BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Images are uploading for the first update as we speak, but while we wait, have the first...

Expansion Cup Injury Report

Atlantis Aquamen
SP Phil Niekro (Broken finger) - 9 days

Brooklyn BABiPs
SP Mike Hedlund (Fractured foot) - 14 days

Canton Catastrophes
SP Dennis Martinez (Shoulder bursitis) - 3 days
RP Julian Tavarez (Broken knuckle) - 5 days

Detroit Cougars
SP Rube Marquard (Rube Goldberg machine gone horribly wrong) - 8 days

Harvard Elites
SP Bob Walk (Took a long walk off a short pier... into an empty pool) - Out for Season

Jacksonville Jobbers
LF Tony Oliva (A little too excited about Zack Ryder becoming a Seven-Figure Broski) - 203 days
1B Carlos Delgado (not that you care) - 17 days

Million Dollar Men
SP Bob Shawkey (Got shocked) - 20 days

Nowhere Men in Gauze or what the gently caress ever
RP Dennis Lamp (He's finally booked... on assault charges) - 22 days

Omaha Forgettables
SS Alex Rodriguez (Broken forearm) - 33 days

Patagonian Postmodernists
SP Chan Ho Park (Inflamed elbow ligament) - 48 days
RP Eddie Guardardo (The rain will fall on Patagonia...) - 231 days

RVA Beard Leaguers
C Ozzie Virgil (Bought out by the Million Dollar Man) - 170 days

Also, Shaun Marcum will miss his next start -- he's got an injury for 2 more days and he's due up game after next.

Walney Rakers
SP Don Sutton (Sprained Ankle) - 16 days

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Jan 15, 2013

# ¿ Jan 15, 2013 06:52

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# ¿ May 13, 2024 19:08

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII - April

Moscow Daily News posted:

POTATOES SURVIVE RAKERS 9TH INNING RALLY, WIN SEASON OPENER 5-3

Moscow, ID -- When Super-League Commissar Smasher Dynamo sent forth the call for assistance with the Expansion Cup, few expected then-former Idaho Potatoes owner Grinnblade to answer the call, given Smasher's distaste for the Idahoan's... well, everything. Even fewer expected the Commissar to actually accept Grinnblade's offer.

Even fewer still expected Grinnblade to bring back the Potatoes, citing the obvious ethical issues of running a team in the league you are overseeing -- but Grinnblade waved those concerns away during a pre-game ceremony at the Kibbie Dome. "Oh please, like rigging anything wouldn't be immediately sniffed out. Now can we play some drat baseball?"

And play they did, with the Potatoes scoring two runs on five hits in the second inning and a further 3 runs in the 5th on 5 hits and a costly throwing error by Rakers 3rd baseman Jimmie Dykes. Potatoes starter J.R. Richards did his part, pitching 7 quality innings in which he gave up 1 run on only 3 hits. Billy Hoeft was brought in for the final two innings as Richards had thrown almost 120 pitches, and got through the 8th with no issues.

The 9th would not go quite as smoothly. Two hits and a walk later, Hoeft faced a bases-loaded situation with no outs. He would get Mickey Cochrane to pop out in foul territory, but then would walk Ty Cobb to bring in the Rakers' second run of the game. Eddie Collins then would get under a fastball and pop out to deep center, allowing Del Pratt to tag and score from third, bringing the score to 5-3. At this point, Grinnblade had seen enough and called for his closer. The Imperial March began to play as Idaho closer Ken Forsch walked to the mound.

One reporter claimed to hear Commissar Dynamo complain in the press box to Grinnblade, "Really?! That's what you're loving going with? Star Wars?! I'm going to loving regret this, aren't I?"

Forsch would then walk the bases loaded again. Dynamo is then reported as turning to Grinnblade and laughing. Jimmie Foxx came up to the plate with the opportunity to put the Rakers up by two, but promptly lined to center field on a second-pitch slider to end the game. Grinnblade then turned to Dynamo to say something, and Dynamo was reported as saying "If the phrase 'lack of faith' leaves your mouth in the next 10 minutes I will loving end you myself."

Patagonian Post-Intelligencer posted:

RAINWATER'S RETURN INSPIRES POSTMODERNISTS TO EXTRA-INNINGS WIN

Puenta Arenas, Peru -- Ever since NotThatSamBeckett submitted his roster request to the office of the Super-League, one question was on everyone's mind: would the Commissar's office allow the return of the enigmatic reliever Denny Rainwater?

The season's first five games came and went with no answer, and shortly before the first pitch of the second game in the Postmodernists' home opening series against the newcomer Tijuana Mules, NotThatSamBeckett was preparing to speak to reporters about his displeasure at the lack of communication when a small, nondescript box was placed on his podium by a masked figure, who then quickly filed out. A smile crept across Beckett's face, and he left without another word.

The game went on as normal, with the Postmodernists taking a 1-0 lead off a Ken Singleton double in the 2nd inning. Then the starting pitchers, Orel Hershiser for the Mules and Freddy Garcia for the Postmodernists, would take control, dueling until a 3-run 6th inning would place the Tijuana Mules in the driver's seat. During the 7th inning stretch, a small raincloud formed over the pitcher's mound and a single drop was seen to fall before the cloud dispersed. NotThatSamBeckett was seen nodding serenely.

Meteorological impossibility aside, the event seemed to spark the Postmodernists, who would score one run in the 7th and one in the 8th to tie the game. The game would remain tied until the middle of the 11th, when another delay was caused by a sudden severe thunderstorm knocked out power to the stadium as torrential rains began to fall.

A bright white light materialized in the Postmodernists' bullpen, and though the speakers were blown, music began to play as a figure emerged. The music continued to play, the lights came back on and the rains stopped, revealing Denny Rainwater standing on the warmup mound. After a moment of confusion, the hometown crowd seemed to realize what had happened and applauded as Rainwater silently took his spot on the bench.

For his part, Super-League newcomer Bograt was heard exclaiming "�Qu� volar carajo?" repeatedly as play resumed. The Postmodernists seemed to take heart from the return of their unlikely icon, taking advantage of two singles and an error by Tony Gwynn to swiftly bring
Mike Piazza across the plate for the winning run.

Afterwards, NotThatSamBeckett would only say that "the Rain had come". Bograt's comments were slightly more colorful: "What the gently caress is this poo poo? First the Aquamen, now this poo poo? Mierda santos, what have I gotten myself into?!"

STATS AND ANALYSIS

Analysis

That's an Uggla-y start. :v:

Analysis

Hmm, I have no idea why your lineup is that and not what you posted. I'm sure I set it like you had it -- then again, this seems to be working decently at the moment.

Analysis

Your starters are going DEEP. The question is, can they keep doing it? :ssh:

No.

Analysis

Hmm. Your pitchers are off to a good start. Your hitting? Not so much. Don't panic but you may want to keep an eye on things and start thinking about solutions if improvement doesn't come.

Analysis

Seven games with ten runs or more scored. Five of those in a goddamn row. Yeah, I think you might have a good offense. And your pitching is also doing pretty drat good too. All in all, a solid start to the Cup, I'd say.

Analysis

The good news? Bob Walk pitched a 3-hit complete game shutout in his first start. The bad news? He blew up immediately afterwards.

Analysis

Well.. uh... I did not expect us to be leading after the first month, I'll say that much.

Analysis

Not the best start, and on top of that you lose your LF for a large chunk of the year.

Analysis

Good to see mid-90s Greg Maddux is doing as good for you as he did for the first iteration of the Potatoes so far. Otherwise, you may want to keep an eye on Gillespie.

Analysis

Ouch. Your A-Rod is not off to a good start despite one hell of a roll.

Analysis

That rotation :stare:

Analysis

Not bad, and although Fisk is off to a slow start, that potential rating is enticing.

Analysis

Too early to say much yet.

Analysis

Uh... I have no idea why I didn't mention Olerud's injury. My bad. Also, yeah, you got Rainwater back... BUT AT WHAT COST?!

Analysis

Usually I'd say "it's early" -- but unless you're INTENTIONALLY trying to tank, I'd suggest a serious once over of your roster, and I'd suggest doing it sooner rather than later.

Analysis

Hopp! :3:

Analysis

Not much jumping out at me at the moment. Encarnacion may not be the answer at 3rd, but as I've said, it's early.

Analysis

By far the best record of the first month, and for good reason. If it ain't broke, I probably wouldn't fix it.

Division Standings

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 23:12 on Jan 15, 2013

# ¿ Jan 15, 2013 10:39

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

theacox posted:

Where did Kelly Johnson come from?

Well this is embarrassing. Kelly Johnson appears to be a holdover from the 2011 Arizona Diamondbacks roster I edited to make the Colliders. :negative:

Monathin posted:

Edit 2: Who the gently caress is Chris Huxham and where did he come from?

Chris Huxham is a rookie auto-generated by Mogul to fill roster space.

Pander posted:

Send Glenn White (Who?!) to the ~~gates of Hell~~ Minors

Same to you although how he snuck into your bullpen I have no loving clue.

# ¿ Jan 15, 2013 20:20

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Monathin posted:

Okay then, let's just keep him in the minors for now then. I thought a 30-man was a full roster. One of my dudes didn't vanish, did they? Lousy Vault security...

Nope, discounting the Huxster you still have 30 men on your roster. I think Mogul just expects to have so many batters and pitchers and auto-generates to fill gaps.

Additionally, for future reference to ALL EC newcomers: If a player has a 50 or 60 rating like that, you have no idea where they came from, and I haven't specifically called them out as a "what the gently caress are you DOING" move, it's probably a Mogul auto-generation.

# ¿ Jan 15, 2013 20:26

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

mrnoun posted:

The Luna Landers select 'XX SUDDEN DEATH.

The Gumshoes are now on the clock.

well if you're gonna be THAT way about it could I have my Josh Gibson back before you commit hari-kiri?

# ¿ Jan 16, 2013 06:26

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Pander

While I did get your roster moves in, any potential trade you have made will have to wait until the next month as it seems to me like you're still discussing it.

Injury report coming soon.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2013 20:00

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Pander posted:

That's good. I think I was too panicky about my lovely, lovely pitching. I'll let the dumpster fire burn a while.

In addition, Whitey K. was your starting 3B vs LHP w/ DH. What do you want to do about that roster-wise?

# ¿ Jan 16, 2013 20:42

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Injury Report - May

Atlantis Aquamen
SP Fergie Jenkins (Pulled hamstring imitating another Jenkins) - 5 days
SP Josh Johnson (The Bends) - 70 days

Brooklyn BABiPs
C/RF Dave Engle (Strained back lifting PBR cases) - 10 days
LR Ricky Diamond (Tried helping Engle, didn't go so well) - 10 days

Canton Catastrophes
2B Carlos Baerga (Don't Cross the Boss) - 9 days
MR Paul Assenmacher (Seriously, don't) - 10 days
P John Franco (Not kidding) - 10 days

Detroit Cougars
2B Charlie Gehringer (bit by the mascot) - 3 days

Harvard Elites
SR Will McEnaney (accusations of plagiarism) - 9 days
LF Barry Bonds (accusations of perjury) - 9 days

Idaho Potatoes
DH Jim Bottomley (No!) - 3 days
SP J.R. Richard (NO!) - 6 days
SP Pete Alexander (NO!!!) - 18 days

Miami Manatees
SP Randy Johnson (Fastball hit bird, bird's family hit back) - 44 days
SP Al Leiter (unfortunate feeding accident) - Out for Season

Million Dollar Men
SP Jake Weimer (Temporary Workforce Reduction) - 35 days
CL Bruce Sutter (Temporary Workforce Reduction) - 65 days
SS Bobby Wallace (Not-so-Temporary Workforce Reduction) - 198 days

Nowhere Men
SP Bill Lee (Got lost in Nowhere) - Will Miss Next Start (3 days)

Omaha Forgettables
SP Dave Stieb (Stubbed toe) - 7 Days (May or may not miss next start, next up is Jimmie Key)

Walney Rakers
SU Al Holland (brief vacation to his namesake) - 6 days

# ¿ Jan 16, 2013 23:00

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Pander posted:

Two months without injuries for the Sad Pandas? I must have drafted Herm Schneider as my trainer...

Well, nothing that lasted to the end of a month, anyway. Max Lanier currently has 1 day left on an injury but the starter AFTER him is currently up, so he'll be hale and hearty before his next start which is why he isn't listed.

Reminder: Unless specifically told to put players back in when they become healthy, I will not stop the simulation midway through a month, so minor injuries that come and go will not be listed on the injury report.

edit: also remember that these injuries are as of May 31st. I've had a couple people get confused on this point.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2013 23:50

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

oldskool posted:

Potatoes, I've got an injured Pete Alexander, you've got an injured Pete Alexander.
Surely we can work something out.

The difference between us is that I have an injured Pete Alexander for 18 days. You gave up 2/5ths of your rotation for a guy you can't use until the Gauntlet.

