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Febreeze posted:Goddamn son, goddamn.  I've hit the big time now!I snuck in a subtle joke in there that I'm wondering if anyone caught because I was snickering to myself for like five minutes when I thought of it. Maybe it just wasn't as funny as I thought.
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Apr 30, 2014 17:27
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I'd like to propose (and bankroll) the next Farthouse contest: Fat Dudes doing Football Things Football is great. Fat Dudes playing Football are The Best. Nothing brings a smile to a football fan's face like a fat dude playing football. Let's celebrate this with fat dude football projects. No restrictions on the type of media (song lyrics, video, ms paint, photoshop, something even better?????). Just celebrate fat dudes doing football things. 3 Winners will receive the forums certificate of their choice.
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Apr 30, 2014 18:55
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O I met a man down from old Cleveland town, his physique was round his uniform was brown. Profound he was as well as round, and pound for pound the fattest of the Browns. 375, and unable to drive as he cannot see his feet nor the door. His paycheck's uncanny, but he has to buy fanny, as he's a large load to unload. O! Poor fat lad, too sad to be bad, and has had many a fine whore. He may pay for booty, But hear the truth see? A ring he'll have nevermore. E: I was kinda going for an irish drinking song. I might be on Mars on this one.
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Apr 30, 2014 20:55
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EVGA Longoria posted:I'd like to propose (and bankroll) the next Farthouse contest: I'm going to try to do something with this later tonight, because I feel like this image has some potential. 
Chilichimp fucked around with this message at 23:22 on Apr 30, 2014 |
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Apr 30, 2014 21:29
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I'm afraid if I sit on this until it becomes relevent, I would end up tweaking it until it becomes completely unrecognizable. So I hope you guys are ok with a premature fart. Peyton Went Down To Texas Peyton went down to Texas. He was lookin' for a soul to steal. He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind and was looking to make a deal When he came across this young man runnin' an' slingin' it hot. And Peyton jumped upon a hickory stump and said "Boy, let me tell you what." "I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a pretty good player, too. And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you. Now you play a pretty good game, boy, but give ol' Peyton his due. I'll bet these cleats of gold against your soul that says I'm better than you." The boy said, "My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin, But I'll take your bet; and you're gonna regret 'cause I'm the best there's ever been." Johnny, loosen up your arm and fling that pigskin hard. 'Cause Hell's broke loose in Texas and Peyton deals the cards. And if you win you get these shiny cleats made of gold, But if you lose then Peyton gets your soul. Peyton opened up his playbook and he said, "I'll start this show." And fire flew from his fingertips as he readied himself to throw. And as he pulled on his gloves they made an evil hiss. And a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmAWqmjji2A When Peyton finished, Johnny said, "Well, you're pretty good ol' son, But sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it's done." Hut, hut, hike now run, boy, run! Get on out there and have some fun; No more rules about making that dough. Throw it off your back foot while your coach screams no. Peyton bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat. And he laid those golden cleats on the ground at Johnny's feet. Johnny said, "Peyton, just come on back if you ever wanna try again, 'Cause I'm Johnny loving Football and I'm the best there's ever been!"
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Apr 30, 2014 22:27
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EVGA Longoria posted:I'd like to propose (and bankroll) the next Farthouse contest: Let's get this party started. I give you Wilforks of Fire.
