The Locker Room: fat, old and shite means in between the pipes

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Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

I play in two futsal teams on Monday nights - one team with a bunch of very competent players in a higher league who are looking to win the title this season and one team in the lowest possible league who are extremely poor. In our higher league team I try and play either up front alone or as last man back because I'm not particularly fit. Mainly I just try and stay out of the way of our good players. Whichever option lets me run least. In our lower level team I'm responsible for literally our entire attacking impetus. It's no exaggeration to say that basically every goal is either set up or scored by me. We don't score a lot of goals. I'm quite good at passing and reasonably good at dribbling and I have a pretty good goal sense. I am, however, quite a heavy drinker (read: Australian) and therefore fairly unfit and slow and I have next to no left foot.

My best ever moment was scoring two goals on my left in about three minutes in a final two seasons ago. The goals brought us from 3-1 down to 3-3. We went on to lose with about 90 seconds to spare though

edit:

hughsieblingwish posted:

However, we started up a five a side futsol team at the beginning of last year. We're okay, we train once a week in summer, then lose all our skills in winter because it's either a) freezing or b) pitch black when we can all get together.

You're from Melbourne right? Where do you play futsal?

# ¿ Apr 24, 2009 11:52

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 09:32

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

On that note, why is it that all the really good players are complete jerks on field? there's nothing worse than seeing someone who's clearly better than you and on a team that's beating you're team 8-1 or something having a big moan about the all maybe being out off one of yours players.

Christ, yes. There was one team who deliberately played poorly in their grading game against us (my mate's family owns in the inline hockey rink we play at in Reservoir so we grade the new teams) so they could play in the lowest division (they tanked if you will). Anyway when it came to the regular season it quickly became obvious that they'd basically cheated to play at a poorer standard after they started crushing everyone left right and centre. They finished season with a GD of +65 or something. Anyway, they played us twice and thrashed us 10-0 and 12-0, going just as hard in the last minute as the first, celebrating every goal vigorously, whinging about decisions, belting us around with their much bigger frames and just generally being absolute cunts. In the second game one of their dudes absolutely carted the living poo poo out of our keeper looking for that all important 13th goal in the dying seconds. I absolutely lost my poo poo at the guy, calling him a loving fat little oval office, calling them all pathetic, etc etc. Anyway, the guy couldn't understand why I'd gone off at him so he sought an explanation from my mate whose family own the rink. He was told that we want to play futsal socially, not get smashed by a bunch of hero fuckwits who celebrate every single goal like they've won the World Cup. By way of apology, he said to us 'See now I didn't think you guys were so bad. I saw something in you guys. Maybe you guys could come down here once a week and I'll like show where to run and where to stand and stuff.' We just said no. loving patronising piece of poo poo oval office. I still fume about that when I think about it.

Anyway, current team news: my good team concluded the regular season with a 5-0 win tonight and another result went our way which put us in top spot! So we play the fourth placed team next week for a spot in the final. I'm pretty excited.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2009 15:56

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

My team won the grand final tonight :smug:

it was nil all at half time, then we put on four goals with about ten minutes to play and it was all over. It finished 4-2 cause we went into celebration mode but now it's time for me to get BLIND

# ¿ May 11, 2009 13:57

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

playing against teams that have one guy who's clearly dominant is much easier than more balanced teams.

This is so true. All you need to do is stop one guy and you're totally in the clear. The teams that organise their defence will be the ones that win.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2009 03:33

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

My cruddy team is 4-1-0 from five games this season, with our striker on 11 from 5 games. We just magically sort of got good in the last few months, it's weird. The first game we won this season was 3-2 against my brother's team with the winner coming with four seconds on the clock :smug:

# ¿ Nov 12, 2009 15:51

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

My futsal team has made the finals for the first time ever, only nine seasons and four years after our first game!

# ¿ Feb 14, 2010 06:10

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

One of my mates copped one in the nuts so hard at futsal once that he lay there whimpering on the ground and wouldn't let anyone touch him for about 10 minutes. He said he could taste blood in his mouth. BLOOD.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2010 03:11

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

We've got out first ever final tonight :ohdear:

The team we're playing we beat in the last round missing our two best players, so we're a huge show, I'm just worried about our keeper's nerves.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2010 02:00

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Biggy_ posted:

Yeah I like it, this season our Saturday league is pretty interesting: http://sportdata.com.au/sdp/Sportdata.dll/leagueReport?CID=333213&SportNo=907099&LeagueNo=1001535

We're Brisbane Ozspurs, beaten first and 3rd place, got flogged by fourth (although we had 2 of our best players out). Should be an interesting finals (I kinda wanna come 2nd so we can play 3rd cause 4th is a better team).

Also Grand final tonight for our wednesday league, Brisbane Ozspurs again, although it's only the 5th-8th finals, its a pretty hard/big div.

