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Ahh, it's been a while since I've posted. I have since transferred from my old place back to a store near my parents' house in order to save money. I may as well have jumped from the first circle of Hell to the fifth circle, no parachute. And in this fifth circle of retail hell rules someone I affectionately call Satan herself, Queen Devil of Coupons. And no, she isn't some ordinary coupon-user. Oh no, not at all. (Though they're much more numerous here than my old store.) In between the plague of cash-carrying locusts that swarm the cases of beer, she darts in, fistful of coupons at hand. Her first time she met me on my first day, she was cheerful. "Oh, it's your first day here? I've never seen you here before! We'll get to know each other well!" I was glad to hear such a cheerful voice until I saw the coupons. I've never felt my blood leave my face that quickly. She realizes she has the power here. She knows it. She's mocking us. Oh, how cheerful she is. "Here is this coupon for this, and oh, can't forget this coupon I printed! Your policy states one store coupon and one manufacturer coupon, after all!" Her absolute cheeriness is only one factor, of course, in the unholy trinity that grants her the title of the queen devil. You see, we have coupons that customers can print from the website. These coupons are personalized with their name, or if they somehow print a generic, the coupon will say "Preferred Customer." Take a look at her coupons. Only this woman would have the sheer nerve to make up generic titles. "Value Customer." "Value <name of store>." "<name of store> Value." "Customer <name of store>." And yes, the English on these coupons is mangled. On purpose? I don't know. Is English not her first language? Maybe. Does it matter to her? No. Instead, she has mastered the language of Couponese, copy of our coupon policy always in hand (or in her folder of coupons.) Should society collapse and coupons go the way of the dinosaur, she would be rendered mute, unable to threaten a complaint to upper management that she could not save another dollar on an item that was already on sale for 90% off. Her copy of our coupon policy would merely be used as kindle a campfire upon where we would roast our canned Vienna sausages, salvaged from the remains of our store, as we finally exact our revenge by being able to kick her out of our loving store. She would never be able to return to our store with anywhere near the frequency she does now. Which makes up the last part of her trifecta of insanity. She comes to our store often. And I literally mean I've seen her show up to torment us 3-4 times a day a couple times a week. And I ask myself: Why? What use have you, woman, for buying multiple loving clearance-shelved air fresheners for next-to-nothing with your damned coupons? What are you trying to prove? That you have a metric fuckton of space in your cramped abode, burying your cats under your piles of useless trinkets? Are you preparing an offering to your god, perhaps, burning your goods as a way of appeasement before scouring the internet for more coupons? Are you some passive-aggressive anarchist, believing that you can show the man that you can rip off a big-rear end corporation? Or are you just that loving bored and insane?
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Sep 27, 2010 10:23
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 09:52 |
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You cannot, of course, defeat the coupon ladies permanently. They have their weapons as they come up: Armed with fistfuls of coupons (or worse: a folder), they will unsheathe their backup weapon should you protest: A copy of the company's coupon policy, complete with highlighted portions to their advantage. You will know pain as they clog up your register, as a crowd of angry zombies begin to form behind her. You have no backup, no choice but to attempt to validate every single one of those horrid slips of paper, printed on what appears to be old copies of someone's homework. The ravenous crowd behind her will not ever go for her throat - it will always be your fault, your fault, even if the company has cut hours for everyone and even if the coupon lady has about 20 more coupons to go. Your attempts of protest - I'm sorry, ma'am, but I can't take this coupon, for the coupon says "one per customer" - will be met with a shaking fist and an angry final weapon - I will call corporate and ask! And they will come back next time with a gift card that corporate gave them as an apology. And more coupons. There is no joy. You cannot win. But you can go down with a fight. You must be subtle, of course. But not mere passive-aggressive subtle. No, your subtlety, in this case, is being the loudest, nicest bastard possible. Your weapon is insanity, raving lunacy, the most extreme form of  . Your words must be faster than the average auctioneer, with the ability to confuse and cut off those harpies. Merely rolling your words together is not enough - be loud. Be sarcastically happy. Your words must drip with as much sarcasm as possible: They will not be expecting this. Ask, in your loudest, sarcastically happiest voice possible, for them to pass you