Panfilo posted:

EVERY MORNING MIRTHLESS WAKESUP AND OPEN PALM SLAMS SOMETHINGAWFUL DOT COM INTO HIS INTERNET BROWSER. ITS A THREAD TANGENT ABOUT CEREAL AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE MIRTHLESS STARTS DOING THE SHITPOSTS ALONGSIDE WITH THE THREAD. HE DOES EVERY poo poo POST And DOES THEM HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN HE POSTS SOME HOT TAKES OR EVEN WHEN HE MESSES UP HIS TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE FORUMS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. HD CAN. HE SAYS IT AND SAYS IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN HIS COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND HE'S LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND HE'S LEARNED HOW TO MAKE HIM AND HIS APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY POSTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

lmao there's a loving update to the hotdog battle where it turns out he's been using it as an excuse to visit his ex on the DL

gentle pete posted:

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

lmao there's a loving update to the hotdog battle where it turns out he's been using it as an excuse to visit his ex on the DL

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

lmao there's a loving update to the hotdog battle where it turns out he's been using it as an excuse to visit his ex on the DL

Hot Smart ARYAN Girl posted:

I'd love to see how that woman peels pop tarts in half

Hot Smart ARYAN Girl posted:

I'd love to see how that woman peels pop tarts in half

SirSamVimes posted:

why do you do this without posting the update?

I searched for it myself, but it seems to have been deleted. What's the trick to add to the URL to undelete posts that was mentioned earlier?

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4rwgpt/update_things_got_complicated_me_35f_with_my_bf41/

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

when u think about it, people saying wicca is silly because its new is prob what was goin on in the holy land from 2-90 AD

makes u think

Thumbtacks posted:

i took a class on this last quarter and yeah that's basically exactly what happened for like 300 years and then it flipped and people were like "lol Wicca weirdos"

quote:

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure she's been the one eating hot dogs, if you know what I mean. After stewing all day I'm done with it all.

quote:

Commenter: Normally I relish a frank conversation, but his explanation here doesn't really cut the mustard. I would make sure to get the point across to him that this is a pretty serious problem likely to start a major beef in the relationship if not end it altogether.

OP: I see what you did there. I appreciate the thoughts, but I don't think any conversation will have him ketchup to where I am and meat me in a reasonable place. It's over.

Commenter: Glad you still have your sense of humor. I'm sorry he was such a two-faced liar.

OP: I have to laugh so I don't cry. This is all so gross and weird. I'm just glad it happened before his lease was up.

Gluten Freeman posted:

the OP's comments in that hotdog post are hilarious:

quote:

UPDATE: Panty Problem Solved

I decided to stop being a doormat and dumped my son's putrid laundry on top of him. And of course out tumbles out my (infamous) panty.

"If you going to use my panty, instead of a sock, and stash them in the laundry, atleast wash up so I won't find them,".

He blurts that when he was "using" my underwear he was thinking of his girlfriend and not me. He says he only used a dirty one because I would've realized if he took one from my drawer.

"Don't tell dad, he'll kill me,"

I decided to take this in my stride and told him the only way I'll keep this a secret is if he does his own laundry.

He glares at me, sighs and gathers up his stuff to go load the washer.

Part of me wants to tell my husband. But I know he will rip out my sons reproductive tract and shove it down his throat.

Also the reason why I was still doing my son's laundry is a fight usually breaks out when I tell him to do it. And the odd occasion he does do it, he spitefully uses too much soap or he'll set it on a load a size to big.

So I did to keep the peace.

I've won now.





https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/63a352/update_panty_problem_solved/

DangerZoneDelux posted:

Do y'all discuss Reddit Parenting in here? It has equally hosed up adults posting poo poo.


Jesus there is another update and the dad hits the son in the balls

quote:

Sounds like a typical teenage boy to me, coming from someone who was one

DangerZoneDelux posted:

Do y'all discuss Reddit Parenting in here? It has equally hosed up adults posting poo poo.

quote:

Your 16 yo son should have consequences for not doing chores. Especially specific ones asked of him. He is not 5

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

god yes

DangerZoneDelux posted:

Jesus there is another update and the dad hits the son in the balls

Bubblyblubber posted:

I'm crazy, but am I BEING crazy?

submitted 4 years ago by crazy_or_not

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. He's 31M, I'm 23F. Things started off great, but have gotten really crappy. I actually broke up with him about a month ago, but we got back together and have been trying to work things out ever since.