I'm also in a division with a team that just lost 2/5ths of its rotation for an appreciable amount of time, the Beard Leaguers, and those damned Catastrophes.

I'll live.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2013 03:52

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Cthulhu Dreams posted:

[B]I will buy injuries Pete'Alexanders[b]

Are you having a stroke?!

# ¿ Jan 17, 2013 04:22

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII May

East Canton Press-News posted:

CATASTROPHES SHUT OUT BY BEARD LEAGUERS, EXPANSION CUP COMMISSAR IMPLICATED IN SCREWJOB

Canton, OH - It was a tale of two teams: entering today's game, the RVA Beard Leaguers were 7 and 23, riding an 8-game losing streak to the cellar of the McQueen League Larkin Division. The Canton Catastrophes were riding strong, building a 3-game winning streak on the back of taking 2 of 4 from division rival Idaho and the first game against the Leaguers enroute to a 16-14 record and battling for control of the Larkin Division.

So what went wrong? Why did the Catastrophes fall, 3-0, to the Beard Leaguers?

It couldn't have been that the Leaguers starting pitcher, 33-year-old Dennis Martinez, pitched a 4-hit complete game shut-out where as the hometown Catastrophes 40-year-old Dennis Martinez took the same amount of pitches to get through 6 innings of baseball in which he gave up a two-run home run to Darryl loving Spencer, could it?

No, Catastrophes owner Monathin had a better theory: "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that (Expansion Cup Commissar and owner of the Idaho Potatoes) Grinnblade is loving fixing everything so his own team wins the Cup. I mean come on, a team of dregs leading the division after a month? Nearly every team EXCEPT his getting injuries of some form or another over the first month? His team beating the poo poo out of ours and then throwing us to the Beard Leaguers to get embarrassed at home? WAKE UP SHEEPLE!"

When a reporter pointed out that the Catastrophes had actually split the series with the Potatoes and were riding a 3-game win streak before today's game, Monathin screamed out "DON'T EVER APPLY LOGIC TO MY ACTIONS, IT ONLY SCREWS ME UP FURTHER!" before storming out of the press conference. RVA owner dubsteppin refused to believe his team had actually won, and refused comment after the game citing a need to tend to his "magnificent" beard.

Expansion Cup Commissar Grinnblade, asked for comment on Monathin's statement coming off a 4-2 loss to the Harvard Elites, had this to say: "We in the office of the Commissar take accusations of corruption seriously, and have already determined that Monathin is mistaken in his assessment. There will be no further comment on this matter unless further evidence is presented." He then ended the conference and went into his office, where one reporter swore he could hear laughter of a "hysterical" nature.

Chicago Sun-Times posted:

LOSERS LOSE ON MILLION DOLLAR MAN'S "LUCKY" WALK-OFF HR

Chicago, IL - Another day, another Losers loss. Or... is it?

Entering the top of the tenth inning, eyebrows rose when a fan somehow got into the Losers' bullpen and had a brief conversation with Losers reliever Troy Percival, set to take the mound for the Losers as extra innings began with them tied with the Million Dollar Men, 4-4. Security managed to pry the fan away, and Percival did not look perturbed by the proceedings at all, instead silently walking out to the mound to begin the 10th against the Dollar Men's third baseman Frank Baker. Million Dollar Men owner CVE was seen smiling as the pitch left Percival's hands and Baker swung with a force that screamed "home run".... as the pitch sailed over his head.

As the hometown crowd laughed at the folly, CVE was far less amused, standing bolt upright, gripping the railing of his luxury seating, and screaming down at the field. Percival looked up towards the box, and something in his demeanor seemed to calm CVE, who returned to his seat as Percival threw a ball that missed slightly, bringing the count to 1-1.

And then finally, it happened. Troy Percival threw an absolute meatball of a change-up, right down the middle, and Baker's eyes lit up as he absolutely launched it into the seats in left-center. Percival's face stayed stone-still as Baker rounded the bases, and he then turned to shut down the Men in short order and send it to the bottom of the 10th. However, the morale of the Losers was shot, and Cecil Upshaw mopped them up to give the Million Dollar Men the 10-inning 5-4 win.

When asked for comment after the game, Percival only said "Even the best make mistakes sometimes. I guess I let that fan get into my head a bit too much, and I paid the price for it." As he turned to place his shoes in his locker, a slight crinkling was heard coming from his pockets.

Million Dollar Men owner CVE called a press conference afterwards, in which he said "This only goes to prove... EVERYBODY has a price for the Million Dollar Man! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Stats and Analysis

Analysis

Well, at least Fergie won't be out long, eh?

Analysis

Eurgh. Well, at least you'll have a decent shot at some good pitching in the draft, huh?

Analysis

Bob Buhl ain't doin' so hot. But the rest of your team is certainly making up for it.

Analysis

Bwahaha. _{Er... I mean...} Tough break, but at least they won't be out long, right? Also the batting situation has not improved and you may want to consider changes sooner rather than later.

Analysis

Rudy York's lack of batting is about the only negative I see for this team as-is.

Analysis

Welp. Doug Drabek is having a rough go at it, but with Walk exploded there's not much you can do except make a deal or hope for an upswing.

Analysis

I'm probably going to have to do something about how tired my lineup is. What that is remains to be seen, however.

Analysis

Yeah, you're jobbing, but it's more due to being in a division with the two highest-win teams in the entire Cup than anything wrong with your roster, in my opinion.

Analysis

Paul Gillepsie may not be the best option.

Analysis

Hey! A-Rod is picking back up! And you're leading the division by half a game! There's still hope.... okay yeah that rotation is going to be ghastly until the Big Unit comes back.

Analysis

Injuries aside, you're doing pretty okay for yourselves. I have no idea how Pat Kelly made his way into your lineup but from the looks of it it occured after the month was over since he hasn't played a game yet.

Analysis

Maybe three days off is what Lee needs to clear his head. We'll see, though.

Analysis

You forgot to do something about A-Rod, so I have no idea who Mogul has been playing in his place. He'll be back three days into June though, so it's probably nothing to worry about at this juncture.

Analysis

Chan-Ho Park getting injured is probably the best thing that's happened to your rotation.

Analysis

The good news: you won 2 more games than you did last month! The bad news: You also played two more games than you did last month, and also your pitching staff is still a dumpster fire.

Analysis

Bad pitching and a few of your hitters are severely underperforming. Yikes.

Analysis

Second month, same as the first. Awesome pitching, Encarnacion still hitting below Mendoza line.

Analysis

Getting your poo poo pushed in by the Beard Leaguers seems to have made something snap. :staredog:

(Although you may want to consider keeping Reggie Jackson under closer observation.)

Division Standings

# ¿ Jan 17, 2013 23:00

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Minutiae

The Mules-Rakers trade is approved.

I had to take today off for a whirlwind of real-life E/N bullshit, so the injury report will be up tomorrow and June will be up Sunday. If any of you wish to take advantage of rearranging bullpen/batter numbers like the Postmodernists, please feel free to revise your lineups in the interim.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2013 03:45

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

GrickleGrass posted:

Swap Adam Jones with Rickey Henderson, like I asked last month. If Ventura and Reynolds are still platooning, then put an end to that as well-- keeping Ventura in against both LHP and RHP.

Also, it doesn't seem like Dotel and Britton are filling in for Johnson and Leiter. Who is pitching for them? I hope the three healthy pitchers aren't dividing all of the work between them. If that's the case, at least swap out Leiter for Dotel since he'll be gone all season.

Make my rotation:
SP Johnson
SP Brown
SP Rogers
SP Ryan
SP Dotel

And unless injuries occur I won't ask you to do any further work, so don't worry.

I don't know how I missed this when it came up but just to clarify, once again: When I post an injury report, those injuries are effective as of the end of the NEXT update, not the previous (i.e. the one I post here shortly will be for the end of June, not the end of May). I post the injury report in advance to give owners a bit of time to think about how they want to deal with the situation instead of just going "oh hey by the way Al Leiter just exploded, you have one day to figure out what the gently caress".

Additionally, if you read your lineup sheets you will find that I already subbed Jones and ended the platoon spoken of and that Jones did fairly decently for the month of May.

I'm going to take this post as your orders for ~~May~~edit: June, and it should work out fairly decently, unless you rescind those orders before the injury report is posted.

Thank you for your time.

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jan 19, 2013

# ¿ Jan 19, 2013 23:14

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Injury Report - June

Atlantis Aquamen
C Dale Murphy (Stomach pains from swimming less than an hour after eating) - 15 days

Canton Catastrophes
3B Hans Lobert (grrrrrr) - 2 days

Detroit Cougars
3B Jim Ray Hart (not that it matters, you're benching him, right?) - 1 day

Harvard Elites
SS Garry Templeton (paper cut) - 17 days
CF Andy Van Slyke (Declared academically ineligible) - Out for Season (278 days)

Idaho Potatoes
1B Todd Helton (God drat It) - 73 days

Jacksonville Jobbers
IF Cal Ripken, Jr. (Oh, radio...) - 5 days
SP Kevin Brown (tell me everything you know) - May Miss Next Start (4 days)

Lovable Losers
SU Mitch Williams (Losers' Lurgy) - 15 days

Miami Manatees
C Mike Piazza (Communications Breakdown) - 8 days
LR Jamie Moyer (Solidarity with the Big Unit) - 13 days
2B Julio Franco (Shock at the month's results) - 31 days

Omaha Forgettables
SP Dave Stieb (Toe got infected) - 71 days
C Jorge Posada (Saw Stieb's toe, cut off own toe to prevent the same fate) - 121 days

Sad Pandas
2B Jose Vidro (Made the Panda Sad) - 12 days

Walney Rakers
SP Carl Weilman (Got Raked) - 14 days
(also Tanana has a 1 day injury but he's the 2nd pitcher out so it should be fine)

# ¿ Jan 20, 2013 01:11

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII - June
AS A BLANKET NOTICE: ALL THE NEW ROOKIES WILL BE GONE BY NEXT UPDATE, THEY'RE FROM THE AMATEUR DRAFT

IN ADDITION: BROOKLYN BABIPS -- C/RF DAVE ENGLE IS REINJURED FOR 61 DAYS, HOW IT MISSED THE INJURY REPORT I HAVE NO IDEA

Detroit Times posted:

MANATEES WIN 3-2 IN TWELVE, EXPAND LEAD IN LARKIN DIVISION TO TWO GAMES

Detroit, MI - Wait, what?

At the start of June, the Miami Manatees were in a precarious position. Yes, they lead the McQueen League Larkin Division by half a game, but with Alex Rodriguez not quite back in the swing of things, Randy Johnson out for a month and a half, and Al Leiter out for the season, many thought that the Manatees were destined for a spectacular sudden drop to the cellar.

GrickleGrass's team, however, has proven the critics wrong, putting together a solid showing by winning every series against a division opponent so far this month.

Both starting pitchers threw absolute gems, with Miami's Kevin Brown going 7 innings with 2 runs off 5 hits, 6 strikeouts and no walks, while Detroit's Schoolboy Rowe went 9 innings, giving up 2 runs on 2 home runs while striking out 6 as well. Alex Rodriguez's 9th-inning solo shot would send the teams to extras, where the relievers picked up where the starters left off, with both teams being held scoreless until Miami's Edgar Martinez sent a Bill Henry fastball over the left-field fence. Cougars owner cbx sent out Rube Benton for damage control, but the Cougars could not respond in the bottom of the inning, giving the Manatees a 3-2 victory.

After the game, confusion reigned in the Manatees locker room as GrickleGrass misunderstood the press's questions repeatedly. In the Detroit locker room, cbx was found screaming at Bill Henry and every Cougars player in earshot about how he wished he was still operating the Splinter Cells so he could un-person every "idiot" responsible for the loss.

Game notes:
- All three Manatees runs came off solo home runs, and all three home runs were the players' only hit of the game.

Omaha Herald posted:

FORGETTABLES DROP SOME SCIENCE ON THE COLLIDERS, WIN 7-4

Omaha, NE - Don't look now, but the Taggart League Sele Division is becoming a race.

At the start of the month, the CERN Colliders held a five-game lead over the Forgettables. However, the Forgettables' win today caps off a four-game sweep of the Colliders, pulling them to within spitting distance of the Colliders atop the Sele Division. In addition, the Forgettables have only lost four games to date this month. To say they're hot is an understatement.

And nowhere was it more obvious than today's game, where the Forgettables surged out to a 2-0 lead on back-to-back base hits from Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. The Colliders would respond with one run in the bottom of the third, only to see the Forgettables score 3 in the fourth and 2 in the fifth to pretty much seal the Colliders' fate, although runs in each of the last three innings brought the score to its final of 7 to 4.

After the game, a furious theacox presented a PowerPoint on how mathematically improbable it was for this result to occur, then blamed the variance on a bird dropping bread onto the pitcher's mound pre-game. At the conclusion of the presentation, only about 10% of it understandable by the press at hand, theacox concluded: "I DEMAND a peer review of today's results! This is improbable! This is ABSURD!"

