Corp Megathread: A box covered with the dust of years, labeled "EMPLOYEE SUGGESTIONS"

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corp Megathread: A box covered with the dust of years, labeled "EMPLOYEE SUGGESTIONS"

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Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Discendo Vox posted:

Clearly the correct workplace division is Hogwarts Houses.

Nah, in the corporate world, it's which Disney villain you feel the greatest kinship with :v:

# ¿ Jan 14, 2023 04:30

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 13:49

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

...my god... they found someone dumb enough to touch the third rail.

I have a meeting next week with a team whose job is to replace SAP at a multinational manufacturing company.

Did they use to work for Target? :v:

# ¿ Jan 18, 2023 01:40

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

I legitimately have an investigation that ended in (corporate-phrased to obscure the reality, of course) "cleaning staff don't know what a closet is."

# ¿ Feb 1, 2023 00:10

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Eric the Mauve posted:

Scrums... scrums in the deep.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2023 01:05

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

Yes, the single most valuable thing we could've given to everyone during the lockdown that didn't happen.

"Stay inside. Here's some bourbon, popcorn and a free HBO subscription. Cya in 30 days."

I'm told NYC almost didn't classify liquor stores as essential services, but then someone did the math and pointed out the likely consequences.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 21:37

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Lockback posted:

I'm just saying if someone invites me to a meeting where they bring a bunch of apple pie to talk about applie pie statements I'm probably declining that meeting.

But you'd miss out on the free pie.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2023 00:19

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Renegret posted:

Speaking of cruel lies

I've wanted for YEARS to do the thing where you mix M&Ms, Skittles, and Reeses in a bowl and leave it in the break room but April 1st lands on a loving Saturday this year. No fair.

You have a break room??

# ¿ Mar 28, 2023 20:09

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Barudak posted:

I report projects I dont want to do as phishing then ignore them.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2023 18:36

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Funny, we hired two new guys recently. One of the first things that happened, naturally, during getting them set up was them and me and [other intermediate developer] starting a 4-way Teams chat which gets used for tutorializing and helping them whenever they need it.

I suspect a lack of mentorship is more an office culture's fault than the technology's or the physical distance's.

# ¿ Apr 24, 2023 18:27

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Good-Natured Filth posted:

quote:
Please remove my email id (<insert email address>) from the DL as this email is not relevant to my role/project.

quote:
Hi All,

Please do not �Reply All� since Mails are getting piled up and may miss important mails .

Thanks for understanding .

quote:
Hi Team,

Please do not reply all in your response as it is spamming our inbox. Thanks for understanding. Also request admin team to remove my mail id (<email address>) from this DL as this email is not relevant to my role/project.

Kindly let me know for any concern.

quote:
<Subject>: PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO THIS EMAIL CHAIN. LOG A TICKET TO HAVE YOURSELVES REMOVED

<Body>:

Thank.

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 17:29

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

CarForumPoster posted:

Corporate Megathread: please bite my C level in the D level

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 02:34

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sibling of TB posted:

No raise.

Wouldn't that not meet expectations in the sheets?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 03:26

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

HiroProtagonist posted:

gonna have to disagree with you there boss, because your employer will always, 100% without question, lie to you all the time.

Where the $#%# do you work? :raise:

# ¿ May 12, 2023 09:18

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

therobit posted:

�Corpo� means body�

That's "corpse".

# ¿ May 14, 2023 08:19

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Dukberry posted:

I work at a start-up that competes with those two products and let me tell you, the only reason to learn and use any of these tools over Excel is for this exact reason.

I got propositioned (for a job offer) by Tableau once, back before Salesforce snapped them up.

When I got out of university, I went to look them up, but Salesforce had acquired them by that time and I got no response to my application.

Such is life, I guess.

# ¿ May 19, 2023 20:52

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:

I just got nagged by Teams to create an avatar.
lol
lmao

You too, huh?

A coworker tried it and it says you have to be 18+ to do it, apparently.

# ¿ May 30, 2023 20:49

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

e-quaintance surely

acquaintanc-e

# ¿ Jun 6, 2023 22:54

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Smithwick posted:

By f-word I mean �f*mily�.

oh no

# ¿ Jun 8, 2023 03:41

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Trabant posted:

# ¿ Jun 13, 2023 19:08

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

therobit posted:

My 8 year old son forgot his toast in the toaster this week and decided to reheat it in the microwave for three minutes. I think I am going to have to get a new microwave because I�m he smell is awful and it won�t go away with cleaning.

Reminds me of the time a coworker of mine was making his lunch (cup noodles) in the office microwave and forgot to add the water. We had to blow out the smoke with fans, and get a new microwave.

He's also the site safety officer.

# ¿ Jun 14, 2023 07:03

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

A friend of mine (we're both from NA) applied for programmer jobs in Japan. Apparently there, sending in a photo with the resume was de rigeur.

# ¿ Jun 21, 2023 19:02

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

priznat posted:

Listening to a podcast with Martha Stewart being interviewed and am fascinated by her psychotic views on work:

- remote work is bad, need f2f for collaboration (and subtext where she doesn't believe home workers are actually working)
- however you need to be working 24/7 and an example is cited where she couldn't reach an employee on a Sunday (they were in the bath) and stated "I cannot work with anyone like that" (and presumably fired them)
-claims to work 18 hour days

Just pure psycho poo poo

# ¿ Jun 22, 2023 19:47

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Well, how did the story turn out?! :j:

Quackles fucked around with this message at 18:19 on Jul 4, 2023

# ¿ Jul 4, 2023 18:17

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

Which makes me wonder - is there some sort of exception in fire code for people in wheelchairs? You cannot have elevators as the primary egress for fire escapes and are not supposed to use them during fires, but someone in a wheelchair may not be able to use the stairs. What do you do for someone who is multiple floors up in a building? I actually don't know!

