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Milotic posted:Buried lede in this one. I pity the husband.  Why did she marry him if she didn't feel that strongly for him? What the hell? At least most of these stories are usually set four or five years into a frosty relationship, this marriage is doomed to all hell if she's already falling in love with somebody else one year in and doesn't even consider her marriage unhappy
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Apr 12, 2017 19:48
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I think more that the two year lease gave her more reason to leave as she realized she'd be stuck there for two more years. She definitely handled things badly tho
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Apr 12, 2017 19:49
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Rakthar posted:If you know someone hates it there, what are you doing asking them to stay? It's not going to work. Like right there that's a huge red flag. There was a problem in the relationship and the solution was "We do it my way, because of my maintenance job." I don't care how much it pays, you can get a job doing maintenance in a big city if that's what you do in a small city. i'll take "They're Both Poor Communicators" for $200
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Apr 12, 2017 19:50
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Milotic posted:Buried lede in this one. I pity the husband. Did she get married in a zany sitcom accident or what happened here.
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Apr 12, 2017 19:50
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Rakthar posted:The other part is that I'm reading between the lines here, but I get a manipulative / weepy vibe from this dude. That he asks for what he wants and when he doesn't get it, he cries. This lady may feel that it's not constructive trying to have these discussions with him, and did what she needed to do for her own life. If she just wanted to take off, she could have broken up with him and not gone "well I'm moving, follow me if you want, by the way I better not see any loving tears out of you, bitch" "Don't cramp my style in the new city, btw"
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Apr 12, 2017 19:50
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Blue Train posted:I think more that the two year lease gave her more reason to leave as she realized she'd be stuck there for two more years. She definitely handled things badly tho I agree, this is one of those things that makes you go "oh poo poo" but maybe not right away, like some people bounce the moment you mention you might want to get married sooomeday
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Apr 12, 2017 19:50
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Milotic posted:Buried lede in this one. I pity the husband. That poor husband. And now, a man who should just be happy that someone still wants to have sex with him despite him being the most insufferable person alive. Something happened with me [40 M] and my wife [35 F] of almost a decade last night and I'm freaking out quote:Throwaway because we're both active users.
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Apr 12, 2017 19:51
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Mirthless posted:
I've noticed that in some of these stories they seem to marry someone for traits that they are expected to want, so they figure the relationship will go well and they will learn to love the person. I think that's also the logic behind some of the guys who were saying they don't go around women without their wife, they know their marriage isn't strong
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Apr 12, 2017 19:51
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Rakthar posted:Ok so here's the quotes from the story:
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Apr 12, 2017 19:51
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WampaLord posted:If she just wanted to take off, she could have broken up with him and not gone "well I'm moving, follow me if you want, by the way I better not see any loving tears out of you, bitch" Yeah that's why I read it as baggage from the current relationship. I infer that she really has a problem with this weepy style of discourse / confrontations. Like, she hates having to deal with it. So not only is she doing what she wanted to do all along, and in her new life in the big city, she's not interested in having more of these "BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT PHYSICALLY HURTS, OF COURSE LEAVING MY MAINTENANCE JOB PHYSICALLY HURTS, LIKE REM SAID EVERYBODY HURTS" lovely arguments she's had for years.
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Apr 12, 2017 19:53
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Werong Bustope posted:That poor husband. what a weird loving reaction to not having a boner for one day
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Apr 12, 2017 19:54
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She should have broken up with him differently but I think it's pretty clear he shouldn't have been so blindsided because she klaxxon'd that this was likely.
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Apr 12, 2017 19:55
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So this is 95% likely to be a fetish thing, but why is this lady complaining? My BF [24M] insists on hand-washing my [19F] bras and panties himself. quote:Hey, my BF and I have been dating for 4 months now, we've known each other for longer.
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Apr 12, 2017 19:56
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:It is not in any way ethically defensible to continue dating someone and making lifelong commitments to them when you've decided to leave because it is not yet the most convenient moment for you personally. There are some people that are good at hearing what they want to hear and also being manipulative about enforcing it. I read the story as her clearly communicating her desires to leave, and this dude ignoring them. At some point she decided that she did not want to continue the relationship and made plans accordingly. Cohabiting situations are tough in general. I get the position that she should have clearly communicated this stuff to him, not let him sign the lease, and not made him believe that they were going to get married. At the same time, this lady clearly had a desire to be somewhere else, and felt that the communication was no longer effective due to this dude's conflict resolution style. I keep bringing this up because the contempt she has for his crying seems really really deep seated. What is the right solution for "This is someone I live with, I want to dump them, but this person is a manipulative jackass that will make my life hell for 6 months"? I agree her actions were harsh but I get the sense that she lost all empathy / respect for him and decided to do what she needed to do for her life. I don't see her actions as commendable, I do see them as understandable.