Gabriel Pope, for his part, was ecstatic. "I've been away for a few years, but this team could GO places in the Super-League. I can't wait to irritate the hell out of Smasher again! It'll be just like old times!"

Analysis
Well hopefully Scioscia shows up for a week or two while Murphy coalesces.

Analysis
"Uh... where the gently caress did that Engle injury come from and why was it not on the Injury Report?" Those are two very good questions. Ones that I do not have a good answer for besides "I'm sorry."

Analysis
Is there a reason you aren't using Wally Schang regularly?

Analysis
The Brian Giles Experiment may have just blown up in your face. And for that, I feel great ~~schadenfreude~~sympathy.

Analysis
Well your replacements didn't kill themselves for the most part.

Analysis
Tough luck with Van Slyke.

Analysis
gently caress. Yeah, definitely some changes coming this month.

Analysis
:laffo:

at Conine's batting average. Otherwise, like I said last update, I think this might be a case of a decent team in a division of gods.

Analysis
Might I suggest Joe Girardi instead of Paul Gillespie?

Analysis
Octavio Dotel went 2-1. You expanded your lead to 4.5 games with 2/5ths of your rotation shot. REVEAL YOUR SECRETS :catstare:

Analysis
Hmm. Weimer will be back just before the All-Star break.

Analysis
CHESTY THOMAS. That is all. (Okay, tangentially related, once again the only thing I can really see as an issue is your catching.)

Analysis
Remember when I said I had my doubts your bullpen could get games to Rivera? I retract that statement entirely. :stare:

Analysis
Okay I think I managed to actually get your roster moves right this time. gently caress. Also Chan Ho comes back after the All-Star break, but do you really need him back that badly?

Analysis
They don't always win games, but when they do, they loving embarrass a top contender on the road. _{Instead of just being embarrassing._{seriously fix your goddamn team}}

Analysis
Pitching! Pitching! Your kingdom for pitching!

Analysis
Buddy Bell is pining for Walney, apparently. Hopefully he gets over it.

Analysis
I'd say something about Weilman but you're already sending him down, so onwards to another month, eh?

Division Standings

# ¿ Jan 20, 2013 23:29

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

I'm still mulling over what I'm going to do roster-wise, but while I'm here, I'll also go ahead and vote A for the obit. Yeah it's a relatively tame choice, but look where choosing excitement has got us (in a clusterfuck of epic proportions).

# ¿ Jan 20, 2013 23:37

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Alright. Halfway through the year, let's see what I can gin up here.

New Lineup vs DH
1) 1B Bottomley
2) SS Kuenn
3) 2B Hornsby
4) DH Walker
5) CF Cedeno
6) LF Blades
7) 3B Boone
8) C O'Farrell/Zaun (who takes over personal catcher duties for Frank House)
9) RF Gross

New Lineup vs no-DH
1) 1B Bottomley
2) SS Kuenn
3) 2B Hornsby
4) RF Walker
5) CF Cedeno
6) LF Blades
7) 3B Boone
8) C O'Farrell/Zaun (who takes over personal catcher duties for Frank House)
9) (Pitcher slot)

Bullpen
Forsch to SR, Hoeft to MR

# ¿ Jan 21, 2013 04:30

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

I have the update ready, and it will be up tomorrow as a replacement for a normal SL update, but I first want to apologize for two things:

1) The last two days have SUCKED for me which is why I was gone.
2) Any order to "put X back in the lineup when they are healthy" was missed by me this month. I'd resim but I already had the entire update written and screenshotted before I found out, and to be honest I can't think of a case where it SEVERELY affected a team's chances.

That being said, here's the:

Expansion Cup VIII Injury Report - July

Atlantis Aquamen
SP Josh Johnson (anybody out there?) - 9 days
LR Arthur Rhodes (Seriously) - 19 days
SP Phil Niekro (you have some injury issues to address) - 22 days

Canton Catastrophes
1B Jim Thome (wrote "hoot hoot hoot" down arm in Sharpie... and by "in Sharpie" I mean "with a box cutter") - 41 days

Harvard Elites
C Ted Simmons (Cram time!) - 4 days

Idaho Potatoes
2B Rogers Hornsby (...) - 18 days

Jacksonville Jobbers
DH Frank Howard (botch) - 2 days
2B Rod Carew (bigger botch) - 29 days
SP Johan Santana (well that settles that) - 67 days
SR Bob Locker (Found Guilty in Wrestler's Court) - 112 days

Lovable Losers
OF Peanuts Lowrey (little too much heckling from the gallery) - 67 days

Miami Manatees
3B Robin Ventura (I got nothin') - 2 days

Omaha Forgettables
SS Derek Jeter (Fractured wrist) - 22 days

Patagonian Postmodernists
SP Freddy Garcia (Ritual gone wrong) - 14 days
CL Tippy Martinez (Ritual gone wrong) - 14 days
SP Jhoulys Chacin (Scorekeeper pissed about having to write "Jhoulys") - 27 days
1B John Olerud (Trip to Antartica) - 79 days

RVA Beard Leaguers
SU Francisco Rodriguez (beard not to team specifications) - 8 days

Sad Pandas
SR Howie Pollet (Pollet's Pallets didn't do so well) - 7 days

Tijuana Mules
SP Fernando Valenzuela (Hiding from AZ Border Patrol) - 12 days

Walney Rakers
LF Burt Shotton (Shot at) - 10 days

# ¿ Jan 24, 2013 01:25

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII - July

Moscow Daily News posted:

MCQUEEN LEAGUE TAKES ALL-STAR GAME 7-4 AS MONATHIN GETS CRAZIER

Moscow, ID - Now I understand why the Super-League has shied away from the traditional All-Star festivities in recent years, as the word that could best describe what occurred in Moscow over the last few days is "chaos".

It started with the reveal that Pedro Martinez, who had just recently entered the Expansion Cup for the Miami Manatees, was to make the pitching staff on a mindboggling 0.26 ERA in over 200 innings pitched, according to his stat sheet. When multiple owners cried foul, citing the physical impossibility of such a statline, McQueen League owner Monathin would only state "Anything is possible with Timelord Perry! ANYTHING! With him on my side, I'll reveal Grinnblade for the fraud he is! I'll show you! You'll see!"

As that mess was sorted out, Barry Bonds of the CERN Colliders would go on to win the Home Run Derby with an impressive 24 home runs over three rounds, narrowly beating out Omaha's Alex Rodriguez in the final round.

Then, finally, came time for the game itself. The Nowhere Men's Roger Clemens took the mound and shut down the Taggart League in the first inning, a performance matched by Taggart League starter Herb Pennock of the Colliders. Both men returned to the mound for the second inning, where Clemens would give up 1 run and Pennock 2 to make the score McQueen 2, Taggart 1 at the end of two innings. Then, in a move that is still controversial, the Manatees' Pedro Martinez took the mound for the McQueen League in the top of the third, giving up one run to make the game tied heading into the bottom of the third, where Stan Coveleski would give up two runs to the McQueen League to make the score 4-2.

Here's where things REALLY got weird. Taking advantage of the opportunity to put in a pinch hitter, the McQueen League decided to let Jacksonville Jobbers catcher Chris Hoiles pinch hit for Pedro Martinez, where he promptly lined out to end the inning. However, instead of another pitcher coming out to pitch for the McQueen League in the 4th inning, to the surprise of all in attendance, a confused-looking Hoiles came out to the mound. Even more shocking: Hoiles completed the inning in 13 pitches, his lone misstep being a solo shot by Derek Jeter of the Forgettables.

The rest of the game would be fairly uninteresting, with the McQueen League squashing the spirit of the Taggart League on a 3-run bottom of the sixth to bring the game to its final score of 7-4. When asked after the game about the confusion in regards to Hoiles, Catastrophes owner Monathin said "Then how did I know what you were going to say before you said it, hmm?" to the confused press. This statement was then explained by Harvard Elites owner Mooseontheloose bursting into the room, screaming "FOR THE LAST TIME, GAYLORD PERRY IS NOT A TIME LORD, AND EVEN IF HE WAS, THAT DOESN'T MAKE CHRIS HOILES A GOOD PITCHER!" Monathin would only smile smugly as Moose continued his tirade.

With the win, the McQueen League earns home-field advantage in the Expansion Cup Championship Series.

South Park Gazette posted:

JOBBERS DEFEAT PANDAS 11-5, STILL FAR BEHIND IN DIVISIONAL RACE

South Park, CO - In a battle featuring two McQueen League teams that just can't seem to break through in their divisions, the Jacksonville Jobbers overpowered the Sad Pandas today on the back of a 2-homer, 7-run eighth inning.

Both starters had relatively shaky outings, with the Jobbers' Johan Santana only lasting 6 innings and the Pandas' Max Lanier only going 5. The score going into the eighth was all tied up at 4 a piece, with the Pandas sending Lou Warneke back out to the mound to start his second inning in relief. However, the Jobbers seemed ready for Warneke, as a Gary Sheffield single drove in Carlos Beltran after he doubled and reached third on a passed ball during Sheffield's at-bat. Sheffield would then get to come home as Harmon Killebrew smashed a first-pitch curveball over the centerfield fence for two more runs. Pander would leave Warneke on the mound, and at first it seemed Warneke would be able to recover as Frank Howard grounded to first. However, three straight singles would bring the fourth run of the inning across, and after a miracle catch by Gil McDougald for the second out, Pander finally relented and sent out Howie Pollet in relief.

It was certainly a relief for the Jobbers' Rod Carew, who proceeded to belt the first pitch he saw from Pollet into the left field stands for three more runs. The rally would finally end when Gary Sheffield would strike out swinging while attempting to bring home Carlos Beltran, who had hit another double in his second at-bat of the inning. The Pandas would score one run in the bottom of the inning, but the Jobbers bullpen would keep a lid on the rally, and the game would end with the score of Jobbers 11, Pandas 5.

Jobbers owner Armitage was pleasantly surprised after the game. "Man, it feels good to get a win, even if this team is destined to make the Nowhere Men and the Cougars look good by taking a beating more often than not. But hey, it's a paycheck, and maybe eventually they'll see fit to give us a push!"

Meanwhile, in the Pandas locker room, Lou Warneke and Howie Pollet were forced to attend a seminar held by the Bad Pitch Panda, who would repeatedly insist that leaving first-pitch curves over the center of the plate made him "a sad panda".

Stats and Analysis

Analysis
I dunno, maybe give Horner a shot at 3B?

Analysis
Darryl Strawberry is not working out.

Analysis
Not bad output from guys you only put in to spell your sore starters.

Analysis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L2lMjr0fNo

Hopefully ~~Time~~Gaylord Perry settles down a bit for you. Also, while I'm here, I'll explain the joke: When I was putting in Mr. Perry, Mogul attempted to have him debut in 1994 and retire in 1983. Yeahhhhh.

Analysis
You know what you're doing far better than I do, so even if I had anything to say you probably already knew that.

Analysis
It's not a bad team. You're just in the meatgrinder that is the ML Barreta.

Analysis
Well that worked out better than expected :stare:

-- now to watch as the universe restores itself next month.

Analysis
Maybe Jim Kaat needs to be replaced, I don't know what else to say at this point.

Analysis
Am I imagining things, or did you have me move Grace to leadoff for this month? And if I'm not imagining things, why is Sandberg back at leadoff? :iiam:

Analysis
Yeah, that bit I put in about 0.26 ERA? Not a joke. For some reason, the game decided that Pedro had shattered all Major League records if you looked at his stats in the Pitching window. I don't know HOW, but the game had prepopulated his "This Season" stats, so I had to go back and put in his actual data before I took these screens.

Analysis
A little bit of work on your lineup either through the draft, or trading, or just going back to your feeders might well make this team into a contender come SLIX.

Analysis
Catching. CATCHING. Catching. Also Reggie Smith.

Analysis
You're right, putting a joke pitcher into your SP1 slot can't POSSIBLY fail! Except, you know, the exact opposite.

Analysis
You know, looking at your team I have no idea why you're doing so badly. It may possibly just be that you're stuck in the TL Downing with CERN and Omaha, though.

Analysis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHyGakg3Ts0

Analysis
Starting pitching. STARTING PITCHING. Starting pitching.

Analysis
Buddy Bell seems to be warming up a bit. And honestly, the way your division is going you can afford to let him readjust slowly.

Analysis
Frank Tanana seems to be the weak link in your rotation at this point.