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May 1, 2014 00:20
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=537wyCW5aAQ The tiger's great fangs, they boded ill, for good King Saban's health. Their field was every bit as tense, as Saban was himself. But our brave King cried, "He was out. We have one second left. He missed a bunch, but I must trust the kicker on my bench." The ball fell short, Chris Davis caught and returned the length of it Auburn ripped his balls off And... ... ...the Sooners did all the rest pillsburysoldier fucked around with this message at 01:47 on May 1, 2014 |
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May 1, 2014 01:38
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EVGA Longoria posted:I'd like to propose (and bankroll) the next Farthouse contest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A The Wreck of the Jared Lorenzen The legend lives on from the Wildcats on down Of the quarterback called 'Hefty Lefty' The big man, it's said, never gives up his bread When the skies of September turn gloomy Pregame fried dough, twenty-six thousand tons more Than Jared Lorenzen weighed empty That QB, he chewed through nine courses of food When the games of September came early The man was the pride of the N-Y-G side Coming undrafted from U of Kentucky As the big freighters go, he was bigger than most With a coach and good supper well seasoned A couple of plays and a Super Bowl ring And he left fully loaded for Arena He Ate Me had signed with the Horsemen in time But eight short months later they folded I don't know if I can keep going, it's more of a shipwreck than the actual shipwreck. Except for getting a ring thanks to 18-1  
The Wild Man of YOLO fucked around with this message at 20:22 on May 1, 2014 |
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May 1, 2014 03:36
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That jersey is just asking for someone to photoshop him destroying Tokyo
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May 1, 2014 10:04
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Arctic Baldwin posted:That jersey is just asking for someone to photoshop him destroying Tokyo I'm honestly surprised that hasn't happened yet. If only I had photoshop 
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May 1, 2014 11:41
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Why does that Guard look like he's reading down-field for open receivers?
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May 1, 2014 13:04
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Chilichimp posted:Why does that Guard look like he's reading down-field for open receivers? You've been bad before but now you are just absolutely the worst
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May 1, 2014 17:03
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Someone who doesn't worship BattleShip Lorenzen in TFF is not welcome in TFF Also hey Nit Wit Dog poo poo, have a cameo http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/ha-ha-on-first/ Febreeze fucked around with this message at 17:11 on May 1, 2014 |
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May 1, 2014 17:06
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Arctic Baldwin posted:That jersey is just asking for someone to photoshop him destroying Tokyo Here's my attempt: 
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May 1, 2014 17:15
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Here's my crappy "MS Paint at work" rendition:
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May 1, 2014 17:28
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Mike Tolbert: The Football Drivin' Man Now Mike Tolbert was a mighty man, yes sir. He was drafted a fullback in San Diego but was freed after the contract expired. He went to work as a drive-maker for the Carolina Panthers, don't ya know. And Mike Tolbert was the fattest, the most powerful man running the field. Mike Tolbert, he would spend his day's hitting holes by slammin his thick fat body into defenders with his faithful linemen pryin open the hole, moving the chains after each mighty blow. There was no one who could match him, though many tried. Well, the new drive was moving along right quick, thanks in no little part to the mighty Mike Tolbert. But looming right smack in its path was a mighty enemy - the Big Front Four. Now the big bosses at the Carolina Panthers decided that they couldn't go around the 6' 4" and 350 pound men. No sir, the men of the Panthers were going to go through it - smashing right into the heart of the defense. A thousand guards would be called for holding before the great enemy was conquered. It took fifteen long plays, and before it was done the turf inside the stadium was filled with big, gnarley divots. The new gaps were filled with linebackers and safeties. Ya couldn't see no-how and could hardly walk. But Mike Tolbert, he worked tirelessly, pounding with his 245 pound body, and going 6 to 8 yards in one draw play. No one else could match him. Then one day a draft scout came along to the camp. He had a Penn State running-back and claimed it could out-run any man. Well, they set up a contest then and there between Mike Tolbert and that there back. The coach ran that newfangled running-back. Mike Tolbert, he just threw down out 245 pound body, football in hand. They ran and ran, dirt rising everywhere. The players were howling and cheering. At the end of 15 plays, Mike Tolbert had run through twelve tackles - a total of 52 yards, while the Penn State back had only broken one tackle for 21 yards.. Mike Tolbert held up his hands in triumph! The players shouted and cheered. The noise was so loud, it took a moment for the men to realize that Mike Tolbert was tottering. Exhausted, the mighty man crashed to the ground, the ball rolling from his grasp. The crowd went silent as the trainers rushed to his side. But it was too late. A blood vessel had burst in his brain. The greatest runner on the Carolina Panthers was dead. Some folks say that Mike Tolbert's likeness is carved right into the turf inside Bank of America Stadium. And if you walk to the edge of the turf of field tunnel, sometimes you can hear the sound of a big fat fullback pounding their way to victory over the defense.