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Apr 12, 2017 19:56
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Rakthar posted:What is the right solution for "This is someone I live with, I want to dump them, but this person is a manipulative jackass that will make my life hell for 6 months"? I agree her actions were harsh but I get the sense that she lost all empathy / respect for him and decided to do what she needed to do for her life. I don't see her actions as commendable, I do see them as understandable. Holy gently caress you've read way too much into this story. I can't believe non-Mirthless people are sympathizing with this sociopathic lady from the story. Like, a total loving lack of empathy for her partner. Rakthar posted:I keep bringing this up because the contempt she has for his crying seems really really deep seated. Like, she could just be a massive bitch, you know?
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Apr 12, 2017 19:57
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Rakthar posted:No dude it's a really valid objection. You have a lady you're dating. You know she doesn't want to live where you live. But you go "But wait, I am doing MAINTENANCE FOR THE COUNTY!" This is not really a prestigious position, you can probably get a maintenance job with a hotel or bunch of other places in a major city. I don't think you're wrong, but I don't think the lady's not a jerk either. If she's been looking for work for 6 months, maybe she slyly goes "let's hold off on signing that lease?"
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Apr 12, 2017 19:58
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WampaLord posted:Holy gently caress you've read way too much into this story.  wow that is some fully-on-the-sleeve misogyny right there also stop invoking my name in this like I took a side, jesus christ, I made one throwaway comment about his loving job you spaz
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Apr 12, 2017 20:00
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La Brea Carpet posted:So this is 95% likely to be a fetish thing, but why is this lady complaining? she's 19, young and inexperienced if she was older and wiser she'd turn this into a domme thing where she whips his ballsack while he vacuums the house and cleans the windows
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Apr 12, 2017 20:01
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Rakthar posted:There are some people that are good at hearing what they want to hear and also being manipulative about enforcing it. I read the story as her clearly communicating her desires to leave, and this dude ignoring them. At some point she decided that she did not want to continue the relationship and made plans accordingly.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:01
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Rakthar posted:What is the right solution for "This is someone I live with, I want to dump them, but this person is a manipulative jackass that will make my life hell for 6 months"? Extremely not this: quote:She said that she would consider remaining a couple as long as I "didn't get all emotional about it" but that she needs to get her feet planted in her new job before I come and "bug her" (her words)." I started to kind of tear up because it was so shocking and she said that was the kind of bullshit she was talking about.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:01
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Mirthless posted:what a weird loving reaction to not having a boner for one day He's a weird loving guy OP posted:Agreed. I'm more worried along the lines of "I love spaghetti and eat it every day and love it and last night I put the first bite in my mouth and threw up and now I can't stomach the thought of spaghetti and don't know why." I'm hopeful that we can find some alone time so I can explore her spaghetti at my own pace in the next couple of days, but it's so drat jarring to have that big of a mental shift happen so quickly.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:02
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Avenging_Mikon posted:I don't think you're wrong, but I don't think the lady's not a jerk either. If she's been looking for work for 6 months, maybe she slyly goes "let's hold off on signing that lease?" I agree with this. There were better solutions in this situation. I get the sense that this was one of those situations where people feel "Welp, apparently I will never get through to this person. Time to do what I need to do." WampaLord posted:Like, she could just be a massive bitch, you know? Yeah that is a possibility, but I also think there had to be enough crying episodes in other conflict situations for her to form this strong of an opinion about his crying. Like, it makes you look really bad to say it that way. My take is that you wouldn't say it this bluntly unless you loving hated it.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:03
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Werong Bustope posted:He's a weird loving guy The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: I can explore her spaghetti at my own pace
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Apr 12, 2017 20:03
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Mirthless posted:
  Oh yea, I'm a big mean ol' misogynist because I called this awful woman a bitch.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:03
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That fat guy finally had it sink in that his fat wife's stinky vagina is in fact gross rather than appealing. I do feel a little bad for him.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:09
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La Brea Carpet posted:So this is 95% likely to be a fetish thing, but why is this lady complaining? At least he's not selling them.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:08
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Rakthar posted:I agree with this. There were better solutions in this situation. I get the sense that this was one of those situations where people feel "Welp, apparently I will never get through to this person. Time to do what I need to do." if you hold someone in so much contempt you're okay with completely screwing them over to minimize the odds you'll have to see them crying stop loving dating them this instant them jesus christ why is this difficult for you
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Apr 12, 2017 20:09
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:if you hold someone in so much contempt you're okay with completely screwing them over to minimize the odds you'll have to see them crying stop loving dating them this instant them jesus christ why is this difficult for you She's breaking up with him, he's blind to it
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Apr 12, 2017 20:10
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It's basically the exact same story as the military guy who didn't tell his wife about his 6 month tour of duty, and everyone was fine for calling to dump and murder that rear end in a top hat, but this lady gets white knighted despite her going "Ugh, the crying bullshit again, what a pussy you are."