Division Standings and League Leaders

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Jan 24, 2013

# ¿ Jan 24, 2013 22:26

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Yoshida and Hopp. :getin:

# ¿ Jan 26, 2013 02:31

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Injury Report - August

THIS INJURY REPORT IS DECLARED NULL AND VOID BY THE SUPER-LEAGUE OFFICE OF TEMPORAL PARADOXES

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 23:14 on Jan 26, 2013

# ¿ Jan 26, 2013 22:37

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Injury Report - August

Atlantis Aquamen
SP Fernando Valenzuela (Everything's NOT better down where it's wetter) - 22 days

Brooklyn BABiPs
SP Paul Splittorff (Scorekeeper pissed about writing "Splittorff") - 14 days

CERN Colliders
1B Lou Gehrig (Excitement over the temporal anomaly) - 6 days

Canton Catastrophes
3B Hans Lobert (... you lucky son of a REDACTED) - 16 days

Harvard Elites
SP Pete Vukovich (welp) - May Miss Next Start (2 days)
C Ted Simmons (double welp) - 2 days
LF Barry Bonds (accused of perjury... again) - 22 days

Idaho Potatoes
SP Larry Dierker (Too many people laughed at his last name) - 8 days

Lovable Losers
2B Ryne Sandberg (Slipped and fell) - 2 days
LF Phil Cavarretta (Broke Ryne's fall) - Out for Season (80 days)

Miami Manatees
SP Pedro Martinez (oh the huge manatee) - 5 days
CF Ken Griffey, Jr. (wait, you're my division rival?) - 16 days
SP Kevin Brown (I should probably do something about that) - Out for Season (77 days)

Million Dollar Men
3B Frank Baker (Baked himself into a cake) - 7 days
C Les Nunamaker (Ate the cake, got sick) - Out for Season (227 days)

Nowhere Men
SP Roger Clemens (return the slab) - 9 days
2B Bobby Doerr (when one Doerr closes, another opens) - 13 days

Omaha Forgettables
C Pat Borders (Forgettables Without Borders) - 4 days
1B Fred McGriff (took a bite out of the wrong crime) - 11 days

RVA Beard Leaguers
C Mike Fitzgerald (i got nothin') - 1 day

Sad Pandas
SP Max Lanier (Maxed out) - 12 days

Tijuana Mules
C Benito Santiago (Mulekicked) - 7 days

SP Orel Hershiser is injured for 1 day but he's your #5 and your #3 is up next anyway, so it should be fine.

Walney Rakers
SR Rick Honeycutt (wrong side of town) - 8 days

# ¿ Jan 27, 2013 00:46

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

theacox posted:

What horrible fate has befallen our EC friend Grinnblade?

I was asked to slow up for a bit, so I did, and then promptly had Stuff and Things happen in Real Life.

But I am back, and the August results will be up before February rolls around.

ForeverBWFC posted:

Is Little League back on?

uhhh

what

# ¿ Jan 30, 2013 21:59

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII - August

Walney Examiner posted:

JUST PLAIN OFFENSIVE: PANDAS AND RAKERS COMBINE FOR THIRTY-THREE RUNS

Walney, UK - Well, never let it be said that offense in the Expansion Cup is anemic. At least not when it comes to these two teams.

Fifty thousand filled the seats at Jones-Brizell Stadium to see the Rakers, on the outside looking in to the McQueen League Barreta Division, take on the Sad Pandas, who find themselves in a similar situation in the Larkin Division. Nobody expected to be watching the offensive explosion that would ensue from both sides in the near-four hour game to follow, which the Pandas won by a final score of 21 to 12.

Let me repeat that.

The Sad Pandas defeated the Walney Rakers 21 to 12.

Yes, this is a baseball report.

The offense started early, with the Pandas scoring four runs in the top of the first on the back of Yogi Berra's 2-run shot over the center field wall -- oddly enough, the ONLY home run of the game. Walney wouldn't respond in the bottom of the frame, and the Pandas would continue the assault with two more runs in the top of the second. The Rakers would match that number in the bottom of the second before Rakers starter Danny Darwin finally got the Pandas under control, holding the Pandas at bay in the third.

Then the Rakers decided it was their turn. Six hits and three walks would yield 8 runs for the home squad, all of which were put on the scorecard of Pandas starter Max Lanier, who was pulled two outs into the inning. Unfortunately, that would be the end of the Rakers offensive, as the Pandas bullpen shut the Rakers down for the rest of the game, save for two runs scored on an obviously uncaring Chad Bradford.

Meanwhile, the Pandas bats continued to not miss, only failing to score runs in the 6th inning, and scoring two or more runs in every other inning. The final line for the Sad Pandas was 21 runs on 28 hits and one Walney error. The only Pandas player not to have more than one hit in the game was Yogi Berra.

After the game, the Pandas locker room celebrated with a milieu of things that are unprintable in a family publication.

The Rakers' owner, gingemidget, would take to the microphone after the game. "This feckin' defence gives me the screaming abdabs. Everything's gone bloody pear-shaped and this entire feckin' league is full of jiggery-pokery." When a member of the the foreign press asked for a translation of his comments, gingemidget responded: "F off, ya cloth-eared twunt!"

On second thought, we may have wanted to retract those statements too. Oh well.

Richmond Post posted:

BEARD LEAGUERS FINALLY DO SOMETHING USEFUL, DEFEAT MANATEES TO RESET RACE IN ML LARKIN

Richmond, VA - Let's be honest. The Richmond Beard Leaguers are doomed. But in front of five thousand die-hard Beardies, the beleaguered Beard Leaguers would perform one of their more useful acts of the season by defeating the Miami Manatees 9 to 4, forcing a tie atop of the McQueen League Larkin division between the Manatees and the Idaho Potatoes and making sure that 3 out of 4 division races would be interesting as the Expansion Cup enters the final month of the regular season.

The Manatees, in a rather confusing move, sent out closer Armando Benitez for the start. Granted, three of their starting rotation are currently nursing injuries, but you'd've figured they'd've sent one of their relievers out first before going to their closer. Two innings later, the ball would be given to Jason Isringhausen, who promptly let the Beard Leaguers turn a 1-0 lead into a 5-0 lead. Octavio Dotel would come up next, and blow the lead even further open, before Jamie Moyer the Elder would finally bring stability to the Manatees' pitching for the day.

However, by then the damage would be done, and despite a few attempts to close the gap, the Beard Leaguers would cruise to the victory.

RVA owner dubsteppin's post game conference consisted of staring at his beard in the mirror, with a wide grin splitting the mane of hair unflinchingly, and rather disturbingly, this reporter might add.

GrickleGrass's comments for the Manatees were slightly less unsettling: "Oh no... we lost to the Beard Leaguers... that means I need to make changes... but I don't want to upset Grinnblade... also we're tied for the division so I may want to reshuffle things... don't want to make too much work... but I need to do things... but Grinnblade... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Stats and Analysis

Analysis
NotQuiteQuentin? NOTQUITEQUENTIN?! NOTQUITEQUENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!

Analysis
I forget what your move was and I'm too lazy to look it up at the moment, but if it didn't involve getting a better DH than Strawberry that may be a thing you want to consider sooner rather than later.

Analysis
The Colliders continue to impress -- but so do the Forgettables, who are hot on their heels.

Analysis
Timelord Perry may have saved you from the embarrassment of not having a full defense, but your season is still effectively over.

Analysis
Another case of an amazing team in an amazing division.

Analysis
I swear I'm not targetting you.

Analysis
Okay, the universe hasn't reset itself fully yet. I look forward to tumbling down to 10+ GB in September.

Analysis
Any other division you'd be solidly in the lead, or at least in solid contention.

Analysis
Holy poo poo do you ever need a better backup catcher. (Gillepsie is only starting because the pitcher I have him PCing for was last up.)

Analysis
Let's rumble, GrickleGrass. (To step out of character for a second, I will again remind you that the occasional roster move/trade is okay. It's only when you reach Mornacale levels that we start legitimately getting frustrated with you.)

Analysis
Catching. Good lord, that catching.

Analysis
You should probably thank Monathin for having an ancient rotation that required the aid of Timelord Perry to correct, because that original injury report was loving brutal.

Analysis
Still in there.

Analysis - Mathematically Eliminated
Apparently there is a grave that can hold your team down, and it's called "being in the TL Sele."

Analysis - Mathematically Eliminated
dubsteppin? DUBSTEPPIN?! DUBSTEPPIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Analysis
Yep. That pitching is still god awful.

Analysis
Cruising to the TL Downing division title.

Analysis
That defense. :stare:

Standings and Stat Leaders

# ¿ Jan 31, 2013 23:00

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

CVE posted:

Brian Downing goes back to being the catcher for my team and hopefully doesn't injure himself again.

Let the game take care of replacing Home Run Baker for the first week and platoon Crawford/Kelly and Stone/Monday for a month to get rid of fatigue.

Pick'em

I have put in motion ways to make sure both the Unicorns and the Bloggers will make it into the playoffs. Now there is still the possibility of the officials not accepting their "gifts" but I mean when has that ever happened?

You do realize this is the last month of the regular season and you're nearly 15 GB, right?

"Resting for a month" is basically "replacing" at this point.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2013 19:29

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Idaho is bowing out of the Pick 'em.

Running the EC has been prize enough.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2013 21:13

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Special Edition: Divisional Races/Dispersal Draft Order

September 17

Atlantis Examiner posted:

TO NO ONE'S SURPRISE, TIJUANA CLINCHES TL DOWNING WITH WIN

Atlantis -- It really was inevitable. The Tijuana Mules held a 15 game lead as the last month of Expansion Cup VIII began, so it was a question of "when", not "if" the Mules would win the Taggart League Downing Division.

That question was answered today as the Mules held off the Atlantis Aquamen 4-3 on a seven-inning gem from Stan Coveleski and a 3-run seven inning that featured a 2-run HR from Rich Aurilia.

You would figure that Tijuana Mules owner Bograt would be happy for his accomplishments in his debut Expansion Cup. Not so much: "Oh come on. This race was over at the loving All-Star Break, and we're gonna get our poo poo pushed in in the first round. At least the Dispersal Draft is based on overall win percentage. Hell, we barely even managed to beat a team that's not even advancing to the Super-League!"

Bograt's comments touched on an unfortunate reality of the Expansion Cup: two teams would not advance to Super-League IX due to owner abandonment. The Atlantis Aquamen were one of the teams, as NotQuiteQuentin has not been seen in months. A League-appointed replacement official would only state that "The Aquamen organization is doing its best to keep things in a holding pattern until the end of the regular season, at which time a decision will be made on what to do with the players on the roster. Thank you."

The Mules will take on the winner of the Taggart League Sele Division, where the CERN Colliders and the Omaha Forgettables are currently embroiled in a close race as we enter the home stretch of the season.

TIJUANA MULES INJURY REPORT
P John Wetteland - Out for TLCS, possibly ECCS (19 days)
SP Stan Coveleski - Out for TLCS, can probably return for ECCS (11 days)

September 21

Scientific American posted:

COLLIDERS CLINCH SELE DIVISION ON WILD PITCH

Large Hadron Collider -- The Colliders' experiment continues with a berth in the Expansion Cup VIII Playoffs as winners of the Taggart League Sele Division. However, the race very nearly came to last one more day, as both Greg Maddux of the Lovable Losers and CERN's own Waite Hoyt pitched deep into regulation, only giving up one run a piece to leave the score tied 1-1 heading into the eighth inning.

From there, the Losers would send Mitch Williams out to set up for Francisco Rodriguez, hoping that their offense would be able to get to a tiring Waite Hoyt. However, it was not to be, as Hoyt finished out the ninth inning without allowing another run. Rodriguez would send the game to extras by killing a CERN rally.

The game would remain tied until the bottom of the 11th inning, where the wheels would seemingly fall off the Losers' proverbial wagon. With Mark Severance on the mound (due to there being no other choice, presumably), the inning would begin with a walk issued to Eddie Mathews. Tony Lazzeri would advance him to second with a sacrifice bunt. Mark Koenig was then walked intentionally to bring up Lew Burdette, the current pitcher for CERN, but theacox would send out Nap Lajoie to pinch hit. Lajoie would hit a deep fly ball to right field that allowed Eddie Mathews to tag up and take third base.

On the first pitch of the next at-bat to Earle Combs, Mark Severance would sever the Losers from their hopes of winning with a fastball that sailed over catcher Joe Girardi's head, bringing home Mathews for the winning run.

After the game, theacox gave yet another long, barely understandable lecture on the statistical improbability of winning a division on a wild pitch. Not only was the content dense for most sports journalists, but the lecture was given between fits of hysterical laughter.

ScottyJSno, on the other hand, took it in stride. "Well, it is right in our name to lose. And let's face it, my pitching was tired out to the point where I had to send some 26-year old farm-league washout to the mound. This was probably not going to end well."

The Colliders will host the Tijuana Mules in the Taggart League Championship Series.

CERN COLLIDERS INJURY REPORT
SP Herb Pennock - 4 days (will probably miss start of series)

September 26

Walney Times posted:

POTATOES CLINCH ML LARKIN IN RATHER ANTI-CLIMACTIC FASHION

Walney, UK - Everything seemed poised for the McQueen League Larkin Division to come down to a final three-game set in Moscow between the Idaho Potatoes and the Miami Manatees, as they were tied for the lead on September 1st.

However, with a 6-1 win over the Walney Rakers today, the Idaho Potatoes would ensure that their homecoming would amount to little more than a victory lap and a couple of days off before the playoff preparation began in earnest.

