHING inappropriate and always have been super straight and BLUNT with me, I WANT TO LIE TO EVERYONE AND TELL THEM WHAT NEVER HAPPENED!!!
Give me some advice, reddit! What's my problem? I'm thinking maybe if I TREAT WOMEN WITH RESPECT, I could find a decent girl to date, but I have a very condescending attitude towards everyone in general!
WAHH WAHHH WAHHH!!! IM SUCH A BIG BABY!!!!

Alright this is super fake but I'm laughin

# ? Feb 17, 2017 23:07

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