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Apr 12, 2017 20:11
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La Brea Carpet posted:So this is 95% likely to be a fetish thing, but why is this lady complaining? a keeper!
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Apr 12, 2017 20:12
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Yeah, maybe he just realizes how expensive that crap is and wants to make them last. Or he just likes huffing the crotch of the panties while maintaining plausible deniability.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:13
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Blue Train posted:She's breaking up with him, he's blind to it yeah she's telegraphing real hard that it's over so my assumption here is that 2 year lease guy just was not picking up on the signals she was putting out there. so it's not that she's a heartless witch but that he's relationship deaf and she wasn't willing to shout loud enough to be heard. so poor communication on both of their parts
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Apr 12, 2017 20:15
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Leon Einstein posted:Yeah, maybe he just realizes how expensive that crap is and wants to make them last. Who cares, it's a pain in the rear end to wash those things properly I don't care if he huffs it as long as he does it.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:18
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WampaLord posted:It's basically the exact same story as the military guy who didn't tell his wife about his 6 month tour of duty, and everyone was fine for calling to dump and murder that rear end in a top hat, but this lady gets white knighted despite her going "Ugh, the crying bullshit again, what a pussy you are." The two stories are completely different to me. I thought that dude was a complete jackass for deciding his wife couldn't handle it and delaying it until the point that he wouldn't be around to deal with her retaliation. It's like saying we're in a relationship and I know better than you that you can't handle it. It's very assumptive and dismissive. This lady is breaking up with this dude and is ending the relationship. She doesn't want to date him or continue anymore. Part of the reason she doesn't want to date him anymore is how he reacts to being told to stuff he doesn't like. At some point she was tired of the fallout and started doing the things she needed to do to move on with her life. I agree not telling him before the lease was cold, and I'm not excusing it. It seems to me that she felt this person was no longer responsive to her demands and simply made accommodations to live her life without this person. And that since part of the conflict was about the handling of these issues, she declined to deal with further fruitless conflict - even though she knew it would end up costing this guy.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:18
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Pick posted:Who cares, it's a pain in the rear end to wash those things properly I don't care if he huffs it as long as he does it. Yea I was surprised she said she'd prefer that they go in the washing machine, like wth
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Apr 12, 2017 20:18
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Rakthar posted:The two stories are completely different to me. I thought that dude was a complete jackass for deciding his wife couldn't handle it and delaying it until the point that he wouldn't be around to deal with her retaliation. It's like saying we're in a relationship and I know better than you that you can't handle it. It's very assumptive and dismissive.  The lack of awareness here is shocking. She did exactly the same thing. She thought he couldn't "handle" the fact that she was looking for a new job, and furthermore she told him to not get upset about the deception.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:20
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Leon Einstein posted:Yeah, maybe he just realizes how expensive that crap is and wants to make them last. If a man's only flaw was that he liked to do my laundry and huff my pants I'd put a ring on it
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Apr 12, 2017 20:20
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WampaLord posted:
How you treat your spouse that you are in an active relationship with, presumably respect, and have ongoing communication and constructive dialogue with and how you treat a boyfriend / girlfriend you no longer want to be with during the time that you have decided to break up with them and can't communicate with them constructively but have not been able to finalize your decision due to logistical reasons Are two different things, to me.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:22
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Decided but not finalized the breakup as if she's waiting to get it notarized? What the hell? The part that's deeply unethical is lying to keep those two things distinct. That's the crux of the awful thing she did. She lied for 6 months after she decided to break up, about wanting to get married no less, because it was vaguely convenient. So like, if the military husband had also asked for a divorce he'd be in the clear? Optionally he can clarify that he didn't want to deal with the crying.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:26
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Mirthless posted:if you read the post as it's broken down - as a record of various points of their relationship - and consider the behavior in the context of bipolar, you can see the cycle between depression and mania It reads as mania.txt to me as well. I feel sorry for both of them but the guy must be so done with that now.
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Apr 12, 2017 20:29
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