Chili: Vehemently wrong about something stupid.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > Chili: Vehemently wrong about something stupid.

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mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

yeah, I've made chili with expensive rear end beef and cheap rear end beef, and the difference isn't worth the money. just make sure you're using enough fatty bits and have a gelatinous stock, and it will be great in the end.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2013 10:15

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 12:04

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Saint Darwin posted:

VVVVV I am a weird nonperson and can't drink alcohol with food. I make up for it after I'm done eating.

oh, goons, what will you say next

# ¿ Mar 13, 2013 07:51

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

I think it sounds good. I think the sugar could add a depth, but then I always add a pinch to any savory dish. Definitely render and remove bacon, either use it for garnish or fold back in at the end. I personally think soggy bacon doesn't add much to any dish, but you're right on using the smokey bacon grease to caramelize your onions etc.

good luck with your ApprovedByOneTrueChiliProponents chili!

# ¿ Apr 27, 2013 01:08

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Crazyeyes posted:

Potato masher all the way and what I usually use. This person wanted it like that awful commercial guac and found my gloriously chunky stuff to be distasteful ("I keep getting big chunks of avacado!" )

yeah but....

I mean, you wouldn't blend unripe avacado would you?

you have to treat the immersion blender like you would a blender. if there's not enough viscosity in what you're blending that it wouldn't churn in an upright blender, there's no reason to expect your immersion blender to do any better of a job. if you added like 1/2 a cup of water to your avacado, I'm sure it would have worked.

# ¿ May 1, 2013 06:59

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Boris Galerkin posted:

Throwing a stick (or half of one) of butter into the chili as it's cooking: stupid or delicious?

worse than a can of beans (but only just barely)

# ¿ Jan 4, 2014 09:43

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Crazyeyes posted:

What is wrong with beans in chili?

Answer: absolutely nothing.

well I mean you just have to pick the chili out of the beans, but other than that I guess nothing much...

# ¿ Jan 5, 2014 06:47

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Choadmaster posted:

Maybe I'm crazy, but I wouldn't want to eat anything that has been opened and then sat in the fridge for a month. Chipotles in adobo are like $1, just buy a new can.

yeah man I loving hate pickles, and wine, and butter, and bacon, and rice, and soysauce, and hotsauce, and eggs, and mustard, and cheese, and steak, and pork, and ketchup, and butter, and ham, and jam, and kimchi, and mayonnaise, and chipoltes in adobo.

gently caress that poo poo christ

# ¿ Jan 6, 2014 09:16

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

bunnielab posted:

You drink open wine after a month?

yeah dude, I use both mirin and sake for cooking that is like 8-12 months old. I drink wine that is 3-5 years old. I have a bottle of open port that I opened like last may, poo poo still tastes great. ditto for a sauternes

I had some red wine I had open too long and it started to vinegar - I tossed some mother in it, and now I'm still drinking/using it in salad dressings and poo poo

poo poo keeps

# ¿ Jan 7, 2014 10:09

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

The Lord Bude posted:

I've received so many PMs for my vindaloo recipe now that I'm just going to post it here. Consider it Goan style Chilli. If anyone gets their knickers in a knot over a vindaloo in the chilli thread I'll consider editing it out.

Vindaloo:

Vindaloo is properly made with pork, but you could do it with lamb or chicken if you wanted to. I use metric measurements for 1cup/1tablespoon/1teaspoon, you'll need to convert them.

Step 1: Blend the following ingredients in a blender or food processor to form a smooth paste. This paste can either be added to the pot during cooking, or you can marinate your meat in it first, then toss it in.

-small bunch coriander (cilantro)
-1 head of garlic (keep 4 cloves reserved for later, and use proper purple garlic, not that white poo poo that comes from china)
- piece of ginger, roughly thumb sized
- 1 teaspoon turmeric powder
- half a teaspoon of salt
- 3 tablespoons mustard seed oil
- 1 tablespoon honey (you can use jaggery to be more authentic (and also less healthy))
- 6 tablespoons good quality balsamic vinegar (strictly speaking, coconut vinegar is more Authentic, but I struggle to find it)
2 fresh birdseye chillis

Step 2: dry roast the following in a frypan, and then grind to a powder in a mortar and pestle

-2 teaspoons black peppercorns
-5 cloves
-2 teaspoons corriander seeds
-2 teaspoons cumin seeds
-1 teaspoon fenugreek seeds
-2 teaspoons black mustard seeds
-20 dried kashmiri chillies

Step 3: Cooking the curry

Ingredients

-4 medium red onions, finely diced
-4 cloves garlic, minced (the ones left over from step 1)
-1kg diced pork shoulder (optional: marinade overnight in paste from step 1)
-5 fresh birdseye chillies, finely diced
-thumb sized piece of ginger, minced
(optional) 1 tin diced tomatoes (as I mentioned earlier, strictly speaking, it isn't a traditional ingredient, but as with making --chilli some people like to add it for extra umami goodness.) If you do decide to add tomatoes, be sure to pick a brand that has been imported from italy, these are guaranteed not to have added firming agents.
-1 cinnamon stick
-4 bay leaves
-1 small bunch coriander (cilantro), finely chopped
-mustard seed oil
-finger's width slice from a stick of butter

