/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

Just two bros hanging out, being affectionate to each other, raising a child together, wearing each other's thongs.

I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

quote:

u/shockedfiancee
We have been engaged for 4 months and dating for 2 years. We decided to move in together about 3 months ago and everything has been going wonderfully. Throughout the last 3 months I have noticed my underwear going missing every now and then. I thought nothing of it because I probably have 50 pairs and I usually keep a pair or two in different bags/purses in case of monthly accidents. So sometimes I will be looking for that red lace thong, but can't find it so I just assume it is in a purse/bag. Or so that was my reasoning.

This morning I was looking for the matching panties to a bra I was wearing. I looked all over and could not find them. I asked my fiance to check the dryer in case they were in there. He chuckled and said he had sold them. I assumed he was kidding and laughed and asked him to look for me. He then goes "babe, I am serious." I could not believe what I was hearing. I was beyond upset and hurt. I pressed him for details and he said he has been selling my worn panties to random people from CL!! I packed a bag and went to my sister's house for the night. I feel sick to my stomach about this. We aren't even broke or strapped for cash. His reasoning was that he wanted to make extra money to get me a nice wedding band.

I need advice about what I should do. I am at a loss right now.

TL;DR: Fiance admitted he has been selling my panties behind my back.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:05

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 09:06

Slugworth: Feb 18, 2001; If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!

new phone who dis posted:

I've done it myself for pictures, but just because you feel like it seems either drunk or gay or both.

I'm definitely not gonna die on the hill of 'that's a totally straight thing to do'. But I *will* die on the hill of 'It's way more suspicious that one of them is like "Oh man, that shirt is so cool, bro" and the other is like "well poo poo man, throw it on. I bet it'll look great on you"'

Related story - I once introduced my (then) girlfriend to my best friends (then) girlfriend, and within like half an hour they had literally traded the pants they were wearing. Their friendship outlived both relationships. So maybe these two totally straight guys are on to something.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:06

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

I once went to a Halloween party as my super fat roommate in college wearing his clothes because I didn't want to buy a costume. It was funny because I'm skinny.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:11

Slugworth: Feb 18, 2001; If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!

new phone who dis posted:

I once went to a Halloween party as my super fat roommate in college wearing his clothes because I didn't want to buy a costume. It was funny because I'm skinny.

Gaaaaaaayyy

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:13

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Bubblyblubber posted:

Just two bros hanging out, being affectionate to each other, raising a child together, wearing each other's thongs.

I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

He should have at least split the money with her smh

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:15

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Lede burying ahoy

My (35F) husband (34M) won't stop lying to me about a nasty habit.

quote:

I'll try to make this brief, but I'm fuming so we'll see. I'll preclude this by saying we've been married for almost 13 years and have a 3-year-old son with another one due in August.

Last night I woke up at 1:30 a.m. and my husband wasn't in bed. No worries, he falls asleep on the couch sometimes, and he had a really long day yesterday working in our yard. So I went downstairs to wake him up and have him come upstairs (he sleeps with a CPAP machine, so he really needs to come to bed). As I suspected, he's asleep on the couch, but as I look closer it looks like he has something in his mouth. I wake him up, and then ask him if he has dip in his mouth. He looks at me like I'm crazy, and says no. I say, "well that's weird, because it really looks like you have dip in your mouth." After another minute or so, he admits that he does in fact
have dip in his mouth. When he comes to bed he asks if I want to know why he did it, and I said no. He asks if I want to talk, and I said no.

If this was the first time this had happened, I can see why I would be overreacting. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones. HOWEVER, this is not the first time. A few months ago I found a dip can under his bed. He said it had been there a while, but he was glad I found it because he wanted to tell me and hadn't. Rewind a year and a half or so... one night I woke up around midnight and came downstairs. He met me at the stairs, and I asked him if he had dip in his mouth. He said no. I opened his lip and sure as loving poo poo, he had dip in his mouth. So last night was the second time within several years that he lied to my face.

Why do I care that he is doing dip? Well, about 5 years ago he had to have gum surgery to replace the gum under his bottom front teeth. Then he had invisalign for several years to fix his crooked teeth. I paid for all of that out of my income. He swore off smoking and dip prior to the surgery, and promised he would never do it again. Also, he used to spit it into beer bottles and then accidentally knock them over and spill them all over our floor. It smells like what you would clean a toilet with, is hard to clean up, and frankly disgusts me.