their coupons - Just have to check them all, ma'am, company policy! Should you find an unacceptable coupon: Oh, I'm terribly sorry ma'am! I can't accept this coupon for whatever reason! Oh, and not this one either! But don't worry, we'll put these items back for you, of course we will, of course it won't be a problem! Don't worry, we'll put everything else back since you can't use your "Get $3 off a $15 purchase" coupon now! Oh, so sorry! You know, I would love to take this coupon, really I would, but then I'd be fired! You wouldn't want that, would you?They never expect this. I do mean never. They will be stunned (Everyone else will be amused.) Eventually, they will smile sheepishly and leave as they suddenly have somewhere else to be. They cannot fight you either - what can they do, complain that you were too nice? (Be sure to drop the act when they leave immediately, even if it's mid-stride to the next customer.) You will end up with a ton of go-backs, but eventually, you might end up lucky and they'll never come to your register again. Heck, maybe if you're lucky, they'll be too scared of you to come back. Company policy states that I have to accept their coupons if it's acceptable according to the policy. Company policy never said I had to make it easy for them.
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Oct 5, 2010 08:17
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baquerd posted:
"Your employee was patronizing me in front of the entire community! I'm shocked an establishment such as yours would employ such a rude cashier, I feel harassed and embarrassed, and I demand they be fired!" Sorry, couldn't help myself  (Axeface I am not; drat, I miss that guy.)
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Oct 5, 2010 09:17
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Yes, we can ship that cabinet to Hawaii by land, no problem, let me just crunch the numbers here... OK, does Wednesday the 7th work out for you?
Wednesday the 6th you mean? Sure.
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Hope and pity. Two feelings that will be crushed out of you eventually. Working longer in retail will eventually snuff these two feelings out, perhaps permanently. Yet, they flare up. Like today. And when they do flare up, due to fatigue, optimism, luck, or any combination of the three, they will quickly make you regret allowing yourself to listen to them. There is the hope that came when I saw a customer come up to pick up some photos that she had ordered a couple days ago. My retail-sense (tm) warned me that she would be trouble, the way Spider-man's Spider-Sense warns him of impending trouble. She looked innocent enough - no handfuls of coupons, just a purse. I could give her the benefit of the doubt, right? She couldn't possibly have a stack of coupons for these photos, right? I think you all know what comes next. Right as I pull out her photos (under different names, scattered in different places,) out of her mouth comes a "Can I pay for all these separately so that I can use these?" You guys can hear it, can't you? I can still hear it now: The sound of hope, wailing, as it is sliced to ribbons by rusted, expired coupons: 99c for ten 4x6 photos, and a free 8x10. Which were only valid for same-day service. Which means I get to explain to her why they wouldn't work for her 5-day-service photos. Which means I get to listen to her as she rationalizes I should honor her coupons because she ordered them before they expired, and that she couldn't get them before they expired because they hadn't come in yet. Of course they didn't come in, you loving idiot! You asked for them to come in a few days in a harebrained scheme to save money instead of doing the smart thing and ordering them to come in the same day! Ten minutes of this utterly retarded back-and-forth. It's a good thing she decided to bring her printout to pick up her photos, because it allowed me to point out the "days" on the printout like I was talking to a kindergarten student. "What's this word right here, little Cathy? 'Days'! Good!" Defeated, she relented and surprisingly bought the 4x6 photos. At normal price, too. And the second lesson of the day: Never let surprise stir emotions in you. In this case for me, pity. After ringing her for the 4x6 photos, I decided to outright feel for her and ring her up for the 8x10 photos at half-price. Typing that up makes me remember how utterly stupid of an idea that was. Was she thankful of my willingness to give her the big pictures for half-off? Please. I think my brain is actively suppressing what happened after she demanded I do that for the 4x6s, too. Good old brain. Tries to keep my best interests in mind. It's not that good at helping me write, especially right after work, but at least it would recognize and try to prevent me from falling into situations like these. If that lady's brain wasn't so consumed by saving money, she would have realized that ordering same-day service would have let her use the coupon and get the pictures much faster. But alas, she didn't look past the prices of the same-day/5-day service. All that ended up in me snuffing out my hope and pity for a long time. That, and the coupon devil herself came in at 30 minutes before closing today.