Having finals is awesome, but having the 5th-8th finals is kinda lame I reckon. So is bonus points, how do you even get those?

This is my league before the start of finals tonight: http://futsalarena.com.au/cms/attachments/052_D-League_Futsal_Stats.pdf

We're Robot House, we won our first four games and then picked up eight points in our last eight (including a run of one win in five games), but our start gave us enough of a platform to finish third. We're the only team to have beaten Discovery Channel, in the first round of the season. We play a convoluted finals system and actually play fourth tonight in a bid to play the loser of 1v2, the winner of which goes straight into the grand final.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2010 05:44

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Shmoses posted:

Having finals is awesome, but having the 5th-8th finals is kinda lame I reckon. So is bonus points, how do you even get those?

This is my league before the start of finals tonight: http://futsalarena.com.au/cms/attachments/052_D-League_Futsal_Stats.pdf

We're Robot House, we won our first four games and then picked up eight points in our last eight (including a run of one win in five games), but our start gave us enough of a platform to finish third. We're the only team to have beaten Discovery Channel, in the first round of the season. We play a convoluted finals system and actually play fourth tonight in a bid to play the loser of 1v2, the winner of which goes straight into the grand final.

We lost, btw

# ¿ Feb 19, 2010 03:47

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Scikar posted:

We're Links Lions. Yes we have 10 points and 177 goals conceded from 12 games.

In fairness we've played no more than 4 games with a proper keeper, at least two of those games we only had 4 players and for a few more we had 5 unfit players with nobody to substitute with, plus we've been playing against the teams in the top half rather than the bottom half. But we still suck.

How the gently caress does a team score 304 goals in 12 games :psyduck:

that's an average of like 27 goals per game

# ¿ Feb 19, 2010 17:04

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

PhillyLucky posted:

If someone was still trying to run the score up on me when they were winning by 30 it would probably end in me getting a red card. I couldnt imagine trying to run the score up like that in my league, if I did I'm pretty sure somebody would get hurt. Do the people getting beat like that get offended or is can we just chalk that up to a cultural difference?

Haha yeah, same here. I've been on both sides of that, and if a team was racking up 40+ goals on us I would just be wrecking dudes' poo poo left right and centre. We never beat a team by more than about five goals cause we all feel bad and remember when we've been dominated and go easy.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2010 14:17

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

I play in two bottom half of the table teams, when we get a win it's pretty exciting. Our problem is that we've got to many players and the difference between our better players and our worst players is pretty vast, with our best team on the pitch we're definitely good enough to compete with the best teams in the league, but as soon as we sub some of our other guys on we start to leak goals.

It's not really a big deal because we're just out for a bit of fun, but it can be a tad frustrating going off the field with the scores close then coming back on after they've blown out..

I can't remember if I've asked this or not, but when and where do you play?

# ¿ Feb 25, 2010 15:14

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

I play in two leagues, both mixed - Sunday night and Wednesday night. Both are run by the same group - super 5's. The Sunday night league is based at Collingwood Secondary College, the facilities are pretty low grade but it's a bit unpleasant if you're playing the late game on Sunday during summer it's a sweat box. On Wednesday's I play at Princess Hill Secondary, which is much nicer and brighter. Generally reffed by better quality ref's during the week.

I occasionally play in an all man league run by Futsal Oz in Brunswick. That's taken quite seriously; during my last game one of the guys from our opposition was red carded for repeatedly threatening the ref and then making a 'throat-slit' gesture at him after he'd made a call he didnt agree with.

Oh yeah, you play in the city. I play out in the burbs at an inline hockey rink cum futsal court at Reservoir (actually it's the closest to international size in the state - the state futsal team have trained there recently). As a result of the size you get a lot more time on the ball where I play than anywhere else I've seen.

# ¿ Mar 10, 2010 15:40

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

It's all about the personal glory. After our best ever season last season, we start again tomorrow, against the reigning champions who are also my brother's team. Revenge win on the cards (I hope).

# ¿ Mar 23, 2010 13:55

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

We took a gritty 1-0 victory last night, won with a concerted team effort of constant pressure and run and carry, as we identified the team we were playing struggled to deal with players coming at them. It's awesome when tactics pay off

# ¿ Apr 1, 2010 14:20

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

My game fee's have gone up by $5. The reason - so they can film a few games a week and edit together a highlights package to post on youtube.

That's loving cool. Will you post that poo poo?

# ¿ Apr 6, 2010 15:09

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

Youtube channel, complete with bad speed up/slow mo and beats by Daft Punk.

This is pretty freaking awesome, but I don't understand how you can play on such a tiny court. You'd have no time on the ball whatsoever.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2010 07:00

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Shrapnac posted:

You have plenty of time on the ball in futsal. There's no contact "allowed" so players can't really be in your face defensively.

