Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

The MSJ posted:

Not Twitter, but:

Here's a list of all the currently known CD Goon Blogs and Podcasts, (thanks TarsTarkas!)
Turban Decay (CloseFriend)
TarsTarkas.NET (Tars Tarkas)
Pre-Code.com (Sheldrake)
ShotContext (penismightier)
Matthew Clark (echoplex)
Alcohollywood (Hewlett)
The Professor Clumsy Variety Hour (ProfessorClumsy)
A Visual Medium (Vargo)
—automaticcinematic (Jeff Wiiver)
Wag The Movie (BigBudgetSequel)
Club Parnassus (Maxwell Lord)
Martin Teller’s Movie Reviews (FitFortDanga)
Comics Chat (Dickeye)
the film ghost (BOAT SHOWBOAT)
GONE TO STRANGE COUNTRY (timeandtide)
Umney’s Alley (ClydeUmney)
chewable newt (wyoming)
Ryan Swartz (Bugblatter)
Ticket Stub Memoirs (Jay Dub)
Turn Off The Limelight (TrixRabbi)
Movie Musings (Criminal Minded)
matt mcdaniel (Aorist)
Game and Watch Reviews (axleblaze)
How did I get here? I am not good with blogs (Adrianics)
10 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Geekboy)
Nerd Kryptonite (Geekboy)
Political Theater (Vargo)
LondonCityNights (Mr. Flunchy)
Secret of the Sailor Madness (unknown but goon guests)

COBRARocky posted:

that gone girl review reads like an angry tumblr blog.

Cool and good. posted:

Good point, Ralp you're right. Instead of just making the same criticisms everyone else is making over and over (like "you're bad writers" or "nobody wants to hear what you have to say") I'll use a new one, which is the fact that by not attributing the Gone Girl review to anybody, you have outed yourselves as a bunch of pathetic idiots who knew this type of criticism was going to happen, but stuck with the terrible non-review anyway because you really needed to make the point that this movie written by a woman is written by someone who hates women. Thanks for listening to feedback

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

ArfJason posted:

Some Guy TT posted:

You guys do appreciate that there's a spectrum between 100% serious SuperMechaGodzilla post and obvious joke you laugh at, right?