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Oct 16, 2010 09:03
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I knew today was going to be a bad day when a lady called corporate in order to argue whether or not lights with decorations at the tips counted as decor and therefore were eligible for our 50% off decor sale. Within the first 30 minutes of my shift. Oddly enough, I don't hate the coupon devil anymore - just detached...well, detachedness. I tried asking her her name in the guise of "Say, you come in here all the time! It feels weird not being able to say "Hi, <name!>" She giggled but didn't give me a name. Which, given what she writes on her coupons as pseudonyms (VSP Customer? What is she, a bottle of cognac?), shouldn't surprise me. Of course, then I find out that my boss wants me to rescan every bottle of booze into our inventory again because it has to be done before I leave...and then he goes and deletes the booze inventory so I can start on a clean slate. Which still isn't as tedious as when I spent forty loving minutes helping a customer through ATT's prepaid-phone customer service trying to figure out why the prepaid card he bought wasn't activated. Except I don't speak Spanish, so I had to relay everything through my non-technically-skilled coworker. It turns out that 1-the phone number he thought he had registered with the phone was the wrong number in the first loving place and 2-he bought the wrong goddamn prepaid refill card. 
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Oct 22, 2010 08:26
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Hey Dodgeball, remember when you said your first post was going to hopefully be your last? Congratulations, you are now one of us.  Content: Man, they sliced our hours pretty drat badly. All the full-timers are down to part-time hours, and a part-timer like me is down to roughly 18 hours this week. I'm slightly worried I won't meet the minimum for health insurance 
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Nov 3, 2010 03:04
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My consolation is that at least our training videos aren't as cheesy as Wendy's training videos of the late 80s. Sure, it's fun to watch now, but probably not when you were actually training at Wendy's.
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Nov 9, 2010 20:30
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Console Parade posted:I'm going to start writing firm but polite letters. Corporate likes to tell consumers that it's all the retail worker's fault, but everyone who ever worked retail knows that is bullshit. Dear Console Parade: [Generic Form Letter] But thanks for trying to stick up for us.
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Nov 10, 2010 18:11
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Someone threw up in the bathroom sink today. It didn't drain all the way, either. Guess who got to clear that one? Then someone else threw a bunch of poo poo-stained toilet seat covers into the garbage. Guess who got to deal with that one too?
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Nov 17, 2010 11:11
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quaint bucket posted:My wife and I wrote a huge loving letter to the president/ceo of sears and the only positive thing we had to say was our good experience with the customer service employees who tried to help us. It got thrown away long before it reached him. But thanks for trying. 
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Nov 19, 2010 09:41
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quaint bucket posted:Oh, I should clarify. It's a complaint letter to address all the issues we've had dealing with Sears as customers (lovely system, poor treatment from management, lovely online purchasing experience, failure to request our permission to do an item substitution, etc). The only actual positive experience thay we had was Sears customer service team being pleasant and as helpful as they could despite having their hands being tied by the system that's in place. Nah, I figured that was the kind of letter you wrote. Did you ever get a reply that wasn't a form letter? Either way, there's a good chance the CEO skimmed it, laughed, tossed it in the trash, and then sent you a form letter, if he sent one at all. And that's assuming someone doesn't screen his mail and does that for him. Thanks for trying, though The dreamer in me wants to believe that your one letter could make a difference, but I've been in retail far too long to believe that.