Potatoes starter J.R. Richard pitched seven innings of shutout baseball, giving up only 5 hits and 2 walks while striking out 5.

After the game, in which his team's atrocious defense was once again called into question after giving up 17 hits to the Potatoes, gingemidget let forth with a stream of profanity that we have quite learned our lesson on printing, thank you very much, before then launching into another blue-streaked monologue on learning that the Rakers were also out of contention in the McQueen League Barreta Division.

Grinnblade's comments were far less obscene: "I understand that a lot of people will claim this divisional victory is the result of corruption in the office of the Expansion Cup. I have always, and will continue to, deny these claims outright and point to my handling of the Great Time Catastrophe last month as proof that I am running the Cup fairly and honestly. Hell, I could have let the Nowhere Men rot with 4/5ths of their rotation gone. I could have further murdered the Canton Catastrophes' dreams by shattering their outfield completely. But no, I even REACHED OUT and enlisted the aid of the Timelords to fix things up! And yet I remain vilified because of Smasher Dynamo's insistence on branding me as a moralless libertarian nutjob!"

Grinnblade's tirade would be cut short when he recieved word about the results of other games around the league. He looked down at the paper, saw a specific score, and visibly blanched, before muttering "We're completely hosed, aren't we?" and walking off.

The Potatoes will square off against the winner of the Barreta Division.

IDAHO POTATOES INJURY REPORT
No injured players as of September 30th

Detroit Free Press posted:

COUGARS CLAIM BARRETA DIVISION WITH 12-7 MAULING OF BEARD LEAGUERS

Detroit, MI - cbx's comeback is complete.

With a 12-7 victory over the rudderless RVA Beard Leaguers today, the Cougars closed the door on the Nowhere Men in what had been a hotly-contested race in the McQueen League Barreta Division.

For some reason, the Beard Leaguers play decent baseball only when it is inconvienent to their opponent to do so. That theory held true today, as the Beard Leaguers laid the hurt on Cougars starter Gaylord Perry, getting 5 runs on 9 hits, two of which were home runs. This offensive display is even more interesting considering that the Beard Leaguers quite literally are playing for nothing, as the League-appointed official in charge of keeping the Leaguers afloat has already gone on record as saying he "would rather stick a shotgun in (his) mouth" before the Beard Leaguers would make it to Super-League IX. This meant that even the Leaguers' horrid record, that has already clinched worst in the Cup, would not earn them the top overall pick in the Expansion Cup Dispersal Draft.

At any rate, the Cougars responded with an even more overpowering offense, shelling Bryn Smith for 8 runs on 10 hits in only five innings en route to the victory.

cbx, when asked for comment on facing the Potatoes in the McQueen League Championship Series, said this: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- oh, wait, you're serious. Listen, Grinnblade may have the system behind him, but let's be honest. The Harvard Elites, the team currently LAST in my division, would be in contention for the Larkin Division crown. The Potatoes are just a roadbump, and I look forward to contending for the Expansion Cup VIII crown, then we're gonna take this team to Super-League IX and right the wrongs of the Splinter Cells ONCE AND FOR ALL."

The Cougars will face the Idaho Potatoes in the McQueen League Championship Series.

DETROIT COUGARS INJURY REPORT
SS Billy Rogell - 7 days (so probably by Game 5 or so of the MLCS)

MCQUEEN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES (Best out of 7)

IDAHO POTATOES versus DETROIT COUGARS

MCQUEEN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES (Best out of 7)

TIJUANA MULES versus CERN COLLIDERS

Dispersal Draft Order

~~0) RVA Beard Leaguers (48-114)~~
1) Brooklyn BABiPs (64-98)
2) Patagonian Postmodernists (66-96, worse divisional win pct)
3) Canton Catastrophes (66-96)
~~3.5) Atlantis Aquamen (72-90)~~
4) Sad Pandas (77-85)
5) Lovable Losers (78-84)
6) Million Dollar Men (79-83)
7) Harvard Elites (81-81, worse divisional finish)
8) Miami Manatees (81-81)
9) Idaho Potatoes (87-75)
10) Walney Rakers (89-73, worse divisional finish)
11) Jacksonville Jobbers (89-73)
12) Tijuana Mules (90-72)
13) Omaha Forgettables (93-69)
14) Nowhere Men (95-67)
15) CERN Colliders (101-61)
16) Detroit Cougars (102-60)

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 07:18 on Feb 4, 2013

# ¿ Feb 4, 2013 07:12

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Remaining Update Schedule

Thursday 2/7 - September Summary
Saturday 2/9 - McQueen League Championship Series
Monday 2/11 - Taggart League Championship Series
Wednesday 2/13 - Expansion Cup VIII Championship Series

If anybody wants to do mock drafts/extra content, feel free.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2013 00:40

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII -- September

Analysis 3rd Place, Taggart League Downing Division
DEAD!

Analysis Last Place, Taggart League Downing Division
... why the hell is there a 60 rated pitcher in your starting rotation?! :stonk:

Analysis 1st Place, Taggart League Sele Division
A force to be reckoned with, even with Koenig stinking up the place.

Analysis 4th Place, McQueen League Larkin Division
ToiletofSadness pretty much covered it, in my opinion. Also, *insert generic evil overlord laugh here*.

Analysis 1st Place, McQueen League Barreta Division
I am so hosed, aren't I? Especially because your pitching staff boasts the only perfect game thrown in Expansion Cup VIII. Son of a bitch.

Analysis Last Place, McQueen League Barreta Division
Honestly, you were just the victim of crappy balancing on my part, and if I come back for another Cup I'll definitely try to be a bit better with these sorts of things.

Analysis 1st Place, McQueen League Larkin Division
I should probably pick up some better pitching. And a better 3B.

Analysis 3rd Place, McQueen League Barreta Division
See what I said about the Elites. Although your bullpen certainly isn't helping matters.

Analysis 3rd Place, Taggart League Sele Division
Catching is one of the most difficult pieces to find but holy poo poo do you ever need some.

Analysis 2nd Place, McQueen League Larkin Division
Rickey Henderson didn't do so hot, and neither did A-Rod. That may be just bad luck, or it may be something to keep a closer eye on in SLIX.

Analysis 2nd Place, Taggart League Downing Division
I'd probably work on your bullpen most of all, followed by catching. Then again I'm not exactly the best team-builder in the world.

Analysis 2nd Place, McQueen League Barreta Division
Looking at these end-of-month snapshots I have no earthly idea why you went from being close to finishing eight back.

Analysis 2nd Place, Taggart League Sele Division
Jimmy loving Key and Mysterious GODDAMN Walker as your #2 and #1. And it didn't go too disasterously wrong. What the actual gently caress.

Analysis Last Place, Taggart League Sele Division
Holy god that rotation needs work.

Analysis Last Place, McQueen League Larkin Division
DEAD! Also, I flirted with having the Mogul AI determine the Aquamen and Beard Leaguers' lineups and rotations in the final month, but decided against it. Imagine my shock and horror when the AI actually suggested giving Jason " :stonk:

" Conti the start over Musial.

Analysis 3rd Place, McQueen League Larkin Division
Egads. STARTING GODDAMN PITCHING. That is all.

Analysis 1st Place, Taggart League Downing Division
Dave Ross and Adam Dunn should probably be priorities in finding replacements.

Analysis 4th Place, McQueen League Barreta Division
You have got to figure out how to fix your defensive issues. I don't know if you want to change your stadium, or do some trading/drafting, or what, but holy living gently caress that defense.

Final Divisional Standings/League Leaders

# ¿ Feb 8, 2013 01:48

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

ScottyJSno posted:

Why do my starters have so many losses? What other info do I need to understand what is happenng? I mean Greg Maddux has a era of 3.08 and one of the best opp OPS in the EC. Why did he end up with 11 losses?

Wellll....

tatankatonk posted:

Greg Maddux cannot generate runs by himself, is the problem. Wins and losses are mostly meaningless.

... Pretty much this. He could pitch complete game, 1-run, 2-hit gems, and it won't mean squat if the offense can't score runs.

edit: Actually, looking back at his last three losses (9/1, 9/11, 9/16), it seems to be more a case of just close games getting away from him on a clutch hit and then the Losers batting not being able to respond. For example, 9/1 against the Postmodernists he was pulled when Ichiro managed to score 2 runs on a double to make it 4-3 Postmodernists and the Losers couldn't climb out of the hole. He was on the hook, so he gets the loss.

Grinnblade fucked around with this message at 10:35 on Feb 8, 2013

# ¿ Feb 8, 2013 10:23

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Playoffs: McQueen League Championship Series -- Idaho Potatoes vs Detroit Cougars

Owner: cbx
Hometown: Detroit, MI
Teams Used: 1915 New York _baseball Giants, 1938 Detroit Tigers, 1965 San Francisco Giants
Regular Season Record: 102-60

cbx has been around the block a few times, and the Cougars are a testament to this fact (as well as his understandable diehard fanaticism for the Detroit Tigers). Their starting pitching is one of the strongest staffs in the Cup, with staff ace Christy Mathewson pitching the only perfect game in the regular season, and his #2 and #3 starters are no slouches either.

And their offense? Well, they finished second in runs scored in the Cup with 901 (the Rakers scored 907). This was accomplished by having 3 players hit over 25 HR each, and the lowest batting average in their lineup belongs to catcher Rudy York, with a .239.

The Cougars arrived here after an all-season knock-down, drag-out brawl with Senerio's Nowhere Men in Gauze for the McQueen League Barreta Division crown, a brawl that only ended when the Nowhere Men mysteriously faded away in September.

Now, with a solid team backed by a guy who knows what he's doing, the Cougars may be poised to head to the Expansion Cup Championship Series, and perhaps even make some noise come Super-League IX.

Tiger Stadium, Detroit, Michigan

Tiger Stadium will host Games 1, 2, 6, and 7.

Owner: Grinnblade
Hometown: Moscow, ID
Teams Used: 1926 St. Louis Cardinals, 1955 Detroit Tigers, 1976 Houston Astros, 2003 Colorado Rockies
Regular Season Record: 87-75

Call it homefield advantage, call it corruption, or just do what I do and call it plain dumb luck, but whatever you call it, it resulted in my hastily-concocted Idaho Potatoes just barely fending off GrickleGrass's Miami Manatees to earn their first real accolade in three iterations of the team: The McQueen League Larkin Division crown.

As is probably clearly apparent, when I was writing the divisional clinching game recaps and the September summary I didn't give my team much of a shot at winning this series. I figured my luck had to run out sometime soon, and what better time to do so than going up against the best record in the entire Cup?

Well, then I looked at the numbers, and the numbers paint an interesting picture. The regular season series went to the Potatoes, 11-7 - the best winning percentage against the Cougars in non-interleague play. (Oddly enough, the Cougars went 1-2 against 3 of 6 of their interleague opponents.) In those 18 games, the Potatoes outscored the Cougars 98-81.

Yeah, the Cougars are good. But could my rag-tag bunch of misfits possibly have the Cougars' number?

Let's find out.

Kibbie Dome, Moscow, Idaho

The Kibbie Dome will host Games 3, 4, and 5. (And yes, the ACTUAL Kibbie Dome is too small to play baseball in. The dimensions are that of the Kingdome.)

Game 1

Detroit Free Press posted:

ONE-SIDED BULLPEN BATTLE GIVES GAME 1 OF MLCS TO IDAHO, 10-4

Detroit, MI -- Well, that could have gone better.

For the first seven innings of baseball in Game 1 of the McQueen League Championship Series, both the Idaho Potatoes and the Detroit Cougars gave as good as they got, with Idaho scoring one in the first, one in the third, and two in the sixth off Cougars starter Gaylord Perry, who took the start for Christy Mathewson when Mathewson felt some stiffness warming up. The hometown Cougars would respond with two runs in the third and two in the sixth off of Idaho starter J.R. Richard, who would be pulled after 5.1 innings and a staggering 120 pitches. Perry would shut the Potatoes down in the seventh inning, and Idaho's combination of Hi Bell (who had taken over for Richard in the sixth) and Ken Forsch would do the same in the bottom half of the frame.

With the score tied 4-4 going into the eighth, cbx made a perfectly reasonable decision to put in setup man Frank Linzy to keep the game close for closer Bill Henry, and hope that the Cougars' high-powered offense would have a breakthrough late-game rally to bury the Potatoes.

However, it was not to be as the Potatoes would explode for 5 runs in the eighth off a series of hits, capped off with a Bob O'Farrell 2-run double. O'Farrell went 2-for-3 with a walk and another double on the evening. Ken Forsch would continue his lights-out pitching by retiring the side with only 9 pitches thrown, leaving cbx with a decision: Leave Linzy in the game because the save is blown, or give Henry an opportunity to work.

He chose Henry, but the damage was done, and to top matters off the Potatoes would score one last run on a sacrifice fly to make the score 10-4. Forsch would then make quick work of the Cougars again to pick up the W.

