Beachcomber posted:

Poor Freckles, saw a snake and creampied.

3D Megadoodoo posted:

I walked by my regular barber's shop last Friday as he just happened to glance out and saw me and looked really disappointed.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Glad things are back to normal

Rust Martialis posted:

His dad's a barber?

Rust Martialis posted:

His dad's a barber?

Cartoon Man posted:

How do I get this job? Do they need references? A skills test? Does it work on commission?

The Bloop posted:

The pay is poo poo, but you get a lot of exposure

Tossed_Salad_Man posted:

TSM has a very crazy uncle, heres the besy x-mas story EVER..

My uncle lived on a HUGE farm in Kentucky. He HAD lots of cattle. He also like to drink. He also worked in construction not really a side job he did more construction and kept cows for food.

Oh yeah, he ALSO likes high powered rifles and assault rifles, he has MANY.

And I need to mention the Bulldozer he has as well, can anyone see where this is going?

This bulldozer was some old army surplus rickedy shitbox contraption of death, with none of the modern day saftey features on those nowadays, and if there was some kind of saftey device he had it removed one way or another.

So there we all were at his farm for christmas, since he did have the largest home to comfortably hold all the relatives at once and in comfort. Well, granny made her "special" egg nog, and as she was getting on in years sometimes forgets things and apparently as she made the egg nog a few days ahead of time, she would forget if she added any alcohol, and thus kept adding burbon to the eggnog. In short she had made egg-rocket fuel, or eggNOOOOOOOGGGGG as it is refered to by the family to this day.

Well everyone proceeded to get tore down christmas family style and my uncle gets rowdy when he gets drunk.

So he goes and gets out his sks, which he had gone and purchased all of the illegal perts needed to make it a select fire, fully automatic, assault rifle.

He goes out to the edge of the field and begins emptying 30 round magazines into the cows cloest to him, right in the loving face and or side and or necks.

He went out with about 8 magazines and wound up killing 8 and wounding 6.

IT GETS BETTER.

He then proceeded to get on the loving bulldozer and proceeded to run over, mash, and pretty much make hamburgers right there in the field, WHILE YOU WAIT.

He was screaming about bulldozing them goddamn cows and bull dozing bulls and laughing maniacly, he then decided it would be cool to go and basically do "donuts" or spin the treads of the bulldozer over the smashed shot carcases of the recently living cows.

Eventually he got tired/passed out and fell off the bull dozer, narrowly escaping his own death and the bulldozer plowed into a 150+ year old oak tree, where it grunted and strained aginst the tree. My other uncle ran out to turn the dozer off and we dragged my drunken passed out uncle covered in cow blood and mud into the garage where they hosed him off.

LUCKILY he lived far enough out in the country no law enforcement people were called and luckily no one was loving killed.

Everyone was too drunk to eat dinner, and we all passed out and awoke to a very pissed off agrivated uncle who wanted to know WHAT THE gently caress HAPPENED OUTSIDE LAST NIGHT??!!

It took a half a day to expalin to him, and as we all sat around eating leftovers laughing about how funny it was that almost all of us could have died or been killed.

He is in a "home" now for "special people" just like him.

This was 1995 btw.

EorayMel posted:

Outrail posted:

Goddamn. My family is so boring. All we had as a kid was rentless emotional abuse.

bird with big dick posted:

Think of like an 8 ounce New York strip like it’s not really that big of a steak kinda average sized not big but not small but if you took that amount of meat and converted it into a penis it’d be a pretty big penis I think definitely well above average

e: sorry wrong thread

Absurd Alhazred posted:

RoboRodent posted:

Do not have sex with the sun.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Yestermoment posted:

another day volunteering at the International Space Station. everyone keeps asking me if they can gently caress the sun. buddy, they wont even let me gently caress it

Rust Martialis posted:

His dad's a barber?

3D Megadoodoo posted:

I was my dad's barber.

Paladinus posted:

Every village needs at least two barbers, so that they both could get a haircut.

Tiggum posted:

Samovar posted:

Come pray, my Lord.

Phlegmish posted:

Just the men? It seems kind of old-fashioned to focus exclusively on one gender, that's not very common where I live. I sometimes see hairdresser shop windows that are clearly targeting women, presumably because that's the most profitable market, but they usually don't exclude anyone or even outright state that everyone is welcome. My regular hairdresser takes care of my beard just fine, even if she doesn't have one herself.

Platystemon posted:

Phlegmish posted:

Just the men? It seems kind of old-fashioned to focus exclusively on one gender, that's not very common where I live. I sometimes see hairdresser shop windows that are clearly targeting women, presumably because that's the most profitable market, but they usually don't exclude anyone or even outright state that everyone is welcome. My regular hairdresser takes care of my beard just fine, even if she doesn't have one herself.

hawowanlawow posted:

beards look like poo poo

Gargamel Gibson posted:

Then why did you marry her lol

EorayMel posted:

Moon Slayer posted:

Who keeps texting "log off" to my smartphone. Show yourself coward. I will never log off.

DoubleDonut posted:

https://twitter.com/hassankhan/status/1285597060604088322

HiroProtagonist posted:

Just wait till this man realizes there is a thing called a French press and *gurgling noises as I am strangled and dragged away by the anti technology left*

DoubleDonut posted:

that's not the first french device I'd introduce to a venture capitalist, but sure

jesus WEP posted:

There’s only one barber where I live; all the men go there to get their hair cut, I guess unless they cut their own hair

jesus WEP posted:

There’s only one barber where I live; all the men go there to get their hair cut, I guess unless they cut their own hair

Tunicate posted:

Good grief

JacquelineDempsey posted:

If that reference is what I think it is, you win the JacqDempsey Deep Cut of The Week Award.

Inceltown posted:

https://twitter.com/danielle_binks/status/1285751855914512384

Fister Roboto posted:

♪shut your loving face, uncle cucker♫

Biplane posted:

I thought I was supposed to smell burning hair when having a stroke.

SodomyGoat101 posted:

Try lube.

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Samuringa posted:

The cover for Fifa 21 was revealed and...it does not look good

DrBouvenstein posted:

High School yearbook page dedicated to the kid who died drunk driving.