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Nov 19, 2010 22:16
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Working Thanksgiving to now has made me feel like I've worked a good ten days straight, only I have four more days left. Thank God I get paid this week.
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Nov 29, 2010 07:34
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I now build computers for a living. It's blue-collar work and I don't know how well of a resume-filler it'll be, depending on how well I can spin it, but it's easy work and I get paid more than I ever did at retail. Plus, it's a full-time job when my retail hours were starting to get slashed again. That said, it's a contract job so I still work weekends in retail. I think I'm quite possibly insane.
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Jan 5, 2011 10:39
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God drat it, why haven't I quit retail yet? I've finally found an easy job that pays $22.50 an hour for overtime on Saturdays, but my retail job's already scheduled me for tomorrow, where I'll literally make less than half of that for a ton of more bullshit. I could just not go to retail but I'm too much of a pussy to do so and my manager's still a potential reference. Really now, if the good job weren't technically a six-month contract I would've dropped retail like a sack of bricks already. I'd consider pushing my luck in how far I could get away with peoples' poo poo at retail but karma would probably bite me in the rear end in the future because karma apparently believes I'm doomed to retail forever.
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Jan 28, 2011 21:29
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Thieves piss me off even though I honestly shouldn't care that much. It's the goody-two-shoes in me. Our LP guy is pretty insane, though - guy just loves to tackle thieves. e: And I missed you, Axeface 
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Jan 30, 2011 10:17
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silversiren posted:We sort of have the same thing at my store where if you void off more than $10 worth of crap, you have to get a manager override to be able to complete the transaction. This usually happens when someone has EBT or suddenly at the last minute, as the item has already been bagged, decides they don't want it anymore. This person is already impatient and managers aren't always readily available, thus making them wait even longer. It's also a pain in the rear end when you ring something up and the scanner, which doesn't work half of the time, decides to catch the barcode on something you're not even holding close to it and it rings it up twice, making the customer think you're trying to overcharge them because OBVIOUSLY everyone is out to get them and the gov't and tea party and blah blah blah blah. I'm gonna guess you work at Wrong-Aid. Fun fact: that $10 thing is relatively recent; in the past, if you voided anything you'd have to call a supervisor. Voiding candy bars sucked.
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Apr 15, 2011 19:44
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Bisty Q. posted:Wait, you make $220 a week? I make that in about half a day. Jesus, man. You wouldn't happen to know an NOC in the area that's hiring, would you? I've tried for NOC positions in the Bay and unfortunately having a pulse isn't enough.
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Apr 25, 2011 02:24
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Bisty Q. posted:We are hiring. Day shift, 4/4/3/3. If you're interested, send me an email with your resume/CL. internet2point0@aim.com Someone tell me if this is a good idea: I like to research the company in question as much as possible so I can tailor my resume/CL somewhat to them. In this case, I wouldn't mind knowing more about the company you work for, Bisty, just so I could actually send something as non-generic as possible. I probably should take this to private messaging, but I figure it'd be a good idea to see if doing this is, well, a good idea. Also, TShields: 1. Try following up with your applications. Either email them back asking about the status of the job or shoot them a call. 2. Please stop whining. We did try to help you, and I had hoped you had really learned to not dropped to petulant whining since your e/n thread.
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Apr 25, 2011 07:00
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You're free! Time to claim unemployment benefits! See if there's a program designed to help you go back to school, too. Get an A+ certification if you can - the general consensus in SH/SC is that they're worthless, but they're easy to get, they look good on paper, and they might help you get a job that isn't retail (and would probably pay you far, far more.)
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May 13, 2011 20:24
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Today is my last day in retail! With any luck, that means I'll never have to step behind a register again! (of course, knowing my luck, that means I'll lose my non-retail job soon after this post and I'll never find a job again)
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Jul 3, 2011 18:53
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You guys are making me miss good coffee - there's pretty much no good coffee after I moved to where I am now, so I'm stuck drinking black starbucks and black work coffee.