I'm given to understand the reason you're not supposed to use elevators during a fire is not because they'll stop working or be dangerous, but because the fire department needs priority access to them without being inhibited by everyone bailing out.

(And, by extension, wheelchair users should still use the elevator).

# ¿ Jul 14, 2023 21:02

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Now I'm wondering.

Do they have fire marshals in the military?

Because if one got demoted, it'd be to fire a martial fire marshal. :v:

# ¿ Jul 16, 2023 04:25

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Mustache Ride posted:

What the gently caress is wrong with you people, why is the corporate thread more active on Sunday than any other day of the week?

Same reason janitors work when everyone's out of the office.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2023 19:48

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

rafikki posted:

I started a glitch mob channel on pandora years ago and it serves as my background music channel very well

Oh man, the Glitch Mob is dope.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2023 02:25

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

3) Play the no-eye-contact game with Jehovah's Witnesses who have set up a stand in the middle of the sidewalk.

Make eye contact and ignore them. Assert dominance.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2023 02:19

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

KozmoNaut posted:

Seriouspost, please don't antagonize rank and file Jehovah's Witnesses, they're not evil or mean-spirited, they're victims of a cult.

The elders send them out to knock on doors and setup stands not just to proselytize, but also to get confronted by people who will antagonize them. This reinforces the cult programming that everyone from the outside world is mean and evil and unenlightened, and that JWs are only truly welcome in the fellowship.

This, honestly. I was shitposting. KozmoNaut here has much better advice.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2023 08:17

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Beefeater1980 posted:

Disciple Luo asked: Master, what is virtue?

Master Hai said: In the reign of the King of Product Development, there were two high officials in the Ministry of Product Management. One was wild and belligerent, quarrelling with the other ministries, beating their subordinates, and achieving nothing, but always speaking loudly and publicly about how busy they were. The other was cautious and managed their team carefully, delivering on projects on time, avoiding quarrels and cleaning up after their colleague�s fuckups. One was virtuous and the other was not.

Disciple Luo asked: Which official was virtuous?

Master Hai said: You are not yet wise. The first official was virtuous.

Disciple Luo replied: Picking quarrels and achieving nothing, how is this called virtue? Doing their job and calming chaos, how is this called vice?

Master Hai said: Virtue is the fulfilment of your line manager�s personal objectives. Vice is doing literally anything else. The first official caused trouble in the ministries and achieved little, and therefore was a convenient scapegoat whenever their line manager wanted one, while also being clearly inferior to their line manager. The second was merely a competent official. Competent officials are often found. Excellent patsies are not often found. The first official was virtuous.

Disciple Luo said: Master, this is wisdom.

Hot drat, there's a grain of truth in this somewhere.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2023 21:18

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

SpartanIvy posted:

We just had an alarm go off in our building which said "Everything is under control. You may return to normal activities. There is no emergency." On loop for 10 minutes.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2023 18:07

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

All interview candidates were reimbursed as suppliers with net-90 terms, per procedure. Also, please provide 7 letters of reference (seriously - seven) and here's the paperwork to sign for your potential background check.

I should have run away screaming.

They probably save a lot of money on not having to reimburse prospective candidates.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2023 19:51

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

AI generated content is poo poo, though.

# ¿ Sep 10, 2023 21:07

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

pseudanonymous posted:

Google has turned to such utter garbage I have a feeling something else is going to emerge

Is it finally Bung's time to shine? :regd11:

# ¿ Sep 10, 2023 21:34

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Sundae posted:

I started writing a pharma story but it spans five years and might end up being a full loving book chapter. Do I or is that too long for people's interests? Office politics in hiring, racism, accusations of sexual involvement with a direct report, and a series of well-meaning decisions by managers resulting in kind of lovely outcomes for the direct report.

Any interest? I stopped writing for tonight after realizing maybe nobody wants a loving monster of an office story.

or ?

# ¿ Oct 19, 2023 06:08

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Smithwick posted:

I have had multiple directors and VPs over the years proclaim that some process, system or software would greatly reduce the use of excel. Almost none have bared fruit. Excel is eternal. It is like Judge Holden, it will never die.

That's funny. I almost never use Excel at my office...

...I'm too busy dealing with SQL instead :getin:

# ¿ Feb 11, 2024 03:41

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Yeah, I just wear a T-shirt under my sweater.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2024 07:29

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Silly Newbie posted:

Also a word on password chat: the security thinking has moved into pass phrases over pass words, and it's way easier. Also password rotation is obsolete, they shouldn't expire, and MFA everything.

Lucky you. Our IT guy wants to move everyone to passwordless (fingerprint/face login).

# ¿ Feb 22, 2024 07:46

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Arquinsiel posted:

It's also worth pointing out that "PIN" in current MS-speak is just "password". I have no idea why they decided to do that, but they have.

The PIN doesn�t go beyond the on-device TPM, supposedly.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2024 21:53

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 13:49

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Arquinsiel posted:

says someone renamed the MySQL root user to "Jeffrey" thinking it was funny and would never be a problem.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2024 06:23

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corp Megathread: A box covered with the dust of years, labeled "EMPLOYEE SUGGESTIONS"

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