Also, this is not the first time we've had issues with him lying. He has bipolar 2 disorder, and was diagnosed about 7 years ago. During the time leading up to the diagnoses and him going on medication (which he takes regularly, except for once in a blue moon he forgets or takes it late), we separated because I found out he was talking to other women behind my back and even keeping their numbers under male names so I wouldn't suspect anything. You know, until I read texts that were sexual in nature and assumed that since he wasn't gay it was probably women. This was all confirmed in counseling after I moved out for several months, even though he lied about it for a while and gaslighted me. He swears it was never physical, and I believe him (I did my due diligence in looking into the matter). During those months of counseling, he swore that he would work to quit talking to those women, and to quit smoking and doing dip, which he did. He also promised to quit drinking, which he did not. He did go on medication then, and eventually I moved back in and things were going really well. Our communication improved a lot.

Now I am at the point where I can't believe what he says. He's in a business that is notorious for cheaters, and I've witnessed his co-workers cheat on their wives. Not all of them do - the split is maybe 50/50. But I have little trust in him because of the lying, and I don't know what to do. I'm guessing we should go back to counseling, but between work, a grad school program I'm in until the end of the year, a 3-year-old and being 5 months pregnant, I don't have much time or money for it. I just cannot understand why he continues to lie to me, especially to my face.

What do I do now? Separate, or is that too drastic? Counseling?

TL;DR: My husband keeps lying about doing dip, even to my face. He's lied about other stuff. What are my next steps?

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:17

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

I would reach deep relationship levels of braux-ness if he had a daughter to raise on his own.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:18

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

She should never have married someone who did dip in the first place, it's gross af

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:20

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

She's worried about dip instead of him cheating. She sounds like she's got her priorities in the right place.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:23

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

I honestly thought she meant like, ranch dip, and he was just sitting there with ranch stewing in his mouth

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:27

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Danaru posted:

I honestly thought she meant like, ranch dip, and he was just sitting there with ranch stewing in his mouth

nah I don't cheat

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:32

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

It's such a repulsive habit. It gives you country cred though, so tons of stupid kids get into the habit.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:33

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Bubblyblubber posted:

Just two bros hanging out, being affectionate to each other, raising a child together, wearing each other's thongs.

I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

It's not the selling that's weirdest, really. It's that he laughs and admits to doing it right off the bat, without even trying to lie. It's one thing to be weird enough to sell your wife's underwear on a fetish site, but there's something up with a dude who doesn't think it's wrong and freely admits to it.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:50

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

La Brea Carpet posted:

Lede burying ahoy

My (35F) husband (34M) won't stop lying to me about a nasty habit.

It's gross but maybe when he offers to explain himself she should listen instead of being a petulant baby. Maybe there's something she can do to help whatever underlying cause made him relapse.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:53

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Leon Einstein posted:

She's worried about dip instead of him cheating. She sounds like she's got her priorities in the right place.

What would be more horrifying to taste in your partner's mouth - someone else's crotch or loving hillbilly dip? Either one should be an immediate :sever:

# ? Apr 10, 2017 17:57

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

My parents (60+) want me (25F) to pay off my sister�s (32F) debt

quote:

u/sister_in_debt
Throwaway because some relatives know my reddit account. Let me give some context to this first. My sister Monica and I have never been particularly close growing up. Not just because of the age difference but we�re kind of different people as well. In short my sister is an extrovert with impulse tendencies and I�m an introvert who has never caused any fuss really.

When Monica was 18 she got pregnant, right after finishing high school. The dad was her boyfriend, who was a couple of years older with a job but still lived at home, but shortly before the baby was born he moved in with us. My parents 100% supported Monica in this and didn�t raise any objections, so for 3 years we all lived under the same roof, and I still remember how stressful it was to live with a baby, especially a newborn one. Don�t get me wrong I love my niece but I spent so much time at my friends place instead because I didn�t wanna get home to all the turmoil after school.

Monica didn�t get any job, not even when they decided to buy a house. And since her boyfriend didn�t earn enough money, my parents had to co-sign on the house loan. Then about a year after that they decided to get married, and Monica fully took advantage of the tradition that the bride�s parents should pay for the wedding. And it was no small wedding either. I don�t have any clue how much it cost, I just know that Monica�s dress was $2000, even though the one she really wanted was $3300.

So for years I have watched Monica live and do as she pleases while she uses my parents as a safety net in case she�s short for money. Buy a car she can�t afford? Parents chip in. Spontaneous trip to Disney Land? Parents pay. Niece wants a Nintendo for christmas? Grandparents got it covered. I�ve never even heard my parents properly address my sister�s poor handling of money.