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May 1, 2014 17:43
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FYI Febreeze if the Vikings somehow draft Manziel I'm going to need you to make a Vikings Prince Johnny avatar. Chimeric I'm disappointed you didn't go for the easy fart joke in that picture.
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May 1, 2014 17:43
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Arctic Baldwin posted:That jersey is just asking for someone to photoshop him destroying Tokyo How about Sydney? 
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May 1, 2014 18:10
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IcePhoenix posted:Chimeric I'm disappointed you didn't go for the easy fart joke in that picture. Meh, best I could do 
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May 1, 2014 18:23
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Rasczak posted:How about Sydney? That is awesome, put the jaegar in there too
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May 1, 2014 18:56
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Flikken posted:That is awesome, put the jaegar in there too 
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May 1, 2014 20:11
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I would watch the hell out of this movie
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May 1, 2014 20:11
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LaRon Landry Jones Jordan Cameron Wake Dez Bryant McKinnie
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May 1, 2014 20:22
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Isaac Bruce Bowen 
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May 1, 2014 20:34
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Perfection in the form of a .jpg
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May 1, 2014 20:44
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Chris Gaines posted:Isaac Bruce Bowen Well duh, that should be understood.
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May 1, 2014 20:46
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Patrick Willis McGahee Colin Kaepernick Foles
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May 1, 2014 21:18
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Walter Peyton Manning
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May 1, 2014 21:22
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Maurice Jones-Drew Brees Khalil Mack Strong
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May 1, 2014 21:25
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Jamarcus Russell Wilson
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May 1, 2014 21:26
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Jason David Carr
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May 1, 2014 21:27
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Philip Rivers Cuomo
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May 1, 2014 21:27
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Chichevache posted:Jamarcus Russell Wilson Massive arm cannon and decent mobility and elusiveness at 5'11" 280 lbs? God it would be a thing of beauty.
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May 1, 2014 21:39
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Thaddius the Large posted:Massive arm cannon and decent mobility and elusiveness at 5'11" 280 lbs? God it would be a thing of beauty. Beeftank as QB
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May 1, 2014 21:41
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Chichevache posted:Beeftank as QB Is the NFL ready for Run-First QBs again?
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May 1, 2014 21:50
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Barudak posted:Is the NFL ready for Run-First QBs again? Probably not, but I'm ready. Trade for Denard Robinson please, Chip.
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May 1, 2014 22:03
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Febreeze posted:Someone who doesn't worship BattleShip Lorenzen in TFF is not welcome in TFF That sums me up pretty well, actually. Nice work!
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May 1, 2014 22:11
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Matt Ryan Fitzpatrick Joshua Morgan Burnett Jimmy Graham Gano and one that isn't 100% NFL: Belle and Sebastian Janikowski
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May 1, 2014 22:18
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Calvin Cam Charlie Charles Charles Christian Chris Damaris Darius David Dennis Derrick George James-Michael Jarret Jeron Jerrod Josh Keelan Lane Leonard Matt Mike Michael Nico Orhian Oscar Quinn Rashad Rishaw Rufus Shelton Steve Steven Tom Trumaine Will Johnson
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May 1, 2014 22:27
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| # ? Jun 6, 2024 11:58 |
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Here's my Battleship Lorenzen story. One time I went to a Giants game when it was snowing out and in pregame practices Lorenzen was casually tossing balls into the third deck from the 50 yard line. That is the end of my Battleship Lorenzen story.
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May 1, 2014 22:32
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