/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

the same family that (presumably) facilitated him getting raped for most of his childhood and then denied him any mental health treatment until he got bailed out by his, uh, homeless underage stripper girlfriend

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:26

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 15:26

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

I'm gonna gently caress

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:28

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

Captain Yossarian posted:

I'm gonna gently caress

Don't do it!

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:30

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Captain Yossarian posted:

I'm gonna gently caress

Nice

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:47

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

My wife has been having "online" affairs. I caught her 3 days ago, she told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me, and now I just found out she simply created a new account and moved her flirts over there.

quote:

I am a 25 yo male (hetero relationship). We've been married for more than 5 years and together 11 years.
I believe 3 weeks ago I got on her laptop to look something up and saw a chat window open with a man talking about "being so hard" immediately catching my eye. I knew she liked to chat but didn't think it was sexual in nature until I saw that by accident. I went through it a little and was really upset by what I saw, it felt like betrayal. So I confronted her and told her that in my mind that was pretty close to cheating on me and that it was serious. She said she was deleting the accounts, was sorry, and didn't want to lose me.
Fast forward to past Sunday, I was holding her phone for her as she was doing something and got a beep. I checked it out and saw it was a chat message from a guy. Time to go digging. I find out that not only has she kept it up, but it's clear she sent one of them a video of herself and has been making plans to have chats with them. I see talk of "when the hubby is asleep", etc, etc. We spend quite a bit of our time together, so she was really going out of the way for these talks. It's not like I'm never home or anything like that.
This time my heart sinks, I hyperventilate and just plain freak out. I get in the car and drive away, leaving her phone on the grass. I call my parents for advice and comfort. I don't know what to do.
She calls me and asks what's going on, so I tell her that I don't want to talk to her right now but I found her chats. Her response was something to the effect of "why would you go and do that" and "there's no trust." I replied with "you choose your words carefully with me next time we talk" and hung up.
By the time we talk again she is in a much more apologetic mode and crying saying how much she is in love with me and doesn't want to lose me. I return, we don't talk much until we can get back home and then have a long conversation that night. I tell her I want honesty and to tell me where I'm not meeting her needs. She insists it's all her and it was all out of boredom. She liked the attention and wasn't thinking of me while doing it. It was selfish. I ask for honesty, she admits to sending "one little video" and of course says she will cut off communication.
We talk further the next day and I really feel like we are identifying ways to make her happier. It seems the issue is mostly with her just not liking her job and is perhaps a little jealous of my professional success. But our love and relationship is as strong as I thought it was. We make vows to improve certain areas. Note that through this process I cried a lot and was really affected.
Now tonight. I'm sorry but I just don't trust her anymore and as she sleeps my curiosity gets the best of me. I get on her email and go digging and see that yesterday she setup a new email account and told her flirts to move to that. She has to "lay low" for a while, she got in "big trouble" but she wants to "play later." One of them has already sent a video of him masturbating and some dick pics. I also see that he has a google drive of nude photos from her (sent May 2), so it was obviously more than one little video one time. This time I don't even feel hurt by it. Just shock and numb. I am disconnected. I don't know this person. This is not who I married.
I woke her up and she was devastated and hysterically crying. She says we should go to counseling and she wants to make it work but that's what was said 3 days ago. It was pretty drat clear in our conversations a few days ago what this meant. It's not even what she did but what it symbolizes. She cared more about her temporary rush than salvaging our marriage, knowing if she got caught we could be ruined...all within 2 drat days. She's either insanely selfish or just doesn't care (despite what she says), both of which is not who I thought she was.
We've always had a great marriage. We love spending time together and are madly in love. We have sex often. We are still young (no kids) and starting to make really good money, building a future together. But somehow in one single night I fell out of love with her. She is hysterically balling while I had nothing to give. I feel nothing but shock.
I'm writing to see if anyone knows what a next step should be. I guess we could and should do counseling and try to make it work, but if I am truly out of love with her, how does this go down? Should we separate and see if we can start over and rekindle the flame? I think I believe her when she says she really loves me, but it's so hard to know anymore.
TL;DR - Wife having "online" affairs. Strike 3. I went from devastated last time she was caught to numb about it. Where do I go from here?

This guy ow-
Update

quote:

I told her last night I don't know what the next steps are but I slept on the couch. She wrote an email to her mother, my mother, and me explaining the whole situation at my request (she was pretty candid with it). I asked her to do that because I wanted the shame to hopefully sink in and I wanted her to have a larger structure around her. Her mother is now livid with her, saying she is ruining something with a great guy. So that's perhaps helpful.
After some thought, I think this behavior is beyond simple marital problems. This is addiction level sickness. At least 5 different guys have multiple angles of her with her face in clear view, along with knowing her name and where she lives (at least city level). She couldn't stay away for even 3 days after knowing our marriage was on the line. All for guys she barely knows. Something's not right, this isn't just an affair.
Regardless of where we end up, she is going to need therapy immediately. While I understand that from your perspective things should be over, I care enough about her that I want to make sure this problem is addressed before we make that decision. If, and only if, she can fix her problems then she can work to get me back.