Me, on the other hand, have done everything in my power to be as independent as possible without being a burden on my parents. I lived at home during college to save money, took a weekend job to pay for my school tuition, and didn�t move away from home until I was 23. (My parents were kind enough though to let me live at home for free, bless them) Today I have a job that pays well and live a comfortable life with my boyfriend.

I haven�t paid much attention to Monica�s life, instead focusing on my own, but it was recently brought to my attention that she is on the verge of facing bankruptcy apparently? The debts have piled on, they can�t pay the house loan, she takes new loans to cover old ones�. And she STILL doesn�t have a job! She filed for disability some time ago and actually got approved. I have no idea what her disability is supposed to be, except that she�s severely obese. (Not trying to be mean, just pointing it out) Her husband has also threatened with divorce, reasons unknown for me.

So now we�re up to speed. My parents can�t take any more loans, so now they want me to take one to cover Monica�s ever growing debt. And I�m furious that they�re even asking! Monica has always done whatever she pleases without facing any consequences, while I�ve tried my best to be responsible. I know she�s my sister but part of me resents her out of jealousy. I think sometimes how nice it would be to have a big wedding, kids and a 3 bedroom house, and that dream would be significantly further away in the future if I have to save my sister�s economy.

I haven�t given any response to this yet, I just told my parents I would �think about it�. How can I even trust that Monica will take some responsibility this time? The only reason I would help her is for the sake of my niece, because I don�t want her to suffer for her mom�s poor spending habits. I feel I�m too emotional right now though and would appreciate an outsiders perspective on this matter. Thoughts?

TL;DR: My sister Monica has throughout her life relied on my parents for financial support, but they can no longer support her, and now my parents want me to cover her enormous debt. I don�t know whether to help her.

Wowsers.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:04

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

The debts not the only thing thats enormous

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:06

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Why be jealous instead of taking your parents for some of that sweet cash as well.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:08

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Yo momma so fat she got in the bathtub and now her mortgage is under water.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:10

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pick posted:

Why be jealous instead of taking your parents for some of that sweet cash as well.

It's all gone now.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:13

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

As an aside every person named Monica or Monique I've ever met has been a huge piece of poo poo

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:14

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

Drunk Nerds posted:

Counterpoint that makes her the bad guy:
It turns out their landlord is a bizarro version of Mr Roper from Threes Company

Edit: this was about the gay poo poo

Isn't that the exact plot of an Adam Sandler movie?

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:15

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Is human fat actually worth anything to the right buyer?

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:15

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Is human fat actually worth anything to the right buyer?

According to Fight Club, soap makers would buy it from you.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:18

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Tender Bender posted:

Isn't that the exact plot of an Adam Sandler movie?

I now pronounce you chuck and larry, yes. Although in that it was a scam for healthcare for the guys kids which is so loving depressingly American.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:18

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Is human fat actually worth anything to the right buyer?

Dr bronner

E: gently caress!

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:19

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

La Brea Carpet posted:

Yo momma so fat she got in the bathtub and now her mortgage is under water.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:24

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pick posted:

Why be jealous instead of taking your parents for some of that sweet cash as well.

probably not an option, she probably started limiting her engagements as an unconscious defensive mechanism to avoid the awkward 'give your sister your liver' talk

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:44

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

new phone who dis posted:

Do you guys really know straight friends that are super handsy with each other?

gently caress yeah. I lovingly cup the balls of all my dude friends. Ok, maybe not, but I hug them and tell my good buddies I love them because I do.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 18:59

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Milotic posted:

[b]My parents (60+) want me (25F) to pay off my sister’s (32F) debt[/b
Wowsers.

This is one of those rare cases where calling your entire family retarded is the best choice.
And then send them to a financial planning session where they can hear the same thing in more professional terms.
And then keep mentioning it for years. Forever. Never let it go.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 19:10 on Apr 10, 2017

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:01

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

chitoryu12 posted:

It's not the selling that's weirdest, really. It's that he laughs and admits to doing it right off the bat, without even trying to lie. It's one thing to be weird enough to sell your wife's underwear on a fetish site, but there's something up with a dude who doesn't think it's wrong and freely admits to it.

nah dude selling your girlfriend's panties is pretty loving weird and whether or not he lied about it should be irrelevant to any reasonable or normal person.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:03

Dunning Krugerrand: Dec 23, 2015; purestrain pyrite

Panties selling boyfriend update reveals he was posting pictures of her in her underwear on Craigslist to prove to potential buyers that the panties were used.
:catstare:

UPDATE]-I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

quote:

First and foremost, thanks to everyone's thoughtful advice and feedback. I went back to my place (with my sister) while he was at work. I packed up the majority of my things and brought them back to my sister's place. Once he got off work, I phoned him (I felt that this was the easiest method of communication) and told him to tell me exactly what he had done. Here are the main key points:

He has been selling my used panties for the last 3 months.