Cover the bottom of a large pot with mustard seed oil, and add in the butter. Once it gets hot, add in the spice powder from step 2, the cinnamon stick, and the bay leaves, and let it fry for a minute or so.

toss in the onion, garlic, ginger and chilli, and saute for a good 10 mins or so.(Indian cooking calls for onions to be browned further than you might typically brown them for)

add in the meat, and once it's browned pour in the remaining marinade (or if you didn't use the paste as a marinade, add it now). Add the tomatoes if you chose to use them, and a cup of water (or vegetable stock if you prefer)

Simmer gently for 3 hours, stirring periodically so that nothing catches on the bottom of the pot. add a touch of water if the sauce gets too thick, or keep the lid off to reduce the sauce down if it's too runny. Once you take it off the heat, stir the chopped coriander through. Serve with rice, naan and a good dollop of greek yoghurt.

does not have beans - passes chili test
has mustard oil and vinegar - passes vindaloo test
has meat - passes both tests, all lights green

welcome to the thread

# ¿ Jan 10, 2014 11:44

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Comb Your Beard posted:

This might get some hate but I usually make chili with one of those cheap "15 Bean Soup" bags.

Getting them soft and fully cooked is kinda of a pain and can lead to overcooking the actual chili.

I barely needed to salt the actual chili and great flavor all around.

Unfortunately one of those small chipotle/adobo cans is still too spicy for my wife.

I can't tell if this is the biggest troll of this entire thread, or if you and your wife are just incredibly boring people completely inept at cooking, but :psyduck:

# ¿ Feb 7, 2014 09:58

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Hollis Brown posted:

I can't get chili to break down at all. I use a chuck roast, cut into 1/2" cubes, and it seems no matter how long I cook at a temperature where the liquid is barely bubbling it doesn't seem to break down. Any ideas? It's still delicious mind you I just can't achieve this break down thing that I read about.

edit for more detail: I start with the liquid level above the meat, and as I simmer for hours I add more stock/water to above the meat again. Eventually I give up on it breaking down and just eat it, and it's good. I've also tried half chuck half lamb with the same results.

~8 hours, also stir with some force.

# ¿ Sep 23, 2014 09:38

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Hollis Brown posted:

This did it y'all. I gave up at 5-6 hours before. It was pretty good, I liked the texture more.

now save that poo poo a few days and make some tacos or something out of it. avacado, radish, lime, onion. boom

mindphlux fucked around with this message at 10:02 on Sep 29, 2014

# ¿ Sep 29, 2014 09:59

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

the common denominator with all the seasonings in that recipe is MSG.

so basically the recipe is 'hey here's some meat, add MSG!'

which is of course is a crowd pleaser.

that said, that's the worst loving recipe I've seen for chili in like 20 pages of this thread. ugh.

# ¿ Oct 25, 2014 09:10

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Echeveria posted:

I lurked in this thread for a bit and tried my own variation on Thursday.

I used about 30 bucks worth of local, free range beef.

I browned my chunks of chuck, browned some ground beef, then set it aside. Then I cooked up my onions and garlic, added a liter of beef broth and a bit of tomato paste and re added the meat. There is a local spice merchant and they have a smaller shop at my favorite farmers market. Last week I bought a mild chili blend, a pack on dried anchos, and miraculously, a can of chipotles is adobo (I've never seen these before). I chucked in a whole ancho, a couple tablespoons of the chilli blend, and chopped a few chipotles up and threw them in.

Then I added a can of black beans and let it simmer in my dutch oven for a couple hours.

It was so loving good. I will never use a spice packet again.

I'll forgive you for the black beans because you did everything else right. bravo, welcome to the world of RealChili

# ¿ Oct 27, 2014 06:37

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

fuckpot posted:

He almost did it right. Lose the tomato paste.

I think a bit of tomato paste is perfectly acceptable. a can of tomatoes is a different story, but paste helps thicken and adds some nice umami depth.

I'm an umami fiend though, I'd be adding fish sauce and some MSG to mine as well...

# ¿ Oct 28, 2014 06:12

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

FaradayCage posted:

I've heard conflicting reports, so I just freeze the open can in a ziplock and thaw at room temp whenever I need more. If repeated thawing/freezing worries you, I would blend the whole mess into a paste, freeze em in ice cube trays and store in a ziplock bag in the freezer.

do this

or you know, just buy another can since they're like .69 cents

# ¿ Nov 21, 2014 07:01

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Party Plane Jones posted:

Where do you live that you can get them that cheap? I have a hard time finding them for two bucks as it is.

atlanta.

no idea why they'd be any cheaper or more expensive than anywhere else, other than I live in a major city.