An important thing to note: I'm bipolar. Yeah, I'm crazy. I have ups and I have downs. But I've never been the crazy girlfriend type of crazy - sometimes I just get sad and upset over nothing or something really little. For the most part, I have it under control.

The big problem: Anytime I get upset about something he does (or doesn't do), he blames it on my being crazy. Sometimes I'm in a phase and sometimes I'm not, but I think I'm allowed to get legitimately upset over something even when I am down. He's also always quick to tell everyone that I'm crazy and very insensitive about it at times. His response to me getting sad is to get angry with me, which just makes things worse.

I think I have legitimate problems with him. He embarrasses me in front of my friends, he smokes far too much weed (I know people claim it isn't addictive, but he's no fun to hang out with when he's high, which is often), and much of the time he just doesn't treat me well at all. However, sometimes he treats me great - he'll agree to help me move into a new apartment, be affectionate and sweet, make me breakfast, help with the dishes, etc. When I bring up that he's nice to me sometimes and terrible other times, he says that I can't use that argument, since I'm the same way (the crazy card again).

It makes me very sad to think of not having him in my life. We really do love each other very much, but we're constantly fighting. I'm unhappy, and I don't know how to fix it. But if I end it, will I be losing a great guy who truly loves me, just because I'm crazy?

I just don't know. I almost broke up with him tonight, but I'm in a down phase right now, and he pointed that out and told me to think on it, and that we would talk again when I was "normal." Because I guess my unhappiness in the relationship isn't real when I'm phasing (sarcasm).

TL;DR: I'm bipolar and in a relationship. Boyfriend said I'm being crazy when I tried to break up with him. Am I?

Elsa posted:

my handwriting is poo poo especially when I'm buzzed so

therobit posted:

Do you do this for money or recreation?

Mirthless posted:

if your partner has a mental illness and you repeatedly remind them of that in a really patronizing way to win fights you're a piece of poo poo

love the art as usual Elsa, you're really talented

Wendigee posted:

What is the most accepting church? I don't really pay attention but I *think* the local Episcopalians might be even doing pagan services here now?

Elsa posted:

1400 posts since I got unprobated. what

Mirthless posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/63ba5r/update_final_part_of_the_panty_saga/

Serephina posted:

I must admit, this is the first one I don't fully 'get'. We've got a Nightmare before Xmas cast, Jack as the guy from halloween land (which might just be the end of the joke right there, he's intrinsically a meanie etc), but it's been ages since I saw the movie and Wikipedia isn't helping. Didn't she have some thing with her true love before and after death and confusing Jack for it? Or am I mixing movies up?

Elsa posted:

Just a low effort characterization of a generic story. A warm-up, I guess. I really need hosed up stories for those bangers and most of the posted stories are vanilla. The Lego cheating story is my personal favorite thus far.

Antivehicular posted:

I'm disappointed you didn't find a picture of Jack Skellington smoking up to illustrate the "he treats me like crap" paragraph. Surely that poo poo's on Deviantart for the taking?

gentle pete posted:

gentle pete posted:

quote:

This is a pretty dumb issue and I don't think it's friendship-ending or anything like that, but it does make spending time with my friend, Alice, difficult.

Alice is an aspiring actress and her father is a guitarist in a famous European rock band. These things are definitely true; I've met her family. Alice has been applying to study at drama schools in the UK for nearly 4 years now, with no success. I actually met her through an acting summer school (though I now specialise in directing) and she is a genuinely talented actress. I mention this because I think part of her lying comes from insecurity about not getting into drama school.

Alice has consistently told extravagant lies throughout our 3 year friendship. These mostly involve hooking up with various A listers while she's on set at different films. The reality is that she has not done any professional acting work - she does not work as an extra because she considers it to be beneath her. The biggest lie(s) took place over the course of late 2015 - late 2016. First she told me that she'd bumped into Benedict Cumberbatch at a restaurant in Miami and he told her she was pretty. Then it turned into having a one night stand with him in the restaurant bathroom. Then it turned into loving him for the whole month she was in Miami. Then it turned into having an affair with him, except it wasn't really an affair because 'his marriage is fake, they had to get married because of the baby'. Then it turned into 'Benedict Cumberbatch has a crippling coke addiction and he says that my love is the only thing that can save him.' And then, finally, she told me that she was pregnant with his child but had to get an abortion and he sobbed down the phone to her.