In addition to this, he has also posted semi-nude/sexually suggestive pictures of myself that I had sent him. He had sold the underwear that I had on in the pictures. He said he only posted the pictures to the buyers to "prove" to them that it really was worn by me.

He said he told the buyers that I was 100% consenting (he pretended to be me in the emails) and when he met up in person to sell them, he would tell the men that I was too afraid of coming on my own, and that I asked him to go deliver them.

He has sold about 20 pairs of underwear. I have a LOT of underwear, and I frequently purchase new pairs. This is why I didn't really notice such a huge amount going missing. Especially since I usually keep a few pairs in gym bags etc.

He admitted to have made $900 through this. He said he sells them for about $40 pair/give or take.

He initially told me he wanted a bit of extra cash in order to customize my wedding band. When I pressed him on, he admitted he got a bit of a "thrill" by selling my panties and knowing other men found me sexually attractive/got aroused by my underwear.

He apologized profusely and tried to compare it to selling my used designer shoes or purse. I completely disagree with this, because there is a sexual motivation for these men buying them. I feel sexually exploited and taken advantage of.

I have decided to break off the engagement and I am done with this relationship. This entire incident took me by surprise and I never suspected he would do something like this.

I will hopefully break the news to my family this weekend (with the support of my sister). He is still trying to convince me to go to couples therapy with him and wants to salvage our relationship. But I am honestly done with him at this point.

TL;DR: Confronted ex-fiance about him selling my underwear. He admitted to much more.

EDIT: So the topic of the money has come up. He did not offer to pay me back and some users are suggesting I demand the money, while others say it's a bad move to take it. Thoughts??

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:03

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

People pay good money for used panties, it can be lucrative. That being said, you should ask first

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:05

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

La Brea Carpet posted:

Yo momma so fat she got in the bathtub and now her mortgage is under water.

Yo momma so fat she is legally disabled.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:06

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Panties selling boyfriend update reveals he was posting pictures of her in her underwear on Craigslist to prove to potential buyers that the panties were used.

UPDATE]-I [29F] just found out that my fiance [30M] has been selling my panties behind my back

at least she found this out before he convinced her he had a cuck fetish as a pretense to sell her on backpages

Blue Train posted:

People pay good money for used panties, it can be lucrative. That being said, you should ask first

yeah I've heard of plenty of women doing it to put some extra money in their pocket while they're in college but the key thing there is that they're voluntarily choosing to do it themselves rather than having some kind of weird panty-pimp arrangement with their boyfriends. It is so far beyond hosed up that this guy would do that.

I don't know how things like this are priced but considering how expensive brand new underwear is I feel like $40 a pair is some really lowball poo poo on top of everything else.

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 19:11 on Apr 10, 2017

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:07

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

i feel like I would notice 20 pairs of underwear gone missing but i guess i'm not a girl either

poo poo idk if i even have 20 different pairs of underwear

Mirthless posted:

I feel like $40 a pair is some really lowball poo poo on top of everything else.

it hella is

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:21

Rusty Rickshaw: Apr 30, 2008

Mirthless posted:

panty-pimp arrangement

I know, I know,
It's serious

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:23

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Yeah if they were nice undies the profit margin on that has gotta be kinda slim. Whenever I go shopping with the gf I feel kinda bad for how much she has to spend on that poo poo while I just grab 3 packs of appropriately sized boxer briefs when they're on sale.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:24

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

Especially if it's a matching bra and pants set. Nbd if it's just plain block colour bra+pants but if they're a nice set it probably cost a bunch in the first place and now you have a solo bra.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:27

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 09:06

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Milotic posted:

My parents (60+) want me (25F) to pay off my sister’s (32F) debt

Wowsers.

I'm not a lawyer or accountant, but it sounds like bankruptcy might be the best option here? Especially since the sister owns her home and has a disability check coming in.

The younger sister needs to tell them all to gently caress off in any case.

# ? Apr 10, 2017 19:37

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