After the game, Grinnblade was ecstatic. "Wait, what? We loving won?! By 6 runs?! You're... I'm not actually sure how the hell that happened, how the hell all of this is happening, but man, I'll take it!"

cbx was understandably stunned. "No. No no no no no. We did not just lose, at home, to the loving Potatoes, by SIX RUNS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! They'd be in the cellar in almost literally any other division! They wouldn't even be a FOOTNOTE if it weren't for how badly the divisions were balanced! Goddammit, I wish I were still with the Splinter Cells so I could 'creatively encourage' my setup man to not be a drat idiot!" cbx took a few deep breaths, then listened to a reporter's inquiry on Christy Mathewson's status. "Look, I don't know what the issue was, but he's been checked out, and he's fine. At this point I think we're just gonna treat it like Perry was our no. 1 and go with the rotation from there. We've got this under control. We'll still be going to the Cup Championship Series, and Grinnblade's 'dumb luck' isn't going to be able to stop it!"

Game 2

Detroit Free Press posted:

COUGARS SURVIVE EIGHTH-INNING SCARE, TIE SERIES UP AT 1-1 WITH 3-2 GAME 2 WIN

Detroit, MI -- Now that's more like it.

The Cougars took Game 2 of the MLCS today on a strong pitching performance by Rube Marquard and judicious application of smallball strategies. The Cougars would score their three runs in three separate innings, with Jim Ray Hart taking advantage of Potatoes starter Larry Dierker's penchant to walk the middle of the Cougars lineup to drive in two of the three on a solid 2-for-3 day at the plate.

Speaking of Idaho starter Larry Dierker, he had a pretty terrible outing, going 7 innings but giving up 7 hits and 6 walks while striking out only 3 batters.

Entering the top of the eighth, it really appeared that Rube Marquard was going to give the Cougars bullpen the night off. He had firm control, and while he'd given up 5 hits, he had yet to give up a run. Then it all fell apart. Marquard would get Cesar Cedeno to fly out, but would then give up a single to Harvey Kuenn and a double to Rogers Hornsby, bringing the tying run to the plate for the Potatoes in the form of one of the Potatoes' strongest offensive assets, Jim Bottomley. cbx, visibly infuriated, sent closer Bill Henry to the mound for the 5-out save, which Henry would start to enact by intentionally loading the bases.

His strategy was rewarded by a Larry Walker single that just barely got past Jim Ray Hart and into the corner for two RBIs, bringing the Potatoes dangerously close to tying the game and potentially doing even more damage if Todd Helton or Ray Blades could get an extra base hit.

Both Helton and Blades would pop up on the first pitch in each of their at-bats, and the crisis would be averted, to the visible relief of Bill Henry and cbx. The Potatoes would shut down the Cougars in the eighth, but would be shut down in turn by Henry in the ninth, and the Cougars would tie the McQueen League Championship Series at one game a piece as the series headed to Moscow, Idaho for the middle portion of the series.

After the game, cbx could barely contain his glee as he addressed the hometown crowd. "Just you wait. I can feel it... the Potatoes can't stop us. We're gonna go up to Moscow, we're going to blast them out of that little tin can they call a stadium, and then we'll be right back here to welcome whichever team comes out of the Taggart League! WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS!" Despite his public assurances of easy victory however, privately cbx was overheard giving a stern talk to the entire team, saying that nobody was to walk around Moscow alone in case "Grinnblade and his goons try anything".

Game 3

Moscow Daily News posted:

REVENGE! IDAHO WINS GAME 3 IN WALK-OFF FASHION, 4-3

Moscow, ID -- The McQueen League Championship Series is shaping up to be a battle of pitching, as once again, runs were at a premium until very late in the game today at the Kibbie Dome.

It all started in the top of the ninth inning. The Idaho Potatoes were clinging to a 2-1 lead, given to them in the bottom of the fourth when Cougars starter Juan Marichal threw his only real mistake of the day, resulting in a Larry Walker solo shot over the centerfield fence -- a home run eerily similar to the one given up to Cougars third baseman Jim Ray Hart by Idaho starter Jim Bunning in the top of the third. The symmetry done with, the two pitchers settled in and threw shut-out baseball until the top of the ninth, with Rube Benton taking over for Marichal with two outs in the bottom of the eighth.

With the score as it was, and Jim Bunning having thrown 95 pitches, some wondered if the Potatoes would call for bullpen relief. However, Grinnblade seemed to be confident in Bunning's work, as not a soul had started to warmup in the Potatoes bullpen while the Potatoes batted in the bottom of the eighth. Bunning came out to the mound to start the ninth, and immediately gave up a single to Jim Ray Hart. Charlie Gehringer would advance Hart to second with a sacrifice bunt. Pete Fox would then ground out to short after fouling a few pitches off. With first base open, the Potatoes decided to put Hank Greenberg on base and face Willie Mays, a decision that would then come right back to bite them, as Mays would hit a scorching groundball down the third base line. Idaho 3B Ray Boone would field the ball, then, instead of stepping on third for the force, attempt to throw Mays out at first. The ball would sail over Todd Helton's head, but luckily catcher Frank House was right there to pick it up to leave the bases loaded instead of allowing the tying run to score.

Then came one of the more interesting decisions of the series so far. Idaho closer Brian Fuentes got up as soon as the ball had left Mays's bat and begun to warm-up. Grinnblade had come out to the mound, and seemed to be stalling for time to allow Fuentes time to get loose. The conversation with Bunning was calm and collected, and just when everybody in the Kibbie Dome thought Grinnblade was going to call for Fuentes to come bail out Bunning, Grinnblade patted Bunning on the shoulder, slammed the ball back into his glove, and walked away, to the surprise of all involved. cbx could be seen gesturing to the mound and the Potatoes' bench while yelling at Willie McCovey. Some fans sitting above the Cougars' dugout claim to have heard cbx say "make him pay for it!"

And pay for it the Potatoes did, as McCovey would slap the first pitch right back up the middle to give the Cougars two runs and the lead, 3-2. The wind was sucked right out of the hometown crowd's sails, and Brian Fuentes's look of disgust was only matched in intensity by Grinnblade's look of disappointment. Still, Grinnblade did not move from his spot on the bench, and Bunning seemed to take encouragement from this, forcing Orlando Cepeda to pop out on his first pitch.

Now came decision time for cbx. His team suddenly found itself in a close lead, with a closer ready and raring to go. However, cbx's current pitcher, Rube Benton, had also only thrown one pitch. So cbx's decision to let Benton go for the W seemed a bit less questionable than Grinnblade's trust in Bunning. Benton was due to face Larry Walker, Todd Helton, and Ray Blades. Not an easy task, to be sure, but Benton was fresh and the momentum was definitely with the Cougars.

Then Larry Walker took the second pitch he saw and ripped it into the left-field gap for a double. The hometown crowd, seeing the tying run in scoring position only two pitches into the inning, began to come alive once again. The Cougars bullpen began to stir as cbx stood up a little straighter on the top step of the dugout, and it was clear that the Potatoes had his attention now. A ball and a strike were thrown to Helton before he got hold of a curveball and sent it bouncing into the left-field corner, where it rolled around enough to allow Larry Walker to score from second, tying the game.

cbx chose to stay put, putting his faith in Benton as Grinnblade had in Bunning, and so he watched as Ray Blades laid down a sacrifice bunt to advance Helton, the potential winning run, into scoring position. Ray Boone came to the plate, with the chance to redeem himself for his costly throwing error by giving the Potatoes a win with an extra-base hit. A fastball, low and outside for ball one. Change-up, fouled off. Another change, catching the corner for strike two. High fastball for ball two.

2 balls, 2 strikes, and the Moscow crowd collectively held its breath as the pitch was unleashed, the bat left Ray Boone's shoulders, and bat met ball. Rube Benton could only dive out of the way to avoid getting hit, and second baseman Charlie Gehringer took a shot at catching it and missed. The ball rolled to a stop in front of a charging Willie Mays, who picked up the ball and fired it towards home as Helton rounded third. Ball and runner arrived almost simultaneously, but Rudy York just couldn't get the tag down in time, and even before the home plate umpire called "SAFE!" the roof had metaphorically blown off the Kibbie Dome.

After the game, both managers declined to comment on their individual decisions to leave their pitchers in.

Game 4 will take place tomorrow at 4:05 PM.

Game 4

Moscow Daily News posted:

IDAHO ON VERGE OF UPSET WITH 1-0 GAME 4 VICTORY

Moscow, ID -- There's a certain feeling in the air after Game 4 of the McQueen League Championship Series.

A feeling that this could finally be the team that goes somewhere. A feeling that this could finally be the thing that puts this area on the map. And that feeling has intensified after another pitching duel ended in the Potatoes' favor, making the series score Idaho 3, Detroit 1 heading into what could potentially be a deciding Game 5 tomorrow night.

In what has become the norm for this series, both the Cougars' Christy Mathewson and the Potatoes' Frank Lary pitched deep and pitched well as neither offense could get on base, much less bring in runs -- the teams combined for only eight hits in the entire game.

The only run in the game came in the bottom of the seventh, when a Ray Blades sacrifice fly brought home Jim Bottomley, who had singled to lead off the inning and then advanced to third on a Larry Walker single.

Brian Fuentes would pick up the save some felt he should have gotten yesterday, and Christy Mathewson was charged with the loss.

After the game, cbx commented through clinched teeth that he had "seen about enough of his team failing", and promised dire punishment if the Series did not return to Detroit.

Grinnblade, on the other hand, was jovial, claiming that this was the loudest he'd ever seen the Kibbie Dome, or the area in general, and that as long as this sort of thing continued, he had nothing to complain about, and not even dealing with the 342 official complaints of corruption from Monathin alone would dampen his spirits.

Game 5

Moscow Daily News posted:

GAYLORD PERRY PUTS COUGARS ON BACK, SENDS MLCS BACK TO DETROIT WITH COMPLETE GAME GEM

Moscow, ID -- That feeling from yesterday? May have just been indigestion.

The Detroit Cougars, facing the very real prospect of a first-round near-sweep after dominating the Expansion Cup VIII regular season, stood behind a complete game gem from Gaylord Perry to send the McQueen League Championship Series back to Detroit for Game 6 in a 5-2 victory today.

With the exception of the sixth inning, where the Potatoes managed to string together a few hits and lucky bounces to score their only two runs, Gaylord Perry did not face more than 4 Potatoes batters in any single inning. He gave up only 4 hits and 1 walk while striking out 4, on only 106 pitches in two hours and eleven minutes of play.

And honestly, Idaho starter J.R. Richard didn't have that bad an outing either. It's just that he gave up a double, a triple, and a homerun in 5 hits allowed to the Cougars instead of the 1 double on 4 hits given up by Perry.

cbx was happy with the results: "Finally, we put bat to ball and managed to keep Grinnblade and his team from pulling a victory out of their asses. Now that we're heading back home, where WE'RE in control, we can put these guys back in their drat place."

Grinnblade was understandably morose: "Well, it was a good run, but let's face it. They dominated the regular season. We've just been coasting on some of the luckiest decisions in Super-League history, along with benefiting from a half-baked divisional alignment. It sucks, but you know what, I'm okay with it. We'll get some solid help from the Dispersal Draft, and I like our team's chances in Super-League IX."

Game Notes:

: Oh no you don't, Grinnblade. Get your own drat filler.

Game 6

Detroit Free Press posted:

RUBE MARQUARD SURVIVES NINTH-INNING RALLY TO PITCH COMPLETE GAME AND FORCE GAME 7

Detroit, MI -- Stop me if you've heard this one before: Rube Marquard took a shutout performance on the mound deep into the later innings. The Idaho Potatoes mounted a comeback attempt, but were stopped just shy of tying and the Cougars won the game. Yes, Game 6 was a lot like Game 2, but this time Rube Marquard would take a page out of Gaylord Perry's book and close the door himself to send the McQueen League Championship Series to a decisive Game 7 tomorrow night at Tiger Stadium.

The game was, unsurprisingly for this series, a pitching duel until the Cougars broke the game open in the bottom of the fifth inning with 3 hits that would bring across 3 runs, 2 of them coming when Hank Greenberg sent a fastball sailing into the seats in centerfield. The Cougars would add two more runs in the bottom of the eighth inning to make the score 5-0 Cougars as the game entered the top of the ninth.

Rube Marquard entered the top of the ninth having already thrown 113 pitches. However, given the Potatoes sputtering offense, which had only managed two hits the entire game to that point, cbx saw no reason to warm up any pitching in the bullpen. Idaho's Harvey Kuenn would start the inning by reaching first on an infield single. After watching the first pitch go outside for a ball, Rogers Hornsby would send a screwball that hung a little too long over the left field fence for a two-run home run. cbx would stand up at this point, but no movement was made in the Cougars bullpen.

