Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

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CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Trabant posted:

Well, since it seems we have many people who are about to (re)start their job hunts, does anyone care to share strategies? I'm actually baffled as to what works and doesn't these days, so I'm happy to learn from others. I guess it would be a combination of the Resume/Interview, LinkedIn, and Negotiation threads?

I say that because pretty much nothing has really worked for me in the last year or so. I've networked with recruiters on LinkedIn, had insiders hand-deliver my resume to recruiters and hiring managers, sent in blind applications (see below), schmoozed with people at networking events... Zero success.

The only thing that "worked" -- and it didn't actually lead to offers -- were completely blind applications. By that I mean they were applications made without any attempt to network my way into getting my resume viewed by someone in a hiring position. I simply fired off resume submissions into the void (just love Taleo and Workday) and actually got responses that ultimately led to on-site interviews with two employers. The problem for me is that there was nothing different about those compared to the resumes and cover letters I sent through my connections.

I know that everyone's situation is different, but I'm truly at a loss as to why I got interviews for positions where I put in the least effort. If anyone can share their general approach, I'd love to hear it.

I have had really good results with LinkedIn and Indeed. They're the only two sites I keep current now. Switching my profile to display that I'm actively looking definitely made a difference. I also have gotten some results from into the void Taleo submissions. I used LastPass to manage password and allowed it to autopopulate forms which made applying a lot faster.

EDIT: gently caress I thought this was the resume thread and skipped like 7000 posts. Sorry ya'll

CarForumPoster fucked around with this message at 04:22 on May 15, 2018

# ¿ May 15, 2018 04:12

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 21:57

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

VanguardFelix posted:

Since management styles have come up, how do people handle supervising people that don�t report to them?

I�ve had 2 jobs where I had dotted line reports, and I hated it. I mean, I don�t like management positions anyways, but it seems impossible because there�s no real way to motivate. Everybody involved knows you don�t have the ability to help their pay or career opportunities.

Best I could manage was just being open, building rapport and trying to find ways to address the negative aspects of their jobs (better tools, more training, etc). However, all it takes is the real manager coming in and undercutting everything to make them understand that while you might have good intentions you�ve got fuckall levers to get anything done.

I�m assuming I�ll end up in that arrangement again, and I�d like to do better in the future.

In the defense industry dotted line managers do help your career and can certainly save your rear end if theyre "in the know" and know your program aint going to make it. I had program courting me that my dotted line manager knew would get cut and said hey you can probably use this offer in your current program but dont jump in to this new thing as its not going to be around. Three weeks later the defense rumor press started saying itd die. Three months later it was dead.

I got to take on a new role that was really interesting in my current program because they didnt want to lose me.

# ¿ May 18, 2018 12:57

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Sydin posted:

I may have told this story in the thread a ways back but something similar happened to me at my last job that pretty much completely burned me out forever on employee loyalty. I'd been working on a project with a PM who was a really big mentor for me for about a year and a half, when we both got reorged under a fairly large team. The big boss of the team had a meeting with both of us and would not shut up about how we're all family, and the team wants everybody to thrive and develop and have meaningful work, and he had our backs, and all that good stuff.

The very next day he dumped the whole project on me, gave me no budget for the consultants we'd been keeping to help, and forced a role change on the PM as a "growth opportunity". It was a very technically focused role and this guy was a business-side PM in his late 50's who'd been doing project/program management for pretty much his entire career. That said he legitimately tried his best to do it because he was a 25 year company vet who wholeheartedly drank the loyalty kool-aid, but was hopelessly out of his depth. Within two months he was told he just wasn't performing and would be laid off. As it turned out, they were just looking to get rid of older and more expensive employees and did this to several others, including another friend/mentor of mine.

Also as a cherry on top the team boss shitcanned my project because it "didn't align with our team's focus", moved me under a new manager, and then capped it off with the same "we're all family and I'll always have everybody's backs" speech. That was about the point in my life where my resume started to always be 100% up to date.