I habitually buy chipoltes in adobo almost every month because I'm like 'poo poo am I out of chipoltes? well, who cares - might as well, they're 69 cents!'

that said, I do chop them up and freeze in a ziplock too, because I rarely would ever use an entire can. also because apparently I'm thrifty enough to care about 34.5 cents worth of food.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2015 09:08

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

just because I feel like we need to establish the ground rules again ever so often in this thread

Chili :

Beef. Not ground - cubed, preferably something with good beefy flavor. Preferably chargrilled or at least seared off.
Chilies. Preferably freshly toasted and ground, or made into a paste
Onions/garlic. Preferably caramelized, most likely diced.
Good stock. Beef, naturally - but chicken or whatever will do.
Salt + pepper.

That's it.

You can add anything else you want to chili, like canned chipotles, beer, chocolate, beans (if you're a loving idiot), whatever.

But that's Chili�℠�. Your bullshit IPA chocolate blackbean chili is "IPA chocolate blackbean" style chili, but chili proper is just meat, aromatics, chili, and stock.

your ground beef with pasta mixed in is whatever the gently caress you wanna call it, but it ain't no gonna be chili.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2015 04:48

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Tatsuta Age posted:

this is a cool argument, definitely keep it up everyone

are you seriously saying that "if it has ground beef it isn't chili" because good lord

basically yeah

if only because almost every recipe I've ever seen that calls for grinding the beef also calls for 10+ ingredients and doesn't involve searing off the meat, etc.

so like while I don't actually think you have to make chili with cubed beef, I think for all intents and purposes it's much easier to just say 'no, ground beef can't make chili' because the average cook who is wondering 'hey am I making chili right' will just see 'ground beef' in the ingredient list and mentally check out, like 'oh yeah, I'm totally on track that's what I do' when their end dish tastes like poo poo.

I'm not being a sperglord or a purist. I'm trying to articulate (in words, over the internet) what small qualitative differences there are between a pot of waterlogged flavorless ground beef stewing in tomato juice, and a really superbly flavored beefy dish you can legitimately call chili. with either version, sure, "it's just chili" - but... it's just chili. there are very few ingredients in the dish. the quality of the meat you're using and the attention to detail matter.

seriously.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2015 05:00

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

While I don't disagree with anything you said there, I do disagree with what you first said, which is that nothing that isn't only:

can possibly be chili. Do you not see how your original statement was perhaps overly reductionist?

Do you not see how my point is that people cooking chili from recipes on the internet demand a reductionist standpoint on basic technique to achieve basic competency?

# ¿ Apr 9, 2015 08:47

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Scientastic posted:

But this thread isn't just for "people cooking chili from recipes on the internet", it's also a place for voicing new ideas and honing techniques and recipes. I don't mind the reductionist view, but to say that that's the one true chilli is a bit silly.

I make chilli with the addition of beans, tomatoes and pork ribs. Does that mean I have to call it "chunks of cooked down beef and pork in a flavourful spicy stew and beans"? Or can I just call it chilli? Because I'm pretty sure the street vendors who originally made it would recognise it as such...

I never said anything about a one true chili. I just wanted to re-establish some basic ground rules for a basic, true to form, delicious - unobjectionable technically acceptable chili.

mindphlux posted:

just because I feel like we need to establish the ground rules again ever so often in this thread

Chili :

Beef. Not ground - cubed, preferably something with good beefy flavor. Preferably chargrilled or at least seared off.

Chilies. Preferably freshly toasted and ground, or made into a paste

Onions/garlic. Preferably caramelized, most likely diced.

Good stock. Beef, naturally - but chicken or whatever will do.

Salt + pepper.

That's it.

You can add anything else you want to chili, like canned chipotles, beer, chocolate, beans (if you're a loving idiot), whatever

# ¿ Apr 9, 2015 10:29

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

# ¿ Apr 10, 2015 10:55

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 12:04

mindphlux: Jan 8, 2004; by R. Guyovich

Fo3 posted:

The beauty of where I live is I don't have to converse with those people.
Beans and tomato is pretty Mexican (which is why we say "con carne" here, to point out it's the Mexican version with beans and tomatoes). Chili with cubed/diced meat is very much tex-mex so I'd give Texas the shout out and do it their way and just say chili, and drop the Mexican connotation.

thank you at least someone is sane

(though I don't know about the whole beans and tomatoes being mexican bit tbqh...)

BraveUlysses posted:

i'm unable to discern trolling from real posts in this thread any more but literally "con carne" means with meat so i'm at a loss right here.

someone who has never left the united states of america spotted

mindphlux fucked around with this message at 07:16 on Apr 13, 2015

# ¿ Apr 13, 2015 07:14

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > Chili: Vehemently wrong about something stupid.

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