No no, I play futsal, but an inline hockey rink, so it's bigger than that court. It just seems to me on a court that small it wouldn't be as much fun.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2010 09:08

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

My futsal team won 4-2 tonight after coming back from 2-0 down. I scored a brace, including the winner :smug:

# ¿ Apr 14, 2010 11:11

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Every year when the Melbourne comedy festival is on, David O'Doherty plays a game or two at our centre. He's really good, last time he was here he scored four goals and set up all the others in an 8-3 win.

# ¿ May 5, 2010 02:34

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

Where do you play again? It's Albert Park isnt it? Never venture over to the Victoria street courts in Brunswick?

Nah, my mate's family own an inline hockey rink in Reservoir (out behind Northland), and I play there. Not sure how I'd go at other centres, all the courts I've seen are way too small.

# ¿ May 5, 2010 06:55

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

Yeah it certainly can be pretty small. Sundays and Wednesdays i play 5's on a basketball court. Tuesdays is on a purpose built stadium which is bigger. Probably a couple of meters wider and five longer.

I think it's meant to promote skills and close control, I find often it means that guys just bash into you when you're on the ball because you've got nowhere to go.

Where is the purpose built stadium?

We won 3-2 tonight. We were 2-0 up with 2 minutes to play, then an own goal went in off one of our guys, then a calamitous mix up between me and and our other defender led to us conceding directly from our own kick off. Then we scored directly from that kick off. By the time the other team kicked off again, there was still 1.10 left on the clock. Three goals in fifty seconds.

# ¿ May 5, 2010 11:31

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

hughsieblingwish posted:

Brunswick, on Victoria street. it's a good stadium though the competition is taken really seriously. we're in division B somewhere in the middle. I like the surface, it's pretty similar to rebound ace that they stick on tennis courts, although it's a loving nightmare to keep on as any time you slide it shreds your skin like sandpaper.

i dunno what level you're at, probably above mine though.

Nah, I play at the lowest level at a place way less professional than that. Our top league is pretty unreal, but everyone fucks off at this time of year to play outdoor anyway.

# ¿ May 6, 2010 13:51

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

We've had consecutive 1-1 draws against good sides, but other results have fallen our way and we now sit top on GD, although one point separates the entire top four. It's not quite squeaky bum time yet, but we play the team second to us this week.

# ¿ May 24, 2010 02:53

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

We beat the team in second 2-1 tonight, meaning we're now a point clear in first. Roll on Robot House!

# ¿ May 26, 2010 13:54

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Won 6-3 tonight, consolidating top spot on the ladder. I scored exactly zero of the goals, but I did manage to injure myself in an hilarious fashion. After pulling off a very fancy pirouette to get possession, I attempted to chip the ball into space for our striker but succeeded only in kicking my own heel really hard and having the ball dribble out of play. I'm fairly sure I broke the big toe on my right foot.

# ¿ Jun 2, 2010 14:13

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Finals start tonight, second season in a row for the mighty Robot House! We're playing the same team as last season, and we've beaten them twice this season, so I'm pretty much expecting to bomb out tonight, but it's good fun anyway.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2010 07:11

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Shmoses posted:

Finals start tonight, second season in a row for the mighty Robot House! We're playing the same team as last season, and we've beaten them twice this season, so I'm pretty much expecting to bomb out tonight, but it's good fun anyway.

Yeah, we lost

# ¿ Jul 29, 2010 15:15

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Congrats man! Do you have an end of season piss up? We take Brownlow-esque 3-2-1 votes from every player in every game during the season then count the votes and get blind drunk at the end of every season.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2010 04:55

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Yeah, well one guy won our first like five in a row, then I recruited a mate of mine from work who's won the next three. To be honest it's more about hanging out with the guys I play with because everyone's busy with life and it's hard to get us together regularly enough.

EDIT: Also, I know what you mean about teams that you just hate playing. Thankfully we don't get a lot of that anymore because the leagues are organised much better, but they used to never grade teams and just shunt the newer teams into the bottom league with us. Lots of seasons were ruined by teams coming in and taking it far too seriously and ending up scoring 100 goals a season and what not. loving joke.

Boonys Cut Shot fucked around with this message at 05:23 on Aug 9, 2010

# ¿ Aug 9, 2010 05:20

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

Sounds like your body is not intended for sport.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2010 06:59

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

We were 2-1 down with five minutes to play last night and ended up winning 4-2. I scored the winner :smug:

# ¿ Oct 28, 2010 08:37

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

We've won three straight games in the last ninety seconds, and from being in a lost position at half time. We've simply forgotten how to lose :smug:

# ¿ Nov 13, 2010 04:54

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 09:32

Boonys Cut Shot: Nov 5, 2004; Elite athlete

My team won our first ever grand final tonight! 2-1 against a team that had been scoring roughly five or six goals per game. All up we conceded 28 goals in 16 games, which is an extremely handy record.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2010 11:03

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