I hear about this everywhere and its seems like straight up discrimination. A 50yo at my company was a technical team lead with a ~20 person (at its peak) team of engineers on a hilariously over budget project. This team lead figured out we could sell equipment that we didn't need the entire time to another project and another company that would need it before the project ended recovering $2M in costs. At the all hands they were put in front of everyone as a stellar example of what to do. That year they got "successful performer" on their review and a COLA raise.

# ¿ May 18, 2018 15:43

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Sundae posted:

Oh no... it's that time of year again.

The time when my company books out AT&T Park and gives us all a day-long concert series with free food and drinks. Did you think I was going to say mid-year reviews?

I'll show myself to the guillotine now.

Its not corporate america if your mid year reviews dont happen until 9/11 and your year ends 4/1 of the following year.

# ¿ Jun 7, 2018 04:22

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Che Delilas posted:

The presence of desk phones among prospective co-workers is a major red flag for me when I'm looking for a new job. (I'm a software engineer so it's generally a bad idea for me to speak with customers. I'll tell them the truth. And that right there says something about the state of corporations and how they do business, if you ask me).

Don't work for any large company in any industry, I guess.

# ¿ Jun 15, 2018 04:17

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

If a cowroker never answered the phone or told me they wouldnt accept calls in some form, including joking, I would lose some respect for them.

# ¿ Jun 15, 2018 04:35

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Renegret posted:

There's an unmarked building around here that is locked the gently caress down. Gated parking lot requiring a badge just to access the lot, armed security guards patrolling outside. The lobby is glass so you can see in and see metal detectors by the entrance. Security cameras covering every inch of the property.

One day I looked up what the building was, and it turns out it's just corporate HQ for some perfume company. Gotta protect your nice smell formulas I guess.

I worked at a big tech company R&D lab that didn't have the metal detectors but was otherwise like this. Unmarked and what not.

...unfortunately that big corp's marked security vehicles which patroled other marked building in the area also roamed through there kinda blowing the cover.

# ¿ Jun 26, 2018 18:31

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Fried Watermelon posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wW0VYKtJisw

CURSE THIS loving MAN

# ¿ Jun 26, 2018 22:34

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Oakey posted:

The running joke in our office is that Confluence is write-once read-never.

Higgy posted:

Ask me about writing cyber documentation that no one will ever ask for, read, or care about in a massive confluence space.

Why is this the case?

# ¿ Jun 28, 2018 00:37

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Eric the Mauve posted:

What's hilarious is that the original ending to Office Space had the movie end with the construction foreman coming up to the guy and saying "So, yeeaaah, I'm gonna need you to stay late today and tomorrow, okay? Great," sounding exactly like his old boss. That was a much more on-point ending but it made test audiences hate the movie so they took it out. It's been a while but I think they talk about it in the director's commentary or whatever.

But I will say this: If you don't really have any burning ambition to climb into middle management and live in an overpriced McMansion and have a couple SUVs, if deep down you'd be pretty content with a nice steady ~$45,000 a year living in a small place and driving a used Toyota, you will probably end up happier with your life if you'd just been a construction worker or a plumber or a welder. You'll probably have a lovely boss either way but just being a laborer does have the significant bonus of work never following you home and not having to pay attention to nearly as much corporate bullshit. At least you'll have a fair amount of time each week that belongs to you. Plus you get the satisfaction of actually doing something tangible. Replace one toilet and you've accomplished more in two hours than J. Random Corporate Drone accomplishes in a week.

I don't really have a point, I guess, since switching from white to blue collar once you're established is pretty near as impossible as the reverse. But the frustration -> anger -> dawning horror process of gradually realizing that you are stuck on a corporate hamster wheel with little realistic hope of escape and are never going to accomplish anything with your life is a real thing that a lot of us experience.

I was a CNC programmer at a tiny company machine shop with a boss I liked. I was even mostly my own boss as the only CNC programmer there. Then I finished my engineering degree and now live in a cube and am meh about my job.