Nvm he's stupid.

Great response to her trying to deflect onto the snooping, though.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:53

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Nazzadan posted:

My wife has been having "online" affairs. I caught her 3 days ago, she told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me, and now I just found out she simply created a new account and moved her flirts over there.

quote:
She liked the attention and wasn't thinking of me while doing it

Well, obviously.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:56

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

I imagine those consent apps have a 100% success rate at preventing confusion over consent cause when you pull one out in the heat of the moment and ask her to agree to the terms and conditions you're not gonna gently caress anymore.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:57

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

ArbitraryC posted:

I imagine those consent apps have a 100% success rate at preventing confusion over consent cause when you pull one out in the heat of the moment and ask her to agree to the terms and conditions you're not gonna gently caress anymore.

Never know, maybe you're in law school

:v:

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:58

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

"You gotta sign on the dotted line or legally I can't nut."

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:58

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

Nazzadan posted:

My wife has been having "online" affairs. I caught her 3 days ago, she told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me, and now I just found out she simply created a new account and moved her flirts over there.

This guy ow-
Update

Nvm he's stupid.

Great response to her trying to deflect onto the snooping, though.

He should agree to open the relationship.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:59

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

ArbitraryC posted:

I imagine those consent apps have a 100% success rate at preventing confusion over consent cause when you pull one out in the heat of the moment and ask her to agree to the terms and conditions you're not gonna gently caress anymore.

I'm picturing the Chappelle's Show Love Contract sketch, when after they're done filling it out he goes "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm still aroused."

# ? Mar 22, 2017 21:59

beejay: Apr 7, 2002

I'm surprised nobody posted this one yet

quote:

My[22 M] girlfriend[18F] HORRENDOUS eating habits

I love my girlfriend to death, but I am terrified for her health. She doesn�t eat �food.� Her �dinner� last night was literally powered(confectioners) sugar. She took the bag, dumped some in a bowl, grabbed a spoon, and ate it. Along with a coke. Unfortunately this is normal. She doesn�t eat real food. Her daily food consumption consist of about 3 to 4 cans of coke, candy (she will go to Walmart, buy cake topping candy(the little letters you put on top of cakes to spell out "Happy Birthday"), and eat the whole package), and maybe some chips. Every once in a while she�ll have pizza but she doesn�t eat any topping. She will pick everything (even the cheese) off the pizza and eat the dough and the sauce. Her last �meal� was when I cooked for her. We had chicken breasts, potatoes, corn/veggie mix, and rolls. Her last meal before that was Christmas when her family cooked for her.

She doesn�t live with me, she�s still in college and lives with her parents. Her parents are the reason for her bad eating habits as they NEVER cook anything, they always just order take-out from a restaurant. While I know this isn�t healthy either, at least it�s �food� (hamburgers from Mcd�s, tacos from Taco Bell, ETC.), still better than just pure sugar. Ever since I moved down to this city (about a month ago) she has been at my apartment most of the day and therefore her parents will not buy her any food or give her money for groceries. She doesn�t have a job to buy her own groceries and has no money saved up (she also has HORRENDOUS spending habits, as in I personally will never allow her to have a credit card of ANY kind except one with a $100 spending limit if they even make those� that�s a rant for another day). I would offer to buy her groceries and food so she can cook them at my house, but my job (entry level IT) pays very poorly and I would not feel comfortable financially supporting her and myself.

What do I do?

tl;dr: Girlfriend has terrible eating habits, parents won't buy her food, she and I can't afford to get her food.

Edit: Some people are confused about the credit card thing. I did not mean I will control her. I would never do that or try to control her like that. We joke about that. I will say "I'm never giving you a credit card," and she will laugh and say "good idea."

Thinking about eating a bowl of powdered sugar with a spoon makes me ill.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:26

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

Girlfriend diabetic, so what

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:29

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dude, she needs a credit card to put her recurring perscription for diabetes medication on.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:29

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

beejay posted:

I'm surprised nobody posted this one yet

Thinking about eating a bowl of powdered sugar with a spoon makes me ill.

I wonder what it's like dating a hummingbird

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:30

sout: Apr 24, 2014

beejay posted:

I'm surprised nobody posted this one yet

Thinking about eating a bowl of powdered sugar with a spoon makes me ill.

