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Sydin posted:Our maintenance staff hosed up the wiring when doing routine electrical repairs and now all the light switches on the first floor of my building are somehow wired together. Everybody knows this by now and yet somehow the lights still go out about a dozen times a day because somebody exiting a conference room or bathroom turned the lights off out of reflex. The most synergistic office.
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Apr 10, 2019 17:43
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I've had my first run in with recruiters and marketers on linkedin not reading profiles. I made myself the CTO of a fake made up company on my linkedin profile and now I get tons of messages from recruiters and people trying to sell me their companies services. Except they seem to think I'm the CTO of my real job and not the fake one.
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Apr 10, 2019 20:50
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A call center is top-to-bottom corporate bullshit.
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Apr 10, 2019 21:18
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I must be in an alternate timeline because I just got an unsolicited recruiter message on LinkedIn that's actually in my field for positions I could actually get.
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Apr 10, 2019 21:26
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Just figured out that the reason I have so few internship applicants this year is because HR appended my job listing to the bottom of someone else's completely irrelevant, unrelated internship. Their logic was "oh, you're both in [same massive branch of company] so you probably both do the same thing." The top listing was for a PhD intern for chemical synthesis. My listing tucked away at the bottom was for an industrial and operations engineer B.S/M.Eng intern. I'm amazed I even have four candidates at all.
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Apr 10, 2019 21:52
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I'm a computer toucher but not a developer, I have almost zero professional development experience and don't list any skillset for it on my resume or LinkedIn, and all of my jobs have been more analyst or IT geared. Despite this I get at least four unsolicited recruiter messages a week on LinkedIn telling me that I'm a "great match" to fill an opening for a senior back end stack developer. 
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Apr 10, 2019 22:00
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That's because there are lots of bad recruiters who don't know poo poo about technology, and plenty of companies that are desperate for developers
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Apr 10, 2019 22:11
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Sydin posted:I'm a computer toucher but not a developer, I have almost zero professional development experience and don't list any skillset for it on my resume or LinkedIn, and all of my jobs have been more analyst or IT geared. Despite this I get at least four unsolicited recruiter messages a week on LinkedIn telling me that I'm a "great match" to fill an opening for a senior back end stack developer.
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Apr 10, 2019 22:36
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I actually updated LinkedIn recently because they kinda asked us to do so. Given the number of open positions we have, they want everyone doing networking and contacting people and naming names and such. But you see, I left my previous team for a reason, and I'm not planning on working with them again, so I have no names to give. As LinkedIn is still open, I've been tempted to reply to "You must hate your job by now, give me a call", just to see how unreasonable some of these people are. I may have to leave to get promoted, so I haven't ruled out the pain of applying externally. In other news, I got my 2% COLA today. What fun being stuck at the top of the bracket.
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Apr 10, 2019 23:46
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Sydin posted:I'm a computer toucher but not a developer, I have almost zero professional development experience and don't list any skillset for it on my resume or LinkedIn, and all of my jobs have been more analyst or IT geared. Despite this I get at least four unsolicited recruiter messages a week on LinkedIn telling me that I'm a "great match" to fill an opening for a senior back end stack developer. "Work at a FAANG company? Obviously you must be yearning for a job doing Machine Learning! Your resume (which is Android dev for over a decade) makes you a great fit for this role!!" - every recruiter spam email I've gotten lately
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Apr 10, 2019 23:52
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Most of the recruiters who contact me on LinkedIn usually have positions that are relevant to me but I'm in people analytics so not riding on the tech fever for the most part. I still do get a few random hits based on knowing/doing stats and knowing multiple programs like R and SAS (and soon to be Python).
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Apr 11, 2019 00:00
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My title is basically Manager, Operations (something extremely specialized) I’ve been offered the opportunity to manage operations at: -A fulfilment center -An hospital blood lab -A movie studio I also get contacted for positions I currently supervise, thankfully at other companies. Often my suppliers. The one decent recruiter I’m in touch with ya only reached out for a great job... at a place I’d never work, because trust me, I’m not a good culture fit.