I'll take the extra $70K/yr. gently caress that real work for less money noise. It also affords me the ability to sock away money with the dream of starting a business to both do what I like AND make money doing it.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2018 01:14

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Shugojin posted:

Also I brought up how underpaid I am to my boss but I'm not sure I'll get anything out of it because she's in some amount of poo poo with HR right now

2018: Never a better time to find a job in most industries

Eric the Mauve posted:

I can think of... two instances, total, of someone I know asking for a significant raise/promotion, getting it, and still being there 18 months later. That's out of probably 100 or more people I know who asked and were either given a flat no or strung along, and at least a dozen who have given notice, had the company give them the raise they wanted (usually matching an offer from a different company) only for them to be blindsided by being abruptly fired within a year.

Ive definitely seen people with an offer letter say this is what I am worth at our competitor, match it. They get a partial match and they stay at the job. The ones who did that and got a flat no were either prepared to walk or ate poo poo and probably left fairly soon after. Not seen any fired yet.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2018 01:55

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Shugojin posted:

Yeah I dunno, I figure if nothing comes of it inside of a pay or two I'll start looking elsewhere.

Indeed and LinkedIn. Love them both. Good money has come from investing time in both. The rate of return on that time is insanely high.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2018 02:15

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Eric the Mauve posted:

There may be specific and nuanced exceptions, but as a rule it is incontrovertibly a better long term move for you to take a job with a company that has already, preemptively, demonstrated it wants you and considers you worth $X than to stay with a company that has only grudgingly agreed to pay you $X because you forced them to.

I agree in general. Sometimes your SO works a decent job nearby preventing a move or maybe you even (*gasp*) like your job. Usually though, leave.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2018 02:39

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Sydin posted:

CTO: "Hey Sydin I've gotten a couple emails now from a company that wants to meet to discuss security products. Think you could do it?"
Me: "Sure forward me the email."
Email: "Hello CTO! I am Niren from [Chinese characters], you may not have heard of us but we are a major up and coming cyber security firm creating transformational software! Our VP is in town from Singapore on July 25th only to meet with government agencies and their leadership to understand how they currently secure their environments, so we can provide the best possible product to secure you! Please hope your busy schedule can accommodate. Looking forward to hear from you!"
Me: "Uh yeah... this is a scam. You can ignore this."
CTO: "Are you sure? I don't want to miss an opportunity to meet with this vendor if they really are offering cutting edge security solutions. Reply and schedule some time just in case. I'll book you a room."

Looking forward to spending an hour with some dude blatantly and poorly attempting corporate espionage shaking my head telling him I can't tell him anything!

Unironically report this to the FBI.

# ¿ Jul 26, 2018 00:02

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Feel good corporate america post:

My old job was in an aerospace electronics group that was ~30 really good people at a very large company. The problem with the job is it was almost all supplier technical management and they hired really good engineers to do it...engineers that wanted to design and build stuff, not make power points and complain about schedule. Also a lot of the other groups in the company, that we relied on, didnt have good, responsive people. They hired them mostly between 2009 and 2014 and while the salaries weren't bad, they weren't top of the field either. The company is also slow to promote people from Level 1->2 and 2->3.

Well this industry and area is on fire right now with in-hiring because basically every big name aero, space and defense firm has increased their presence or won contracts here. So naturally, "up and comer" employees and are leaving in droves and my old employer is holding "stay interviews" with the people remaining.

What a time to be an engineer.

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 14:45

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Keetron posted:

"You could give me interesting work and a 45% raise? Wfh, flexibility in work times, no open office but closes offices."
"We were thinking about casual Friday but on Thursdays too, as well as increasing the days on which you are allowed to order pizza if working late. Note: pizza not reimbursed. "

"Why is everyone leaving, waaaaah."

Oh poo poo we worked at the same place!

# ¿ Jul 27, 2018 16:28

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

The fact that the head guy even goes out on the floor is probably a positive for A, although the wrong kind of involvement would definitely negate that.