Perhaps knowing that his manager was currently glaring a hole into his skull, Marquard would quickly retire Jim Bottomley and Larry Walker on grounders to put the Potatoes one out away from defeat. Todd Helton would then single to centerfield, and take second base when Willie Mays took a bit longer than necessary to get the ball back into the infield. cbx could be seen screaming at Mays, but nevertheless play continued with the Potatoes still needing three runs to even tie the ballgame, much less try to salvage a series-clinching win.

Ray Blades was the next batter, and after seeing another first pitch miss the zone, he'd send the next one he saw roaring into the right-field gap, and the ball would take a few strange bounces that allowed Blades to earn a triple while scoring Todd Helton.

At this point, Bill Henry took to the bullpen warmup mound while the Cougars pitching coach would walk out to the mound. Meanwhile, the Detroit faithful booed what seemed to be yet another late-inning meltdown in progress. Their boos would turn to cheers when the pitching coach would slap Marquard and then point a stern finger in his face while delivering a very forceful message. When asked after the game what the message was, Marquard laughed nervously and said, "Get this (bleep) out or I'll rip off your (bleep) and shove it up your (bleep). And then it'll be cbx's turn."

The invective worked, as Ray Boone would tap a weak grounder to first for the 27th and final out of the ballgame, knotting the series up at three games a piece heading into tomorrow night's decisive Game 7.

Game 7

Detroit Free Press posted:

POTATOES WIN MCQUEEN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES IN 11-INNING INSTANT CLASSIC

Detroit, MI -- It couldn't have ended any other way.

Both Idaho's Jim Bunning and Detroit's Juan Marichal pitched well into the night. Bunning went 7 innings, giving up 4 runs on 7 hits and 5 walks while striking out 5. Marichal went 6.2 innings, giving up 3 runs on 8 hits and 1 walk while striking out 3.

The score was tied at 4-4 heading into the final inning.

And a late-inning explosion of runs gave a team the victory, while the other team's final rally fell just short.

The only real differences were that the Cougars were the ones whose rally fell short, and that the final inning of the game was the eleventh, not the ninth. Regardless, Game 7 provided all the things we came to expect from the McQueen League Championship Series.

Entering the top of the eleventh, the Cougars had gotten two innings of shut-out ball from Warren Spahn after closer Bill Henry had blown the two-inning save by giving up a solo home run to Todd Helton in the eighth inning. Spahn showed no signs of slowing down, getting Ray Boone to pop-up on the first pitch of the inning for the first out. That would be the last thing to really go right for Spahn for the rest of the night.

Bob O'Farrell would send a double just past the outstretched glove of Jim Davenport, who had taken over after defensively substituting for Jim Ray Hart in the top of the eighth inning. Then Cesar Cedeno would hit the first pitch he saw to right field for a single that brought O'Farrell home to give the Potatoes the lead. With Cedeno's speed, Grinnblade sought to put him in position to score some insurance, and put on the hit-and-run, which would result in Cedeno advancing to third base on a softly-hit single to left field from Harvey Kuenn. Rogers Hornsby would battle to a 2-2 count, then crush a slider that didn't get low enough over the center field fence to bring the score to 8-4 Potatoes.

Activity started in the Cougars bullpen, but with there being only one out, no trip to the mound was taken. Spahn would give up a double to Jim Bottomley, then get Larry Walker to fly out and Todd Helton to ground out to stop the bleeding.

Idaho reliever Ken Forsch had already pitched three full innings, and his usual role was short relief. Given the multiple occasions in this series alone that leaving in pitchers too long had dramatically altered a game's outcome, one would have expected Grinnblade to hand the ball over to Brian Fuentes to close out the game and the series, even if it wasn't a save situation. But once again, Grinnblade placed his faith in a pitcher who was running out of gas.

Grinnblade would watch as Forsch forced Pete Fox to ground out on the second pitch of the at-bat for the first out. A slight, almost disbelieving smile began to creep across the Expansion Cup Commissar's face, only to disappear when Forsch then threw two straight balls in the dirt before Hank Greenberg tore into a hanging slider that would bounce off the wall in right for a triple. Brian Fuentes would then be seen getting up and placing a call to the Potatoes dugout before beginning to warm up with an edge of frustration on every throw.

While Grinnblade returned to his spot on the top step of the dugout, Forsch would get Willie Mays to chase a first pitch slider and ground out to third baseman Ray Boone, putting the Potatoes within one out of the Expansion League Championship Series. Brian Fuentes finished warming up, and stood ready at the bullpen gate, waiting to see if Grinnblade would give the call for him to get out Orlando Cepeda.

The call didn't come, and Cepeda would battle Forsch to a full count before a slider just missed the low outside corner. Finally, Grinnblade had seen enough, and called for Fuentes to come in and finish the job. However, the Cougars weren't quite ready to give up, as Harvey Kuenn would load the bases by hitting a single right back up the middle.

Grinnblade made the call for any pitcher to start warming up, just in case, as Rudy York stepped up to bat and battled to a full count. Grinnblade's vague orders meant that nobody had quite gotten loose by the time York lined a fastball that bounced right in front of Potatoes centerfielder Cesar Cedeno to bring two runs across the plate and put the game-tying run only ninety feet away.

Fuentes glared at the dugout, as if to say "are you going to come get me?", but found that Grinnblade had left the field completely. The pitching coach shrugged, and gestured that he wasn't going to come out, so Fuentes returned to the mound to face down Jim Davenport -- and forced a groundout to third to end the game on one last pitch.

Neither manager was available for post game comments, cbx having screamed himself hoarse in anger and disbelief, and Grinnblade having passed out from shock shortly after the final out was recorded. Medical staff on hand said that Grinnblade had left the field because he felt sick from watching the game potentially slip away from him.

The Idaho Potatoes will host the Taggart League Champions at the Kibbie Dome for Game 1 on the 13th. The Tijuana Mules and the CERN Colliders will square off in Game 7 of their series later today.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2013 09:17

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Holy mother of God I did not realize how many :words:

I wrote about fantasy fantasy baseball until I scrolled through that post. Sorry guys, I'll try to be a little less verbose in the TLCS/ECCS. I mean, :drat:

cbx posted:

... Right. The way my luck goes, that's exactly what was going to happen. Make it to the playoffs, don't even get a drat prize player and get last pick in the loving draft.

_{please don't kill me}

Depending on how the ECCS goes I'd be interested in trading picks.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2013 09:32

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Anyway, I had thought of a prize to give to the winner of the Expansion Cup but I'm loathe to explain exactly what it is, to avoid any potential impropriety on Grinnblade's part.

Well, any impropriety other than his team managing to pull off a miracle upset against a vastly superior team after making the playoffs thanks to a super-fortunate divisional alignment. Then again, I did give the Potatoes a banner of President Lukashenko for a reason.

Right then. I haven't exactly had the best of weeks either, so some of this may come off a bit chippy. Now that the "rigging" talk has gone from joke I ran into the ground with Monathin to backhanded public accusation from the guy I'm only trying to help, I'm gonna clear the air.

First off, as I said repeatedly in that wall of :words:

that was the MLCS writeup, as well as in some of my self-analyses over the course of the Cup, I have no loving clue how I've managed to get this far. I'm just doing the sim and boggling at the results (when I saw Potatoes 4-3 in the playoffs window I just about died).

Well, I suppose I do have some inkling why -- I've known since about the All-Star Break of the EC that I hosed up big-time when I decided to go with the divisional alignments I did. Given a chance to do things again I'd probably switch myself and one of Jacksonville/Walney/Harvard at the very least, along with separating Omaha and CERN in the Taggart League. In fact I'm even starting to second guess my decision to have playoffs in the first place even though it was put to a vote.

cbx posted:

That having been said, I don't believe that the EC Commissioner should be eligible for a prize for his own team winning the EC championship. That would be like if Bud Selig still owned the Brewers and they won the World Series and he got Ted Williams as a prize.

Not that I'm arguing that my team should get the prize. We don't deserve the drat thing.

This... is a very good point, and frankly I'm embarrassed that I didn't just declare myself ineligible for any tangible reward from the very beginning. Effective immediately, I am declaring myself ineligible to receive any tangible prize outside of the title of McQueen League/Expansion Cup VIII Champion - and the ability to take my team to Super-League IX.

I am also willing to:

- Move to the back of the dispersal draft order and every team below me moves up one pick. -OR- Vacate the picks entirely.
- Upload the .mog file to a Dropbox or Google Drive to let somebody else with BM2013 sim the ECCS, then send it back to me for the writeups.

I'm also open to other feedback/suggestions.

I know one thing: this entire experience has been highly informative and if I am allowed to return to oversee ECIX a lot of things will be done differently.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2013 10:21

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

mentholmoose posted:

That said, I can't seem to find the draft order, so Grinnblade, could you tell me what page it's on again?

Direct link to post.

As far as draft pick trades go I don't remember seeing any offered, but I may just be misremembering.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2013 23:41

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Sorry for the delay in the TLCS write-up, I've had some stuff to take care of in real life over the past few days. Should have it out by Valentine's Day because it's not like I'm doing anything that day :suicide:

# ¿ Feb 12, 2013 19:23

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Expansion Cup VIII Playoffs: Taggart League Championship Series - Tijuana Mules vs CERN Colliders

Owner: Bograt
Hometown: Tijuana, Mexico (playing out of San Diego, CA)
Teams Used: 1987 New York Yankees, 1989 San Diego Padres, 1990 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2006 Cincinatti Reds
Regular Season Record: 90-72

At first blush, the Taggart League's Championship Series looks very similar to the McQueen League's: a barely-above .500 team wins a weak division to earn a series against one of the Cup's juggernaughts.

That's about where the similarities end. Unfortunately for Bograt and his Mules, they went 6-12 against the Colliders in regular season play, and unlike the Potatoes, the Mules took hold of the TL Downing Division and never looked back, beating the nearest competitor Million Dollar Men by 11 games for the division crown.

Which isn't to say the Mules have a terrible team. They've got a few good hitters and a few gems on the pitching staff. But because of the nature of Expansion Cup VIII, the Taggart League Championship Series will prove to be their first real test: a seven game series against the second-best record in the Cup, where it will be win or go home.

It's time to see just how good the Mules are.

Jack Murphy Stadium, Tijuana, Mexico

Jack Murphy Stadium will host Games 3, 4, and 5.

Owner: theacox
Hometown: Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada
Teams Used: 1915 Philadelphia Athletics, 1927 New York Yankees, 1953 Milwaukee Braves
Regular Season Record: 101-61

One of the, if not the best team in the Cup this year, the Colliders fought off a late resurgance from the Omaha Forgettables to take the TL Sele Division crown. There are so many good spots for the Colliders that if I listed them all this writeup would go longer than the MLCS did, so here's just a few bulletpoints:

- The Colliders outscored their opponents 855-666 in the regular season.
- The 3/4/5 spots in the Colliders lineup (Gehrig/Ruth/Mathews) combined for 104 HRs and 368 RBIs. Gehrig and Ruth both hit over .300.
- The highest ERA in the Colliders 4-man playoff rotation? 3.88.

Yeah, the Colliders are good. And now comes the time where they need to prove it.

The Large Hadron Collider (stadium dimensions: Old Yankee Stadium)

The Large Hadron Collider will host Games 1, 2, 6, and 7. As to why the Large Hadron Collider is in New Brunswick in the Super-League universe... :iiam:

Game 1

Moncton Sun posted:

COLLIDERS WIN PITCHER'S DUEL TO TAKE GAME 1, 2-1

Moncton, NB -- Runs were at a premium in the first game of the Taggart League Championship Series, as both the Colliders' Warren Spahn and the Mules' Fernando valenzuela turned in complete game performances in which they gave up only six hits.

The middle third of the game provided the most offensive action, as in the bottom of the fourth inning Colliders 1B Lou Gehrig would send a Valenzuela fastball over the fence in left-center field. The Colliders would then follow up in the fifth with a double by Johnny Logan, immediately followed by Warren Spahn helping his own cause by smacking a long single that would allow Logan to come home from second base for the 2-0 Collider lead.

Between the bottom of the fifth and the top of the sixth, Mules owner Bograt could be seen shouting angrily at his players in Spanish. Whatever Bograt was saying, it appeared to have an effect on the club, as Fernando Valenzuela would lead off the inning with a scorching grounder right back to the second baseman Tony Lazzeri, who immediately airmailed the ball into the seats when he saw Valenzuela running like a man possessed. Rickey Henderson would then draw a walk. The Colliders did manage to get a force out at second base when Sandy Alomar's groundball stopped dead just outside the infield dirt, but then Adam "the Chosen" Dunn would draw yet another walk to leave the bases loaded with one out.

A Dave Winfield single brought Valenzuela across the plate, and now the situation was grim for theacox and the Colliders, as the game's momentum looked to be on the verge of shifting.

Then Eddie Murray would get a little too anxious and hit into an inning-ending double play.