Holy poo poo.
Just imagine the teeth situation.
e: Pick do not post some gross teeth poo poo tia

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:32

nerd plus rage: May 12, 2014; It's a metaphor for something, probably

beejay posted:

sugargirl

How is she alive?

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:33

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

nerd plus rage posted:

How is she alive?

She's 18.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:35

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Moridin920 posted:

Maybe I smoke too much but uh $40 will get you a .5 oil cartridge at the club and I'll go through that bitch in a week tops. Maybe I need to find a better source though.

I'm sure it depends on location. In Santa Cruz it was $20/gram, and there are plenty of reusable attachments for batteries.

Now I get the disposable cartridges at 40/gram but they're very strong, two of them can last my girlfriend and I a month. I smoke all the drat time except when I'm at work so if you smoke at work that could make the difference.

Something I can actually recommend is hitting up craigslist for an under-the-table oil dealer. Always better prices, even here in Nevada I got a half ounce of strong oil for about 200 bucks, lasted me half a year.

When I was in college I went through at least an ounce a month, oil is fantastic it's very discrete I can do it literally anywhere, cheaper, stronger, less smell, etc.

Faffel posted:

Is that true? I got a vaporizer the other year and smoked exactly the same volume of weed in the same period, I just don't cough. I have not found any way to make my weedery-doo any more cost effective. Even buying in bulk doesn't give much of a discount at the dispensaries now.

E: I once failed to capitalize on the advances of a girl who was miming masturbating herself at me work. She eventually got bored of me and found an abusive guy who choked her while she was driving. That's my relationships story.

I'm talking about high-potency hash oil not just vaping flowers.

And about your story lol that's pretty funny. Not sure how I'd react to that to be honest it's a bit forward for my tastes but if I liked the girl the correct response is to do the classic V pussy licking face

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:35

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

That girl needs therapy for her eating disorder imo

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:37

Enfys: Feb 17, 2013; The ocean is calling and I must go

Nazzadan posted:

My wife has been having "online" affairs. I caught her 3 days ago, she told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me, and now I just found out she simply created a new account and moved her flirts over there.

This guy ow-
Update

Nvm he's stupid.

Great response to her trying to deflect onto the snooping, though.

They've been together since he was 14. Good thing people don't change at all from when they are teenagers.

nerd plus rage posted:

How is she alive?

Youth is an incredible thing.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:36

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Bubblyblubber posted:

I miss being this stupid. It was... freeing, in a way.

[21/f] Said it was a date, but a platonic one? I[21/m] am loving confused because shes very sexually open. Relationships

Umm one section in particular caught my eye...

quote:

She brought up the fact that one time she slept in bed with me, I didn't get a boner because my "crotch was burried deep within her huge rear end."

ummmm... ok

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:38

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Basically, the human body is insanely good at processing sugars. It takes a while to develop Type 2 diabetes, and until that happens your body will just produce enough insulin to keep your blood sugars even. She probably never goes much above 120 mg/dL post-meal. Of course, she'll definitely get it, and way earlier than a normal Type 2 diabetic, because overproduction leads to resistance, but until then she can eat all the sugar she wants.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:38

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

She's already seeing some effects.

From the comments:

OP posted:

No she's not fat. Not even overweight really. She doesn't go to the doctor. She has horrible teeth, as in the dentist has suggested dentures at 18. She has literal holes in her teeth. BUT her parents won't take her because they "can't afford it" as the dad buys new AR's and the mom takes her younger sister to New York for a middle school choir thing trip.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:39

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

WampaLord posted:

She's already seeing some effects.

From the comments:

false_economy.txt

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:41

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

new phone who dis posted:

stuff

Hey man thanks for sharing! I think you're the first person I've called out in this thread for dropping leading hints who was actually willing to expose themselves to potential mockery so kudos on that.

As to your story, you're lucky she left as she's pretty clearly a big bag of sexual hangups and emotional neuroses. Don't talk to her anymore and find a nice girl who will suck your wiener regularly.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:48

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Captain Yossarian posted:

I'm gonna gently caress

# ? Mar 22, 2017 22:53

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 5 days!

I know people laugh about the idea of a consent app, but given how easily people play fast and loose with consent, especially when they are young, I'm not surprised it exists. Better that extreme than women getting raped behind dumpsters.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 23:13

nomad2020: Jan 30, 2007

Yes a consent app is what will keep people from dragging drunk women behind the dumpster.

# ? Mar 22, 2017 23:21

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Pull up from this death spiral you weirdos

# ? Mar 22, 2017 23:39

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

WampaLord posted:

She's already seeing some effects.