I never really cared about this stuff before the abortion came up. I honestly couldn't care less if she told me she'd had an orgy with the entire cast of Sherlock, but I feel that lying about an abortion crosses the line. It is worth mentioning that throughout this whole saga, she was/is in a relationship with a dude from her home country, whom she now lives with.

She keeps on escalating her lies (apparently she is now sleeping with James McAvoy and was the cause of his divorce). It is ridiculous and childish. How the hell do I a) call her out and b) deal with repairing the friendship or separating myself from it?

TL;DR - Friend has told ridiculous lies throughout our friendship, mostly revolving around sleeping with celebrities. How do we sort this out?

quote:

u/2woLeftFeet
I'm twenty-nine, married to a lovely woman [30] and have a baby at home [1F]. I work in accounting and have achieved quite a lot since graduating college six years ago: I manage a small department of eight other accountants, and earn close to a six figure salary. I'm fit, strong, and athletic. I work out regularly (running, hitting the speedbag, weights).

In high school, I was a skinny nerd. From 9th grade through 10th, I didn't have any girlfriends; in fact I didn't get laid until I was in college. I had friends, but they were all nerds, too.

In 8th grade, I had a friend, "Josh." Josh and I used to be best friends in middle school. We were into the same things, like Nintendo 64 and Playstation 2, graphic novels, and tinkering with computers.

In 9th grade, Josh completely changed. He suddenly wanted to be the "cool" kid and always kissed up to the popular kids in school to try to join their groups. He succeeded for the most part. I didn't want to follow his example because I thought he was being fake.

In the middle of 9th grade, Josh hit his growth spurt and grew over six feet tall. I was impressed but otherwise uninterested. Because he was only in 9th grade but already really tall and well-built, girls started noticing him, even ones in grades above ours, and he definitely became a popular kid.

I thought that was cool, good for him, but then he started picking on me in the quad for some reason. Like, he couldn't just leave me alone and be popular and live his life. It's like he actually sought me out to humiliate me.

In the school quad at lunch, him and his popular friends would come up to me, and I'd usually be sitting with one or two other nerdy kids, and he'd say, "Look at this little [homophobic slur]. He used to always have a little crush on me in middle school."

And of course his friends would eat it up. I didn't mind if a bunch of dumb guy bullies made fun of me, but it especially stung because girls would laugh at me too due to his treatment. I wrote for the school web newspaper, and my picture was on the website. Josh and his friends right-click-saved it and taped it to my locker, with a fake thought-bubble containing various homophobic material.

I could deal with all that, the humiliation, the needless mockery, but by tenth grade Josh actually began to bully me physically. He'd shove me into the wall if he were walking nearby. He was very popular by this time, always had a pretty girlfriend, always with a crew of other popular guys. I was always in more advanced classes than him so I avoided him academically, but in 9th and 10th grade I had to take Physical Education (state law), and just my luck. Josh was taking PE during the same period.

He wasn't in my class (three PE teachers shared the same field) but when the teachers let us do "free activity" which they did every day for thirty minutes, Josh and his friends would shove me around again. One time in PE I actually tried to stand up to Josh and called him out for being a fake and a coward, always traveling with his crew.

Josh didn't like this, so he challenged me to fight him one on one right then and there. I was only fourteen and scared, much smaller than him. Someone behind me shoved me forward and I crashed into Josh. He shoved me back and punched me in the face. I didn't cry or anything that embarrassing, but I went down with a bleeding lip.

The teacher broke it up and Josh got suspended for two days. When he came back he'd always threaten to "kill" me. I asked my parents if I could switch schools. I always got really good grades so my parents trusted me when I said I wasn't feeling challenged by my teachers.

I eventually changed to a different and as it turned out better high school. I was still a nerd, but there were lots of nerds and I didn't get bullied anymore. Still didn't have girlfriends, but I was having a much better high school experience.

Except Josh and his friends found out different gaming messageboards I posted to, and joined up just to troll and make fun of me. This lasted for quite a while, with Josh always calling me the P-word, various homophobic slurs, and always saying he would beat me up if he ever saw me on the street.

Eventually he got tired of it and left me alone. By eleventh grade the bullying stopped, except for one brief period in 2005 when he found me on Myspace through mutual acquaintances and verbally abused me on social media for a while. The way I'm writing it makes it seem unemotional but at the time it was absolutely awful. But eventually that too, stopped, and I didn't see Josh again.

--Until yesterday, when our company hired a new junior accountant. And who did it happen to be? Josh. And where was he assigned? Why, to my department of course.