After that, both Valenzuela and Spahn would completely baffle their opponents at the plate, and the game would end without much more in the way of fanfare.

theacox, in his post-game press conference, once again regaled the media with a scientific PowerPoint on the effects of the impending Colliders pennant. When somebody pointed out that there was still a lot of series to go, theacox responded with a cold, implacable smile: "We have run this simulation thousands of times. There is no possible outcome of a Mules victory."

Bograt's comments were far more succinct: "Hemos jugado como una mierda absoluta actualidad. Estos hijos de puta no pudo anotar una carrera si su vida dependiera de ello.", which, when translated, means "We didn't get the result that we wanted, but I have faith in my team and we'll figure this out eventually."

Game 2

Moncton Sun posted:

OFFENSES SHOW UP AS MULES WIN GAME 2

Moncton, NB -- Perhaps the inital hypothesis of pitching reigning supreme in this Taggart League Championship Series is flawed.

In an offensive showing that saw the Mules and Colliders combine for 26 hits, the Mules would emerge victorious today on strong showings from Dave Winfield and Justin Morneau. Winfield would go 4-5 on the day, and Morneau would bring home one run on each of his two hits in his 5 at-bats.

What the final scorecard doesn't show, however, is how close the Colliders came to being blown out in Game 2, as if it weren't for a bloop single from Johnny Logan in the bottom of the third, Mules starter Bronson Arroyo would have retired the first nine batters he faced in a row. On the other hand, Colliders starter Waite Hoyt couldn't seem to get the Mules under control, as they would score 3 runs on 4 hits and 2 costly Colliders errors.

That would all change in the fourth inning. After another run came across the plate in the top half to make the score 4-0 Tijuana, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and theacox were seen glowering in the dugout as Arroyo threw his warmups. Perhaps knowing that he'd face the two legends' wrath if he screwed up, Bob Meusel would rip a double to the right-field gap. Lou Gehrig would draw a walk. And then Babe Ruth would crush the first pitch he saw over the fence in left field to bring the Colliders within one run, a run that would be scored by a Tony Lazzeri sacrifice fly that allowed Wally Schang to trot home from third base.

For the next few innings, it was as if a polar shift occurred: suddenly it was the Colliders who couldn't be put down easily, and the Mules who couldn't get a hit if they had replaced their bats with pizza peels. The Colliders would take the lead with two more runs in the bottom of the fifth, and although they would threaten in the sixth and seventh, Mules reliever Charles Hudson would get out of the innings with no runs scored. Similarily, the CERN bullpen would continue to perplex Mules batters.

And then, in the top of the eighth, suddenly the poles shifted again, and the Mules would score 4 runs on 4 hits and 2 more Colliders errors to seal the victory.

After the game, theacox begrudgingly admitted: "Some of our simulations did forecast a small chance of the Mules winning this game. However, as the final overall result remained the same, we did not announce these outlying cases. We are still well within a standard deviation of expected results. There is nothing to panic about."

Bograt's press conference was much more festive, with a full mariachi band playing traditional music. "We're gonna get each and every one of those nerdy pendejos laid! Then they'll see that the Tijuana lifestyle is so much better than wasting away in some stupid laboratory!"

The series will now go to Tijuana for games 3, 4, and 5. God help us all.

Game 3

Tijuana Times posted:

MULES' MOMENTUM CONTINUES AS GAME 3 GOES TO TIJUANA

Tijuana, Mexico -- The Colliders' offense must have missed its flight.

Although the Colliders did manage nine hits in Game 3 of the Taggart League Championship Series, it only amounted to two runs, one of them coming in the top of the ninth inning, by which point half of the Mules' roster had already hit the bars.

The Mules hit hard and hit often in today's contest, amassing eight runs on nineteen hits. The offensive outburst started with a colossal two-run shot in the bottom of the first inning from Adam "the Chosen" Dunn, and the Mules never looked back after that.

CERN starter Herb Pennock lasted only 4.2 innings and gave up 7 runs on 14 hits -- and he did not strike out a single Tijuana batter. The only good news for the Colliders in this game is that they only gave up one walk. Tijuana starter Bruce Hurst, on the other hand, could have gone all night, but Bograt decided to give Tim Belcher some bullpen work in a game that was already, for all intents and purposes, over. Hurst went 7 innings and struck out two batters while walking three.

After the game, theacox chose not to give comments to the press, instead walking right by the podium, head down in what appeared to be important calculations. He was so engrossed in his muttering that he absentmindedly agreed to Bograt's exhortations to "live a little" by coming with the Mules owner to the afterparty. He would later be seen frowning at a napkin with a series of equations on it as members of both teams danced and drank around him.

Game Notes:
- Turns out 8-2 beatdowns are pretty drat hard to make interesting when you haven't established decent characters.

- The Colliders ground into 3 double plays. Two of them ended bases-loaded 1-out jams. The batters responsible? Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth. I think the RNG wanted Tijuana to win this drat game, don't you?

Game 4

Tijuana Times posted:

MULES WIN GAME 4 AFTER COLLIDERS LATE-INNING RALLY COMES UP JUST SHORT

Tijuana, Mexico -- Any scientist will tell you that the best way to prove a theory is to design an experiment that provides consistently accurate data in support of your theory. If the Taggart League Championship Series were an experiment, it wouldn't even get honorable mention at a grade-school science fair.

Every game has been a decidedly different experience than the last, and now that Game 4 is in the books, it seems like the only thing to expect in the TLCS is the unexpected.

At first, the situation looked very similar to Game 1, with both starting pitchers throwing strong throughout the early innings. Tijuana starter Orel Hershiser would have a bit of a shaky first inning, giving up his one and only run of his 7-inning performance, but other than that, a great pitching duel was brewing between him and CERN starter Urban Shocker. That is, until the bottom of the fifth inning.

A walk and another wild throw by Tony Lazzeri would set the plate for Rich Aurilia, who would inexplicably crush a fastball out of Jack Murphy Stadium to give the Mules the 3-1 lead. Two innings later, Adam Dunn would get hold of the first pitch in the bottom of the 7th to extend the lead to 4-1.

Tijuana would send Tim Crews to the mound to start the eighth inning, as Hershiser had thrown over 110 pitches and was starting to show signs of fatigue. Bob Meusel and Lou Gehrig both would pop up in quick succession, and now the Colliders found themselves 4 outs away from facing an elimination situation on the road against what was supposed to be a massive underdog. Incredulous disbelief was almost palpable in the Colliders dugout, but Babe Ruth was not going to go down without a fight.

He would smack the first pitch he saw down the line for a single. Wally Schang was next, he got aboard with a single to left that rolled around in the corner and allowed Ruth to rumble into third base. Eddie Mathews would then bring the Babe home with a single of his own that also moved Schang to third. The air went from one of a Tijuanan celebration to a tense baseball game in 3 batters, 3 hits, and less than ten pitches. The tying run was aboard. Tony Lazzeri stepped up to the plate, and he made contact on a first-pitch circle change. The ball took an odd bounce, and by the time Mules shortstop Rich Aurilia could get a handle on it, Schang had scored and Lazzeri stood on first base. Johnny Logan, who had been hitting well in the series but not in Game 4, was up to bat next, and if ever there was a time for Logan's first hit of the game, it was then. Logan would watch two balls go by him and foul off another before the final pitch of the at-bat came. Logan's bat made contact with Crews's circle changeup, and the ball was hit high and in the air to centerfield...

... where Rickey Henderson easily trotted under it for the final out. The celebration began anew, and Mark Davis would pick up his second save of the postseason on just nine pitches.

After the game, a clearly hung-over theacox held a presentation detailing the effects of alcohol on the Colliders' ability to perform research. When he reached a slide showing the picture of him staring at the equation-filled napkin after Game 3, however, he stopped mid-sentence and stared at the napkin, then quickly did a few more calculations. The color drained from his face, and he simply stated that there was a "very, very large problem" before dashing out of the room.

Game 5

Tijuana Times posted:

CERN WINS GAME 5, BUT THEACOX ISSUES DIRE WARNING

Tijuana, Mexico -- For a man who just saw his team stave off elimination and return the Taggart League Championship series to their homefield, theacox was markedly somber after the 3-2 CERN victory today.

To hear him tell it in his post-game comments, it doesn't matter that his pitching staff only allowed 2 runs on 7 hits. It doesn't matter that Lou Gehrig continued to make good contact with the ball. All that matters is that CERN pull off the comeback.

"If the Mules win this series, all calculations show that the world will be swallowed into a black hole caused by the sheer statistical improbability of the amount of upsets that have occurred over the course of the Expansion Cup. Just the Beard Leaguers' various beatdowns alone were cause for concern, but could you imagine what would happen if the Mules won this series? Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!" theacox bellowed as he clicked madly through another PowerPoint presentation.

Bograt, when informed of theacox's dire warning, simply laughed for about two full minutes before walking off, still chuckling, to join the once-again already-in-progress afterparty.

The series returns to Moncton after a travel day for Game 6, and if necessary ("You'd drat well better hope it's necessary", said theacox), Game 7.

Game 6

Moncton Sun posted:

COLLIDERS WIN OFFENSIVE SHOWDOWN TO SEND TLCS TO DECISIVE GAME 7

Moncton, NB -- Something about the Large Hadron Collider just seems to invigorate the offenses of the two teams in the Taggart League Championship Series. It might be something that warrants further study by theacox's team of scientists, that is if they weren't busy trying to convince anyone who will listen that the fate of the planet rides on the Colliders completing the comeback from being down 3 games to 1, a comeback they took another step towards completing today in a 15-10 slugfest.

This game wasn't nearly as close as the final lines for each team would indicate, as the Mules only managed to break double digits by scoring five runs off six hits in the ninth inning off a clearly uninterested Colliders bullpen. Before that, the Mules offense remained mostly placated by strong outings from Waite Hoyt (excepting the 4-run first inning) and Ernie Johnson (excepting his role in the ninth-inning explosion of Mules offense).

Meanwhile, the Colliders seemed to not be able to miss, with multi-run home runs from Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, and Eddie Mathews. Bob Meusel went 3-for-5, and was stopped a home run short of hitting for the cycle. The teams combined for 33 hits.

The decisive Game 7 will see the Mules' Bruce Hurst go up against the Colliders' Herb Pennock tomorrow evening.

Game 7

Moncton Sun posted:

CRISIS AVERTED, CERN COLLIDERS TAKE TAGGART LEAGUE PENNANT

Moncton, NB -- You could almost feel the tension in the air as Game 7 of the Taggart League Championship Series began. On one hand, Bograt's Tijuana Mules, for all of their "party hard" bluster, wanted to make an impact and prove that they deserved their divisional championship. On the other, theacox and his team of scientists still believed that they needed to win to prevent an upset-induced black hole from destroying Earth.

With that in mind, both teams got off to very fast starts in the first two innings of the game. The Mules would draw first blood with two runs in the top of the first, but they would quickly lose their lead when the Colliders would score four in the bottom of the first off four hits, including a 2-RBI single from Eddie Mathews, and one run even scored on a wild pitch from Bruce Hurst.

The Mules would respond by tying the game up in the top of the second inning when Roberto Alomar sent a ball rattling around into the corner in right-field that allowed two runs to score. After that, Hurst and Pennock settled in, and yet another pitching duel began.

For three and a half innings, not a single runner would make it past second base. Then came the bottom of the sixth, where the Colliders would score three runs off a Eddie Mathews solo shot, a Bruce Hurst wild pitch, and a Herb Pennock bloop single.

As soon as that seventh run crossed the plate, the tension drained from the Colliders dugout, as Pennock showed no signs of slowing down in his performance. And slow down he did not, as he would finish the game while allowing only two more hits in the final three innings to send the CERN Colliders to the Expansion Cup VIII Championship Series.

After the game, Bograt seemed to be unaffected by the loss. "We still live in one of the best party zones in the world, we've got a good team, and we're heading to Super-League IX! Would we have liked to win? Si, but things could always have been so much worse, eh?"

theacox's post-game presenation began with a sheepish admission: the calculations that had shown a Mules series victory resulting in the end of the world were incorrect, as a bird flying overhead had dropped a piece of bread into some outdoor machinery on the Large Hadron Collider compound, resulting in the networked computers used to calculate such difficult equations giving incorrect data.

"Our bad." theacox admitted. When informed that his Colliders would be travelling to Moscow to face the Idaho Potatoes in Game 1 of the ECCS, however, he went pale once again. "That can't be right. Excuse me, I need to go make some calculations..."

EXPANSION CUP VIII CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES INJURY REPORT

Both teams have a clean bill of health.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2013 02:35

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

The Idaho Potatoes declare intent to go after the Intercontinental Championship.

(I know I said US in the IRC but Detroit AND CERN again? nope)

# ¿ Feb 19, 2013 04:11

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

The Idaho Potatoes select 1964 Mickey Mantle.

edit: gingemidget and the Walney Rakers are on the clock.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2013 02:48

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# ¿ May 13, 2024 19:08

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Idaho selects 1964 Whitey Ford

# ¿ Feb 21, 2013 02:44

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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