From the comments:

does ARs stand for something else because I'm just picturing dad, bowl of sugar in hand, proclaiming from atop his mountain of guns that the family cannot afford to have teeth and the Star Spangled Banner starts playing in my head

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 00:01 on Mar 23, 2017

# ? Mar 22, 2017 23:57

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Thread's current topic has given me a new buzzword to search, "skate" is on hold for now.
My [F22] girlfriend [28] doesn't listen to me when I tell her not to pop my zits or to at least ask first, which I see as an issue of consent which triggers me.

quote:

[F22] + [F28] together for a year.
Yeah, I know. It's zits. But hear me out.
This happened almost every day:

Can I pop this? No. Please. It's just this one here that really bothers me. I said no. she touches my face I'm just looking (Then I feel her nails) HEY Look it's already gone!

See popping zits is not a big deal to me. Whatever it's a zit. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for nails in my face though, so I say no.
We've had conversations before where I told her she had to ask and she would still do it even though I would say no and would point out she didn't expressly ask.
The last couple days I've been reminding her about asking and I try to let her do it if she asks. Today she was doing my eyebrows and started digging her fingers into the skin around there and I told her the tweezers hurt and she didn't say anything and then I finally realized what she was doing and her response was no I forgot to ask. She's not dumb, so that's no excuse.
But you know what? I've had issues like this before in other relationships, and I've learned you have to put your foot down and not let that sort of thing continue before it gets ugly. Because you know what? I've heard it before:

Come on, just a little bit. Can I do X? Okay well I'm going to do x anyway. Come on, why do I have to ask?

This resulted in a spat today and I finally told her why I needed to put my foot down and said you know what yeah this triggers me and it's loving upsetting (I've told her before that it upset me but she still did it) and she told me that this was an issue about my trauma that I needed to resolve with my therapist and left the room.
I just feel like: a) she ignored me when I said no, b) she doesn't even seem to understand the meaning of consent since this has happened so many times c) she invalidated the poo poo out of my feelings
and I feel like gently caress bro, this is why I don't tell anyone I know about these things. You just have people blame everything on that and they stop taking you seriously. I wish I never told her that was why it bothered me so much.
Do you think I have any valid points at all? Is it irrational for me to be upset? What do you think I should do?
tl;dr My girlfriend doesn't listen to me when I tell her to not pop my zits or to at least get consent after asking ffs. I told her issues of consent triggered me and she told me I was being irrational, to speak to my therapist and left the room.

This might have already been posted

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:00

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

does ARs stand for something else because I'm just picturing dad, bowl of sugar in hand, proclaiming from atop his mountain of guns that the family cannot afford to have teeth and the Star Spangled Banner starts playing in my head

No that's definitely what she's talking about and your characterization probably only differs from the truth in it's obviousness.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:02

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

gf has a sweet tooth

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:02

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Play posted:

No that's definitely what she's talking about and your characterization probably only differs from the truth in it's obviousness.

god bless America

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:03

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

He just needs to learn to excrete sugar paste from his anus, then everyone is happy.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:05

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Nazzadan posted:

Thread's current topic has given me a new buzzword to search, "skate" is on hold for now.
My [F22] girlfriend [28] doesn't listen to me when I tell her not to pop my zits or to at least ask first, which I see as an issue of consent which triggers me.

This might have already been posted

Yeah it was but it's pretty funny. Dude probably shouldn't have gotten into the whole "consent/triggering" thing and just said "stay the gently caress away from my acne unless I give you explicit permission you freak".

When I was younger my sisters loved to search out blackheads and stuff and I've never had a girlfriend who didn't enjoy the process. It actually is relevant whether consent is given because it makes the difference between feeling like embarrassing bully behavior and a relaxing few minutes where my girlfriend helps me out with personal hygiene. Even so, talking about it being triggering is totally unnecessary as far as I can tell. Just tell them don't do it and if they do you know they don't really have respect for your words and preferences.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:05

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Nazzadan posted:

Thread's current topic has given me a new buzzword to search, "skate" is on hold for now.
My [F22] girlfriend [28] doesn't listen to me when I tell her not to pop my zits or to at least ask first, which I see as an issue of consent which triggers me.

This might have already been posted

what happens when you put two people who've never seen another offline human in a room together

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:06

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Women love popping zits. It's one of those strict universals. We love it and we'll do it all the time.

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:06

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 15:26

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

Pick posted:

He just needs to learn to excrete sugar paste from his anus, then everyone is happy.

Me [1Aphid] with my gf/herder [2European Yellow Meadow Ant], her constant milking of my alimentary canal terminations with her rough antennae are making me rethink our mutualistic relationship

# ? Mar 23, 2017 00:12

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