When I met him he didn't recognize me right away. I had grown a lot since 10th grade. In 12th grade I finally hit my growth spurt and became tall, even taller than Josh. And I worked out a lot in college. I was always a nerd, even in college, but I was an athletic nerd and ran the sprints for the track team, and played lacrosse. I didn't have any trouble with women in college, and always had a girlfriend. I met my wife, who was a year ahead of me, in my junior year. We married after six months together and have been happy ever since.

Josh looks for the most part the same but older and is balding slightly. He has a gut and is nowhere near as athletic as me. I knew him the second I saw him. My boss introduced me to him, and let me say my own full name to Josh. When I did so, Josh looked like he saw a ghost.

He didn't say anything to indicate that he knew me. I only told him I would be his supervisor, and "your desk will be right there." I gave him a guidebook and told him to come to me with any questions. I told him there would be a department meeting Wednesday (tomorrow) afternoon. I didn't do the whole "so tell me a little about yourself" bit that I do with all of the other new hires I supervise.

Josh hasn't made real eye-contact with me once since yesterday. Sometimes I'll be looking at him, remembering how much he hurt me when we were kids. He'll look up, meet my eyes, then quickly look back at his own computer.

Seeing him makes me feel flush with the pain I used to feel fifteen years ago, and all the bullying and pain and hurt come flooding back. My head is hot and my heart is racing just typing this. I'm really supposed to be typing a numbers report (I already finished) but instead I'm pretending to work while I am on Reddit. I'm looking at him right now, and he's deliberately refusing to make eye contact with me because he knows I'm looking.

I have ZERO doubt that I could beat the living sh-- out of this clown if he tried to bully me today. I could literally end his life if he tried to punk me again, and even if I took it easy on him I would turn him into a quadriplegic.

I am fighting so hard not to walk on over to him right this second and backhand slap him across his stupid face and dare him to do something about it.

I just don't know what to do. I know that sooner or later (and probably tomorrow) I'm going to have to sit down in close proximity to this person, and I'm going to have to let him know that I know who he is. And he'll know what that means. He knows I remember all the crap he pulled, how badly he hurt me when we were kids.

I just don't know what to do from there, though. I have to work with this guy. I don't want to be his friend, but I don't know if I should work to be his enemy, either.

Advice appreciated, thanks.

tl;dr: The company I work for hired a man who used to bully me without mercy in high school. I am now in a position of superiority over him. He clearly recognizes me and whenever I look at him I am furious and want to break his legs.

Lareine posted:

This is already gone. Why the gently caress do posts never last?

quote:

Ok things just came to a blow.
My husband's been home for a while now and he approached me saying that the vibe is bad and he knows something is going on.
I saying nothing and he returns 15 minutes.
"Why don't just tell me," he sighs. "You know secrets make me mad,"
I tell him that's exactly why, I don't like saying anything. Right now I don't really care if my husband if my husband gets mad.
He could combust before me and I won't bat an eye. I mean my son masturbated with my, his mother, underwear. My husband yelling can't be any worse.
I tell him if he gets angry at what I'm about to say, I'm going to leave.
I haven't even told him the reason why I'm currently upset and he's already getting heated. He says if I weren't so secretive he wouldn't have to be mad.
The reason I'm secretive is because you're temper is short....
I tell him that I found my soiled underwear in our sons hamper and he masturbated to it.
Husband looks me dead in my eyes and starts laughing.
He states that what I get for being too liberal and buddy buddy with our kids. He said that's what happens when you talk about sex too much with your kids.
He asked me how I responded. I told him and he broke into a peal of laughs. He says I should have kicked him in the privates.
He said if he wasn't present in the household, our son would've raped or molested me by now.
Husband finally stops laughing and went into the hallway. He called our son out of his room. He nails him right in the groin and tells him if he does that again, he will beat the incest out of him until he coughs up his organs.
Hubby tells me I need to have a therapy course on how not to be a doormat.
Tomorrow,I'm going to go to my physcian and get a referral to a therapist because right now I could jump of of Mount Everest.
And when I get out of this current funk, I'll be looking for a lawyer next.
I can't take this anymore. If my daughter was, say 14 I would stick it out for the next four years.
But she's ten, I can't go another 8+ years.
I figured once the kids moved out,my husband would be the wonderful man he was. He was perfect before we had kids.
Thank you for all of your advice.

UPDATE: I'm at my Dad's place, with both kids. I told him I was going to the supermarket to pick up some pain killers for our son. I had to sneak the kids out while he watched TV.