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Apr 11, 2019 00:15
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Volmarias posted:"Work at a FAANG company? Obviously you must be yearning for a job doing Machine Learning! Your resume (which is Android dev for over a decade) makes you a great fit for this role!!" "No but if you have some other buzzword you'd think I'd like to switch my career to, without any education, training or experience, by all means blow up my inbox"
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Apr 11, 2019 00:17
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I keep getting relevant LinkedIn messages, but from defense companies. Maybe engineering a missile to off myself would be the most poetic exit from Corporate America.
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Apr 11, 2019 00:45
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Fhqwhgads posted:I must be in an alternate timeline because I just got an unsolicited recruiter message on LinkedIn that's actually in my field for positions I could actually get. This is how I got my current job. I'm an environmental consultant, though, so the info in my profile is fairly specialized and generally won't pop up in most generic searches. I actually got two unsolicited calls from LinkedIn, both about the same position - one from the internal recruiting folks and one from an external recruiter.
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Apr 11, 2019 02:17
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resident posted:I keep getting relevant LinkedIn messages, but from defense companies. Maybe engineering a missile to off myself would be the most poetic exit from Corporate America. Accomplishments: helped immanentize the eschaton (2020)
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Apr 11, 2019 03:25
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Ornamented Death posted:This is how I got my current job. I'm an environmental consultant, though, so the info in my profile is fairly specialized and generally won't pop up in most generic searches. Same. I had two competitors reach out at the same time through LinkedIn for roughly the same reason, ended up taking a job with one of them. There's no reason not to keep your LinkedIn up to date.
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Apr 11, 2019 03:34
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My company is reorganizing two departments, moving some of the workload from one to the other to allow more specialization. I've been hoping this means the department getting the additional work would have new manager jobs open to support the additional people. But I can't apply because these new roles are closed postings only available to the people in the affected department. (I currently support said business unit in a coaching and training standpoint and already am involved in a lot of leadership team activities.) I'm so frustrated. 
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Apr 11, 2019 04:20
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I'm fighting a brutal hangover and - since my job is charged to clients by the hour - I'm in the process of figuring out who is going to pay for my bad decisions.
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Apr 11, 2019 08:36
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The coffee machine in this office is so incredibly bad 
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Apr 11, 2019 11:29
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bad breakroom coffee is where I get my power from
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Apr 11, 2019 12:08
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A meeting request went out to the entire engineering department of several hundred people for an all hands meeting 3 months ago. The first reply-all response was someone asking if this was spam. I'm watching a storm be born in real time.
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Apr 11, 2019 13:04
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Renegret posted:A meeting request went out to the entire engineering department of several hundred people for an all hands meeting 3 months ago. The first reply-all response was someone asking if this was spam. What can such a meeting even accomplish? I imagine it’s either nothing or “you’re all fired”
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Apr 11, 2019 14:00
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Boiled Water posted:What can such a meeting even accomplish? I imagine it’s either nothing or “you’re all fired” It's not interesting. We do quarterly webexes just to update everyone on where we are as a company and what's going on as a whole. I usually skip it because most of it is an executive chest thumping competition.
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Apr 11, 2019 14:04
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At my last company, there were quarterly, mandatory all hands. It was, in my opinion, a way for our company president to spend tens of thousands of dollars to make several hundred people listen to him for an hour.
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Apr 11, 2019 14:20
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Volmarias posted:At my last company, there were quarterly, mandatory all hands. It was, in my opinion, a way for our company president to spend tens of thousands of dollars to make several hundred people listen to him for an hour. A few years back I was at a company that had monthly all hands meeting. This was a smaller company whose five offices were all within ~100 miles of each other, but yeah--the sole and entire purpose of those meetings was for the C's to remind everyone, at length and continually, who was in control and who was expected to do obeisance.
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Apr 11, 2019 14:44
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I swear my boss marked every other email as urgent in outlook and it’s a classic example of the boy who cried Wolf because nothing is actually urgent. Half the time my coworker doesn’t even respond to the emails which is what I need to start doing as well.