This. This could go either way. Use your gut. A CEO that rarely goes on the shop floor of a company who makes money on that floor is worse than one who is there too much...but if they are a micromanager who started in the shop and the company can't grow because of their micromanagement...that's bad too.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 22:59

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

A VP of engineering at our very large company said �how many have sent an email at 5pm when you work from home because you feel guilty? Stop it. Working from home is fine.� kinda refreshing by comparison.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 10:11

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Sydin posted:

lmao why would you even do that. If you email me off hours I'm just not going to reply to you until I get in the next workday. If you don't like it feel free to cc your boss and I'll let them know I'd be more than happy to answer their employee's emails off hours, just provide me your team's charge number so I know who to bill for my overti-oh, you're fine with me not responding until the morning? That's what I thought.

Defense contractor spotted

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 19:19

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Defense industry is the only place I know of where salaried engineers get straight pay as overtime and most have stipulations around it. E.g. It has to be more than 5hrs/wk for two weeks and has to be pre approved. Varies company to company but common at the big guys.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2018 03:29

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

SpartanIvy posted:

I worked 12 hours yesterday on finishing up a bunch of high priority report changes for my boss to have him literally ask me to move my code into the recycle bin this morning since he's decided to go with another person's rewrite of it, which returns the same results.

They're the original report owner and have weeks of experience with the code so I'm sure theirs is more efficient, but way too completely crush any future motivation.

My other coworker saw it all coming and didn't even work on it yesterday. I have so much to learn from him.

My boss has a habit of frequently emailing a task that needs to be done in a week or two, that needs one person for like 4-16 hours of work, to 2+ people. You only manage 8 people. You know whats going on with them. Just give it to the person who you want to do it. So much duplicate effort has been wasted with variants of this same problem.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2018 04:22

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Zero Gravitas posted:

Ehhhhh It has occurred to me that its a problem ripe for scripting, but Im not sure if I'll either get the time or if I can be arsed. I think the most likely candidate is VB scripting but that means learning VB scripting.

No one learns VBA. In fact no totally new VBA has been written since 2014. Every VB script that needs to be written already has been and is posted on the internet between 2007 and 2014. You just need to google and tweak it for your needs.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2018 15:57

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

epenthesis posted:

�Disappointed?� Way to infantilize a senior employee.

Space is at such a premium at my company that it�s rare not to see someone either standing or sitting on the floor. I also rarely bother to show up at a meeting if I�ve missed more than five minutes, but then only about one meeting in every ten I have actually requires me to be there.

This. I call in (or sometimes dont) to meetings that are a 30 second walk from where I sit because they often only need me for 4 minutes of a 1 hour meeting.

# ¿ Oct 7, 2018 22:37

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

this is why i hate other gun people

just write what you're doing like a normal human and at least pretend to be regular

A million times this.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2018 03:20

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Boiled Water posted:

I was once fired by registered mail by a lawyer on retainer by the company. It's all cause for .

drat, backstory?

# ¿ Oct 18, 2018 21:18

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

My company got an interview at YCombinator for funding (we won�t get in) so I may soon throw off the chains of corporate America and become instead one of the oppressors.

PYF oppressive thing typical of Silicon Valley startups so I can start a list

# ¿ Oct 27, 2018 03:48

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

These are some wonderful suggestions. I can�t wait for my startup to blatantly lie about our values and progress.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2018 15:05

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

PhantomOfTheCopier posted:

Being in a highly technical industry, if you don't use Oxford commas you will be murdered. On the other hand, you probably meant to put punctuation outside the quotes.

Aaand week two in the new team, I couldn't tell until I was nearby, but someone microwaved fish.

I make planes and none of my coworkers know poo poo about dick when it comes to grammars.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2018 04:02

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Renegret posted:

3rd question of the anonymous employee satisfaction survey:

"Do you intend on staying with this company for the next 12 months?"

I have a better idea, how about I not do this survey.