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Jul 25, 2011 18:47
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cobalt impurity posted:Is there a reason you can't buy single-source beans and brew your own? Mostly lack of time. My current job actually makes me partially miss retail in that aspect - I live with my parents right now and I'm doing part-time in school, so overtime is actually really painful. That, and there's no local place that sells good beans, but I should just order online or something. I'm gonna hop over to GWS because as much as I like this conversation, I don't wanna derail it any further. I'll end it by saying that this thread, plus my experience in retail, is one of the reasons why I treat baristas like normal human beings.
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Jul 25, 2011 19:00
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Instead of those cards, how about I get some cash? That'd be awesome.
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Feb 15, 2012 18:17
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Robzor McFabulous posted:When I worked at a petrol station it used to annoy me when people sent their kids in to pay for their fuel. I'm sure the kid wants to play "adult" and all, but petrol is an age-restricted product just like booze or smokes. Wait, what? I'm unfamiliar with UK laws and am genuinely surprised that petrol's age-restricted. What's the justification?
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Feb 20, 2012 00:11
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We've done away with plastic bags in San Jose. It's a mixed blessing; I don't mind bringing a paper bag, but now I actually have to purchase trash bags. I'm really glad I don't work in retail anymore; I can't imagine dealing with the hordes of angry people who want a plastic bag and don't want to pony up ten whole cents for a paper one.
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Mar 25, 2012 22:34
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Any of you guys have crazy people rushing to buy Hostess products now that they're going under?
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Nov 17, 2012 06:53
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NaturalLow posted:I just started working as a cashier at a store that will remain nameless. So far it hasn't been too bad except for their crappy policy of making me ask for a phone number for EVERY transaction no matter how small. Then I have to try and get an e-mail address from them if one isn't in the system. The store keeps track of eligible transactions and measures how many e-mails I get, then I get a bunch of poo poo for it if I don't measure up (which I never do because nobody wants to get spammed with coupons). So how well do you think you could get away with putting down fake emails/numbers? Not every transaction, then management would get suspicious, but enough to meet your numbers. Normally I wouldn't advocate breaking store regulations but gently caress your store's regulations.
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Nov 30, 2012 06:33
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No, gently caress that debit card crap. Give me my direct deposit, jerks, into an account of my own choosing.ijii posted:Loyalty Hah! Loyalty's a two-way street. Your grocery store would sooner cut out the lifers if it meant they could save money, especially if it's a corporation beholden to its shareholders.
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Jan 17, 2013 19:51
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RedTeam posted:Awesome moment when nobody comes in fancy dress for the charity fundraiser day thing because nobody can afford to rent costumes. And then everybody who didn't come gets blamed for not showing team spirit, am I right?
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Feb 3, 2013 21:03
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Snipee posted:Holy gently caress, this is a depressing thread. Well, my university is on the quarter system, so I am stuck in Las Vegas until almost October. I don't imagine it would be better to do nothing with my life for three months. I would love some opportunity in a casino, but I'm only 20, and many of them want me to be able to sell alcohol. I guess I will follow your guy's lead and apply to everywhere possible. Dear god, I hope somewhere other than Walmart answers. It's a sign for you to avoid retail like the loving plague. I did retail in college and I never want to go back to that world again. What are you majoring in? Can you get an internship, or can you self-study and do projects outside of school? The latter isn't too hard to jump into if you're doing something like Computer Science or Engineering.
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Jun 25, 2013 08:16
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I say that if you can survive Black Friday and Christmas, you can survive a zombie apocalypse.
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Nov 9, 2013 20:21
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Retail Slave posted:Yeah the pay is intriguing, but I'm less jazzed about it after reading some reviews about the company on glassdoor. Are there any retail places that even have high ratings on Glassdoor besides assuming Costco?
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Jan 26, 2014 04:52
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