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Apr 11, 2019 14:44
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Hi corporate America, can corporate Japan play too?Volmarias posted:At my last company, there were quarterly, mandatory all hands. It was, in my opinion, a way for our company president to spend tens of thousands of dollars to make several hundred people listen to him for an hour. We just had our quarterly sales townhall with 250+ in the room and a couple of foreign outlets also dialing in, its a four-times-yearly three hour block of my life I wish I could get back. Nothing like hearing top execs try to make sense of the poor results of our corporation-wide employee survey.
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Apr 11, 2019 15:02
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in theory all hands meetings can be useful but yeah egos get in the way
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Apr 11, 2019 15:36
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God all hand meetings about employee surveys are bad. My favorite was “obviously the consultants didn’t understand how much you all love working here.”
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Apr 11, 2019 15:42
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In addition to the engineering all hands, we also do a department all hands for everyone under my VP. That one was pretty good for a while because it touched on things that were relevant to me that I didn't know was happening otherwise. Up until corporate started dumping more and more random rear end people on my VP. It wouldn't be fair to exclude them, of course, so now that all hands has ballooned into a 3 hour affair full of the minutiae of projects from people I've never heard of before. We have a department that's kind of like the company's red headed stepchild where they support a product that isn't really profitable, so they have no budget or anything to work with. One day their big quarterly accomplishment was an unironic "We hired someone! And got them trained!"
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Apr 11, 2019 15:45
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FrozenVent posted:God all hand meetings about employee surveys are bad. It was an incredibly surreal experience for the first all hands meeting at my current employer. They were discussing the employee survey, noting areas they did poorly in, and their plans to improve those areas. And those plans didn't involve beatings or threats but management taking responsibility for things. Like I kept waiting for the "and gently caress you, 20% pay cuts for everyone not in management" bit but it didn't happen.
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Apr 11, 2019 16:05
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Volmarias posted:At my last company, there were quarterly, mandatory all hands. It was, in my opinion, a way for our company president to spend tens of thousands of dollars to make several hundred people listen to him for an hour. We have one every quarter for our department that's three hours mandatory. It's always one hour of our department head droning on about how great
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Apr 11, 2019 16:13
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I’m presenting at a quarterly all hands in a few hours. The majority of my slide deck is recapping numbers everyone already looks at anyway, so I try to go fast and give people their time back. Unfortunately I have yet to find a way to make tables of percentage variances fun to talk through.
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Apr 11, 2019 16:32
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momtartin posted:I swear my boss marked every other email as urgent in outlook and it’s a classic example of the boy who cried Wolf because nothing is actually urgent. Half the time my coworker doesn’t even respond to the emails which is what I need to start doing as well. One cool feature is that you can mark emails as being "low importance." Nobody ever uses that feature, so if you really want your email to be noticed, use that flag and it'll stick out like a sore thumb in a mailbox.
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Apr 11, 2019 16:39
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Going to take inspiration for someone in another office who just shouts “gotta punch off!!!!” five minutes after dialling into a call 15 minutes late.
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Apr 11, 2019 16:46
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Renegret posted:I usually skip it because most of it is an executive chest thumping competition. I stopped attending our company meetings awhile ago. When asked why I don't attend I usually reply with "if I wanted to watch old men blow each other I'd watch a porno."
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Apr 11, 2019 16:59
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We have a monthly 1-hour deal, and it's exclusively the CEO and the sales director masturbating. The management piloting this company off a cliff by making unreasonable promises and all they can talk about is all the new projects we have coming up from all the new sales we're making (that we don't have the staff to complete). Except when they talk about the CORE VALUES and how we're achieving them (I'd like to know how they think we're achieving "Focus" when the development team is spread so thin that we're transparent). We get catered food afterwards though.
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Apr 11, 2019 17:24
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The solution to our poor Gallup scores was to put together a rask force with representatives from each team under our VP. They came up with "The 10 Commandments Of Quality" which include things like 'starting meetings on time.' The representative from my (former) team, who is Jewish and doesn't work in Quality Department, was so incensed that he requested that his name be removed from the Task Force membership and not mentioned in any way related to this.
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Apr 11, 2019 17:32
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's chair.
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Apr 11, 2019 17:46
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