Email: It�s totally anonymous!
*Looks at url in email*
?Respondent=carforumposter@site.com

# ¿ Nov 1, 2018 14:58

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

I go to work Monday and take a leave of absence because my startup got funding. I am officially a tech douchebag working for myself...and my partner...and my shareholders

# ¿ Nov 3, 2018 14:39

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

C-Euro posted:

Tell me your secrets because my wife has been pulling the "work my actual job and my startup at the same time" double life almost this entire year and I think she's starting to break.

We applied to YC and got in on our first time even though we are idiot. See previous post:

CarForumPoster posted:

My company got an interview at YCombinator for funding (we won�t get in) so I may soon throw off the chains of corporate America and become instead one of the oppressors.

PYF oppressive thing typical of Silicon Valley startups so I can start a list

Tnuctip posted:

Be sure to tell next round investors that your �platform� will synergize across multiple market disrupting technologies from harnessing the power of blockchain in the social-meta ecosystem.

Our hyperlinear growth will transcend the paradigm of being a startup

# ¿ Nov 4, 2018 01:21

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

C-Euro posted:

I feel you dude, my wife just got laid off today. Will share any good scraping-by tips we come up with while she's searching. Good luck!

One weird trick to accelerate your wife's startup!

# ¿ Nov 5, 2018 23:42

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

I gave my two weeks today in the form of a leave of absence saying if I failed I'd be back if they'd have me. My bosses boss came to me and after a 15 minute chat about what I'm working on said "I don't think I'll see you in April, but you've got a spot here if you need it." and shook my hand.

:unsmith:

# ¿ Nov 6, 2018 00:25

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Fhqwhgads posted:

The more I look at this "How to Respond to an Active Shooter" poster in our break room, the more ludicrous it gets. "Act Aggressive towards shooter". Yes the shooter is a wild animal who will become scared if I hold my coat open and make myself look larger than I am and totally will not just point the gun at me and shoot until I stop moving. I imagine shaking a rolled up newspaper at the shooter would have the same effect.

Arent you buff? loving crush his gun like a can of tomatoes and stomp him in the nuts

# ¿ Nov 7, 2018 00:04

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Fhqwhgads posted:

Yeah but I'm not bulletproof. gently caress that noise.

Interview question: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Bullets.

Just lol if you can�t flex your pec with enough force to counteract a bullet

# ¿ Nov 7, 2018 12:10

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Today was my last day. gently caress yea self-employed with a competent co-founder.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2018 00:12

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Lizzy posted:

Love reading this thread. Any recommendations on resources on how to get ahead in corporate life. I got passed over for a promotion in which I thought i was objectively going to get, but I think i was let down subjectively.

The advice is always find a new job.

I don't necessarily agree with the advice all the time....its only right maybe 70-80%. Lower for management roles.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2019 10:48

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

I've developed this weird paranoia about Skype interviews in that I'm pretty sure that they're a way to actively screen minorities, women, fat people, or other "unwanted" people.

This is silly. If someone is outright discriminating, they can screen for all of those things without using video chat. Video interviews are great. You get a whole host of context about a person that you don't get from a phone interview. You can also show them things via screen sharing or vice versa. You can understand how they express themselves or consider problems better. Candidates have a better chance to establish a human connection with the person interviewing.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2019 13:25

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Eric the Mauve posted:

https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/

Angling for promotion means playing office politics, and playing to win. This the best primer on office politics I've seen.

This was a great read.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2019 16:04

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 21:57

CarForumPoster: Jun 26, 2013; â¡POWERâ¡

Does anyone have examples of that backfiring?

I'm hiring people now and luckily all our candidates are through warm referrals/my network, so not much risk to us. As we grow, I'd really like to help people get better at finding jobs that fit them (you may notice my 9 million posts in the resume thread) but don't want to take on TOO much risk tot he company.

For example, someone who is competent but basically a mixture of Eeyore and Henny Penny. You're being interviewed. Cheer up and don't put yourself down. I can't imagine subjecting the team to them worrying every day. They could use that feedback, worded nicely, and likely have a better job hunt (and life).

...why would you give it or not give it?

# ¿ Apr 17, 2019 17:10

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

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